[bioChE]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

The three surviving members of the family business (I, my wife and MIL, NNITO) met after Trump was elected to determine the course of the business going forward, given that the main executive of our core competency was nearing retirement and market demand for our services has been steadily declining for years. We narrowed down our options to orchid cultivation, traditional handmade Japanese paper fabrication and porn production. After a quick look at the numbers, everyone voted for porn production. We've since assembled a consortium including a San Francisco entertainment attorney, a team of psychiatrists from UH Medical School and a retired CIA psychological warfare officer. Most of our content won't be conspicuously branded, but look for the label Mindf ck. Expect us in your heads. We're going to lower world birthrates. We're going to damage the institution of sex. We're going to need more lawyers.

What you're really going to need is a new business plan.

In other news I got up, came to work, have been really productive, and am taking my boys to a club event this evening. It's been a good day so far.

[Unrigged64072835]

Helped make breakfast, went to PT, took a trip to a nature reserve. Dinner is marinating (actually brining) as we speak. We were going to eat out but we're saving the gift card for our anniversary in May. Other than that we've been busy with busywork (and taking a shower).

[Faltering]

I didn't take my Tegretol the other night and woke up with racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, and visual hallucinations. Once I took it again I felt a lot more normal. It's easy to forget how much the meds help.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I didn't take my Tegretol the other night and woke up with racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, and visual hallucinations. Once I took it again I felt a lot more normal. It's easy to forget how much the meds help.

It is, indeed.

I had ECT again yesterday. This was unilateral this time, so less impact on memory and cognition. I did sleep a lot when I got home yesterday, though.

[rwwff]

Calm and pleasant. What can I say, depakote is in its range, and is working. I do have about 10 months or so of pathetic productivity to catch up from, but I feel I have a chance at least now.

Hopefully nothing interesting will happen for another month or few, and I guess just having the safety of a regular number to call if something changes, and another regular appointment in a few weeks if it doesn't just really takes most of the stress and paranoia off the table. Not facing a choice between "grit out the depression" or "call 911" is kinda new.

[hopeless2015]

Bronchitis is letting up, steroid is doing the trick. Feeling good mentally.

[Smileonmyface]

exhausted feel like i was run over by a truck tired. proud of myself for resisting the urge to go back to the scissors. i have to remember cutting my hair would feel good for a couple of hours and then the regret and depression would hit me like a brick wall later. especially since it would be like throwing a month of not doing it away.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to diabetes education class. It was boring but I got through it. Last class is in April.
Sorted photos from yesterday. I have 14 to work on later.
Making chicken cordon bleu tonight. I also have to make a pizza sauce.
Had some anxiety but took my meds and calmed down.
Wrote a poem based on my favorite song. It was for an online class.

It's official: I'm a freak.

I gain weight on weight loss meds and lose weight on weight gain meds.

Lol

Otherwise, doing pretty well. Hoping that I don't get double vision from Seroquel again.

[Wander]

Saw my T yesterday and discussed what my pdoc had said last week. My T was shocked and angered(in a calm T way) at what the pdoc had said. My pdoc kept bringing up God and telling me how God was working in my life despite his own admission that bringing up religion triggers me. In fact that is one of the reasons he doesn't want to be my doctor anymore, he thinks him being super-religious and unable to separate it from his medical practice is harmful to me (who has been abused by religious people) AND impossible for him to treat me since I have 'different' spiritual views.

Sigh...

Then, my T is also in total opposition when it comes to my diagnosis. My pdoc thinks it is all PTSD and is now bringing in Borderline Personality ideas as well but totally ignores all my MOOD episodes. My T is certain I have BP1 as I have had at least one severe manic episode with psychosis, many hypomanic episodes and many Major depressive episodes. My pdoc is off the planet but I cannot report him as I would no longer be able to go to the hospital I have been connected to for 7 years as the other pdoc's there would just see the label BPD and think I am stirring up **** out of some pathological perceived hurt.

So, I will keep my mouth shut and hope the pdoc I am seeing next Wednesday (who is attached to the same hospital) will be a good one who actually takes the science of psychiatry seriously, will be able to correctly diagnose, treat and generally be respectful to me. It will take a few sessions with this guy so I am going to have to wait till things settle down for me. Apart from being so angry and fed up with being treated badly by people who say they are helping I am actually doing really well. So thankful for this because changing doctors in such stressful circumstances is hard enough when well. I am trying so hard to stay calm and not react, to stay healthy and prevent an episode.

Finally, I am so thankful for my sane, skilled, knowledgable and caring T who helps me see it is not me who is crazy and that I have done really well to come from a psychotic break straight into my pdoc telling me he is dumping me for religious reasons and having odd ideas about my diagnosis, and being triggered by my cousin a few weeks ago. All that in 9 weeks and I am still well. And uni starts back in 10 days. I feel a bit overwhelmed but coping. In fact I have been downright cheerful.

Sorry for the long post. I had to get that off my chest.

[bizi]

Wander you sound really healthy to me.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I'm starting to feel better because we are getting some nice weather. This Winter has been a big bore. My diet continued to go well today. I got out to see a movie and the whole thing went so smoothly -- buses were prompt, the ticket kiosk went well (first time i have used it), i managed my hunger well and resisted snacks at the cinema.

I'm on the lookout for Spring mania which is always a concern this time of year. But last year i skipped it and i think it's reasonable to feel better when Winter loosens it's grip and i'm feeling healthier and hopeful because i'm dieting.

