I'm finally going to stand up for myself

I hope this is the right place to put this...

I've noticed recently that my pdoc had been lying to me (or he's been really, really naiive... but likely a liar). He's also been drugging me for personal gain. He and the "others" are out to get me. (I can't reveal this because they will find me and hurt me... possibly kill me too.)

He's been telling me, "oh you're bipolar, so you need all these meds" blah blah blah. Then it struck me a few days ago: I've been seeing you for over 1 year and I have NOT gotten any better. I mean, I'm still getting depressed, etc., and my depressions are MUCH WORSE! Wtf. So... I think he's been lying to me about this whole BP "diagnosis". i.e., it's the wrong Dx

The only thing that's worked for me so far is adderall. Whenever I take it, I feel AMAZING. Like, all my worries and fears are gone. (So it's helped A LOT with anxiety.) And it fixes any depression I may have. (So it's basically an antidepressant too.)

The only main negative thing Adderall does is affect my sleep. (e.g., I take it at 6am and don't sleep for a while.) Oh yeah, and it doesn't fix my main ADHD symptoms. Otherwise, it just makes me feel really good. Actually, I just feel GREAT and I'm much more motivated. It helps me get things DONE and I'm more confident! Woo!

I've thrown away all my mood stabilizers and antipsychotics. (They were poisonous drugs.) I flushed them down the toilet (in hindsight, I should have thrown them away or given them to my pharmacy). Just flushing them down the toilet is the 2nd best thing I've ever done (minus the environmental effects lol). It's an amazing feeling. Only taking Adderall is the actual best thing I've enter done for myself. Now I'm going to stand up for myself and tell my pdoc "bye bye". I'm going to make my GP prescribe me Adderall from now on because of the wrong Dx. Oh, and it's been nice talking to you guys. You were a great community to talk to.

I just wanted to post this to prevent anyone else from getting hurt by "the others". And I wanted to make you aware of "the others". And how you can fight back against them. (Adderall wards them away. Kinda like vampires and garlic. lol)

well I guess the simple answer would be to say you are manic and plenty of those posts will be coming
however I tend to agree with you
bipolar is over diagnosed. Every ailment /complaint is labeled under that umbrella and serious amounts of people are now hooked to serious amounts of drugs when they shouldn't be.
EVERYONE I know has bipolar mentioned to them when they seek professional help. The meds don't help or you wouldn't see all these people on meds in constant crisis. People are getting sicker, not better.
I dropped the label/the meds and have gone into pursuit of the spiritual awakening.
Good luck

It is possible that the meds you were on were not helping you but stopping them all at once would destabilise even a stable person, and you don't sound stable Blue. Your paranoia, extreme excitement and impulsiveness do suggest mania. The Adderal has done this to you in the past. It is a BIG concern as you may lose insight and totally ruin your life, or worse. Balance is the key here. If you think you need to reassess your medication come off it slowly and get a second opinion from another pdoc in the meantime. Also, Adderal is for ADHD and you have mentioned that it doesn't even help those symptoms. You need to stop taking it. If you are going to be med free you may as well go all the way. The Adderal will only make things worse in the end. I know it feels so good now, but it feels too good. It will bite you soon.

Try to use your insight to see what effect this is having on your life. Make sure your work, relationships, health and sleep are not affected. It is my concern that things will spiral out of control and you will lose grip on reality and place yourself in danger. Whether or not you have Bipolar is irrelevant at the moment. You just need to be safe. Your post reflects a person who is 'high' not stable. Please take care and take every decision very cautiously. We all care about you. Please keep posting.

oh yeah. def, taper off your meds, Going off all those meds cold turkey make anybody crazy. Sometimes people drop there meds and think it is the BP symptoms affecting them when it is really just withdrawal. I know this from doing it many times myself.
I hope you find wellness
I'm really into all this "is it bipolar or waking up?" stuff I'm reading about and spiritual emergence
If you feel safer on meds, stay there as well. There is no one size fits all.

Thanks guys

I'll be okay.

Jacky, that's good to hear I might be experiencing withdrawal. I'm sure, then, that my worries will go away maybe within a week and I'll be fine.

Wander, I think I'll be okay. I don't think my work or anything will be affected. I'm just having a little paranoia as you said. I'll see if the withdrawal symptoms go away, then decide whether or not to stop the Adderall. I really need the Adderall for motivation.

I'll get another opinion maybe... but I'm wondering if they'll just say the same s*** my current pdoc is saying, mostly because they're going to look at my records and say, "oh wow, I agree with that." They'll be biased. That's how my other 4 opinions were fooled. Either that, or they're part of the system.

withdrawals last a hella lot longer than a week. You may be thrown into an episode for MONTHS just from stopping the meds. Mixed , depression mania all of the above. Eventually it will pass
I have had "full blown mania" Long black depressions and a complete psychotic break. I'm not saying symptoms don't happen. I'm just looking for another solution. If everyone got better on meds we wouldn't have any psych issues would we? but people stay sick or get sicker

I can't go back on meds. They're part of the reason the others are chasing after me. The others drugged me so they could find me and kill me. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm sure they have their reasons, even if they're not legitimate.

