pangs for cannabis today but resisted

I get major pangs every time they show on tv really they should stop showing that stuff just like they stopped making tv cigarette commercials!

This has a really simple solution, and that is getting rid of the weed. I think you still have weed just to make it easier for you to relapse. So IMO you are being disingenuous with yourself, which means you are likely to start smoking weed again. In your present style, you will smoke some more, then swear off of the stuff, and then predictably smoke some more. It is a game you are playing with yourself.

Today is day 3. I'm wanting to see if I feel better off cannabis than on it. It's true i have weed in my freezer and I have thought of getting rid of it but it is also easy enough to get some more so that is not a solution. The only solution is not to smoke marijuana.

Anyway I've made it to day 3.

This is my accountability thread. Today is day 4. It helps me to commit publicly to not using marijuana today. One day at a time. Thanks for reading. I was partly smoking it out of boredom. I feel like my life is pretty empty and lonely and I don't have much energy to go out and do activities where I might meet people.

Since you say you are using it, in part, to help with your anxiety--do you have a medication you can take for anxiety.

Don't feel bad when you mess up. Congratualate yourself for cutting back as well. Guard against black and white thinking though quitting is a great goal!

I used to be addicted to weed. I quit about 8 years ago. Now I'm afraid to take it lest it exacerbate my psychotic symptoms.

Good job resisting! You can do this!

Congratulations!
Four days is a long time.

WC

I completely agree even though I don't watch television.

Yes I have lyrica, olanzapine and propanolol for anxiety. It's a personal decision to stay away from benzos. You're right re black and white thinking. The main thing for me is to be free of any addiction or dependence. MJ was in a grey category since it has been prescribed in the past. However, I just decided to see if I feel better when I am not dependent on it anymore. Having to toke first thing in the morning is dependence.

Good for you for sticking with your quit and I understand your concern. I wonder if I would have ever been psychotic if I weren't on MJ. One way to find out is just to stop consuming and see what happens.

Thank you WC for showing you care once again. Once I get through the morning there's just a little patch in the evening that is rough otherwise it is not too difficult. I wouldn't compare it to quitting cigs. That was much harder. i had started consuming again hoping it would lift my mood but that didn't happen. Now I'm hoping wellbutrin will do that instead.

Today is day 5 and we are having a snowstorm and I'm feeling a lot of guilt about failing my son. For some reason I've had diarrhea with cramps since day 2 of my quit. This is not normal for me so maybe there's a connection. On the other hand it could be anxiety about my son's situation. Anyway MJ is not going to solve my problems. It's just a kind of temporary escape but I can't run away from life. Sometimes I wish I could start my life all over again. I have tons of regrets and am quite alone and also feeling lonely.

It takes a lot of strength to admit to regrets and to loneliness.
I am very sorry you feel lonely.

I wish I could give you a big hug!

(((((( tecomsin ))))))

Thinking of you!

WC

Hey WC,

If we lived in the same place I'd love to meet you for coffee. I slept poorly last night and the medication I usually take if I can't sleep didn't help, so am going to try upping the dose and if that doesn't work ask my pdoc for something else.

I wanted to take cannabis to help me get back to sleep but didn't. Maybe my poor sleep is also a withdrawal symptom but it could just be the cycle of my illness or anxiety about my son.

Today is day 6. I'm proud of making it this far.

I quit smoking many many years ago...but yesterday I was craving a joint which helps calm me to a universal oneness and I see life at another angle (or through the eyes of another alter).

But I’ve been quite the dope head with cocaine, meth, pot, crack, opium, hash, weed, alcohol... it took changing my life style to eliminate the drugs. I still drink though...got to to tolerate my crazy condition so says the Others.

You are doing amazing. Super proud of you. I don't know where you are in Canada, but I'm in Alberta and we got pounded by snow. Not so fun. Anyways keep up the good work!

Thank you TheSadGirl; I appreciate your encouragement. Yes I'm also in Alberta, once again snowed in. It's been a tough winter. Can't wait for spring and warmer weather and no snow!

Good for you for coming clean and getting drugs out of your life. I never went beyond weed and rarely drink. Yeah and that universal oneness is awesome. I have fond memories of that feeling too but it also precipitates psychotic delusions for me, so it's not worth it because of society's view of psychosis.

