Questions Bipolar Version 3

Ha! Thank you.

This is Us.

Do you spend time off-track with your therapist or do you stay strictly on target?

yes off-track.

is your current therapist a male or a female

i was seeing a male therapist, not seeing one right now
(first time joining the thread, hi )

what has been the best experience of 2018 so far?

stroking goats at a farm.

I've only stroked dogs before, so it was a nice, new experience.

question: are you in walking distance of major shops?

Yes. I can get to a pharmacy, bank, 3 car dealerships, and various restaurants, and other shops within 15- 20 mins by foot. A grocery store and many other shops in 25 to 30 minutes by foot. One of the psychiatric hospitals I went to is a 15 minute walk from my home and the Intensive Outpatient for psych 20 mins. Mass trans is not great in my area, but a bus going downtown is a 15 mins walk away. One bus from that stop even stops at a stop that is a 5 minute walk to my psychiatrist, dentist, and phlebotomist. From that stop, I could walk to my GP, radiologist, dermatologist, another grocery store, and other shops within an additional 15/20 mins. I still drive to most of these places anyway because going by bus would add much more time (walk plus wait, etc.), except maybe on occasion to the pharmacy, which is near the bus stop. A few times when going to the Intensive Outpatient Program I walked. One could bike there, but it's up a steep hill. There is also a park within a 15 minute walk with a beautiful meadow and sports fields and kids playground. A small airport with car rental is 20 mins away by foot, but its not an airport that people go to for flights to other cities. Just for people who fly small planes. There are two other parks one could potentially walk to in a little over 30 mins, one along a canal that originates from the Delaware river border with Pennsylvania to the Raritan river (with some breaks) in NJ. We're fortunate that our downtown is vibrant/of touristic interest and has trains going to New York City (which includes a stop at my alma mater and a very major US international airport) and Trenton, where you can transfer to trains going to Philadelphia, PA and then beyond. You could bike to the downtown and connector train if you were in good shape, which I'm not. I'd rather take the bus, if I didn't have a car, but I do have a car.

Do you walk or bike to places sometimes instead of drive?

not really.

I can't walk far (chronic pain), plus the only thing really near me is a little shop. I say it's little, it serves daily needs.. it's good enough for if you need bread, or milk, or juice.. it does it's job

biking never appealed to me.
question: how long was your last stay in hospital?

had a stay of a few days for medical/physical reasons, but last psych one was about 8 days, i think.

are you "happy" or ok with taking medication - and have you always been ok with taking it?

I never really thought about it.

I know without it I can't cope, but happy about it?

hmm...…. maybe a little bit.

question: did you ever have an ambition in life?. what was it

hmmmm, not really an ambition

wwhen I was younger I do remember thinking it might be cool to be a vet (because I love animals), and also a computer technitian- but I'm honestly fine about not doing them.. they were passing thoughts, not ambitions

question:

where would you like to be one year from now

question: have you ever had something published online? (a story, peace of art, quiz, review, what ever)

Online? Yes. When I worked at my old job, I wrote website content describing the company's services, programs, and locations. I also had my answers to interview questions published on partner websites. I have a blog where I have published stories, articles, photos, poetic prose, and recipes. I've also written a guest post for another person's blog.

Print: I've had my Q&A responses posted in bp Magazine. I also had a photo and blurb published there (spring 2015). That was part of a feature relating to how pets provide emotional support. The letter from the bp Magazine editor also directly referred to my blurb. I also wrote content for my previous company's printed brochures, fliers, magazine ads, and counseling guides.

What was your best subject in school/college?

Music Theory

What's your favorite dessert to make?

none, since I don't have dessert

I suppose part of me would say shortbread, but I only make that at Christmas- even though it can be eaten for dessert too.

question:

how do you feel about the fact that bipolar will be with you the rest of your life?

Bipolar disorder has been with me for most of my life, though I didn't know about the diagnosis until I was 32. I clearly had episodes of varying severity before my diagnosis, but the episodes didn't really disable me then. The closest to it disabling me was in my junior year of college when one semester I was depressed to the point where I had to reduce my course load down to 12 credits (the lowest number in order to stay on campus). That semester I did poorer than others.

