pangs for cannabis today but resisted

So the other suitcase arrived this morning... and amazingly the certificate of citizenship was in a folder packed properly so it didn't get bent or damaged. That means today we can go and get him signed up for provincial health care. Yay! I'm so glad I didn't relapse into cannabis yesterday when I got stressed out.

He is actually applying for jobs. It is not as bad as I was thinking yesterday. I just saw how he had randomly packed his other important papers like his US social security card got all bent, but I was over-reacting. I do over-react.

At 24 I bought my first house, had a solid career, was married and expecting a baby. Hold him to high expectations. Push him to grow as a person. I love that you are there for him, but he needs to stand on his own two feet. Both of my parents died by the time I was 26. I am so thankful I was not reliant on them (moved out at 17). I'm not judging at all. You sound like such a good mom. Just don't be afraid to give him a push if he needs one. :-)

I don't know how to do this. He was living away from home at university and then travelling for awhile so had to deal with his own issues. The only matter I dealt with was filling in his health insurance so he coudl stay on mine whilst a student. That is because he wouldn't mail the forms back to me filled out so eventually I just forged hisname and filled the yearly forms myself. I told him he couldn't stay on my insurance anymore when he wasn't a full time student but he never dealt with it... He lived away from home for 5 1/2 years so can manage. On the other hand certaint things he won't deal with..

I don't know what to do about him sleeping until 2 pm every day.

well at least i realize that smoking cannabis is not going to solve any problem. I am still getting these pangs in the morning mostly stressing out about my son's issues or worrying that my lung cancer will return or that the remaining ggo nodules in my lungs will grow. I am only existing. My depression is not as bad as it was when I was using cannabis. It is either that or the wellbutrin has helped a bit or I'm just at a different point in my bipolar cycle.

Hey tecomsin,
Just catching up on your thread.. Great Job staying with your MJ free life. I'm about 6 months free now. I had a bid urge over the weekend but pushed through it. That was the first one is a long time for me. My depression and anxiety is better WITHOUT MJ, not great but weed doesn't help. Exercise helps the most, even more than meds. So if you can get even a short walk in you'll feel better. I'm 52 and smoked weed for 20+ years off and on. The past several years I was a Morning smoker and it gave me motivation. The year I was not smoking and the past 6 months I struggle with motivation. The urges went away for me after 30 days or so and I started sleeping better around that time.

In regards to your 24yo son.... can he get a part time job so he's doing something? That may help both of you.

That's really interesting Minnow. Now that you mention it, my sleep has also improved since I got off MJ. I still usually wake up early am but now can fall back asleep. Even my moments of panic are not as bad as before. You are right about taking walks.

I was also a morning smoker and would use it to get some enthusiasm about life. Now I am just trying to avert disasters. I would feel more engaged with life when I had a buzz.

It's a great idea to be taking walks. We are just starting to have warmer weather up. I need to get more active, get into a routine of activity.

My son is supposed to be working on a contribution to an open source video game that he can put on his github. Github is something that employers will look at. If he does that, spends time each day solving interview type questions on leetcode, and applies for a couple of jobs each day then I'll be satisfied. I dragged him out to lunch today around noon. That was the earliest he was up in long time. I doubt I could get him to take a part time job though, although it is something to keep in mind if I don't see improvements.

I'm getting close to the 30 day mark on my cannabis quit and i hope to have the success you have had. I just don't want to need a substance anymore in order to function besides my prescription meds.

I smoked pot as a teenager but quit from age 18 till 40s, then started up again. That's also when my psychoses started (after i resumed cannabis use). I also had some kind of breakdown (never diagnosed) that prompted me to stop using cannabis at age 18. I like being high as a one off, the problem is the consequences of regular use.

Congratulations Minnow on 6 months. That's super!

Super proud of you for staying strong inspite of stressors. Lay out your expectations with your son. Tell him that as long as he lives with you there are certain rules. That is totally fair. He is so lucky to have your support. Anyways you are awesome. Thats all.

I agree. You are AWESOME!


WC

Thank you TheSadGirl and WC, sometimes I feel so sad, that I let myself down in my descent into madness, disability, physical and mental illness. It brought a smile to read your words. My son doesn't judge me harshly as so many others do.

