[xRavenx]

My mom hurt her back really bad and cannot walk, so I have just been trying to help her out. I was able to sleep a lot last night, because of all the medications, so that is good. I did not work today. It was a short week, which is what I needed. I get anxious each time I think about work though, and it's been record-breaking cold out with snow. I'm trying to stay in as much as possible.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hugs to all that want them. :Hug: And those who are new here, welcome to PC!

Yesterday was weird and I was frustrated. I have this thing where I would have a project, and I absolutely have to have it done right away. It's like I'm driven to have it done, and I drive myself and everyone around me bonkers trying to get it done. Yesterday I replaced a desk with a table my husband and I put together. I tried to sit down to rest my back, and I was up again in 15 minutes. I was so sore but I just had to get it done. Usually I go into mania when I do this, but thankfully I didn't this time. Yay meds!

Today was quiet. I'm learning some software to make music. My college class starts Monday, and I also see T then. So enjoying the break while I can. My daughter finally found out one of her textbooks for this term and it's over $100 for an ebook and access to a Web site. I'd hate to tell her I'd paid that much for something similar. And this is community college...my husband said he saw books costing $300-400 for four-year colleges.

I'm actually feeling good. Not looking forward to taking the holiday decorations down, so I strung some lights over the fireplace. Still has that glittery look. Trying to stay occupied so I don't get in a sad funk.

My cat is sitting on the arm of the couch meowing and whacking my head with her tail. I think she's hungry but she has ten minutes before dinnertime. Like that matters.

I am feeling quite panicky tonight

it's been building up all afternoon- and I'm not sure what's really caused it.

I think part of it's down to losing lots of time (hours), and part of it's because I dropped my phone on the floor- and now I can't turn it on (and may need to get a new one!)

I also feel rather full because I ate my takeaway way too quickly- which I know I shouldn't do, but what ever. it's done now.

I just hope I don't have a panic attack tonight, but it does feel like I might (you know when you just know?)

[Pookyl]

Another hot day (40C/104F). My head is feeling a bit ‘weeeee’ and my thoughts are fast.
I probably should take a PRN and do indoor stuff.
But my head is working so much better sitting outside so why spoil the fun.
Seeing the fun police tomorrow (pdoc)

[Tucson]

I am sitting in a completely empty room, except for one office type chair, and a TV. My daughter’s brother is helping me with a friend of his to repaint my entire house. They have started with my living room. So in another day, I may have my living room back with furniture. This can save me allot of money. Also, the other brother of my daughter is going to get his friend to tile my house. This may turn out to be really nice.

I am doing OK. I have been messaging my daughter, but she appears to be out on a date with her boyfriend.I hope she comes home before it gets to be too late. In another month, she will be a legal adult. So there is only so much we can do with her. She is in no way ready to be an adult. I hope it works out for her. She has some hard essons coming her way.

survived the night without having a panic attack, (and I'm sitting here smiling to myself, because I was so close to having one!)

I am feeling good. been properly dressed since 1 A.M (the sleep thing), but that's okay.

I am going to attempt to fix my phone today- hopefully I won't need a new one

it's 10 past 8 in the morning and i've not bitten anyone's head off.. what's wrong with me?

haha

[bpforever1]

I slept and ate. I feel calm. I want to finish the modules and the first course. So, I will rest and take a look at them again. I took my medication this morning. I feel fine. I have a student to teach tomorrow though so I can't pull an all-nighter again. I am glad I did what I did.

[99fairies]

Still flying high. I got a great sleep last night so the hypomania can't be that bad. I think as long as I'm eating, sleeping and taking my meds I'll be fine...just riding the waves right now.

[Nammu]

Had a terrible night. About an hour after I took my night meds it all came up. Don't think I can handle hot spicy food very well anymore. Normally I sleep on my right side but the bed felt like a rock, when I switched to the left I was comfortable enough but my nose would plug up and give me a headache. So toss and turn was the night. Even though I was aware I was in bed I did have a weird semi awake dream of swimming in houses flooded with crystal clear water and plugging in telephones underwater to call out....hmm cats were involved too, catching gold fish swimming from porches to living rooms......so I must have gotten some sleep. Doesn't feel like it though and all I want to do is watch the 007 marathon. Crabby as can be today but it's not the BP it's the not sleeping well. Oh, James Bond just got captured. Got to go watch him out smart Dr No.

[Naynay99]

My cat woke me up early the. I went back and slept till I1. I just woke up from a disturbing dream where I went crazy and lost it at work. It felt so detailed and real. I know the dream was not real but the emotions I am feeling in response are real and that feels odd. I don’t mean I feel sad bc it was a sad dream, I feel sad bc I was actually living it. Idk if that makes sense. Idk. Do we know it’s a dream when we are in it or is it real to dream me?
It just shook me up is All and I am taking a long time for it the memory of the dream to fade. I feel like I have had a lot more dreams lately that I remember upon waking and that is very unusual for me.
Anyway I’m goiny to leave the house today! Going to my friends to eat and watch a movie and hang out. I wasted Saturday doing nothing. Sigh. Well take care al.

[Wild Coyote]

It would be really nice to not be awakened early by the phone.

It's a busy day today. It's also very cold!

I hope everyone has a good day!

