[Theresa1991]

And if so, how do you deal with it?

I feel I cannot open up to anyone anymore. I am always hiding my feelings and I don't trust anyone. If you'd see me, you would prpbably have a very good time, because I am lots of fun and I tend to make people laugh with all my nice little anecdotes and my crazy ideas.

But inside, I feel very alone and cold like a stone.

[Wander]

I feel a disconnect between my 'real' self and the person I become in certain social situations when I am around people. It does make me feel more lonely but I am usually glad I got out as I don't get out often. However, sometimes I leave embarrassed about my behaviour and that makes me feel even worse. I rarely open up to many people and the few I do I tend to downplay things so I don't overwhelm them or scare them away.

I guess I deal with it by isolating myself (a big no no) and trying to be more authentic with those I know won't judge me. Still, my friends do tend to keep their distance when I am very unwell. I guess they don't know what to do when all I need is their presence. Sorry I am not much help. It is an awful position to be in.

[Theresa1991]

Sounds like you deal with it mostly the same way I do. I display a wonderful smile to everybody and go home to cry alone. Didn't call anybody when my grandma died last Friday. I suck at showing my feelings, but I guess it is kind of a lesson I learned because I got pushed away so many times when I did show them.

One friend of mine uses to make a joke. I sometimes say "I am very happy about.." or "I am very anxious.." and she uses to laugh at me and say that none of it shows in my face or my voice. "As if you were reading and instruction guide", she uses to say.

Sorry to hear your grandmother passed away

I had a rough childhood that led me to socially isolate myself from others, including my own family. I also don't trust anyone either, but I think that lack of trust stems from my negative childhood experiences. Not sure about your lack of trust.

I do like being around people and talking to them, but I usually avoid those social situations because my social anxiety gets in the way. I just don't want to relive my past experiences, which is why my instinct is to shy away.

When I actually do talk to people (which is very, very rare), I try to come across as upbeat. I like to hide my true feelings because I don't want those feelings to become a part of the social conversation. I don't want to be a buzzkill.

[Theresa1991]

Also sounds like a tough conversation.

My mistrust also stems from bad childhood experiences. I had overcome these pretty well and opened up and then two trainwrecking relationships later I am back where I started. Or worse.

I'm not truly lonely in the classical sense. I read something recently that hit home though....I'm lonely for "my kind" I've got my husband who understands as much as he's capable and more than most can, my mom and my best friend. The world tells you that in order to be a healthy person, you need lots of friends. I've tried but it doesn't work for me. People are too cruel. Even here, I've been socially intentionally ostracized, erroneously called a Hitler sympathizer, verbally abused and called a drug addict. And then they justify their abuse to me and claim I deserve it. Yet I still try and search for my kind. I've searched in some strange places and some more typical places but they don't seem to exsist. My family and friend feel like enough to me but people keep insisting it's not healthy. my friend and family insist it's them and not me. They have theories as to why this keeps happening to me. I just don't understand and might Never. I've ended up with some bad people looking for my kind....I've been hurt badly. Yet, I still search. I get "feelings" about people and used to feel I needed to ignore them but have learned I should instead follow my instincts.

I'm sorry for your loss and your loneliness. I hope you find whatever you are looking for.

yes and no.

meaning.. I'm single, and i'm quite okay with that (I don't want to be with anyone)

but I also feel alone sometimes in terms of my struggles, and then I just come on here

amazing what coming on here can do. it can make you feel so much better

[Theresa1991]

@ElsaMars: I can totally relate to what you mean by "searching" for my kind. I sometimes wish I had been Born with a twin sister. Noone seems to be like me. That is why it is so hard to share. I sometimes get obsessed with new persons and then it always Ends in disappointment, because they are not just like me.