I often feel the same. I wish we lived in the same location so we could meet and talk in person.
Look, you are not failing your son. I am not saying this to invalidate your feelings. I am saying this because it literally takes a village to raise a child. My parents tried very hard but my mom couldn’t stop my dad’s alcoholism or the war in my home country and the violence came with it; nor they could stop the years of sexual abuse that i went through and/or the years of bullying that surrounded me or my MI or my cancer. Is it their fault what i have been through? Of course not. I do feel extremely alone and PC has been helping me. Please come to the chat room and join us in the evenings. It is quite nice, actually.
As far as MJ, yes quitting it creates digestive problems so please do not be stressed out about it. Although please add potassium, calcium and magnesium to your diet. It is very important to consume these while quitting MJ. Go and buy these, now.
And lastly, I am also trying to quit MJ. It is not easy.
You and I have a lot in common, MJ, chemo, being an immigrant and the instability that comes with it.
I care about you, Tecomsin. Reach out anytime you want. I am in the chat room at nights. just join us.

I wish we lived in the same place too, FallDuskTrain. I'm sorry to hear that you come from a country that was at war and that you also suffer from the types of maladies we share like chemo, a MI, living as an immigrant. Getting off MJ is not so difficult compared to other addictions but it is still an addiction and takes effort and consistency to become free of. Thanks so much for reaching out to me. It helps me feel that someone cares about me in the world and please know I also care about you.

Today is day 7. I noticed that my urge to smoke cigarettes (or anything that will bring smoke into my lungs) has risen. It comes in waves, in moments, I think it is boredom and loneliness and anxiety about my son coming home. I want to see him but at the same time my privacy is going to diminish.

Today is day 8. The urge to inhale smoke was much less intense today. Instead I had anxiety peaks in the morning that I wanted to run away from and obliterate my thoughts. Still made it through and then forgot all about cannabis until just now.

Day 9 started out with a close call. I almost reached for my pipe to relieve stress from the tumult of my son's arrival. He arrived but his bag didn't and as usual his phone was dead whilst he was travelling so I had no way to reach him across the customs barrier (he was flying from US to Canada). He didn't get a receipt with a file number so I couldn't look up the status of the bag online but at least he made a claim. I called the airline this morning to get the file number... and was on hold for a long time and got different computer messages when I called back to the same number but eventually reached a person who gave me different information about when the bag was last scanned than what my son got from the agent last night.

I was actually in tears last night that he walked out of there without any proof he had made a claim or the file number. Turns out they had emailed it to him but he didn't check his email until this afternoon...

well they found the bag and it will be delivered soon. Now i am dealing with the fact that my son's provincial insurance expired and his proof of citizenship is hopefully in a bag stored with a friend of a friend all the way across the country and there is no way to get
health insurance here without original proof of permission to reside in canada...

Arghh!

When it rains, it pours!

Congrats on sticking with your goal, despite the chaos and frustration.

(((((( tecomsin ))))))

Warm hugs!

WC

Please try no to panic.
I hope you can the proof of his citizenship, soon.
Good job on not smoking.

Day 10: another close call in the morning but it passed fairly quickly. my son decided to ship his bags from across the country. he doesn't even know the phone number or address of the person who is holding them. i've decided to try to detach myself from this issue and let him handle it. we've had some heart to heart talks about what he needs to do to get the kind of job he hopes to have and had a nice time yesterday and today.

It can be very difficult to detach, especially as a mom.

Congrats on sticking with your goal yet another day!



WC

Day 11. It's funny I am still experiencing pangs: a sudden urge seemingly out of nowhere that floods the brain with the message to smoke weed, but again I resisted. I have noticed that the pangs are less frequent and don't last as long as the first few days but they haven't entirely disappeared.

Thank you WC and FDT for posting here. It helps me a lot to have this accountability and know that you have my back. I was using MJ as an escape from reality, reaching for it in clutch times, whenever i felt stressed. Now i just have to get through the anxiety every day. I gave up on propanolol because, even though I was only taking it in the morning, my sleep deteriorated.

Anyway as a lung cancer survivor I just tell myself each day that I am truly lucky to still be alive. On the other hand, getting lung cancer at such an early age was really bad fortune. Even though I was a smoker, most smokers don't get his until there 60s or 70s.

(((((( tecomsin ))))))

Thinking of you!
Thanks for the update!


WC