[wildflowerchild25]

Fever didn’t come back even after Advil wore off so I think I’m safe. Mystery virus eradicated! I hope. We will see if I wake up freezing in the middle of the night.

I heard back from HR, thankfully they are willing to let me use the rest of my fmla days (11 of them) as intermittent fmla. I’m still terrified to go back but I keep telling myself I don’t have to do a great job,just “good enough” to do right by the students. Any way you slice it I’m out by the end of the year, whether it’s by getting fired or by resigning. So I don’t have to work myself to death. I hope it goes ok. I’ve only been stable a month. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with my *****y *** co teacher and her *****y *** friends. But oh well.

[bpforever1]

So, it was a nice day. I got the part-time job and then ate quiche with salad. I also had hot Dutch apple pie with ice cream. Life is not bad. But, it is throwing me curve balls. I don't know about this part-time job but am sure if I can hit the curveball and do well, it may just work out, I think. I am not sure but I think it may work out. I have until Friday to decide. He is paying me peanuts initially but later he will give me a raise in two months. So, we shall see!

[GoldenSnitch]

I’m home from IP and feeling better than I was last week.

[wildflowerchild25]

Fever is back I have a dr appt to see if it’s the flu or just some random virus. My back hurts soooo bad from lying in bed for two and a half days!!! Lying on the couch isn’t much better. I desperately need to go food shopping but if it is the flu I don’t want to spread it around. Plus I feel like crap. Ugh this is not how I wanted to spend my last week of fmla! And I’m so worried my son will get it. I’ve told him no kisses but it’s hard not to spread it living in the same house.

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok. My husband got a job!! So happy for him! He starts tomorrow, he was really struggling with unemployment

I am feeling a little depressed today.

stupid reason really- it's just dawned on me that the lead singer of the cranberries has died (when I first heard it on an email list, It didn't really sink in)

but now it is

and well..... I miss her (says the person who doesn't even know her), but I miss her like I do michael jackson

[251turnaround]

I'm feeling tired from only getting 2.5 hours of sleep last night. It's a good thing, because it means I'm likely not going manic like I had originally thought.

[LadyShadow]

It seemed like a good day, I got my writing done for my story, and I took a wonderful shower. But my dinner was way too spicy and made me sick, so I threw it up.

It's funny, it shouldn't be affecting my mood, but it is. i feel a bit run down at the moment.

[Unrigged64072835]

I strained my back in aqua therapy. I also have almost all the results of my labs last week. Some more stuff is slightly abnormal, but one of my liver enzymes actually went down. My regular doc is still on maternity leave, and I see my pnurse next week, so I don't know what it means. I could Google it, but I would probably find the worse case scenario and then get in a panic. I'll leave it up to the experts.

Otherwise I'm doing okay. My mood has been all over the place but nothing major. Hopefully I'll have better sleep tonight.

[wildflowerchild25]

No answers on recurring fever. I got bloodwork and a chest X-ray done but won’t hear back right away. If there’s nothing wrong I probably won’t hear from the dr at all, which I guess is good. My guess is that it’s just some random virus. I wish it would go away though. Dr told me to come back if I still have the fever on Monday. I should hope not!

[Cocosurviving]

My day went really well. I started out with a nice bath. While listening to the radio. Then I watched Netflix while I cooked breakfast. I cleaned the kitchen and relaxed. Today I had appointments for physical therapy and to see my chiropractor. I also visited my grandmother today. We watched Judge Judy together. That made us laugh.

[bpforever1]

I ate a cheeseburger and onion rings. I feel like lead now. I am going to teach tonight. I am doing ok otherwise. I took my medication and feel all right. I turned down the job and the owner wrote me back stating he would pay me more to work with him. What??? It is not about the money but my agenda which is to work on improving my Japanese to become an interpreter.

[LadyShadow]

I am feeling kind of low because I am a bit tired. Kind of annoyed that I a guy I used to talk to was trolling me in one of the chats I go to. I admit, I ghosted him, but that's only because he was a complete jerk-off to me. I probably should of at least sent him a good-bye message like I usually do for people I feel like I need to end things with, but honestly he didn't deserve it for the way he treated me.

Ugh, men.

