[graystreet]

Slept until 3:30, realized that I really need to be on first shift after all.

Texted my friend I had a slight falling out with last night even though I said I needed space to get my mood on track--I'm too moody and needy.

Feeling pretty low today.

[Moose72]

Went grocery shopping. Got foods I can eat! Also bought my mom a biography about Walt Disney. She likes special books about Disney. She turns 70 in two weeks. She'll be on vacation then but we're celebrating when she's back as my birthday is the day after hers.

[Lifeischallenging]

So time to check in. I know its late, but I've sort of been procrastinating on calling my physical therapy. I need to get a move on that. I'm going to do that tomorrow. I need to get this done so I can my college plans together. I'm hoping that I'll be able to move on with that very shortly. I still have my niece and nephew here with me and my sister and her husband. As for tomorrow, I have a therapy session and then I plan on getting some coffee. I am definitely going to call on my physical therapy. Bye all.

[xRavenx]

I had to drive all around the state today. This weather is still bad. At least I did not get into an accident. I'm very worn out though. It feels like I'll need to sleep for a whole week. I wish that I could use that as a reason to not go in tomorrow, but that won't be enough.

[Naynay99]

Somehow i stumbled into work this morning. I really wanted to call out.
At least I was able to get out of the driveway.

I chipped some ice up yesterday (with a shovel, a hammer, and some rage) but couldn't get it all up. And there is no salt to be had at any stores around here. I contemplated dumping a container of table salt on the ice but idk if it would have the same freezing point or a large enough surface area as rock salt to actually melt any ice...

I still have to do laundry. Am wearing a long skirt with leggings under it, and sweater that I hate. Figure I can scrounge something up for tommroow and then somehow do 6 loads of laundry this weekend?! Idk.

Met with T yesterday, I don't think she gets it. Though she did give me a few possible leads on new pdocs or psych nurse practitioners. But i looked online and I don't think the names she gave take my insurance. Idk. I sort of don't think I have it in me to make these calls. Bleh. I'm feeling like crap and want to sleeep forever.

[gina_re]

I really need to stop staying up late knowing I have to work in the morning...

[Naynay99]

Well I survived my after work party.
I really didn't want to go. Crowded events like this where you are expected to mingle always freak me out. I always feel like I don't have anybody to talk to. I only went bc my coworker friends also went- so at least I had people to hang out with. But I see all these people laughing and having a great time and me I can't wait to get the **** out of there.
What is wrong with me?? Why am I such a loser. Ugh.
AnywAy i showed up- participated in a work social event so I appear normal and friendly and crap.
Why can't i just have fun and chill out like everyone else. Sigh.

[Naynay99]

Fun fact- my cat loves vanilla icing!!!
I guess he learned it from watching me.

Deleted my Google+ profile. Been staging a slow recovery, but won't be leaving the house today.

Maybe someone will call with some business.

[Unrigged64072835]

MRI done. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be: at least my head was sticking out the other end of the tube.

I need some plug-ins for my Web site, so I will try that tomorrow.

Just watched Maya Angelou's movie And Still I Rise. Beautiful movie about a beautiful person.

[xRavenx]

I will make an appointment with an ENT doctor. I am so tired of these sinus problems. I had them my whole life, but they are getting worse and worse. Need to find out if surgery is the next step since I had to get CT scans that revealed something once before. Sleep is terrible. I feel sedated, yet still can't get to sleep. My thoughts race, but things would be better if I can breathe better.

Asthma doesn't help either. On top of it, today was a horrible day at work. I worked really hard, but needed to stay an hour late with no pay, a long commute home, and I still have unfinished work to return back to while going about regular duties=double the amount of work. Plus, I work Saturday half a day. I know I'm tired, but feel wired....not good; sleep deprivation and extra work make a bad combination.

[Lifeischallenging]

Time for a check in. I've just had a new experience. So I just learned my anxiety medication isn't working as well. I just went a whole night with out sleep on the medication. I still have heart palpitations and even had an anxiety attack the night before. The bad thing is my appointment is not for another 2 weeks. So I might have some pretty sleepless nights over the next few weeks. One other thing that I'm dealing with is the fact that the physical therapy center is not an in network provider according to my insurance. But the receptionist I talked said they are. So I'm probably going to make an appointment soon. Well, hopefully today goes well. I'll post again later. Bye for now.

[RainyDay107]

Lousy and anxious. I don't want to see my T today. I'm falling into a depressive episode, too.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

De-activated my Linkedin profile.

You going off the grid, Lefty?

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by glamslam

You going off the grid, Lefty?

Lefty's been off the grid since before it was fashionable to be such.

[Wander]

Had a great day. The mixed episode is waning. I was so busy and productive and full of joy. Totally killed it at work tonight. It was very busy but I handled it perfectly. Now it is almost 10pm and I want to keep going. So much to do. Not tired at all so I think I will surf the net for a while, drink beer and organise things, maybe even do some study. Life is good

[Moose72]

Slept in after getting kids off to school. Now at Friday lunch. Only the two of us. Everyone else cancelled.

[hopeless2015]

Found our yesterday that I have pretty bad pneumonia, so I'm taking things easy these days. Hugs to all!!

Originally Posted by TheHPEnthusiast1987

I just went a whole night with out sleep on the medication. I still have heart palpitations and even had an anxiety attack the night before. The bad thing is my appointment is not for another 2 weeks. So I might have some pretty sleepless nights over the next few weeks.

They would want to know this. Call them, ok? Even if the appointment date doesn't change, they will likely have instructions or feedback. No need to suffer simply from their not knowing about it.

