[Moreta]

I slept well. Going to see my friend today. I'm excited. The clouds have rolled in and the rain is coming but it'll be ok. I'm a tad tired. Might go to the gym today, idk. Will prob wait till tomorrow. I get to go to the nutritionist tomorrow. Before I go to my friends I have to go to the grocery store and get some chicken to put in a marinade so I can cook it when I get home. Going to cook some mushrooms and probably squash and zucchini with them. Will be a good day.

[Hopeful Camel]

Back here again after two years away. Things have been getting dicey again. Today I'm going to try to focus on doing some basic tasks so I can feel like I've accomplished something. I'm too fearful to go outside, but I need to move off of the bed and look alive. I can't sink into the depression that is lurking.

Hopeful Camel! Good to see you again!!
You have just described where I am also at. Glued to the bed past two days, accomplishing absolutely nothing, but today I am determined to, as you say, "move off the bed and look alive" to fight the sinking.

I wish you lots and lots of luck in this endeavor! What basic tasks are you seeking to accomplish? (I'm looking to do the dishes. The kitchen is... a scene. We don't have many dishes, so, you guessed it, there are no clean dishes. Or silverware.)

Right there fightin' alongside ya, Hopeful! Let's do this thing!

[scatterbrained04]

Read for awhile this morning. Did some cleaning up and laundry for about 2 hours. Went and picked up McDonald's for lunch. Still have to grocery shop. Will do that here in an hour or two.

Highly considering spending more time reading books and less time on social media.

[bizi]

welcome back hopeful camel!
Good luck to you and inner zone in getting things done today.
I need to rake the yard, our oak trees have shed a lot of leaves!
Firstly I must go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds.
((((HUGS to those who need them))))))
bizi

[Nammu]

It's difficult to put into words how I'm feeling....vaguely discombobulated? Can't settle but don't want to do anything either. If there still was a mall here I'd loitering around. Tv and books don't hold my attention and the idea of cleaning is less than appealing.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by bizi

wild flower please call your pdoc or T.
This is mania,
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you bizi, I have therapist on Tuesday pdoc on march 6. I doubt I’ll be able to see pdoc this week, she’s only in Monday’s and tuesdays. So I’ll just hang on until March 6. I honestly think it’s all stress related and meds won’t help anyway. Maybe raising rexulti if it is mania. We will see.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

It's difficult to put into words how I'm feeling....vaguely discombobulated? Can't settle but don't want to do anything either. If there still was a mall here I'd loitering around. Tv and books don't hold my attention and the idea of cleaning is less than appealing.

I'm in that place a lot, too much of the time.
I need to do more cleaning.
I am playing too much cribbage.
Do you play cards/table games?


WC

[Guiness187055]

Still fighting back round depression. The wife cooked omelets for breakfast. I have to go grocery shopping and pick up some medication later. My car needs new tires just can't afford them now. Have a great day.

[bizi]

picked up 5 meds from the pharmacy. Yeah I got them all on the same day for refills!!!!!!It is the small things that make me happy.
need to do some raking today....rains are coming.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

picked up 5 meds from the pharmacy. Yeah I got them all on the same day for refills!!!!!!It is the small things that make me happy.
need to do some raking today....rains are coming.
bizi

Raking? Lucky you!
We have snow and ice! It's pretty; yet, I am ready for Spring!

As soon as I saw the word "raking," I could smell the earth and the grass and the leaves! Heavenly!

Much Love to you!

Wc

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by bizi

picked up 5 meds from the pharmacy. Yeah I got them all on the same day for refills!!!!!!It is the small things that make me happy.
need to do some raking today....rains are coming.
bizi

Must be nice I feel like I live at the pharmacy.

[Tucson]

I am here. I have received a $200 bill for not paying for the use of a turnpike in CA. I did not know there were two lanes, one for the electronic quick pass, and the other for those that have to pay every time I use their turnpike. I just followed the car in front of me. If I would of paid it on time, the cost would of been only tens of dollars. I did not have any money back then, and I certainly do not have the money for the large bill now. Oh well. I am feeling very depressed lately. For some reason, I stopped taking an AD when I ran out. I did not intend this to have happened. Today all of my meds will be available for pickup, including that AD. When I get my activity monitor in the mail today, I will be going on a long walk, the first of its kind in decades.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Must be nice I feel like I live at the pharmacy.

Me, too!

There's a large staff and everyone knows me quite well.
I don't know if that's good?
I do get great service, however.

WC

[bizi]

They know me too.
With all of my meds I wonder if they secretively judge me....
I usually try to go in there with my nursing uniform on....
bizi

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I'm in that place a lot, too much of the time.
I need to do more cleaning.
I am playing too much cribbage.
Do you play cards/table games?


WC

No one to play with or I would be playing as often and a partner would allow. Don't really like playing a computer.

