[VerMOZZica]

Not much going on.Spent a pretty quiet Friday at home.Just doing some laundry too right now and listening to some music.

Not sure how I'm doing. Delusions with insight are still in effect. I'm very sick and in a lot of pain...sleeping a lot....restless....limited interest in continuing with all this pain and sorrow....but not clinically depressed from my perspective. Just taking it easy. Making subtle plan to augment my future in positive ways. Still feeling hopeful I can accomplish some goals and see brighter tomorrows. The pain makes me worry its all grandiose....but my will is strong and where there is a will there is a way? Or is that just a figure of speech or cliche I should take no stock in? Not sure but still hopeful regardless.

[bizi]

hot flashes come and go.
bizi

well,

I finally realised why I couldn't copy my christmas album (I was trying to copy it on a DVD, lol)

anyway i've coppied it now- it's sort of been on loop since late last night (and all the way to the 5th january, serious!)

wonder how long I can stand it though. probably not that long in reality

[Moose72]

Lol shattered

[Moose72]

I'm at Starbucks at 7 am. I got up a few times- 4:00 or 5:00- and then finally go out of bed at 630. It's still dark but I see the sun trying to come up. Bonus to being here this early: nobody else is here! I get the comfy chair and it's quiet.

[Nammu]

Took forever to fall asleep then woke up at 4am....my cat knew I was awake! He came in to say hello by kneading my neck. I swear the new bottle of ambien is sugar pills. So I got up found flip flea market is on till noon, so watching people pick up bargains at flea markets and turning them into objects of art to sell, I look the industrial peices. After it got light out opened the drapes to an all frosty landscape. Had a glass of chai , really antsy from the caffeine.

[Moose72]

Me too. I just told my mom I'm solar powered from being so antsy!

[Faltering]

Last night I was angry and wanted to stop taking meds, thinking I must have been misdiagnosed. It's easier to stay in denial than to face the reality that this disorder is going to plague me for the rest of my life. My infection is not healing and I can't help but blame it on bipolar disorder destroying everything in its path, including my immune system. I still feel possessed. And I'm angry. So angry. If it weren't for the depression side of this mixed episode, I might have killed myself in a fit of rage already. But the depression is almost the voice of reason in this sinister mind, subduing me.

[JustJace2u]

Heading home from Pittsburgh back to Chicago. As much as I miss my family and being close, I am also glad for the time away from them because I feel less anxious.

Originally Posted by Faltering

Last night I was angry and wanted to stop taking meds, thinking I must have been misdiagnosed. It's easier to stay in denial than to face the reality that this disorder is going to plague me for the rest of my life. My infection is not healing and I can't help but blame it on bipolar disorder destroying everything in its path, including my immune system. I still feel possessed. And I'm angry. So angry. If it weren't for the depression side of this mixed episode, I might have killed myself in a fit of rage already. But the depression is almost the voice of reason in this sinister mind, subduing me.

((((Lots of hugs))). I am so sorry you are so down. Anger is such a terrible all consuming emotion. It's driven me into the pits of hellish despair on numerous occasions and it just eats away at your insides. Please stay safe. (((More hugs)))

[scatterbrained04]

Watching Ohio State vs ❌ichigan. Go Bucks! 🏉

[xRavenx]

Anger and anxiety led me to almost have a panic attack today. Took Klonopin, hoping it will help a little bit. Lately, I feel irritable and like it's just too much to deal with others and their own issues when I'm trying to deal with mine. The pressure of work and everything else is just getting to me, though I have off a few days. What's the use of doing anything anymore? BP seems to affect me no matter what I do. It seems like withdrawing is the only thing I can do to feel secure, and that's not the happiest existence after a while. Just a week ago, I had great plans for the future. Now, nothing seems worth planning or pursuing anymore.

[Unrigged64072835]

I started defrosting the freezer, and we put the tree up and added more lights to it. My daughter wants to decorate it on her next day off. We've got her gifts ordered. I'm waiting to buy my husband's stuff, though. It's more expensive than I thought it would be.

Sore and still somewhat sad. I'm trying to keep myself busy for the next few weeks.