Now I am facing the task of getting him out of bed. It is so frustrating. We have a plan now to go out to lunch every day. Yesterday my son got a call about a job. It might lead to an interview next week. My son's been driving when we go out (he just recently got his drivers license at my sisters) and he's not 100% on Canadian roads. He's stopped eating an extra meal late at night after I told him this was a sure fire way to gain tons of weight. He's the heaviest he's ever been right now and needs to turn this around. I am just trying to nudge him in helpful directions. I think this will work better than trying to 'lay down the law'. He is applying for jobs each day.

It's been a month and 2 days since I quit cannabis. I still have moments in the morning when my frustration peaks and I want an escape from my life. I have a few friends but none I am really close to. That is another source of frustration. Sometimes I get preoccupied that my lung cancer will come back. I go on cancer forums too but don't post much there. I've been lucky so far with it. My next scan is in July. I know that the best thing I could do is just live life with enthusiasm and gusto but I do just feel beaten down.

I realized it is in moments of peak frustration that I think about taking a toke as an escape from my life. But it passes and then I'm happy that I didn't.

Well the force of habit of not smoking cannabis is starting to overtake the long habit I had of reaching for it whenever any uncomfortable feeling arose.

It's been over a month since I quit cannabis and the pangs are definitely lessening. I'm worried about my son again. Yesterday he spent the whole day playing video games. He went to sleep at 5 am and i got him up at 11:30 with a cup of coffee. He says his adhd interferes with his ability to concentrate on productive work that can help him get a job. I am lost as to what to do. This is what i have feared for over a decade... that he would come home and spend the whole day playing video games going to sleep in the early morning and my having to drag him out of bed so at least he is up before noon. If I don't wake him then he'll get up at 2 or 3 pm.

I could kick him out but then he will just be alone and do the same thing. He still hasn't got a call for a single interview. I feel trapped.

Well, so far, so good. I am still cannabis free. I don't want to lose my quit now that I've got more than a month in. My son and I worked out that he could stay up for a long time 2 days in a row so he'd cycle back onto a regular time schedule rather than trying to go to bed early, but he I still had to drag him out of bed at 9 am this morning and he's still spending almost the whole day playing video games. He does have a real job interview on Wednesday though and seems psyched for it. If he works 1 hour a day that is a big accomplishment so I don't know how he's going to adjust to an 8 hour workday. Today I was letting him drive and he was about to run a red light before I told him to stop, and on another occasion almost turned left into oncoming traffic.

Congrats on continuing to honor your goal for abstinence from cannabis!

I hope the Wednesday interview is a good match for your son.

Thinking of you!


WC

So my son gave me a list of ingredients to buy so he could make a dish. So I bought the ingredients. Then he doesn't cook it so before the chicken goes bad I make it for dinner int he crock pot. He's supposed to be home for dinner but doesn't call after his interview he just goes and gets dinner by himself. I get worried that I'm waiting for him and have no idea where he is and he's not picking up the phone. So i drive out in the snow storm (yes we are having snow) looking for him. I find him eventually when he gets off the bus. He yells at me that I am a ****ing ***** when I disconnect the internet after eating by myself. I have no idea how his interview went. That is how my son treats me. He just uses me until I won't let him play video games anymore.

So I took away the internet for 5 minutes and now he's packed his bags and is leaving the house. He says "you deserve to die" and "no one would care whether I lived or died". He's got a meet and greet doctors appointment tomorrow that he won't go to and he's got serious health problems.

Well he packed his bags and left.

I'm sorry about what you're going through with your son. My brother is the same way. He lives with my parents, doesn't work, and treats them like crap. I don't know what I'd do in that situation.

I am so sorry. That must hurt incredibly. Big hugs.

My brother was like that as well. I wouldn't take him in here because he wouldn't be able to find a job. Just lived off my parents until they died. He's now back in school learning to become a game programmer. The only time he talked to me was with dealing with the estate. (I live in a different state far away from him.)

I know it's hard when you're the parent and your kid now hates your guts. You don't know what you're going to do if something bad happens to them. It's hard to detach with love. But some kids need an "oh ****" moment before they mature. Maybe your son is one of them.

Big hugs.

Please remember he is trying to manipulate you by abusing you. Abuse is not acceptable under any circumstances. It seems he wants his way, without answering to you for anything?

That said, this has to be very difficult and very painful. I know you care about your son. I am sure he also cares about you.

