[SheilaKathy]

I just got back from therapy. I talked so much that she could hardly get a word in edgewise. She did say that most folks take criticism badly, as I had mentioned this about myself. Oh! You mean I am not alone? YAY! LOL...

I asked her if it sounded like I am in a manic. She said "Yes, I can tell by your laugh."

That is about all she had a chance to say, as I talked my head off.

Giardia! Today's password is "Numbers Station". My wicked hand tremor makes it very difficult to type.

Just popped 60 milligrams of propranolol to see if three tablets would settle the tremor: I was prescribed 20 milligrams an episode, but 20 milligrams hadn't done Jack and 40 milligrams hadn't done Jack. I am on lithium complicated by lamotrigine and valproate withdrawal. I may or may not have just vaped a full gun of trim. I am a psychtropic test pilot.

I'm filling in and tightening up a psyop. You might notice it in a while but you won't be able to prove that I did it.

Update: 60 milligrams of propranol doesn't do Jack.

[Unrigged64072835]

Did a bunch of housework yesterday while the kids were gone. Reminded myself why I'm getting a nerve block in my back. Sucker hurts...also needed to work off the bajillion calories I've had last week.

Had T today and did labs for my regular doc appt. next week. T was okay. I think he's trying to live vicariously through us. Or maybe we're just easier to work with than with other clients. I wouldn't want to live vicariously through myself...I think I'm really boring, myself.

Have dermatology tomorrow. My face is back to where it was before treatment, so I want to see what she'll do now. I also need to clean the kitchen, as I made a mess out of it tonight.

Mood is kind of down, but not too bad. I'm just upset with having to withdraw from the other class. Maybe I'll take some more time writing.

North Korea shot a missile over Hokkaido.

The missile landed in the sea 100 km from the shores of Japan.

My mother-in-law gets Japanese TV and they are freaking out hard.

[xRavenx]

I'm trying to fight my shopaholic urges, but keep failing. I spend so much money, but I don't feel euphoric, just irritable. It's unclear whether my depression is going into mixed manic territory. The impulsivity is starting to kick in. Hopefully this will all just go away.

[Cocosurviving]

Cooked a roast for dinner. Took my grandmother shopping. Today was decent. My youngest daughter had Girl Scouts. The Zoloft increase has helped.

[SheilaKathy]

I'm doing a bit better today. I think I got 7 hours of sleep, or so; that is pretty good for being in a manic. I talked myself to sleep again by saying to myself aloud: "I am sleeping peacefully, comfortably, soundly...." before going to bed and as I got into bed, etc.

[Wander]

Almost saw a shread of light today ... almost.

[bizi]

I have been sleeping in and my mood is better. Guess the hypo mania is abetting.
bizi

[Lifeischallenging]

I just had my job interview and that went well. I'm glad I have this determination to get my life back on track. In fact, I believe I will. Its just very challenging. My mood and outlook on life is better right now. I've been looking at colleges. I just have to do more when its comes to college. I need to actually go take a look at the colleges I have my eye on. Like SNHU and CCCU. I do realize that the only thing I can do is try.

[hopeless2015]

I'm not doing very good today....trying to help s good friend through s crisis right now is actually helping me get out of my own head

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

I'm not doing very good today....trying to help s good friend through s crisis right now is actually helping me get out of my own head

You're a very good friend for helping

I hope you feel better soon

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

I'm not doing very good today....trying to help s good friend through s crisis right now is actually helping me get out of my own head

That's the name of the game getting out of our own heads. Usually the easiest way to do that is to help someone else. This too shall pass.

[wildflowerchild25]

My psych nurse called and my depakote levels are in range and my liver enzymes are good. I'm happy because that means I can stay at 750mg and hopefully avoid the weight gain issue. It hasn't made me any hungrier yet so that's good.

Anosognosia! I'm oscillating between Ernie and the Cookie Monster, popping lithium garnished with benzodiazepines and an antipsychotic. The only way forward is to forget.

Diamond Head is brown and Wa'ahila Gulch adjacent to our house is a tinderbox: the island needs rain. The morning sun is intense enough to burn you through your shirt; you don't venture outside in midday. The elderly sister of an elderly neighbor is stuck in Seattle; her home in Houston is underwater and she doesn't have flood insurance. She should hang out here and wait for Texas to drain.

My heart goes out to those displaced by the hurricane and their abandoned pets. I am haunted by a story of the notorious cruelty of Arpaio's SWAT team that I won't repeat for everyone's benefit. There's nothing we can do about it.

[Faltering]

I'm gaining weight like crazy, but my diet hasn't changed. I'm going to start weaning myself off Zyprexa. I don't care if it works. I can't be happy if I'm fat.

[liveforsummer]

Starting to get a bit nervous about pdoc screening appt tomorrow.

[Wild Coyote]

I'd started Abilify 2 weeks ago now and feel it may be helpful.

(I'd tried it years ago and had to stop for some reason then. We'll see.)

For now, treating depression with: citalopram 20mg, Wellbutrin SR 100mg., Abilify 4 mg., clonazepam. PRNs: temazepam, Adderall

(I also take multiple meds for autoimmune conditions and severe chronic pain.)

Love to All!

WC

[HALLIEBETH87]

Not feeling great today. I'm getting by but feel pretty grumpy. It's cloudy and such here so that's probably part of it. Looking forward to bedtime

[Daonnachd]

Being that I don't enjoy social interaction, I had a good day at work. Nobody called. Nobody came in.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Starting to get a bit nervous about pdoc screening appt tomorrow.

Your reticence is certainly understandable!

I hope it goes well for you.
Will be thinking of you.


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Saw dermatologist this afternoon. She's stumped about what's going on with my face. Gave me two more ointments and a strong antibiotic. She also is referring me to her boss, as she has run out of ideas. Kinda sad, but at least she tried.

Otherwise a quiet day. Mood is a bit down but otherwise fine.

[wildflowerchild25]

Can't sleep again. I guess I'm worrying about my job again. Not really worrying, just thinking about a lot of things. I want to meet the principal and the admin team. I'm afraid I'm going to be under scrutiny because I was let go last year, which is probably true. But if my supervisor didn't believe in me he wouldn't have called to offer me this job. That is comforting and terrifying. I don't want to let him down.

I'm going to try to get over to the high school on Thursday to check it out. I'm also going to email my supervisor and ask him if he knows what classroom I'll be in and what teacher(s) I'll be working with. I hope they are understanding.

I'm just so nervous! A couple of days ago I couldn't sleep so I found a sleep meditation on YouTube and did that and it put me right out so I think I'm going to do that again.

[Lifeischallenging]

So my day went fine today. Extremely busy. Me and my mom went and returned our cans which was nice. We got a fair amount of money out of that. I have ideas on college, but I'm nervous because what I have left in my savings. I still believe I will do it. After we returned the bottles, we went to the store and had get some stuff. College is one of many obstacles for me, but I think I would have an easier time if I bought one. I've been thinking of car sharing or joining Uber or Lyft for my new prospective job. One of those sounds promising.

Steatopygia! It's challenging to be around others and my commitments to eat less and quit THC had a bad day. My friend Valerie gave me a generous sample of an indica strain named Concussion which gave me a concussion, unable to use a keyboard or trackpad.

I've fallen out of love with a story I've been working on for weeks. I don't know if it's my medication, my underlying state or the Concussion. I worked so hard and so long building it and trimming it down and I suddenly don't like it anymore.

My past does not exist. The only way forward is to forget.