My excellent doctor who has seen me thru the last 18 years is retiring which is a worry. I've met his replacement before and got on well with him so that's a good sign. It's just so important to have a supportive doctor because i'm on private benefits and every year they have to write a status report for the insurance company. He seemed cool that time i saw him and wrote a script for psych meds even tho he's just a GP so i'm hopeful we can work things out. I hope he doesn't make me see a psychiatrist as i have a terrible time with them.

Financially things are going really well with me paying off my mortgage by leaps and bounds. If i keep it up i will pay my mortgage off ten years early! WOOHOO! That leaves me ten years to save for retirement -- still not a lot of time but such is the life of one very mixed-up bipolar. I haven't been able to save until the last couple of years.

Originally Posted by apfei

I'm starting to feel better because we are getting some nice weather. This Winter has been a big bore. My diet continued to go well today. I got out to see a movie and the whole thing went so smoothly -- buses were prompt, the ticket kiosk went well (first time i have used it), i managed my hunger well and resisted snacks at the cinema.

I'm on the lookout for Spring mania which is always a concern this time of year. But last year i skipped it and i think it's reasonable to feel better when Winter loosens it's grip and i'm feeling healthier and hopeful because i'm dieting.

My excellent doctor who has seen me thru the last 18 years is retiring which is a worry. I've met his replacement before and got on well with him so that's a good sign. It's just so important to have a supportive doctor because i'm on private benefits and every year they have to write a status report for the insurance company. He seemed cool that time i saw him and wrote a script for psych meds even tho he's just a GP so i'm hopeful we can work things out. I hope he doesn't make me see a psychiatrist as i have a terrible time with them.

Financially things are going really well with me paying off my mortgage by leaps and bounds. If i keep it up i will pay my mortgage off ten years early! WOOHOO! That leaves me ten years to save for retirement -- still not a lot of time but such is the life of one very mixed-up bipolar. I haven't been able to save until the last couple of years.

which movie did you see?

was it anything exciting?

yesterday for me was grocery day.
ordered lots of junk online (candy, chocolate, barely anything healthy). i'm not doing well with my overeating at all (well I was at the start of the week, but not now)

I also finally put in a formal complaint about my GP and asked to change (though I need to reregister first)

so going to do that as i'm sick of how unprofessional he is

not sleeping and not feeling great mood wise

but what can you do

[Jimbodude]

New to the forum! Hey!

Bad day today, not slept, exhausted but wracked with energy. Sick of second guessing my self

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Jimbodude

New to the forum! Hey!

Bad day today, not slept, exhausted but wracked with energy. Sick of second guessing my self

Welcome to the forums!! Sorry your having a bad day. Hope things calm down soon and you get some sleep.

When it was my turn to speak and share at support group I zoomed through what I had to say, speaking awfully fast. I realised I had done so immediately and was horrified that the others present might think me hypo/manic. Other than doing a lot of art these days I can't think of other signs of being such. I'm not sure why I spoke a mile a minute. Maybe, as I hadn't attended for a month, I felt I had a lot to get off my chest.

Still, I am convinced they all thought me hypo/manic.

Seroquel has given me the munchies and made me thirsty all the time. Still, I've somehow managed to lose weight, which is not a good thing for me. I think it's because Seroquel is forcing me to make healthy choices, and therefore I'm not eating enough. For example, instead of a grilled cheese sandwich, I'll eat green beans instead.

But anyway, I managed to fall asleep last night before the double vision crap could kick in! Yeah!

Today is a decent day. Only downside is that it's snowing and I need to pick up my meds! I should've done it yesterday

[hopeless2015]

The steroid Dr prescribed is kicking this bronchitis right in the ***!! I feel so much better. Still feeling good mentally.

[Gabyunbound]

Day 4 without Abilify. It was the last AP I've been taking as I had already -under doctor supervision, unlike with the Abilify- lowered it (Seroquel) down to just a sleep med. I've had more and more energy each day, but so far, not in a pathological way. If this continues to go well, then I hope to be able to stop it for the foreseeable future. As far as meds go, the less the better, I think.

I'm still taking Lamictal, always been my friend, for some 12 years now.

I saw a photo essay about dogs in a shelter. The last photo was of a wailing woman giving her dog over to be put down. Triggered me terribly as my dear dear cat has a pancreatic tumor and last I talked to the vet about this, she said she only had a few months to live. I think she's doing well, is happy and doesn't look uncomfortable. But the specter of death hurts so bad. She is everything to me. I need to get that image out of my mind. I don't want to fall into depression again, I've just been climbing out of it.

[Unrigged64072835]

Picked up most of my meds this morning. Two will be available next week. I think I have enough to get past President's Day.

Had a temporary crown put in this afternoon. The local anesthetic is starting to wear off, so it's sore. I thought the dentist was going to drill forever. It was rather uncomfortable, even with the anesthetic. I'll get the permanent crown in about a week and a half.

Kids are making spaghetti tonight. Good deal.

My mood seems to be a little down with a punch of anxiety for good measure. Pretty much standard.

[Faltering]

My paranoia is so bad, and I'm starting to realize my anxiety is ruling my life. The place I go to see my pdoc also offers counseling, and I'm thinking of making an appointment.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Faltering

My paranoia is so bad, and I'm starting to realize my anxiety is ruling my life. The place I go to see my pdoc also offers counseling, and I'm thinking of making an appointment.

YOu definately should see a therapist.
find one that works for you.
bizi

[VerMOZZica]

It was an ok ish day today.I managed to do a bit of cleaning.Though when it starts to get dark I start to feel awful.I feel really blue right now.