Take it moment-by-moment.
Keep posting if doing so helps.

Love and prayers,

WC

Well my son texted me last night after I stopped reading messages or answering my phone that he was sorry and came back home this morning. He's got serious medical issues and we had scheduled a meet and greet with a doctor here so he has a regular gp, can get referrals and a physical. He said yesterday he wouldn't go to this appointment but he turned up this morning in time to have breakfast and make it there. He's got a type of early onset glaucoma so if he doesn't have a lifelong habit of getting specialist care for it and taking medications or surgery if necessary he could go blind. It's a very serious long term consequence with no noticable short term effects... He's also got ADHD which may be contributing to some of his outbursts. I spent the whole session yesterday with my psychiatrist explaining how stressful it is to live with him. I said some things yesterday that I also regret. It wasn't anything hateful just supreme annoyance about his video game addiction and irresponsibility with working and cleaning up after himself. It was a rough night and I did break my abstinence by toking a few hits last night and this morning but I'm done and don't want anymore.

Anyway it is back to day 1 on my cannabis quit. I appreciate everyone's concern who posted here. it always cheers me up a bit to see responses to this thread. Thank you WC, TheSadGirl, Fharraige, downandlonely. I feel for others who have to deal with similar situation with loved ones. It's the video game addiction that is the toughest to deal with. it is literally consuming what could otherwise be a productive life.

This has to be a very difficult and a perplexing situation.

You love him and have compassion; yet, don't want to "enable." How to find the balance? It has to be incredibly difficult to know how best to respond at any given time. How to cope without losing your "cool?" I am glad you could talk it over and your son is seeking medical assistance.

I feel horrible about myself when I cannot/do not do the things which are best for me. I am sure your son suffers within himself for some of his choices.

Today is a new day!

Much Love to both you and your son.

WC

It's hard not to get sucked into the drama of my son's life. After he was just about to run over a person crossing a protected crosswalk, I had to tell him to pull over and I was going to drive home. He has these brain blips where he can quite alot of trouble for himself or those around him. Then he's back to being more or less normal. Turns out this evening we had anothehr drama that it 'was the worst thing that ever happened to him'... well he's got a project due for a coding position he interviewed for and he accidently did the rm * thingy and permanently deleted about half of his work in one go.

So my son was crying and throwing a fit but he finally settled down and now has to redo all of today's work and get the project in by 5pm tomorrow. Miraculously about half his work was protected in open files and so wasn't deleted permanently so he's working on the other half.

And i am supposed to calmly disappear from his life. I can make a bet whether or not he'll get it in without freaking out again. Wish him luck. Unfortunately just bouncing out of that I went for a couple tokes to 'escape reality'.

Dear Friend,

You are in a very tough situation.
Please be kind to yourself!
Thinking of you!

WC

Honestly it sounds like the healthiest thing for you is to get your son on his feet and out the door. Sometimes that's just how it is with family. You love them, but you could never live with them. Big hugs and I hope you don't take your slips too hard. It happens under stress.

It's probably for the best, TheSadGirl, for my son to move out. Right now the plan is that he moves out when he has a job and is making money. It seems he wants his independence and then i can go back to leading a calmer life except for the occasional emergency phone call, like the one from Guatemala that he broke his teeth in a fight...
Fortunately he stayed up until 5 am and redid all the work and got the project done and posted on github and a webpage he made. I checked the link this morning and it wasn't working so he had to fix that but he actually did do the project despite the calamatous breakdown of having erased by accident a good part of his work. We had a good day today and went out for lunch before he got to his eye doctor appointment. I called my insurance and told them he was visiting and also driving my car with me in it. They took a note and are not charging me for now since it is presumably just a short term visit and not a new living arrangement. His eye pressure results were good so the eye drops he's taking are working. Anyways we are now waiting to hear from this company if they will offer him a position. He's back to playing video games now and not working on any of his software projects but he's proud that he pushed through the stressful time and thanked me for helping him settle down to re-code the project in time.

WC, as always i appreciate your thoughts and concern. I've had a few slips with the MJ but it is only a short term situation. I'll be back on the bandwagon soon.

Man, I took some additional tokes this morning and have been tired all day. My son is back to playing video games all day. I have to stop MJ again. I've been using every day again and all it does is make me anxious and tired until I take the next hit and then I get a boost for a little while. I am not happy.