WC

[bizi]

I was exposed to the flu virus and am freaking out. I washed my hands with hand sanitizer. I don't think I was directly exposed but could have been passively exposed. So am washing my clothes as I speak. Took a shower even washed out my nose. Washed my hands with anti bacterial soap for 2 minutes. Sprayed the bottoms of my nurses shoes with germicidal anti viral chemicals. (live viruses can live up to 48 hours on hard surfaces) I wonder if I should take anything profalactilly? Put a call into my sister who is a nurse for a pediatricians office and asked her to call me.
She has not yet but I only called her 15 minutes ago.
Should I take zycam?
Think I will google that.

bizi

[Nammu]

Bizi in your line of work I think I would take the prevention meds. Hope you got the shot already. It's only 30% effective but it does reduce the severity.

[hopeless2015]

Sending out hugs to everyone!!

I still seem to be staying pretty stable right now. Haven't missed much work. The gambling issue is getting better. Hoping things stay like this for awhile

[bizi]

I am stable!
that is all.
bizi

[Daonnachd]

Our internet contract lapsed. After several days without web access, we've decided to drop it completely and just run hotspots from our phones for laptop access. I don't like change and don't like what we've had to do. I'm not feeling well, but I don't think it is depression, just disappointment.

This Friday I have ECT, so I'm starting to get anxious about that again.

Anyhow, I should say that I will likely be reading and posting less frequently now. I will also say that I will miss you and think about you all.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Our internet contract lapsed. After several days without web access, we've decided to drop it completely and just run hotspots from our phones for laptop access. I don't like change and don't like what we've had to do. I'm not feeling well, but I don't think it is depression, just disappointment.

This Friday I have ECT, so I'm starting to get anxious about that again.

Anyhow, I should say that I will likely be reading and posting less frequently now. I will also say that I will miss you and think about you all.

We will miss you, post when you are able.
bizi

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Our internet contract lapsed. After several days without web access, we've decided to drop it completely and just run hotspots from our phones for laptop access. I don't like change and don't like what we've had to do. I'm not feeling well, but I don't think it is depression, just disappointment.

This Friday I have ECT, so I'm starting to get anxious about that again.

Anyhow, I should say that I will likely be reading and posting less frequently now. I will also say that I will miss you and think about you all.

It’s good to hear from you. I’ve missed you being around. Take care and post when you are able. I’ll be sending big hugs and positive vibes for your ECT.

[xRavenx]

I still have really high anxiety. It seems like my pdoc visit is so far away, when really it is this upcoming Saturday. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen to me. I am unable to convince myself otherwise. I'm just trying to listen to some music and take it easy. Something else I noticed is, when my thoughts aren't just racing, I have complete mental "fog," where I cannot concentrate and can't really get myself involved in any task for very long at all. My heart keeps racing. I can't read the way I used to. I guess I just have to hang in there until I see my pdoc.

Hugs to everyone.

[99fairies]

After 10 days of mania I finally crashed. Today was hard. All I wanted to do was sleep the day away.

[bizi]

This truly is a new year for me.
I can not say enough about how grateful I am for my life right now.
Between the zyprexa and the naltrexone my cravings for alcohol have diminished ten fold, and I feel like I can diet again and lose this weight.
I finally feel stable.
It has been so long since I have felt this way.
I thank you all for your support and encouragement.

bizi

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bizi

This truly is a new year for me.
I can not say enough about how grateful I am for my life right now.
Between the zyprexa and the naltrexone my cravings for alcohol have diminished ten fold, and I feel like I can diet again and lose this weight.
I finally feel stable.
It has been so long since I have felt this way.
I thank you all for your support and encouragement.

bizi

Glad to hear you are feeling and doing better. That’s great news.

[Naynay99]

Hey. Well I did manage to take a bath today (and actually washed my hair, which I had been avoiding for some reason). Not a big accomplishment but a win nonetheless. And I left the house, picked up my Rx, and hung out with a friend all afternoon/evening which was fun.

I have not managed to accomplish most of the things on my to do list, but I am feeling pretty okay at the moment (I think??). I got observed last week and it was a pretty crappy lesson imo that didn’t go how I planned but I still got a good review, which was a relief.
Also I am flying south for winter soon, I booked a long weekend that is coming up in a few weeks and which is giving me something to hang onto during this brutally cold weather.

I am planning on joining WW tomorrow, I have been watching what I eat but think I need more structure. If I can stick with it and preplan meals and track what I eat I know I can be successful with it. I really need some success in some area of life.

I want to start using my light box this week. And I am also considering rejoining a gym so I can start swimming again. idk if I am changing too many things at the same time?? I have a hard time making small changes, if I am in I jump in head first and tend to go overboard. I am not very good at moderation. In aanything.
Idk. I feel like these are all healthy things that I keep saying I will start tomorrow and then I never do so perhaps I need to just do them all and see wha sticks??

I am planning on going back to my dbsa meeting, I know It helps, and soon I will only be seeing my T every other week. it’s just hard to leave the house after coming home from work.

Maybe I should make a schedule and delegate tasks for each day. Ugh, I have so much to do it makes me want to just give up before even starting. Feel overwhelmed and tired and like I am ok but could easily crash if one more thing gets added. It’s all too much to carry but I can’t seem to prioritize anything except going to work. I am living in a state of triage, and everything that is not mandatory to stay alive has been put to the side.

Sorry this is so long, I was gonna make a thread but didn’t want to. Idk. Take care all. Hugs all around.

[Sunflower123]

I underderstand Naynay. I put too much pressure on myself too trying to do so many different things.

[Tucson]

Well, I am very upset. Something terrible has happened. I am afraid this may send me into a tailspin. I am hoping I can handle this and remain relatively stable. Now the good news. My stepsone has worked allot both yesterday and today to paint my living room. They scraped the popcorn ceiling. They tore up the carpeting and the tac strips that held the carpet down, they scraped off of the floor what the carpet padding did to the floor. They prepped the room, and finished painting the room.