When I hit 34, the disorder started to disable me. I had some months between ages 34 and 38 where I could work (mostly part-time, but once full-time again, when I was actually EXTREMELY productive). After that, I had to apply for SSDI. I've had some better months since then, but not good enough to work again. Definitely not even good enough to handle the work equivalent of 12 college credits, even with so-so grades. My best months since 38 were months when I took 3 college credits and got As. Any more than 3 credits would have likely been too much or destabilizing.

Note: My years prior to disability seemed great in many ways, but were far from perfect. Hypomania or mixed hypomania was almost a constant in my life, with full manias and full depressions only occasional. My bipolar behavior affected me negatively in various ways, but I grew to let such things roll off my back to a large degree. When I reached 34, it was way beyond my control. I feel much weaker and more sensitive than I did in my youth. It's like my underbelly is more exposed. But in some ways I'm a better person. I'm more grounded and compassionate.

What is the most positive thing about yourself that you have learned since your bipolar diagnosis?

I guess... though it's not really about myself, that their is always going to be someone worse off than I am- and I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, when their are people out their with worse diagnoses/ months to live, what ever.

question: how do you track your mood?. do you have your own chart, use an ap, etc

i don't keep a great track of my mood, but i do make memos on my phone just to note how the week is going. i should probably keep better track...

how do deal with spells of anger or rage?

I ride it out.

if I need to stamp my feet, shout, throw things, what ever it takes, that's what I do.

I have learned their is absolutely no point in trying to stop something from happening

this is just me anyway- but if something is going to happen, let it
if you try to stop it you'll only pay for it later

question: when you were first diagnosed bipolar, were you with anyone to help you cope with the news, or was it just you on your own

I was at the appointment by myself. I didn't even tell my husband that night or any night until the night before I was hospitalized one year later, which was the next time I saw that psychiatrist. There was no coping necessary when I was first diagnosed. I didn't know what manic depression was at the time, and I didn't care. I thought the psychiatrist was full of it. He wanted to put me on a moodstabilizer, but I refused it. He gave me a pamphlet about bipolar disorder, but I threw it away. I was very hypomanic at the time. I didn't realize that until much later. I totally lacked insight back then.

What has been your most problematic bipolar symptom?

I would guess at irritability

I ****ing hate it

it's not fair on me, or indeed the person at the other end (and certainly can explain why my friendship circle is smaller than a peanut)

question:

have you ever gotten in to something while manic, which at the time you thought was a bad idea, but turned out to be a good decision?

I have dysphoric mania so I tend to make bad decisions when manic and can't think of any good decisions although there might be some.

Does sleep hygiene work for you?

Yes. My sleep is pretty good and I've adjusted to and figured out how to prevent Seroquel XR hangovers. I sleep 7-9 hours usually and wake up OK. Maybe not ready to run a marathon (I'm never ready for that anymore), but OK.

Have you ever experienced withdrawal symptoms from any psychotropic medication(s)? If so, what were they and for what med(s), if you are willing to share.

Yes, I've been trying to cut my klonopin dose as the first step in tapering off it but I have failed. When I fill my pillbox I'll be going back to my former dose. I tried longer than my pdoc said to but I really wanted this to work. But between screwed up sleep and diarrhea it's just not happening now.

What is your medication related goal at this moment (change something, eliminate something, stay stable on what you're on)?

change some stuff and add some other stuff I guess

I still don't have a cocktail that works for me, so it's still a case of trial and error.

question: what is the best song/ tv series/ what ever you have seen, related to mental health?

Honestly to answer that question I haven't. It seems like anything I watch where a character has a mental health issue is done wrong, either they are prescribed a med that hasn't been used for front line treatment in a while or the character goes completely off the rails and I guess out of the reality of the issue. I guess Shamesless(US) Is probably the best in terms of what Ian went through but I still can't help but nitpick the little details.

Question: Ever had a mental health professional that you just couldn't stand?