[Moose72]

So worried and no prns. The tone in my blog lately is ok. Guess that means I'm doing ok. I'm in bed showered and in PJs and my robe. I'm comfortable at least. I see Pdoc on friday.

[Victoria'smom]

I suck as a person. I've only been up since 2 pm (thanks zyprexa) and I've had so many meltdowns and outbursts I can't count. I'm so short with everyone it's ridiculous. I'm on the verge of tears for no reason. I can't even cuddle up with my bear that my son gave me because my dog slobbered on it and it needs to be washed but our washer is messed up. I'm starting to feel maybe my therapist wasn't as bad as not having one is. We're going to get a notice to clean our apartment but I just don't care and care too much at the same time. Why can't I just be. I know my husband is struggling too. He wants to drop the co-ops next semester because we have to do about 6 hours of work a day with my nephew. Asking that much of us is unfair. I hate it but there's no other option. Is it bad that I want his sister to move so we can go back to life as normal? I hate having my nephew here and I'm being short with him because of it. I don't want to be but I am.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I reaaaaally didn’t want to take my meds tonight. I just feel sooooo good, I don’t want to lose it! But I know what happens when I don’t take my meds. The hypo goes to mania, which turns mixed, which ends with me IP. I don’t want to ruin my life right now. So I took them like a good girl. I even took the trazadone which has calmed me right down. I might even fall asleep. Without it I certainly would have been up half the night.

I wish the hypo had never come back. It’s like s superpower I’m not allowed to have. It feels so amazing but it ruins everything. But I want it. It’s my drug.

Ah well. Hopefully I’ll be calm tomorrow.

This is exactly how I get when hypomanic, and I have a similar hypo/manic/mixed manic progression of episodes. Sometimes I stop taking medications when I get too "up"....not completely, but not the way I should.
Please be safe and take care of yourself. As good as euphoric states feel, they always backfire unless interventions are taken. I know it's hard once you're feeling that way. Good sleep is especially important.

[scatterbrained04]

My boss sent an email that he's most likely terminating our group health insurance at the end of the year. It's a very real possibility that I will not be able to afford medical care on my own for myself and maybe my son. He thinks he can just give us the money he puts into our insurance. The problem is, the money will be much less after taxes. I just ****ing give up.

[hopeless2015]

Put a deposit down on an apartment last night so at least we know we are not going be homeless or evicted. I still can't believe all this happened, husband fired and them giving us 10 days. It was a really big benefit of us living where he worked. Life really throws us curveballs sometimes but we will make it through this

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Put a deposit down on an apartment last night so at least we know we are not going be homeless or evicted. I still can't believe all this happened, husband fired and them giving us 10 days. It was a really big benefit of us living where he worked. Life really throws us curveballs sometimes but we will make it through this

Great!
Thinking of you!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

My boss sent an email that he's most likely terminating our group health insurance at the end of the year. It's a very real possibility that I will not be able to afford medical care on my own for myself and maybe my son. He thinks he can just give us the money he puts into our insurance. The problem is, the money will be much less after taxes. I just ****ing give up.

How worrisome! My gosh!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Had an exceptionally good day yesterday.
Was out and about for 9 hours. DH and I also went to dinner and caught a movie. I am very grateful for my husband. He is so kind and so understanding.

I think the Abilify and Adderall are working to improve life. They are added to citalopram and Wellbutrin. feeling somewhat hopeful. Nice to have even temporary relief from the deep, dark paralyzing depression.

Love to All!

WC

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by fishin fool

Once again struggling to stay out of the darkness of depression but at the moment
I am losing the battle.

Do you have SAD? Seems like fall is always tough for you?

[scatterbrained04]

I'm not in a good place at all today.

Possible trigger:

I'm having SI because I just don't feel capable of dealing with life anymore. I want to quit life. And I hate myself for thinking that way, but it doesn't change how I feel.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

I'm not in a good place at all today.

Possible trigger:

I'm having SI because I just don't feel capable of dealing with life anymore. I want to quit life. And I hate myself for thinking that way, but it doesn't change how I feel.

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I fully understand that feeling. Do you want to talk about it? (((((Hugs))))).

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I fully understand that feeling. Do you want to talk about it? (((((Hugs))))).