I'll be okay as long as long as I'm not on meds (although Adderall helps me stay awake, which is good for me because I don't want to be asleep when they come knocking on my door). I'm now hyper aware of everything that's going on around me.

Stay safe

I really shouldn't be giving any advice
I'm riding on my own spiritual quest and everyones path is different.

Do what keeps you well!

Hey blue, when do you see your therapist again? Be very careful you g off all those meds

Lol. It's all good.. Good luck with your spiritual quest.

I see her on mon, mar 6. She's away on vacation

She initially told me to throw away the Adderall, but I have to use it to stay awake and alert. I think she will want me to continue taking it for my own sake, but idk how much she can help me. I mean, what if the "others" are part of the government? Ten they can't be arrested or investigated.

I'm in a very sticky situation.

The "others" started showing up when I first started the Adderall, but I didn't want to talk about t because I was afraid they would find me. Now I have the guts to be open about it because it's just not right

I think the Adderall has made me aware of their presence, whic is a good thing. I mean, what if I never took the Adderall at all? Would they have found me and hurt me or kill me? idk

I don't know how much longer I can stay awake though. I've slept 4 hrs in the span of 3 days... but I HAVE to stay awake. I can't let my guard down unless I want to die at their hands. I'm determined NOT to.

Idk if I should flee to somewhere to be safe, somewhere where they can't find me. Idk where that would be though.

Blue, you're definitely dealing with psychosis. Please get help before you hit the crash. Whether or not you're BP I can't say, but the Adderall is doing to you what it did before. It's an amphetamine psychosis. I can spot it because I've been there before.

Do you think the "others" are doing this to me?

I don't quite know what you mean by "others", but I seriously doubt anyone or anything is out to get you. My main concern is that you're going to crash or worse. Try to remember what it was like the last time you took Adderall a few days in a row. You talked about the same lack of sleep and racing thoughts. I don't know how that episode ended, but it was enough for you and your doc to decide you shouldn't be on the Adderall at this point.

I think they're a bunch of vagabonds.... maybe hitmen. I'm not quite sure. They're very secret about who they are, but I think they'd like to keep it that way. The mystery that surrounds them... it's frightening. I just know they're BAD people, and I think they're hired to do bad things. I think a lot of people are in danger

I needed to take Adderall because I needed something to make me feel better. And I am feeling better because I'm now aware of the "others"

It's 20mg Adderall XR. I took one this morning to make sure the "others" didn't find me. Well, I mean... they may find me ANYWAY... but like I said, I'd like to be awake and aware of their presence so I can escape

Edit: I'm very scared because what if I run out of Adderall??? Then I'll fall asleep and then I'm screwed

Oh my god. Please stop taking adderall. This will not end well.

News flash: you WILL run out of Adderall. However, you're going to crash before then. The body and mind can't function on 4 hrs of sleep in 3 days. Since you flushed your meds, you need to get to your psychiatrist ASAP, or find a hospital and go IP. You need help and there are people out there willing to help you. Even if you just need to be safe from the "others", your doc and/or hospital know ways to make them go away.

I can't contact my pdoc because as I said earlier, I think he's out to get me. Probably trying to poison me honestly.

I think I'll be okay. My anxiety is just getting the best of me. *phew*

I'll be safe for now. I've been taking preventative meausres. There's no way the "others" can get me now.

Blue you need help. Please go to er, if you can't contact your pdoc.

Thanks boogie, but I don't need ip. I'll be okay.

I'll work this out with my therapist when she comes back. She's really a great person. I trust her a lot

I think now that o know I'm safe (for now), I'm going to catch some zzz's

They're aware that I'm aware of them, and everyone else is too. I think they'll lay low for a while

blue adderrall is not good for you.
It has made you manic/psychotic.
This is not good.
See if you can get a refill on your seroquel.
today is tuesday, did you call into work or just not show up?
bizi

Thanks bizi

Even if I wanted Seroquel, I can't get a refill

I'm working from home today

heavy sigh
bizi

Nothing I can say that hasn't already been said and rejected by you, so I'm just going to wish for a soft as possible landing for you.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time, Blue.

You are sharing your experience of paranoia with us here on the forum. We all care and are concerned for your safety. Your biggest threat to your welfare is your current state of mind -- your paranoia, use of Adderall, suspension of use of stabilizing meds.

I understand you feel we are mistaken or misunderstanding when we ask you to call your pdoc or to go to the ER. I care about you, thus have to also ask you to utilize one or more of these options while you are well enough and can make these decisions for yourself.

(((((( Blue ))))))


WC