[xRavenx]

My brother isn't doing too well. Ongoing, he has shown strong signs of BDD, and it's getting worse with him. It is spiraling out of control. My mother is on his case. Her reaction is anger, which has been her reaction towards me with all my mental health issues.

I know deep down, it's because she feels powerless and doesn't want to see him suffer, but she doesn't understand at all that he cannot change the way he is feeling. My brother still lives with her, and she threatened to kick him out of the house, based on how he cannot stop talking about his problems with this.

I am helping him find a therapist, if his MD doesn't give him a good referral. He texts me throughout the day. It's tough to handle right now, but I opened up a little bit about being diagnosed with Bipolar, and that seemed to help him. He knew I had a lot of problems growing up, but him hearing it from my perspective hopefully helped him feel that he is not alone (I hope).

[WildcatVet]

Yesterday I FINALLY got all my correct medications so I'm good for a month at least...very grateful for that...and feeling more optimistic.

[Faltering]

It felt cathartic to see a counselor and talk about what I'm going through. But it seems like he doesn't have any answers either about if I'm in over my head with this job. We talked about some coping strategies for anxious and intrusive thoughts. I'm still unsure how effective they'll be.

[99fairies]

I feel like I'm being crapped on for fasting. It's just a 3 day fast and this is my final day. At first it was to clean out my system but now that I see the weight loss I am getting excited. Why is that so wrong? What overweight person does not get happy about losing weight?

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m seriously amazed about how fast and complete the switch can be for me. Yesterday I was wallowing at about a 2 on the mood scale, and today I’m completely fine. I’ve had a good day at work and I’m ready for the weekend. Totally fine.

And tomorrow I might be right down in the hole again, or perhaps up in the sky, though I doubt that because I’ve got two anti manics on board. Or maybe I’ll just stay stable for awhile. Maybe it really was just a brief two week depression. Who knows???

[Tucson]

I am trying to get my life together. I started by cleaning my room up. This room looks strange now for I can now see floor and walls that I have not seen in a long time. My next goal is the kitchen. For the past few days I have been doing allot of research on the Internet. I enjoy this and it does kill time. Normally I do not have much to do during the day. This pucture-in-picture feature of the iPad spoils me. Oh yes, hummus and mustard on a hamburger tastes good.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

At the moment I'm trying to get my frustration in order since I seem to get annoyed at things. The one thing I can't stand is loud noise: when people talk very very loudly and yell. I'll try to relax but I can't seem too. It makes me feel on edge and I can't seem to relax around those people. I love peace and quiet since I'm normally a quiet person. The moment I realize I'm grumpy, I talk very loud and notice it's because I fear as if something bad will happen to me whenever I'm around those people who are yelling or talking loudly. I suffer with PTSD too so it messes with my mood swings a lot.

Now I try to get away from those kind of people. They wear me out and I'll always end up taking a nap afterwards from being drained.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer

At the moment I'm trying to get my frustration in order since I seem to get annoyed at things. The one thing I can't stand is loud noise: when people talk very very loudly and yell. I'll try to relax but I can't seem too. It makes me feel on edge and I can't seem to relax around those people. I love peace and quiet since I'm normally a quiet person. The moment I realize I'm grumpy, I talk very loud and notice it's because I fear as if something bad will happen to me whenever I'm around those people who are yelling or talking loudly. I suffer with PTSD too so it messes with my mood swings a lot.

Now I try to get away from those kind of people. They wear me out and I'll always end up taking a nap afterwards from being drained.

I am a quiet person to begin with, but pre-manic I am ultra-noise sensitive, especially with human voices.
Children's voices are the worst
Do you feel any of the early signs of mania?

[Standup2me]

Strong arms holding me
Soft hands caress my face
Laying sweet words upon me
Like rose petals
Is it the devil calling?
Do I feel at all?
Sometimes I can't tell

[Gabyunbound]

Some time after my dear kitty passed away, I adopted (now a week ago) a 6 year old kitty from the spca. He's affectionate, doesn't scratch or bite, likes to play with his toys, use the scratching post and nap in the little house I got for him. He loves snuggles. He's a love bug.

In this last week I have grown very very attached to him and already love him dearly. He has helped enormously with my mourning.

But yesterday I took him to the vet for a wellness check only to find that he has a very serious heart condition. I'm getting an echo on Tuesday just to find out the prognosis. How long he's expected to live.

Already, sadness has morphed into anxiety. I'm so anxious I'm jumping out of my skin. I'm, each moment, on the verge of a panic attack.

I'm supposed to go to my brother's (45 minutes away) to watch my nephews' soccer games. I must go. I missed them last weekend. I promised.

But there's nothing more that I want than to stay home. Just when I think of that drive I advance further into panic-attack-land. When I think of being around strangers (parents of other kids), the same thing. I can't do this. I must. I need this anxiety to go away. I need to find some calm. I feel myself, too, falling into a depression, again. I'm crying for both kitties now. Can't take it. Falling into depression. I can't take this anxiety. Can't take more illness and death in my life careening towards unbearable depression and anxiety.

