[Unrigged64072835]

Missed church again, this time from pain in my right eye. Went to urgent care this morning. Doc couldn't tell if it was pinkeye or a stye, so she gave me antibiotic cream. Keep putting it on and it still hurts. May have to see an eye doc tomorrow if it doesn't loosen up. The corner of the eye is swollen.

Other than that a quiet day. Husband has programming homework to do so didn't do much.
Have T tomorrow. I may talk about the irritability and figure out what to do with it.

[wonderluster]

Many people lie and manipulate through life. It is normal behavior for them.

If you call them out for their deceptive manipulation, they do one or more of the following:

1) They turn on you like a rabid dog.
2) They attempt to redirect you.
3) They ignore you.
4) They create cover-up lies.
5) They call you crazy.

Cut ties with liars and manipulators if you can as soon as possible.

The chronic lying manipulators are hard to detect, but they have no problem detecting the pure and innocent people they can manipulate for their monstrous selfish needs. Many are not conscious of their diabolical ways. Lying and manipulating are just tools for survival to them.

Just a public service announcement from someone who has suffered from lies and manipulations.

Thanks & Hugs

[wildflowerchild25]

I have a bad cough but no other symptoms. I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I'm afraid he will tell me it's lung cancer. I've been a daily smoker for five years and a social smoker for 11. There were a couple of years here and there where I quit totally, maybe a total of four.

I'm worried. I'm not worried about dying, but I'm worried what would happen to my son. I have to write a will to make sure he goes to my in laws. I wouldn't want him in foster care.

I guess I should just go to the doctor. I have to wait for my insurance cards to come in though.

[bizi]

I am going to go to a NAMI peer-to-peer training session about mental health.
I will go tomorrow and check it out. I may not be able to go every monday night due to other conflicts/commitments.
It meets at 6pm for a light supper then training starts at 6;30 to 8;30pm.
I know the leader of the training sessions, Denver. He is active at the state level. Denver is a bit loud but gets his message across which is good.
And he is an advocate for all folks with mental health issues.
Bizi

[jmariah001]

Here it is after 1am my time and I can't sleep. I have been watching some news coverage on youtube about hurricane Irma. It is currently a category 2. There is gonna be a lot of clean up when this is over. Hopefully people heeded the evacuations. We shall see. Things have gotten a little better since I got my car back from the shop. I am still dealing with anxiety though. I think I had an anxiety attack last night. First one in a couple of months. The bad thing is I only have vistaril to take. It doesn't do much for me. It is not strong enough. So I didn't even bother taking it. I just sat there and took deep breaths and tried to stay calm. Eventually it was over. But it left me really tired. Well I will close for now. Good night all.

[Wander]

It is almost official; I am being discharged from hospital on Wednesday after eight weeks IP! Saw the registrar today and he said I am good to go. All I need to do now is see my pdoc, who has been on sick leave with a broken arm (surgery). Hopefully my pdoc will come in to see me by Wednesday as I am climbing up the walls in here. My TMS treatment ends on Wednesday morning so I can leave after that.

The TMS has really helped. I recommend it to anyone with depression (can't do when manic) that won't respond to two or more AD's or other meds. Here in Australia it is fully covered by my health insurance (as long as I am IP) but I don't know what the deal is elsewhere. It is a fairly new treatment so is not done in many places yet. I am just so happy to be stable, not high, not low, just good old plain stable. May it last a long time. I have previously rapid cycled bad – like getting very ill after only two months stable each time – so I am hoping this will stop the cycling too.

Free HUGS to all.

[winter loneliness]

Hope I can sleep tonight. Might take a PRN in addition to zolpidem.

I read somewhere that the mobile contingent of Hillary Clinton's State Department was addicted to Zolpidem.

[liveforsummer]

5am here. Woke at 4am and haven't fallen back asleep. Ugh. Hope everyone awake will fall back asleep for a few more hours.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have a bad cough but no other symptoms. I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I'm afraid he will tell me it's lung cancer. I've been a daily smoker for five years and a social smoker for 11. There were a couple of years here and there where I quit totally, maybe a total of four.

I'm worried. I'm not worried about dying, but I'm worried what would happen to my son. I have to write a will to make sure he goes to my in laws. I wouldn't want him in foster care.

I guess I should just go to the doctor. I have to wait for my insurance cards to come in though.

Go to doctor NOW!

[wonderluster]

I believe my mood is stable and I am thinking clearly.

That is helpful because I am sad and scared about real circumstances in my life that could lead to me being in an Indian Prison and/or homeless and stranded in India.

This is regarding my overstaying a visa here. I was promised by family of the woman I came to wed that it would be taken care of before my original visa expired. Overstaying is very serious in India, I recently found out. I just cannot leave. They will detain me for days or weeks and fine me or jail me.

I am told by my fiance I am ok as long as I am "with them". In the meantime I doubt highly that I want to be with her. It is a matter of compatibility. I also have a very strong feeling of distrust concerning her.

I may be trying hard to make this work because: A) I have the exit visa problem. I do not want to be homeless and/or in Jail for up to 5 years. B) I have no sure place to go once I leave. C) My fiance and her family could turn on me and make things much worse than the worse I currently foresee.

