Not great but CONSIDERABLY better than yesterday (crying my eyes out, massive panic attacks complete with awful shaking, soul-sucking depression -- ugh! It was the worst day in quite some time!) At least today I finally managed to finally do the dishes. Thinking about a quick visit to the library to do some returns and pick up a dvd on hold.

(In other news, I haven't started the new med (vraylar), because no one seems to carry the 1.5 mg dosage. With a one day "titration", they're not inclined to buy a whole bottle so I can have one pill. Can't blame them. Also, I've become scared of it. I'll need to call and see what to do, just haven't been up to it.)

I feel miserable. I've been eating junk and inactive all day except for getting my dog out to the park once. I know i would feel better if i took a shower but i just can't boss myself in there. I'm sick of Winter. It was overcast and windy and dreary today. I'm worried that my efforts to get better at Scrabble are futile. I worry that the expert i'm working with is mad at me for changing my mind so much. I think i'm having a mixed episode as i've been all over the place for about a week now. I feel mild anxiety now along with the depression. So unpleasant! It's so hard to move, i'm just so inert!

[Moreta]

I'm eating snacks again for dinner. Too wiped out to cook. Hopefully I'll be able to cook tomorrow.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been good. My dog woke me up early to go out. I stayed up watched the news then took a shower and washed my hair. Then I ran a few errands in my area. I’m having a problem with a prescription. I’m going to call my pdoc’s office again on Monday. My daughter fixed us some lunch. Then we took our dog to the park. Now I’m watching Netflix and still fighting a cold

My grandma (82) has dementia, but her IP doctor thinks she has BP 1 and is undergoing a severe manic episode from not sleeping, being hyper, pacing around a lot, wanting to have sex with people, etc.. I actually think my dad might have undiagnosed BP because of his severe anger that occurs during periods of not sleeping.

I thought I was the only one in my family with BP. Oh well. But it makes a lot of sense.

My grandma is on Geodon, Seroquel (she's weaning off it as she is titrating up the Geodon), Depakote, and Ativan. It's sad, though, that she's now drooling on herself... a lot. She's also slurring her speech.

It's really hard to handle every time I visit her at the hospital. She barely functions anymore because they're overmedicating her. It rips me to pieces.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Invite your sister or others over for dinner or over for a pizza and a movie?
Have you ever tried to find people with similar interests through meetup.com?

I see my nieces and nephews fairly often. They come by a lot. (I am a lot older, though, so they are adults.) It's fun to have people in.

When's your first "dinner party?"


WC

No, I haven't tried meetup.com. I have really bad social anxiety, and I don't know how to handle it well. My therapist and I are working on it, but my progress has been very slow.

I don't know if I'm going to have a dinner party or not. I'd rather go out places so that I don't feel confined to my apartment, if that makes sense.

[leomama]

Stressing out because I have to take uber or Lyft to church today and I’m tired. I have a lot of housework to do but I missed church last week due to an infection .

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

No, I haven't tried meetup.com. I have really bad social anxiety, and I don't know how to handle it well. My therapist and I are working on it, but my progress has been very slow.

I don't know if I'm going to have a dinner party or not. I'd rather go out places so that I don't feel confined to my apartment, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense!
I was trying to joke with you a bit.

Thinking of you and your grandmother.
It's a very tough situation. You are doing a good job.
It makes sense that some in your family might have BP or BP traits.

I hope you have a good day today!


WC

[leomama]

Really stressing out now because I have so much work to do and such little time.

[Moreta]

God AT&T makes no ****ing sense. Every time I change my plan I get ripped off. When my contract is up, I'm leaving AT&T. It's so frustrating.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't know how I am. My husband went to the drs. yesterday. Now he's blaming himself for my weight gain, how quiet I am and how paranoid/anxious I am. He blames himself for my inactivity. but it's not him it's me. I need to start getting to the pool. I put food in my mouth. I drink soda. I'm the one who doesn't go to the pool. It's all my fault. The paranoia/anxiety and quietness we have to get use to.

[Unrigged64072835]

Well, five loads of laundry, chopping up a bunch of veggies for dinner, getting the food in the crockpot, plus the usual household stuff...whew...

I'm glad that this was an easy day...

My husband came up to vacuum the floors, so I'm hiding.

Mood is okay. My stomach, however, is not. Missed the Prilosec this morning so now dealing with heartburn.

[pirilin]

I feeeeel nice, tarararararara, like sugar and spice! So good, so good, 'cause I gotta me!.

[leomama]

I feel bad but I’m going to keep going. Laundry, vacuum, cook, clean, iron, mend, paint, yoga. I’m actually exhausted but oh well.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh...a mean moderator said uncalled for things about me on a BP support forum (not this one), which I didn't need. On the other hand, I may have actually made a new friend IRL this weekend who understands what it is like to have mental health issues. So maybe a mixed weekend, some good some bad?