[WildcatVet]

BOREDOM is my own worst enemy....

[scatterbrained04]

Trying to be centered and calm today. I really need a peaceful day. Going to work on some chores and then attempt to relax. My brain needs to get with the program. Might call my mom. Haven't talked to her much lately.

[99fairies]

My 3 boys are going shopping for Halloween costumes today and I'm staying with my daughter to do girl things. Painting our nails, reading books ect. It should be a wonderful day!

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

My 3 boys are going shopping for Halloween costumes today and I'm staying with my daughter to do girl things. Painting our nails, reading books ect. It should be a wonderful day!

As a former lit teacher, I have to say boys read books, too. It's a matter of finding the right books, perhaps even reading to them to get them started.

I didn't have a chance to visit PC yesterday, but I had ECT so woke today with a tremendous headache. Nevertheless, things look good.

[liveforsummer]

Beautiful day here, just cleaned up all the overgrowth in the back yard. Lot of cleaning around here to do but just don't have the motivation.
I'm a little concerned, after my pdoc telling me its imperative I get 8 hours sleep each night so I agreed to take the full imovane nightly for the time being (sometimes Id just take a half just to help me fall asleep but wake 3-4 hours later) any way the 2 nights since seeing her I take a full tab and am awake a few hours later then have continued interrupted sleep the rest of the night. Freaking out that my usual trusted sleep aid isn't working or could my mind me so ramped up with anxiety about achieving the sleep it overpowers the drug!?!?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Beautiful day here, just cleaned up all the overgrowth in the back yard. Lot of cleaning around here to do but just don't have the motivation.
I'm a little concerned, after my pdoc telling me its imperative I get 8 hours sleep each night so I agreed to take the full imovane nightly for the time being (sometimes Id just take a half just to help me fall asleep but wake 3-4 hours later) any way the 2 nights since seeing her I take a full tab and am awake a few hours later then have continued interrupted sleep the rest of the night. Freaking out that my usual trusted sleep aid isn't working or could my mind me so ramped up with anxiety about achieving the sleep it overpowers the drug!?!?

I'm guessing anxiety may counteract the med's effects.
It takes "practice," sometimes, to change sleeping habits.

WC

[99fairies]

Vertigo... I read to both my kids everyday. And my 8 year old reads books to his little sister as well.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by 99fairies

Vertigo... I read to both my kids everyday. And my 8 year old reads books to his little sister as well.

Excellent!

[xRavenx]

I just saw my pdoc for a follow up. I like how she actually shows interest in my life, instead of just treating me like a diagosis. Best pdoc I've ever had. I told her about my problems with anger and irritability lately. She told me to take the higher dose of my AP during this time, and then I can go back to the lower dose when things clear up, hopefully.

[scatterbrained04]

I have no idea how I feel these days. Spend a lot of time feeling depressed but also have moments or even days I feel good. It's so confusing. Like today, for example. I went from calm and positive, to anxious and overwhelmed, to depressed. What the hell.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m on the woooooo train! But I can’t trust it. I’m super ****ing pumped up. Like whoa woo. I feel INVINCIBLE!!! But it goes back and forth. I went into a rage in the parking lot today because everyone was driving like an asshole. Then I drove so fast to my father in law’s that I got there in a half hour (should take 45 minutes). He was tolerable at least. I stopped at my sister in laws house for awhile. I was in control those two places because I think my energy drains into other people when I’m around them. It’s when I’m by myself that I’m FLYING HIGH BABY.

I bought $100 worth of clothes online yesterday. Cool bc it was payday so no worries. I just want to shop! I also bought face wash and a mask from Lush. I can’t figure out hat else to buy!

I’ve done jack **** on my homework. I’m gonna have a **** ton to do tomorrow and Monday. But I’m supposed to go out with the guy I’m seeing tomorrow. Fourth date woo! Not sure if I really like him. He’s nice but I’m not sure. Taking things slow. Although I do want to kiss him and if I’m still hypo I ****ing will! Not gonna wait for his awkward *** to do it!! Haha he’s great though.

I’m drinking tonight! I know I shouldn’t on depakote and with an ulcer but fuuuuuck that! Don’t care! I’m bored as **** and need some entertainment. No one to talk to right now!

I know I should take extra depakote to tamp this down but it’s soooo much fun and I bet I’ll be a normie again tomorrow. Nooooo worries!

[wildflowerchild25]

At least the alcohol is making me want to sleep. That was my goal. I think I’ve had six drinks. That’s not so bad.

[Standup2me]

Trees dance under restless moonbeams
Shadows swirling and spinning
The power of ice and fire
Am I an object of desire?
The Angel and Devils inside me
Calling
I run to them with open arms

[Standup2me]

I feel like jumping in the car and just driving
Leaving the bills, the mortgage, the responsibilities behind
Just put on some tunes, fill the tank with gas and drive

[Standup2me]

Sometimes I feel like a rebel and don't want to take my meds
They feel like anchors into reality
Chains around me
I just want to have a little time off...but I won't because I know how bad that is for me