[Coconutzo]

Good luck bizi!!

I woke up today with something that feels like happiness! And with lots of energy! I'm going to harness this to get a bunch of stuff done before I leave tomorrow.
I'm going home to see my family. It could be good or it could be triggering, but for the first time ever I'm putting self care before their opinions of me! My fella and I are staying in a hotel ten minutes away. That way I can unwind in private and get in some workouts to try and manage my stress. Usually when I'm there I drink too much and have panic attacks.

[Moose72]

My car is still broken so I walked to the nearby university campus where there's a Starbucks. Yay me. Exercise and coffee.

[hopeless2015]

Feeling good, it's only a 3 day work week to! I'm struggling with work, it's not my bipolar I just don't want to be here lol. I'll get over it, I don't have any choice

[OctobersBlackRose]

Hi, I'm still here, just been busy for the past few days.

[Unrigged64072835]

Getting frustrated with learning things. My brain still can't comprehend and figure things out.

Getting closer to the holidays. Not as excited as I used to be. Daughter is working through the holidays and trying to finish school as well. We probably won't give out as many presents because we don't know what we want.

[JustJace2u]

I'm physically here, but mentally and emotionally I seem to be gone. I can't get these awful thoughts out of my head. Going home for Thanksgiving is giving me anxiety because I don't want to have a breakdown while I'm there

[Moose72]

I've had a breakdown in front of family Jace. It's no fun.

[Moose72]

My car is going to yet another shop. Omg. I hope I have enough $

[Wander]

Originally Posted by bizi

Trying to not drink tonight.
wish me luck.
bizi

Good Luck. I will try ad avoid idea coffees and other sugar-laden snacks. It is so difficult to change habit but once changed much easier ti state that way, Let's DO IT!!

[JustJace2u]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I've had a breakdown in front of family Jace. It's no fun.

I always seem to have a breakdown during the holidays. This will be the first Thanksgiving I've spent with my parents and my brother in about 10 years as I typically only see them at Christmas since we live so far apart from each other. I always seem to get 'sick' at Christmas and have a major meltdown. I'm just tired of it all and want it to end

[Faltering]

The voices are back. I'm scared. They want me dead.

Originally Posted by Faltering

The voices are back. I'm scared. They want me dead.

This is terrifying. Are you safe?

[Moose72]

Faltering

Please call someone your after hour Pdoc line or the like. That may help!

[bizi]

Well I did not drink tonight and I still had hot flashes...then cold.
sigh
nothing in the house, helped but I could have gone 4 blocks to pick up something but did not.
So I am happy with that.
bizi

My 77-year-old aunt made me cry today. She had completely suppressed her memory of the circumstances of my mother's death 14 years ago and I had to remind her. I lost an hour of work and got all bent out of shape. This could have been completely avoided by email.

[Wander]

Saw T today. Despite my protests that I am back to to stable he didn't agree I was ready to be discharged. Said my thoughts were disorders and I had trouble keeping track with topics or instead got obsessed wiht some. So, I am guessing my pdoc will say the same thing when I see him tomorrow so I am stuck here for at least 6 more days. On the plus side my T did say I was less mixed/mainc than last week so some improvement has occurred. So frustrating being trapped in her with such beautiful weather (80`F and up wards).

My T also reminded me how labile my moods are as they swing from suicidal to euphoric with no apparent trigger or warning. The massive doses of AAP and Benzo's are calming me down so hopefully I will find baseline soon and stay there. For tonight, I am happy-go-lucky...invincible to stress. I will enjoy it while i can and head to dinner trying to find that cute guy i like

my lesson of the day:

you can not fit 100 minits of christmas music on an 80 min blank cd (no matter how hard you try)

seriously.. I spent a good majority of yesterday afternoon trying to make myself my christmas music 2016 cd, and I couldn't

(though I did try removing track after track)

I am resigned to not a single christmas song this year- and I had some pretty awesome and rare ones downloaded. it's ashame

hopefully the radio will play a few

[Faltering]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

This is terrifying. Are you safe?

Yes. For now. It comes and goes.

Originally Posted by Moose72

Faltering

Please call someone your after hour Pdoc line or the like. That may help!

I don't have a pdoc. Probably why this is happening lol.

[avlady]

had a good nights sleep, i hope this feeling lasts, it usually doesn't.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Faltering

Yes. For now. It comes and goes.


I don't have a pdoc. Probably why this is happening lol.

I am glad that you are safe.
I suggest you get evaluated and get on meds. I guess you have to decide how much you are going to tolerate being unstable.
Do you have a therapist at least?
It is time to make an appointment.
Do you have family, friends in real life to talk to ask for help?
bizi

[Faltering]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am glad that you are safe.
I suggest you get evaluated and get on meds. I guess you have to decide how much you are going to tolerate being unstable.
Do you have a therapist at least?
It is time to make an appointment.
Do you have family, friends in real life to talk to ask for help?
bizi

I don't have a therapist yet either. I have an intake appointment with a counselor on November 30th before I can see a psychiatrist. That was the soonest I could get in anywhere. I'm holding on until then. My siblings are supportive since they suffer from mental illness as well.

[bizi]

I am glad that you are taking steps to becoming stable. With professional intervention your chances of improving are good.
We are here while you wait for your appointments.
bizi

Really tired & slightly depressed. My Adderall-induced hypo episode finally wore off. Was very short lived.

I mostly have anhedonia, no real sadness or anything.

[hopeless2015]

Quiet day here at work, it's gonna be a long day. Feeling good mentally. I'm cooking thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and nervous about it for some reason, there will only be 3 of us, I can surely manage

[Wander]

Had a bad night last night. SI high. But I made it through and feel slightly calmer this morning. My Mum is coming in soon to keep me company as the nurses are busy. Seeing pdoc this afternoon. Wondering what he can do about my dark swings. On the plus side they are less severe and don't last as long. Mania gone, makes me sad but I guess i need stability to get out of this hospital. Will update once I have see my doctor.