[zijax]

Super tired, still sick and weak from bronchitis, curled up in a chair sipping cappiccinnos watching netflix

I just wanted to say I did it.

day 1 without getting sick of my christmas loop

Ganked! The isolation drills are over and Thanksgiving with friends was surprisingly pleasant, but recent telephone calls with members of my surviving blood family have really set me back during the past few days. Why do I talk to these people?

I stubbornly remain in the exquisite phase of anxious depression.

Around a month ago a close longtime friend and strategic partner to the family business betrayed my wife's confidence and made me freak sky-high. He went to Japan, and now that some time has passed, it is in definitely in our best strategic interests to act when he comes over, uninvited as usual, as if nothing ever happened, and I'm pretty sure that I'm not ready to do that. Under our division of labor, I bear the grudges and freak sky-high; they're part of my formal job description.

If I'm the only one home when I hear his car roaring up the driveway I can grab the blind dog and a handful of carrot sticks to keep him quiet and lock us into an interior room, but he'll take that opportunity to go through all our stuff... financials and transaction contracts, case furniture and boxes. He's done it once before when my MIL was the only one home, and it freaked her out. To think that he has the gall to call me crazy.

I agreed with my wife that I would be cool, but the blood phone calls have primed me. There's a one-in-ten force majeure scenario in which I share with this Iscariot my truth, which would be thermobaric and visible both from space and on Twitter.

[Wander]

Last night trauma was triggered in me and I became almost out of control. The nurses medicated and watched me and my friend talked me down via Facebook. I am so lucky to have that support. My friend was wonderful, he encouraged me, made me laugh, told me how precious i am to him (as a friend - damn, cause i have a crush on him but he has a girlfriend) and that he would be bereft without me. He told me i am one of his best friends. He kept me alive last night. I am so thankful.

This morning I feel fragile and hope a swim in the ocean will lift my spirits. I just need to avoid triggers somehow. I still have little hope for myself and am in the dark. Maybe a day in the sun will help. vit d an all. My parents are a great support to but they can trigger me occasionally, which is sad. They are the best parents in the world.

Send me all the good vibes you can so I can end this day with hope and peace.

Originally Posted by Wander

Last night trauma was triggered in me and I became almost out of control. The nurses medicated and watched me and my friend talked me down via Facebook. I am so lucky to have that support. My friend was wonderful, he encouraged me, made me laugh, told me how precious i am to him (as a friend - damn, cause i have a crush on him but he has a girlfriend) and that he would be bereft without me. He told me i am one of his best friends. He kept me alive last night. I am so thankful.

This morning I feel fragile and hope a swim in the ocean will lift my spirits. I just need to avoid triggers somehow. I still have little hope for myself and am in the dark. Maybe a day in the sun will help. vit d an all. My parents are a great support to but they can trigger me occasionally, which is sad. They are the best parents in the world.

Send me all the good vibes you can so I can end this day with hope and peace.

Sending you billions of happiness particles from my side of the world. (((Hugs)))

[Nammu]

Sending everyone good vibes!

[gina_re]

I'm not sure how I feel anymore. I guess I've been ok the last two days because I've been around family. But from texting a friend tonight, something he wrote just put me in a bad mood. It wasn't anything offensive or rude, or something of that nature, I just didn't care to know. Now I want to take two klonopin pills with wine to help knock me out in hopes that I actually fall asleep at a decent hour. FML
On a high note, PSU just beat MSU and are the Big Ten East Champs! (PSU alumna here)!

[Unrigged64072835]

Sending you lots of good healing juju, Wander.

[Standup2me]

I am knitting hats for the homeless shelter. So far I've done about 25. I think that have more compassion than I let people know.

[Wander]

Struggling deeply. Bad PTSD trigger sent me wild last night. Thanks to nurses and friends I made it through but am getting worse again today. Agitated anxious and SI. Out with my parents but. Ant settle. Might need to go back to hospital and get more meds. Not stable

[bizi]

I am sorry to keep bringing this up...
but I really feel the ritalin is not your friend.
bizi