[bpforever1]

I am doing ok. Tonight, I wanted fried chicken so ordered it with strawberry pie and coffee. I am happy. I have much to do tomorrow. I am doing well. I think I drank too much coffee though. I feel wired. My diet is really bad. However, I'm trying to walk all over the place and up the stairs as much as possible. I don't know if it is helping.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m totally freaked out now. My dr wants to follow up with me in person tomorrow. I feel like that means something is wrong, and I immmediately jumped to lung cancer. The cough I developed in August has never gone away fully, just lessened. I figured at this point it was a smoker’s cough but I didn’t quit smoking. Stupid I know. Now of course my catastrophizing brain has me convinced I have stage three lung cancer and six months to live. And I might! You never know. But I also did blood work yesterday so it could be something she found in the blood work. And one time I had a dr from the same practice call me in just to tell me everything was fine. So I don’t know. But I know I’m not going to get any sleep tonight that’s for sure.

And I also know I’m quitting smoking. That’s it. Smoked my last pack yesterday. Mainly because everyone around me has quit and I’m the last one standing outside when it’s pouring, twelve degrees, etc etc. I feel like a fool. And now I’m scared. So I’m quitting. I hope it sticks this time. I tend to go back to it when I get depressed.

Edit: dr posted test results in my patient portal. I have with scarring on the bottom of my lungs or partial collapse, which sounds bad but she assured me it’s not. Thank god. She just wants to see me to make sure I’ve improved. I’m just not used to having a good, attentive GP at this place! At least I can rest easy. Still quitting though.

[bizi]

It is ok to skip breakfast!

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/perni...b_8660364.html

bizi

been struggling with a lot of screaming/ shouting in my head today.

tiny bit suicidal too, but tiny bit.. barely enough to think about it for a long enough amount of time.

[BPQuestions]

I cried this morning because i feel good and a complete wreck all at the same time. It feels good to cry things out sometimes. I felt so good this morning I thought maybe i dont need my meds. Then I checked that at the door and took em lol God is good and Im feeling happy and sad all at the same time.

[Daonnachd]

It’s going to be a tough session with my therapist today.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by vertigo

It’s going to be a tough session with my therapist today.

sending good thoughts for strength.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by vertigo

It’s going to be a tough session with my therapist today.

Hugs to you!

[Zigy]

Hell-on-Earth morning followed by usual daily nightmare at work. Depressed, anxious, fatigued and desperate for some relief. Seeing the therapist tomorrow. Then my pdoc on Tuesday. I really think I need different/more meds. I feel so awful, I called in sick twice last week and this week is absolutely dreadful. I avoid doing any work and seeing people. Can't wait to leave and go home and lie down in quiet.

My usual daily agenda:
1) Get out of bed.
2) Survive
3) Go back to bed

[Tucson]

I have accomplished something today. I made banana bread where small chunks of banana can be found in the bread. You see what is being at the apex of my day is like? My life changed quite allot when I ended up on SSDI. No challenges, no adventure, no structure in my life, no accomplishments from a productive life., cannot go anywhere or do anything. My mind has been turning into a vegetable. No thought comes from a vegetable.

I have made a mess out of my life. I am fighting a DUI charge, even though nothing found in my blood to explain it, no car because of a recent accident, and I cannot afford another one either, no job to save up for a car, starting to spend money like I have in the past, purchasing things on impulse when I really do not have any money to spend. I am sure there is more. But enough whining.

I need to find a way out of this. I do not think that will happen anytime soon. I will look at it as a process. I will try to think more positive. Something like seeing the glass full instead of half empty. I am thinking of trying group therapy. I do not have a car, but transportation can be arranged by the clinic. At least I will be doing something about my situation.

Originally Posted by Tucson

I have accomplished something today. I made banana bread where small chunks of banana can be found in the bread. You see what is being at the apex of my day is like? My life changed quite allot when I ended up on SSDI. No challenges, no adventure, no structure in my life, no accomplishments from a productive life., cannot go anywhere or do anything. My mind has been turning into a vegetable. No thought comes from a vegetable.

I have made a mess out of my life. I am fighting a DUI charge, even though nothing found in my blood to explain it, no car because of a recent accident, and I cannot afford another one either, no job to save up for a car, starting to spend money like I have in the past, purchasing things on impulse when I really do not have any money to spend. I am sure there is more. But enough whining.

I need to find a way out of this. I do not think that will happen anytime soon. I will look at it as a process. I will try to think more positive. Something like seeing the glass full instead of half empty. I am thinking of trying group therapy. I do not have a car, but transportation can be arranged by the clinic. At least I will be doing something about my situation.

yum!

banana bread!

never tried it but sounds lovely

good day so far despite another night without rest

how many nights is that now?

hmm