@ shatteredsanity: I also don't want to be with anyone. Well, there is one Person, but he is in Mexico and that really sucks. Coming on here helps a lot and I just wish I were more in your time Zone because usually most on here happens when I am sleeping xD

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

@ElsaMars: I can totally relate to what you mean by "searching" for my kind. I sometimes wish I had been Born with a twin sister. Noone seems to be like me. That is why it is so hard to share. I sometimes get obsessed with new persons and then it always Ends in disappointment, because they are not just like me.

@ shatteredsanity: I also don't want to be with anyone. Well, there is one Person, but he is in Mexico and that really sucks. Coming on here helps a lot and I just wish I were more in your time Zone because usually most on here happens when I am sleeping xD

you're not far off, you're in germany, i'm in england.

(maybe 1 or 2 hours diffrence?),I think
possibly more

[Theresa1991]

I think it is just one

1 thing I do wish was that sometimes the live chats would be in the UK time zone

it's 1 thing I miss out on quite a bit, they are usually around 2 or 3 A.M my time (and though I don't really sleep), at 3 A.M in the morning.. my first thought isn't, well, let's join a live chat.

[CobolCapsule]

When I'm lonely I'm a lot more emotional and depressed, and start to become paranoid. Usually my meds work just fine, but occasionally they don't. I usually just try and be around family if i get lonely.

[Naynay99]

I relate to the feeling of feeling alone, because I have nobody to talk to about all the shiity stuff that goes along with trying to live my life while dealing with a mood disorder. It is very isolating to feel like the rest of the world is easily doing stuff that I often struggle to do.

So even though I have friends, I sort of feel like no one truly knows all of the ugly parts of me that I usually hide. I present mostly fine to the outside world even as i am breaking inside. It's ****ed up. I've been going to a support group lately and I think it really does help to talk to actual humans who have experiences similar to me and get it.

It definitely take a long time for me to trust ppl and befriend them and allow them entry into my world. So the few friends that I do have are pretty close. A lot of ppl I don't really relate to. Perhaps that's why I teach special needs kids; I relate to the feeling of being different. I come from the island of misfit toys.

[Unrigged64072835]

I feel lonely as well, although I have a husband and a daughter. I don't have any friends IRL but I have a few online. I spend a lot of time by myself.

[Moose72]

I have a circle of friends. Some of them want more than I do out of the relationship.

[Treyfrancis21]

I am usually more lonely/aware of loneliness when I'm depressed, like right now. I have a wife and kids, and they are amazing, but they can't take that lonely feeling away. Part of it is that I'm pretty much by myself at work all day with a little interaction with my co-workers throughout the day. Part of it is because I'm an introvert, have few good friends, and have had all of said friends move away in the past year.
I think there is also the loneliness of not having anyone around me who really gets what I struggle with having this illness.

I always wished I had a sister too. A twin would be nice but even just a regular sister, who knew me inside and out would be such a relief I cannot tell you. I always wanted a sister and used to beg my mother for a sister or brother but she had a hysterectomy so it wasn't in the cards.

I want Togo to group therapy but I've had such a hard time of it. In an IOP group my doctor sent me to, a very nasty women jumped down my throats when I said I didn't drink much (which was true). She called me a liar. The lady was an obvious alcoholic, the kind where is shows in the face and demeanor and so I imagine it was just projection but it really bothered me, made me think I looked like a drug addict and that is why I get treated bad. I cried to my friend and family and they all said I don't but I could t shake it. When my doctor put me in group therapy at age 15, I was there because I'd been criminally assaulted as a result of being bullied by a girl who unfortunately had lots of friends. Sexually assaulted as my best friend watched on. I was in group therapy with a girl who unfortunately was a cheerleader at the new school I transferred to, and she started bullying me with her cheerleading friends so I ran off and ran away from home and dropped out of school. Kaiser is partially responsible for that as I had no business being in GROUP therapy. It's cost effective for them though, so they shove it down my throat despite my pleas. Seems an overreaction but people just don't understand what I was going through. A few years later in my early 20's I went to group therapy and some man said "I'm sorry to tell you this babydoll but you will never make it in this world". I ran away crying. It's like people wait for me to be at my weakest point and then say the most harmful things possible. I could go on and on about group therapy and the abuse of strangers in a room who are not confined with confidentiality laws. It's not always helpful. I want to go back and try again so bad but I'm to weak and these people want to kill me. I know it's there own baggage that makes them do it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm so lonely for my kind right now ....the pain is leaking from my face. Writing all this confirms how hopeless it all probably is but I do have some plans so maybe I'm wrong and all will work out. There was a movie with Steve Martin called the Lonely Guy and this thread is reminding me of the movie.