[Wild Coyote]

I have a 3 month cribbage challenge going on with my mother. We get a game or two in whenever we can. We play other table games, too. Sometimes neighbors come over to play all kinds of games.

I play in a local tournament. I think my mom and I may start playing as a team soon.

I am sorry you don't have anyone to play with.

WC

[leomama]

Feeling irritated and under pressure and frustrated like I’m going to explode on one hand and at peace on the other

[Unrigged64072835]

Long day--mostly because I've been either cleaning the house, running loads of laundry, or studying for my final. It had to be done though. The place was looking pretty scuzzy.

Quick dinner tonight, then a shower. I don't think we'll finish the jigsaw puzzle tonight. I'm too beat.

Mood is thud. That's it. Just thud.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I still hear voices but am surviving. I have no one here though. So, it is tough. I go here and there but the voices follow me everywhere. Sometimes, they are quiet then out of the blue they come back. I wonder if I'm ok physically. I eat a lot. My mood is not bad but am eating like a horse. I am beginning to gain weight and look like a little bear. I need to watch out. I eat a lot from stress. I like eating. I go places where I have never gone. I went to Wolfgang Puck's pizza joint the other day but was not satisfied. They are very expensive and their pepperoni pizza was too salty. I drank about five glasses of water- terrible. I also ate a farmer's breakfast today. Then, I had cheesecake with blueberry. I looked at my arms today and was repulsed. I look like tiny bear. I am wearing the same clothes but think I must have gained 20 pounds in the past month. I look huge in comparison than before. I am not too tall but am wide. Let's put is this way- I'm fat but not too fat yet. So, I'm sad again. I need to eat less and walk more. It is not easy. I eat a lot because I hear voices which stress me out. It is sad indeed.

Hi, I've seen your posts about hearing voices, the stress this causes, the voices following you, etc.

I am concerned about you.
I am sorry you are feeling alone. I understand your family is all in the States and you are teaching in Japan?
Can you contact your pdoc?
Do you think you need a med adjustment?
Is this the beginning of a big mood swing for you?

Please let us know how you are doing?

WC

[SheilaKathy]

The weather has been warm enough that a fly has gotten into my home. It is driving me batty! Anyway, I am in a manic,as usual.

[Pookyl]

Not sure how I feel. It’s 10am and I have a major Seroquel hangover.
I can tell my mood is up - I have small piles of projects I’ve started i.e. stuff all over my apartment. As in ALL over my apartment.
I might ring the community psych nurse. Maybe? I’ve been seen by one regularly since Feb 2017’s SI hospital admission.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m spiraling. I really feel like a **** mom. My son has been unhappy all day, for a couple of weeks really, and I’m just wondering if he can sense my upset over the past month. And I hate how I deal with him. I’m so short tempered. He acts like he can’t hear me and it really grates on my nerves and I end up yelling to get his attention, or yelling at him after he does something and makes a mess when I specifically told him not to do that thing because I knew it would make a mess. There are other things but I can’t concentrate. Just trust me I’m ******. I know you’ll all say I’m not but you just don’t know.

I just never should have had a kid but I thought I was cured, I didn’t know bipolar would come back For me. I also didn’t know my stupid *** husband would develop a drug addiction (which was also my fault btw) and die, leaving me alone to deal with my son and my disorder.

I need help. I’m looking for a therapist for him that maybe can do family therapy too. I’m drowning. I’m also drowning in myself. I feel like it’s impossible to get stable. I can’t tell if it’s working AND meds, or just working. I successfully worked last school year, though it wasn’t all that successful since I got fired. I mean I didn’t have to take extended time off due to bp. I’m about to say **** it, **** the weight gain, **** the high prolactin, and just go back on invega. Not the shot though bc insurance won’t cover but the pills. I dunno if that will help. I don’t know what will help. I’m at a complete loss.

Possible trigger:

I’m suicidal tonight and want to self harm but I’m safe. If I know anything it’s that dying would be the worst possible thing I could do to my son. My suicidality is completely selfish at this point. It’s not separate from me as it sometimes is, if that makes sense. It’s my true self and it’s only because I’m ****ing tired and I want a god damn break. And I feel like I deserve to die, but I don’t, because I’m not even good enough for that.

I’m at my breaking point and it’s only been a month since I started working again, and the worst part is I don’t think I could even consider looking for a new job at this point. I need to recover from whatever this is first. So how am I supposed to live???

[Nammu]

Wildflower have you considered SSDI? You really do need a break.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Wildflower have you considered SSDI? You really do need a break.

Isn’t SSDI permanent? I don’t think I’m permanently disabled (yet...). I just can’t work right now. I’m not eligible for short term disability through my job though. That’s why I keep pushing myself. I’m the sole income earner.

And also, doesn’t it take years to get on disability l? That wouldn’t really help me now.