[Eddiesmom]

I made it to outpatient therapy today, so much swirling in my head, I did talk to my nurse arnp today and we upped my seroquel in the afternoon, it seems to help, I think the biggest problem or stressor I have right now is my husband he is sick with cancer in his bones and his liver, no more chemo, yeah! He is on the new immunology drug for bladder cancer so hopefully that will stop it in its track! Pray for us! Thanks! I think of you all here struggling just like me! {{{{Hugs}}}}

[pirilin]

Preaching. Trying to save some grief to someone.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to the hospital early for fasting labs. Turns out the doctor didn't put in the order.

Went to T. Was good but short because H and I are too tired.

Slept for a while, wrote some poems and surfed on PC, plus reading a book on C-PTSD.

Daughter's boyfriend made pulled pork. It was good.

[Mambo2]

I'm crashing from mania and am just trying to get through the day. Hopefully I sleep again tonight..but not so much that depression sets in

[hopeless2015]

Trying to stay focused today, really struggling with this. Working in 15 minutes intervals and starting over. Whatever it takes, it's not even lunch time so I have a long day ahead of me. At least I'm not fighting the depression right now, thankful for that. I don't have anything major stressing me right now so I'm not sure what my problem is, some days are just like this I guess...sigh

[rwwff]

Well, I didn't hide anything from my psychiatrist, she cranked up the depakote, I took it and went to bed. Wasn't expecting anything to happen other than being nauseous again. Slept. Actually slept. And the mania collapsed.

I'm thankful, and I'm certainly getting plenty of real work done today, I can focus on complex things and stay...

I just feel really confused emotionally though... How could that be me yesterday, and me today?

[Gabyunbound]

I have an appointment with the vet today. I don't know if I can take another "she'll [my cat] probably not be with us in x months." It's too much. There's no medication to take away the pain, the grief, but I'll probably take an extra/PRN klonopin anyway to dull my feelings a bit. It's just too much.

And the strong (opioid) medication for my cat comes in pre-filled syringes that you squirt onto her gums. They told me that they expire in 3 days because of the plastic the medication is in. So this is the only way to administer the medication?? I have to go to the vet every 3 days (which because of work I literally can't) to get it???? It's ridiculous... I hope I don't spiral. I need to keep strong, for her, and for me.

[Coconutzo]

My anxiety is so bad I can't do anything but lay in bed and cry. I went to see a gp today to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack or a brain aneurysm and didn't have cancer. She said my vitals are good. My swelling and lumps are gone and my headaches are no big deal.She said nothing of me having panic attacks when I work out but warned me about taking lorazepam. I'm sure some of you know that working out is my main coping mechanism. It keeps me sane and calm. Now every time I work out I have panic attacks. I think I'm dying. I thought I was dying before I went to the doctor and now I just feel Like I'm dying and no one is going to help me.

[Unrigged64072835]

My doc said I don't get labs again until March. My blood sugars are great and I lost weight, so that was a plus.

My physical therapist, though, wasn't as hopeful. He put me back on traction for another month and will re-evaluate after that. But there's not much else he can do, and I don't want to go to pain management again. The last time didn't help at all.

So win some, lose some. It's still good.

[Daonnachd]

I feel like ECT yesterday chewed me up. I'm ragged today.

[VerMOZZica]

I feel tired and depressed today.As A result I didn`t get much done today.I feel like a giant loser today.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by VerMOZZica

I feel tired and depressed today.As A result I didn`t get much done today.I feel like a giant loser today.

I am sorry.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Smileonmyface]

it's weird since everything happened i feel like a different person. the highs are gone but also the impulses to over-clean, over-groom. it's a relief. it's like i've been snapped out of it.
the feeling down is not so bad. i just want to sleep and i can't but that's all right. i'm relieved that the racing thoughts and impulses are taking a rest. i hope they don't come back, at least in that same form, again.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Smileonmyface

it's weird since everything happened i feel like a different person. the highs are gone but also the impulses to over-clean, over-groom. it's a relief. it's like i've been snapped out of it.
the feeling down is not so bad. i just want to sleep and i can't but that's all right. i'm relieved that the racing thoughts and impulses are taking a rest. i hope they don't come back, at least in that same form, again.

I am glad that you feel relief.
every day is a new day.
make it happen.
bizi

[hopeless2015]

Feeling pretty good so far this week...concentration is better today and I'm getting stuff done at work

[12AM]

Depressed. Colors look faded in my eyes. World is in sephia.

[Nammu]

Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm not allowed to have negative emotions keeping everything bottled up while not sleeping is driving me over the edge

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrrr I'm not supposed to be the bear that I am... I've been abandoned by a doctor I somewhat trusted (they moved away) .. trust is far from easy for me. Trying not to slip further into depression with no support from professionals irl
Sure I could "reach out" ... but to the "crisis services" N.****.S - no thanks, I haven't even searched it, I already knew it was full of horror stories
I'm screwed it seems, unless I somehow cure myself or find a private pdoc who can work with me and all my allergies.

[Unrigged64072835]

Got my hair cut and colored. Looks much better.

Other than that, the usual day.

[Wander]

Saw my T yesterday and talked about the trauma issues my cousin triggered last week. Been really anxious but keeping busy to cope, along with breathing exercises, meditation and positive activities. And clonazepam. Sometimes I'm really happy and social, other times I am so overwhelmed. Mood seems stable enough which is good. Finding it hard to be alone with my thoughts. They torment me and race. Can't concentrate either so not reading much. Just hoping all this stress doesn't push me over the edge. At times I feel like I'm going to snap.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Grrrrrrr I'm not supposed to be the bear that I am... I've been abandoned by a doctor I somewhat trusted (they moved away) .. trust is far from easy for me. Trying not to slip further into depression with no support from professionals irl
Sure I could "reach out" ... but to the "crisis services" N.****.S - no thanks, I haven't even searched it, I already knew it was full of horror stories
I'm screwed it seems, unless I somehow cure myself or find a private pdoc who can work with me and all my allergies.

I am sorry your pdoc moved away.
(((((HUGS))))
You will find someone new.
look, take a leap of faith.
we are here to listen...talk all that you like.
sorry it is so hard.
and I am sorry that you have medication sensitivities.
bizi

[bizi]

I turned down a walk with my hubby so that I could drink wine and get on the internet...
sigh
bizi

My grandmother isn't going to live much longer according to her dr. Her dementia is very advanced.

Yesterday she had crying spells at the rehab center. (Not drugs/alcohol rehab, but the other kind.) Ske kept crying that her mother was dying in a kitchen fire and that she had to go save her before it was too late. Then she was angry and anxious that no one would let her go "save" her mom. And shortly thereafter, she started crying because she believed her mom had "died" in the flames. She felt it was all her fault, too. (Her mom died of old age, so it's not that she was reliving the past.)

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

My grandmother isn't going to live much longer according to her dr. Her dementia is very advanced.

Yesterday she had crying spells at the rehab center. (Not drugs/alcohol rehab, but the other kind.) Ske kept crying that her mother was dying in a kitchen fire and that she had to go save her before it was too late. Then she was angry and anxious that no one would let her go "save" her mom. And shortly thereafter, she started crying because she believed her mom had "died" in the flames. She felt it was all her fault, too. (Her mom died of old age, so it's not that she was reliving the past.)

That is very sad blue.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Smileonmyface]

i just don't feel like doing anything today but i am trying to make it through the day as normal for my kids' and husband's sake. i'd rather hide under the blankets though. hoping my daughter doesn't have more discipline issues at school today.