[VerMOZZica]

I`m not married and don`t have any children.I have my family and don`t really socialize with any other people outside of my family.I pretty much keep to myself and am a pretty shy person ,so just talking to other people is difficult for me.But yes I would call myself lonely because of this.

[wiretwister]

my T says I was emotionally deprived as a child .... so my reactions are not real ... I give people what I think they want ... and I am good at it .... the real me cries a lot ... but in public ... life of the party ... very tiring ...

[Alchemilla]

I am extremely lonely. I'm in a severe depression which has robbed me of my personality and I have virtually nothing to say in conversations. I'm hoping to chat with people here.

[Sad Mermaid]

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

Didn't call anybody when my grandma died last Friday.

So sorry for your loss!!

[xRavenx]

I am sorry about your loss.

I do feel lonely a lot. This is something I talk to my therapist about frequently. She says I need to work on filling that loneliness more with things and be okay with alone time, rather than depending on others to fill that hole. I've had a lot of losses (deaths of people important to me, relationships, even things that I can't go back to....) and it's still traumatic for me.

I wake up not feeling I have any direction. It is very hard. Lately, I feel most secure being by myself and not reaching out to others as much since that tends to complicate my life lately. I figure sometimes that others need to reach out to me more since relationships go both ways. Sometimes I feel I put in too much effort, and that exacerbates feelings of loneliness and not having an anchor, in a way. I do need to find more hobbies. I'm a work in progress, but it doesn't take away the pain.

[BipolaRNurse]

Since my husband died, I'm often confused between being lonely and being alone. I mean, I have a houseful of family so it's hard to be alone, but when it's late in the evening and everyone but me has gone to bed for the night, I don't know whether I'm alone, or just lonely. I guess it's a bit of both.

[Theresa1991]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I am sorry about your loss.

I do feel lonely a lot. This is something I talk to my therapist about frequently. She says I need to work on filling that loneliness more with things and be okay with alone time, rather than depending on others to fill that hole. I've had a lot of losses (deaths of people important to me, relationships, even things that I can't go back to....) and it's still traumatic for me.

I wake up not feeling I have any direction. It is very hard. Lately, I feel most secure being by myself and not reaching out to others as much since that tends to complicate my life lately. I figure sometimes that others need to reach out to me more since relationships go both ways. Sometimes I feel I put in too much effort, and that exacerbates feelings of loneliness and not having an anchor, in a way. I do need to find more hobbies. I'm a work in progress, but it doesn't take away the pain.

Thanks for your post! I feel I could have written it myself. In my case I have a lot of "friends" that in German I would rather call "Bekannte", which means People I know but who are not yet my friends. Somehow everybody wants to go out with me but I never manage to open up so it stays superficial and when I am really Feeling bad I don't know who I could turn to.

I can relate very much to what you say about not having any direction. I don't know where my life will go. I am studying a Career in which I don't want to work. I live far away from my Family and even though I love them very much I am still traumatized from a lot of childhood stuff and don't really turn to them either. I learned to Keep Things to myself and put a nice face on.

Also, like you say, often I invest too much and don't get as much back, so I just try to put up with the being alone and not reaching out, but it is hard very often.

@ElsaMars: I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you in Group therapy. People can be so cruel when they are Feeling bad themselves.