Originally Posted by bioChE

Lefty's been off the grid since before it was fashionable to be such.

***************************

I've been pretty down. Likely crash from that hypo, compounded by badly-timed bad news. Had an appointment this week and Abilify got doubled. Fingers crossed. (For any wondering about this from my previous post on the topic...The insurance "not covering" magically turned into "covering" a few days later. <shrug> Who knows what happened there...)

Having big jolts of terror (for a reason) especially when trying to go to sleep. TG for sedation!!!!!

The weather was really nice yesterday, so I made myself get out in it. That was good. Ate a decent dinner too.

[Theresa1991]

Still speeded up. Wrote five hours of exams today. Managed to sleep a nap which was badly necessary. Cooked, went Jogging. I am badly bored, my Body is tired but my mind is restless. Anxiety is settling in which Points out to me crashing into Depression anytime soon. Let's hope I can avoid it.

[Naynay99]

Just made it thru another work week. Went okay. It usually does once I actually get here. There is nothing like a bunch of 12 yo to distract you from your own problems. And my coworkers are great.
So i suppose I seem okay from the outside at least. But I need to either do laundry this weekend or dump all my laundry bags in the goodwill and start over with shopping for a new wardrobe!!! I'm only half kidding here...
I got observed yesterday and it went well- I think that was my last one this year which is good.
Mood still feeling crap, but I am gonna try to actually get **** done this weekend and leave the house. Maybe I should actually start swimming again. In need to do something.

Anyway thankful for here. It helps some.
Happy leprechaun day.

[Unrigged64072835]

Slept in really late this morning. Frigging time change.

I worked on the Web site. Got one plugin installed. Waiting on money for the other. I dropped my daughter's wallet to her this afternoon and ended up buying more clothes. Budget was tight but I needed some sweatshirts and they were discounted. Plus there was a coupon sale.

Hoping I can finish things up this weekend so I go back to writing poetry again.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by glamslam

Lousy and anxious. I don't want to see my T today. I'm falling into a depressive episode, too.

Doing better - feeling positive. I had a great T session. She's a relatively new T for me. I started seeing her fairly recently. I've liked her from the start but didn't have a full picture of her expertise nor had I determined what I wanted to focus on.

I have trust issues from a bad prior T rupture...I don't want her as a T if she easily flakes out. I told her what happened with my old T. She was empathetic and validating.

I told her I've made four half-hearted attempts to hire a new T, no one clicked and I just wasn't.ready then. I told her I liked our rapport and was ready to resume therapy - but I had questions about how therapy would go. And I didn't want to be CBT'd ad nauseam, lol.

(My prior T was great for four years and then couldn't handle countertransference. He terminated then asked me back to therapy. I went back, but couldn't trust him, although I tried. So I terminated. It was painful and I don't want that again. I just want to get the work done and if issues arise then we won't get bogged down. Waste of time, money, emotional energy. I want us to openly process any issues that may arise and get back to our work.)

When I arrived, I told her I didn't want to be there. I just didn't. I was being honest. She knows I'm struggling from my IP med disaster, but she was concerned and curious by my not wanting to meet with her today. I was just flat out honest and told her my mood state wasn't good. Didn't feel like a session today, but it was too late to reschedule.

I also told her that I wasn't sure if I could go further with her in therapy and I needed to discuss that with her in our session. I feel comfortable asserting myself as to my therapy needs and she is receptive, not defensive. I like that. No T baggage.

I told her I didn't distrust her, but I didn't trust her yet (due to a prior T rupture, not anything she did). I wanted to know about various things about her therapy experience, including mood disorder and anxiety experience, her views on transference, etc.

I told her that I didn't want to be a guinea pig or have her freak and terminate me because the work was outside her area of expertise. I told her I needed support while I care for my dying stepfather for now, it's a huge life event. A sad one.

I told her I need a lot help with daily living/functioning in regard to my anxiety disorders. I wanted to make sure she wasnt anti-med (she uses hypnotherapy and some holistic therapeutic techniques).

I told her that I'm open to her therapeutic style but didn't want her dissuading me from meds. She was cool with that. I told her my pdoc (they know each other) thinks hypnotherapy is not effective, but I was willing to try it. She told me he doesn't like EMDR, either, lol. I said I'm open to it. She asked if I needed nurturing and I said not particularly...just that I like empathy and direction...I'm not into chit chat.
.
She has a lot of experience in trauma work and I have significant PTSD that I've never addressed in therapy.

We are going to focus on that after I've firmly settled into the grieving process of my stepfather's passing. I need to trust her on the PTSD trauma work because I am a noob (and nervous). She's experienced and motivated.

Of course, I cried through all this, lol.

So, we are good. I trust her and we have good rapport - I will be able to develop a healthy, therapeutic bond with her. Do the work, get healthier and eventually move on when our work is complete.

I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful. I can do this and she's qualified and we have rapport. And I can afford it financially...it is worth the investment. I'm going to see her weekly and be all in.

[gina_re]

Another productive day at work. I had to come into the office today to make up not coming in Monday. Didn't quite meet my goal, but darn near close enough. But I was also talking to one of my coworkers for a chunk of the day, so that didn't help. Emailed my second mom last night for some encouragement. She called me back this morning and is stopping by tomorrow. Gotta run home and clean my mess now.

[Moose72]

I am becoming a sloth. I took way too long of a nap and I've eaten more than my fair share of calories today. I have to take my youngest to a study that he signed up for tomorrow morning but I don't know where it is. I'll have to look it up I guess. I'm hoping its the same place that it was when we did another study.