PLEASE explain.......

ok i know i have kind of asked this but i still dont really get it and i would appreciate more specific answers if possible ok so everyone keeps saying i am psychotic......even my caseworker.......i dont think i am but WHY does everyone else think that as in WHAT specifically makes me ''psychotic'' and WHY does it mean that? i am sorry but i feel fine and everyone keeps telling me i am unwell i dont understand.

I believe we have told you why we think you are psychotic,
you just don't believe it.
Delusions are false beliefs and this is just one example of psychosis.
Magical angels and demons are delusions =false beliefs to everyone except you.
You can see and hear things that others don't hear or see, these are hallucinations.
Paranoia, (thinking that your doctors want to hurt you) is a form of psychosis.
Since bipolar is a new diagnosis for you I think it would be a good idea for you to read up on it so you will better understand what you are dealing with.
bizi

Eden ppl have been very patient with you. You have bp and are manic. But until you believe that then there's no point imho of trying to explain it to you. I hope you come to realize it. You need to be on meds. Maybe need to try out many different ones until you find the right ones. I wish you well. Hugs.

Eden, bizi laid it out pretty well. If that isn't clear enough then maybe this question is better proposed to your treatment team. These people have been supportive and your talking to people who understand the illness from experience. They are trying to save you the pain of having to experience the consequences of unmedicated bipolar. Part of what scares most people is the danger in not seeing how sick you are. Almost certainly part of your psychosis and manic symptoms. Not many will sit by and watch someone essentially self-destruct in their illness especially when one refuses the treatment being offered by their treatment team. Medication isn't a perfect science therefore it will take time to find the right med or combination of meds for you, that maximizes the ability to be well with tolerable even minimal side effects.

I'll be honest, I don't think you're going to get enough from DBT in your current state. It was a lot of work to learn and then implement the skills in a useful way and that was while medicated.

I hope you find what you need.

i am sorry to bizi i was not meaning to direct my post to them more the other posters. bizi was the only one who had actually tried to answer my question and i thank you for that. i will ask my treatment team as you suggest but they have a history of not answering my questions. i am not trying to scare or frustrate people but i just honestly dont think i am sick i feel fine and it is hard when everyone keeps getting annoyed at me for not believing them when i cant i have tried but i just dont and lying to myself about what i believe is worse.

I agree with bizi. if you're new to the diagnosis read up on it. psychcentral is great as a source of information. you can find just about all you want for bp symptoms and an explanation of psychosis. please check it out, and I think you'll start to see that you are a little bit out there right now. but that's part of psychosis, its a loss of touch with reality, of course you cant see it.

Do you not understand because other people who aren't psychotic believe in angels and spirits? When I'm psychotic I believe I'm haunted by a negative entity and don't understand because other, non psychotic people believe in that stuff. Your therapist can explain the difference.

Why do you ask the same questions over and over and over? You've received all the answers. Don't get upset with people who have tried to help and been ignored.

That is a big part of it like other people believe in them and then why I do all of a sudden it is wrong and I am "sick".

believing your meds are poison or that your doctors don't have your best interest at hand is a common delusion. you are sick, you need meds.

Ok.... So (and I am trying very hard to go with you here) thinking my doctors want to hurt me and the meds are bad is not "normal"... But then what about the Angels and stuff? Is that ok?

Reread Bizi's very well written post on this thread about what constitutes psychosis.

"Magical angels and demons are delusions =false beliefs to everyone except you." They are part of your psychosis.

If I were you, I would first concern myself with getting stable. i.e. No standing on furniture and other things, no dancing outside at 3 AM when not sleeping, and things like that. Get stable, get your treatment team to agree you're stable and not in a psychosis like they've been saying lately.

THEN you can worry about the spirit realm. You can be anything you want, and believe anything you want. But you first still need to be stable.

One part off this is that it seems easier, less frightening to stay the same than to try to change. The rest of us are trying to fight on every day, to have the patience to try until the med combo is best, and to control our activities to give us the best chance of getting to a good place. either you decide to try to outsmart the delusions or you dont. When you are ready you will go for it. If you werent getting ready to try, you wouldnt keep posting.