(BTW, I have known her for almost 4 years, but just met her in person this last May. If I knew what I know now, I would have never come here)

One thing I know: I must settle this within the next week. If I find that my relationship is hopeless I will call the American Consular and take it from there.

As far as I know, I have no help from anybody on the planet. I feel all alone in this mess I got myself into. I just have to keep on trying and make peace with the worse possible consequences. Of course even if I escape jail and homelessness on the street in a foreign country, I will still have no home and I will be all alone.

I hope you all are safe and well.

Thanks & Hugs

[bizi]

I am sorry wonderlust for your circumstances.
Do you have any family that can assist you?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[xRavenx]

I am so sorry, wonderluster I hope you are able to get help with all of this soon.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am sorry wonderlust for your circumstances.
Do you have any family that can assist you?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks, Bizi

I have a strong spiritual foundation, but I have no family foundation.
I am feeling strong despite my dilemma.
I have been to Hell and back many times.
I was just hoping that I was done with that.

I am just concentrating on loving others as best as I can.
It is the only thing I have control over.
I certainly have no control over others.

I will continue to try my best and trust the Higher Power that I have come to have faith in. I could choose to not have faith, but I have too much faith (thankfully) to do that.

I am in the foxhole, so to speak. Life is hard, but I do see a glimpse of light ahead...just a tiny glimpse in the darkness.

I think things are working out, no matter how hopeless it may seem.

What a trip.

Thank You, Bizi and All for being here

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I am so sorry, wonderluster I hope you are able to get help with all of this soon.

Thanks! All works out in the end

[Sunflower123]

I quit my benzos about a week ago cold turkey. I understand that's not a good idea. Needed to refill 2 prescriptions for them and just haven't been out to get them. Not depressed just lack of motivation. Maybe not so much lack of motivation because I very much want to do things. More a failure or inability to execute. Possibly have a habit of living a depressed lifestyle although I'm not depressed.

I feel under intense pressure today and a family member helped me connect that to the benzos. Will talk to my pdoc tomorrow. Doing good overall.

Sending big hugs to everyone who is struggling.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I quit my benzos about a week ago cold turkey. I understand that's not a good idea. Needed to refill 2 prescriptions for them and just haven't been out to get them. Not depressed just lack of motivation. Maybe not so much lack of motivation because I very much want to do things. More a failure or inability to execute. Possibly have a habit of living a depressed lifestyle although I'm not depressed.

I feel under intense pressure today and a family member helped me connect that to the benzos. Will talk to my pdoc tomorrow. Doing good overall.

Sending big hugs to everyone who is struggling.

Wow...you are doing remarkably well for quitting benzos cold turkey a week ago. I am glad you are good overall. Give yourself a lot of credit!

[wonderluster]

Hi
I am the guy that was lost in India
I am a card carrying BPD & PTSD

I also have HUMAN (Head Up My A_ _ Neurosis)
Doesn't Everybody?

Anyways, life goes on... la ti da ...ob la di

I worked through it using the tools and wisdom I have attained in my half-century of life. I feel like I am fourteen in body, but that is beside the point.

Nobody came to my rescue, but the kindness you all have given me helped beyond measure.

Everything is going to be ok for all of us...no matter what happens.

I see that clearly...and I am not just whistling Dixie...nor am I manic.

I have solid reasonable principles to back me up.

Thanks & Hugs

[Wild Coyote]

Much more engaged in activity today. Was outside quite a bit. It's been a beautiful day!

I think the Abilify is working for me, although I am getting some serious muscle spasms from it. (I am prone to them due to neuromuscular condition.)
I am just a little impatient here and there.

Overall, had a good day!

I hope everyone has had a fruitful day today and will rest peacefully tonight.

WC

I'm really mad and I have no reason to be. I can't even figure out why I'm mad in the first place. I just feel mad and have urges to harm anyone who gets in my way.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just grouchy. Haven't felt this way in a long time.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't think one of my co teachers likes me. I think she found out I was fired last year (she worked at the middle school too and still had friends there). She knows I can't teach math. We sat in silence during our planning time doing separate tasks. I think she was hoping for someone who could help her more. Oh well.

Other than that I had a good day emotionally again. Day four! Go me! And my pdoc had a cancellation so I will be seeing her next Monday and can get a refill of my meds without playing phone tag with her.

[WildcatVet]

Still no phone call from my doctor about refilling my meds. Off them now for almost 2 weeks and I'm really starting to lose it. Got a ride tomorrow to go to the office to find out what the bloody problem is.
Bipolar II
Depakote 1000mg
Abilify 20mg
Ritalin 40mg

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by WildcatVet

Still no phone call from my doctor about refilling my meds. Off them now for almost 2 weeks and I'm really starting to lose it. Got a ride tomorrow to go to the office to find out what the bloody problem is.
Bipolar II
Depakote 1000mg
Abilify 20mg
Ritalin 40mg

Two weeks is a long time. I'm glad you're going in person tomorrow to get it resolved. Good luck. I hope you have success.

I keep writing paragraphs on how I'm feeling, but its pointless. I just want all of this to end.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by escapeartist

I keep writing paragraphs on how I'm feeling, but its pointless. I just want all of this to end.

It's not pointless. It helps to share what you are going through, me be able to relate with others. Please feel free to post whatever you want that's what these forums are for, for us to vent, say how life is going and for others to share. Also ask questions.