[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I just had to cancel my ECT for not having a driver to get me to and from the hospital. It'll be July before my regular driver is back from holiday. This adds to my depression.

But Jenn, I wish you a wonderful holiday in Florida. Let the anxiety just flow off you, nothing is worth worrying about.

What a disappointment for you. I know you rely upon your treatment sessions.
July? I hope you can find an alternate driver before then.

(((((( vertigo ))))))


WC

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I just had to cancel my ECT for not having a driver to get me to and from the hospital. It'll be July before my regular driver is back from holiday. This adds to my depression.

But Jenn, I wish you a wonderful holiday in Florida. Let the anxiety just flow off you, nothing is worth worrying about.

I'm sorry you had to postpone your ECT until July. I know that is an important part of your treatment. I hope all goes well until then.

Thank you for your kind words....I'll work on letting the anxiety flow off. I do think I'll have a good time and it will be good for me. Best wishes.

[hopeless2015]

Last two hours of work, I'm ready to go home lol. I've had a good week with little depression, I shouldn't complain, but I'm done, brain just isn't here at work anymore today

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Last two hours of work, I'm ready to go home lol. I've had a good week with little depression, I shouldn't complain, but I'm done, brain just isn't here at work anymore today

I'm ready to change into my pajamas! Gotta pick up my daughter in an hour then I'm free.

On the low side of stable but I'm in the stableish area and I'm grateful. I'm so tired....sleeping pretty constant.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

On the low side of stable but I'm in the stableish area and I'm grateful. I'm so tired....sleeping pretty constant.

I took an hour nap today after my Friday lunch group. I get up and go to bed at the same times every day. Seems like you are too. Why do you think you're on the low side of stable?

[Unrigged64072835]

Did three loads of laundry and vacuumed the living room. Had to stop because my sides started hurting pretty bad. My husband did more and I feel sad about it.

Worked on my poem for the church magazine. I think I'll turn it in tomorrow.

Feeling pretty crappy but will get over it. Just another day of dealing with restlessness and anxiety.

[Moose72]

N3 just got picked up by his dad and N2 just called to say she's going to a carnival next to the high school after driver's ed. So its just me here. I guess the food we made last night was a hit. I'd go visit with my friend but I don't know when N2 will be done. My friend likes to go to a coffee shop far away so its not convenient for me to go there. It takes me half an hour to get to where my friend is and then another half an hour back to where n2 is instead of the 5 minutes it takes from home.

[Wild Coyote]

***POSSIBLE TRIGGER***


I wish I wasn't so sensitive sometimes.

I was out today and saw a group of very young adults with a table, fundraising. Fundraising for a residential drug treatment center.
I'd stopped to listen to one of the young men . He had come over to me and had started sharing his story. He is a heroine addict. His father was, too. His father died of a heroine overdose and this young man tried to take his own life the day after his dad's funeral. This very handsome young man lived and has been clean for 14 months.

I could not help it... I started crying like a fool... in front of everyone. (There are so many young people losing their lives to heroine and other drugs, even alcohol.)
The young man did not know what to do when I'd started crying. I asked him if I could give him a hug. We'd hugged and I went along to the car.

I was the only person in the crowd crying. To be fair, the whole crowd wasn't hearing this young man's story. I'd felt like a crying fool.
Maybe my crying let this young man know his story impacts others?
I truly do not know. I had to cry, that's all I know. I wish it was more comfortable to cry in public in our culture 'cause my heart is wide open and I'm a crying AND a laughing fool.


WC

[Sunflower123]

No...your sensitivity is one of the many qualities that makes you so special. I would have cried too. That's a very poignant story and now that young man knows the worth and the impact of his story. He will save lives and you encouraged him to travel that path. You did good so to speak.

Culture has it wrong. I wanted and needed to cry at my daughter's graduation but nobody else was and I felt foolish. I won't make that mistake again. When she graduates from college I'll be a proud crying mom.

You're very special.

[Daonnachd]

I also cry at the drop of a hat. ...and think how our society views men who cry. WC, I would've cried right along with you.

[Daonnachd]

Things are falling apart and I'm sitting here alone, afraid of myself, feeling like my departure is just around the corner. My coping strategies are worthless. I just want to give up.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Things are falling apart and I'm sitting here alone, afraid of myself, feeling like my departure is just around the corner. My coping strategies are worthless. I just want to give up.

Please don't do that. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. When will someone be with you? Can you reach out to someone? I'm here if you need to talk. Remember how proud you are of your boys. Things will get better.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Please don't do that. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. When will someone be with you? Can you reach out to someone? I'm here if you need to talk. Remember how proud you are of your boys. Things will get better.

Yeah, proud of the boys. Actually, my wife will be home before too long, but she's not the most understanding person in my life. I don't want to reach out to my T... I just don't.

This is the worst I've been in months, I think.

[Sunflower123]

Ok I just deleted that last post. That was for your eyes only. I don't want that information out there. I'm here if you need me.

[Daonnachd]

Thanks. So much my mind wants to say, but the fingers just won't... or shouldn't.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Thanks. So much my mind wants to say, but the fingers just won't... or shouldn't.

Thanks for responding. I really do understand. Thinking of you.

[Victoria'smom]

Sorry vertigo hopefully things look up for you soon. WC crying is a good thing.

[Polibeth]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Things are falling apart and I'm sitting here alone, afraid of myself, feeling like my departure is just around the corner. My coping strategies are worthless. I just want to give up.

I get ECT occasionally too and getting rides is always the hardest part. I wish we lived closer- we could be driving/ECT buddies.

Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon.

[Cocosurviving]

My day was decent. I slept a lot and finally made myself leave the house to run errands. I have some anxiety right now. I've been kinda low...mild depression is still with me. No crying just sad and not having energy to do much. Just been wanting to stay in the house. It's hard on my 11 yr old bc she likes to get out the house. Tomorrow we have plans and I'm going to make myself get out the house.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Things are falling apart and I'm sitting here alone, afraid of myself, feeling like my departure is just around the corner. My coping strategies are worthless. I just want to give up.

My heart breaks to read this and that in reading this that your wife isn't the most understanding person on the planet. There is more good! It's out there for you!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Things are falling apart and I'm sitting here alone, afraid of myself, feeling like my departure is just around the corner. My coping strategies are worthless. I just want to give up.

I am just seeing your post.
How are you this morning?

(((((( vertigo ))))))

Leaving a big hug for you.

WC

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am just seeing your post.
How are you this morning?

(((((( vertigo ))))))

Leaving a big hug for you.

WC

Thanks for the hugs.

It's almost 5am and I can't sleep. I'm still feeling really bad, but I'm just sitting here on PC, and debating writing my T.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Thanks for the hugs.

It's almost 5am and I can't sleep. I'm still feeling really bad, but I'm just sitting here on PC, and debating writing my T.

Maybe writing your T will help?
Surely won't do any harm, will it?

Be safe, please.

WC

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Maybe writing your T will help?
Surely won't do any harm, will it?

The thing is, I've got too much going in my head; I can't collect my thoughts to write.

I don't want to monopolize the thread anymore. You can ignore me. Don't worry, nothing will happen quickly.