I was so miserable last night i had a couple drinks -- something i rarely do. I must say, it worked out well! Alcohol is cathartic for me and i sobbed my heart out and feel so refreshed today! Aces, Jane.

[Victoria'smom]

Possible trigger:

I just want to cut and cut and cut and not stop

My husband and I got into a huge fight over what to have for dinner. He wants to go to a restaurant but we don't have money for that. I have to come up with $700 that my insurance won't pay by next month. I only make $750, I have no idea how I'm going to do this. His feeling is if we can't find the money oh well he wont go to the appointment. Uh, no that's not how this works. So of course after he huffs to bed. I'm stuck with the feeling our arguments over eating out are going to get worse. Especially because I don't want to eat and he wants to eat out all the time. I can't even compromise because now he's sleeping and I'm left to figure out what's for dinner. He explodes then he's drained and goes to bed leaving me here holding everything. I always waver but I'm not this time. I have to just let him have his hissy fit and try to ignore it. It's one of those things that I don't know who's right, who's ED is controlling things. I just want to leave everything and not come back. Including PC. just vanish.

[leomama]

I am so tired but I organized all my earrings, necklaces and bracelets. Next is putting away my laundry and stripping my bed and washing my bedding. I don’t need a king sized bed as a single woman , but then again my daughter sometimes likes to snuggle and I like my space so it stays. It’s a lot of work to strip and make by myself though. I feel like a hotel maid.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Possible trigger:

I just want to cut and cut and cut and not stop

My husband and I got into a huge fight over what to have for dinner. He wants to go to a restaurant but we don't have money for that. I have to come up with $700 that my insurance won't pay by next month. I only make $750, I have no idea how I'm going to do this. His feeling is if we can't find the money oh well he wont go to the appointment. Uh, no that's not how this works. So of course after he huffs to bed. I'm stuck with the feeling our arguments over eating out are going to get worse. Especially because I don't want to eat and he wants to eat out all the time. I can't even compromise because now he's sleeping and I'm left to figure out what's for dinner. He explodes then he's drained and goes to bed leaving me here holding everything. I always waver but I'm not this time. I have to just let him have his hissy fit and try to ignore it. It's one of those things that I don't know who's right, who's ED is controlling things. I just want to leave everything and not come back. Including PC. just vanish.

I remember what a struggle it was being married and arguing over things like what to eat for dinner. So unpleasant. Please be safe and remember that doing something destructive on impulse will only make the situation worse. If you resist, you can focus on a solution to the problem with your husband. If you give in, you'll only create another problem on top. Be strong and be well! Hugs, Jane.

[hopeless2015]

I have done absolutely nothing today. Still in pajamas

[wildflowerchild25]

I have enjoyed a very calm, stable day free from terrible anxiety. I went to my nana’s 95th birthday party and it was very nice.

I’m still talking to tinder guy. I really really like him. He is amazing. I haven’t felt this way about someone since my husband. Seriously. I hope it develops into something meaningful. In a fit of hypomanic verbal vomit I already told him about bipolar and he SAYS he’s cool
With it. It will take a long time to trust a man again but I do like him. We are meeting on Tuesday. I do not want to move too fast because he could be a narcissistic abuser love bombing me right now but I hope not.

Work tomorrow...bleh. I don’t have a clue wtf we’re doing. As usual. Only 101 more days until the last day of school, and that’s counting weekends. I can make it!

[wildflowerchild25]

Uuuuugh I was totally fine and then anxiety took over hardcore. I’m worried that this guy is going to attack me. We are meeting in a public place and driving separately but I’m still afraid. I can’t atop thinking about it.

I’m starting to calm down a bit from the Ativan I’m just so frustrated. Why tf can’t I just be stable.

[Pookyl]

Don’t feel great. Was typically manic before. Have had enough prn’s to be ‘slow’ and ‘groggy’ but brain is still experiencing what my pdoc calls “flights of fancy”.
If I wasn’t so groggy, I’d get another tattoo. Got a piercing last week.

[Wander]

It has been five days since my pdoc increased my Lithium and Lamotrogine due to a mixed state. Within two days I seemed to stabilise and come back to ‘reality ‘ but today I feel really off again. Was hoping it was all over. Today I swam at the beach and went to university. By the time I was at university I felt out of it and unable to take in what was taught. I embarrassed myself a few times when I put my hand up to speak. I don’t think I made much sense. Sigh ...

How long will it take for the med change to kick in? I see my T on Wednesday and pdoc Thursday. Hopefully they will be able to help me. Feel the crazy coming on again.

[hopeless2015]

Spent yesterday in bed until around 6 pm I called off work today and I'm still in bed at 12:30. I'm going to make myself go shower and cook my husband a nice supper tonight. I'm not going to go down this hole where I don't get out of bed for two weeks...im not going to do it!!! I've been doing really good since my ip stay in September. That's been a really good stretch for me.

Hugs EVERYONE