Eden, you ask peoples opinions and then reject their answers. This is confusing to many. I did the same thing with my family (would ask them things then dismiss them when their answers didn't mesh with my own perceptions). I don't know what happens to me that makes me accept taking meds when I'm thinking as you are now. I've been where you are at and I still don't know what to say. If it was easy as telling people they are delusional, then nobody would be delusional. It doesn't work like that of course. Then people get frustrated and that just makes thing worse and more confusing.

Do you accept the possibility that the angels are only a delusion? I know they seem real but can you accept the possibility that you may be seeing things?

Do you have any behaviors associated with it that other people would consider abnormal or are hindering your life in some way?

For me this is looking back in hindsight so I can now identify what was weird, but I had certain things I would do, like I believed reflections were windows other negative entities looked through into our world so reflections freaked me out and I avoided them as much as possible, or there was one summer where I believed I was magical and would go down to a river I believed was a magic river and throw positive affirmations on rocks into it and use my "magic" pen to write the same positive affirmation over and over again.

Just examples.

They consumed my life.

Are the angels and spirits causing you distress?

I really recommend an AP and that you talk to your therapist about it, and APs always knocked me back down to earth.

Hugs, eden.

yeah I think people who believe in anything without proof are delusional, including angels.

I can accept the possibility that I could be wrong but I just don't think I am.

The bad spirits scare me the good ones are fun and the Angels are just business. I sometimes talk to plants cause when I feel all magical then I can communicate with them and animals too. Also sometimes I will apologise to furniture because I think it is alive and sometimes I try to use magic spells or sometimes I feel psychic or I used to avoid looking at people cause I thought then they could read my mind. Idk there is a lot of stuff I do which other people don't but it doesn't feel weird or wrong.

You have a right to DEMAND answers afterall this is your health on the line. I would NOT leave until given the info you are seeking. I could understand your reluctance to trust them is they don't answer your questions. Be PERSISTENT! You deserve answers.

Part of MI is rejecting the help that is offered. This is fairly normal and a challenge for most clinicians. Keep in mind that most of us (myself included) went through a time when we believed that who we were was "normal". I spent about 30 years thinking that my asshole ways were simply a product of my personality and that was just who I was. I was driven, energetic, standoffish, and "superior" to most. That's what I believed. Then, my family rallied around me and urged me to get some help. Sometimes, those around us are the best observers of who we are. I was in denial for many years. Then, it was explained to me what was wrong - based on a professional opinion - and I went with it. I had to be honest with myself.

I can't debate the nature of angels or spirits - I'm not a doctor, I only play one on TV. But relative to your concern about medication being poison, I can only attest to where I'm at right now. I take lithium - I don't particularly like it but it doesn't physically bother me. And those around me tell me there's a noticeable change in my behavior even though I don't always see it. Life gets in the way and we don't always recognize the need for improvement, or the improvement itself. It certainly is your right to be on or off some medication, but look for something that helps you improve and try not to fight it all the way home. When we dig our heels in, it negates our resolve to get well.

From reading your posts, it sounds like you're more concerned with the medication than the actual reason for the medication. Consider a wider, holistic approach that builds you up. At age 50, I took up mountain climbing. My family thinks I'm "crazy" - literally. I go off by myself and pick some tough climbs in my area - 4000 and 5000 feet. I'm climbing a 5500 foot mountain in a few weeks......and its winter up there! Why do I do it? It's what I need to do. It gives me a challenge, something to plan, something to feel good about. If you can find something that gives you a serious purpose and channels your mind, maybe the meds can take a back seat in your treatment plan.

OK, that's it for now. Rock on, Sister Eden.

I think I need to get back into horse riding that used to really help me.

I really think you should just try an AP.

I had no idea I was delusional until I went on one. I remember when I went on geodon. After only a week of being on it it felt like my entire version of reality was just shattering. It was really disconcerting.

Anyway, so I'm not saying that you are delusional, just that you should try an AP and see what happens. You'll probably be surprised.

i was on abilify for over a month.

A week was just my experience. And that was with geodon. Haldol took a matter of days. I think APs just work really fast for me.

For you it probably just takes longer.

Were you taking it everyday? You really have to take it everyday in order for it to work.