Thank you, that means a lot. I think maybe it might be better if I keep to myself and stay off PC this evening. I'm not thinking straight and don't feel very in control of what I may say or do.

[Naynay99]

Today I am feeling exhausted, annoyed, frustrated, overwhelmed, and pretty much just feeling like I am done. I'm so over the bullshat and fake meetings and crap at work; for parents who expect me to turn their low to average kid into a genius.
Our species just really sort of sucks. Humans have lost their humanity.
And I just really don't want to be a part of it anymore. I Feel like sleeping for a week straight. So stressed out. What I need is a vacation from my life. From being me.

[liveforsummer]

Rough morning, decent afternoon, and depressive evening. As the world turns...

[Daonnachd]

I just came from a meeting with my T. She recommends I get more sunshine, exercise and sleep. She also wants me keeping my gratitude journal again as well as tracking what went well.

[99fairies]

not feeling well today. quite depressed.

[bpforever1]

I am feeling ok. Life is not bad. I found a Japanese language teacher. I will take a trial lesson this Saturday. I hope I can maximize this opportunity to learn Japanese quickly. I plan to study hard. I want to take courses for interpreting and translating next year. I look forward to seeing what the teacher says. Overall, I am doing well. I am compliant with my medication. It has made a difference. I am grateful.

[liveforsummer]

I feel completely lost as to who I am

my new clothes arived today and i'm actually really happy with them.

they are not only a nice fit, but I can fill up my wardrobe again. (not fill it up, but put more stuff in their)

I have had a splitting headache today, and nothing I've done has really helped.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that this annoying crow keeps banging on my window, and then he is joined by other crows doing the same thing.

you know I said in another thread I love birds?

I take that back. birds are... annoying little ****ers (especially crows)

but then also this girl across the way keeps screaming, and she needs a slap- and quite possibly a gag. no wonder I have a headache

I want my halloween candy to arive.

****ing starving

and it will give me something to binge on

had a horrible lite dinner, so..

[Naynay99]

I don't know how I am. Maybe not so great? Idk.
My patience and frustration tolerance levels are very low lately. I see myself getting annoyed at dumb shiit that shouldn't bother me so much. But I feel ready to self destruct or something.
Can't get myself to do the dishes or laundry or anything. I need to sike myself up. I'm going away this weekend and tbh I think I would prefer just sleeping it away. I have to make a Halloween costume for work. I got my coworlers all excited about halloween and now I don't even feel like dressing up. It's just one more thing on my plate. Ah well.

I feel like I am totally failing at life. I have no clue what the fuuck I am doing most of the time. Why does it all feel so hard? I need a users guide to being alive.
I don't want to feel like this. I don't think my medication even does anything. I might as well be eating pez candy. I always think I am making all this progress and end up in the same fuucking place. Over and over again. I'm tired.

[Sunflower123]

(((((Naynay)))))

[WildcatVet]

My Lyme test came back positive...and resistant to the AB I'm..on which is a good thing because it's making me violently ill. Don't need this scheisse on top of everything else...It just all seems to be hitting me over the head today...T
This move to NY was a bad idea...I hate it here...too isolated...and too far to any professional help. Have an appt with a T next week but I've never had any luck with therapy before. You have to see a T for xxx number of visits BEFORE they'll let you see a pdoc...maybe I'll go and just act crazy as a loon...like I have to act...

[1978dd]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I'm not doing well.

Withdrew from my last class because I was overwhelmed and had a lot of anxiety. My husband is still taking classes so I'm now by myself with nothing to do. I can't focus on much of anything. I'm frustrated with the anxiety.

I'm still having physical issues, and while they're not as bad as most my brain is having a lot of worst-case scenario thinking. I'm having the long-term fix for my lower back pain next week. I was in a lot of pain with the injections they did the past two times, and while I told the doc to use more local anesthetic I don't know if it would help. My right shoulder still hurts but I don't remember to put the lidocaine patches on. I'm seriously thinking of cancelling the MRI for it because I may just have tendonitis (which I've had before) and it's not worth the effort.

I'm sad and gloomy right now, interspersed with periods of anxiety. It's all situational and I just need to keep using my coping skills.

((((((((Hugs))))))))

[99fairies]

I am feeling depressed today.