[xRavenx]

When you are triggered, and it pushes you back into an especially vulnerable spot emotionally, what do you try to avoid? I want to avoid what is bad for me, but sometimes I have a hard time identifying what I should be focusing on vs. what to stay away from. I don't want to think too much into the future right now and wish I was able to hide from everything. What helps you feel better?

I am really in need of ways to cope. I feel I need some direction to go in. Any suggestions would be helpful and appreciated.

I avoid the news. Negative stories really hit me hard. When I'm feeling unwell I avoid social media. Deactivate my account. I avoid dark tv shows and movies. I don't listen to sad songs or songs that bring negative memories. Basically I try to make my life as positive as I can.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

When you are triggered, and it pushes you back into an especially vulnerable spot emotionally, what do you try to avoid? I want to avoid what is bad for me, but sometimes I have a hard time identifying what I should be focusing on vs. what to stay away from. I don't want to think too much into the future right now and wish I was able to hide from everything. What helps you feel better?

I am really in need of ways to cope. I feel I need some direction to go in. Any suggestions would be helpful and appreciated.

Talking to a therapist. Then discerning what is necessary and what is not necessary. Work? Necessary. Relationship? Not necessary. So I cut out all problematic relationships and then get help to deal with the necessary ones. Can you be more specific about what is triggering you?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by leomama

Talking to a therapist. Then discerning what is necessary and what is not necessary. Work? Necessary. Relationship? Not necessary. So I cut out all problematic relationships and then get help to deal with the necessary ones. Can you be more specific about what is triggering you?

Two problematic relationships are affecting me right now. A good friend who I have always been loyal to made some hurtful comments about the fact that I had to move back with my dad temporarily and made judgmental comments about me not being in a secure relationship and pointed out all the things she is doing "right" and what I am doing wrong. Things have been a little rocky with her recently...maybe I need a break from talking to her. However, words cannot be unsaid, and when you are already feeling like you are not good enough, it is hard to get back on track.

Honestly, I had to pretty much give up my place due to financial problems, but also being completely alone in my place was getting to be a little unsafe for me. I hate to admit I kind of need to have someone monitoring me right now, but I just don't trust myself for reasons related to Bipolar. I'm just not where I want to be in life, so it was hurtful. Then, my mom said a few things about me that were really critical out of nowhere related to body image....she can be very triggering. I have issues in that area.

I lost my therapist since she only takes Medicare. I will need to find someone, but in the meantime, I need suggestions to hold me over as far as what helps everyone. Change is hard for me too and so is trusting someone new, so that's a challenge too with a new therapist, but I will follow through on that.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Two problematic relationships are affecting me right now. A good friend who I have always been loyal to made some hurtful comments about the fact that I had to move back with my dad temporarily and made judgmental comments about me not being in a secure relationship and pointed out all the things she is doing "right" and what I am doing wrong. Things have been a little rocky with her recently...maybe I need a break from talking to her. However, words cannot be unsaid, and when you are already feeling like you are not good enough, it is hard to get back on track.

Honestly, I had to pretty much give up my place due to financial problems, but also being completely alone in my place was getting to be a little unsafe for me. I hate to admit I kind of need to have someone monitoring me right now, but I just don't trust myself for reasons related to Bipolar. I'm just not where I want to be in life, so it was hurtful. Then, my mom said a few things about me that were really critical out of nowhere related to body image....she can be very triggering. I have issues in that area.

I lost my therapist since she only takes Medicare. I will need to find someone, but in the meantime, I need suggestions to hold me over as far as what helps everyone. Change is hard for me too and so is trusting someone new, so that's a challenge too with a new therapist, but I will follow through on that.

I understand, when my p doc stopped taking Medicare it was a big change for me.

Your friend does not sound like a friend.

Do you have to live with your mom?

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by leomama

I understand, when my p doc stopped taking Medicare it was a big change for me.

Your friend does not sound like a friend.

Do you have to live with your mom?

My mom is living with my grandmother, but really close by. I am staying with my dad. He is cool. I have nowhere else to go. Even when I was living by myself though my relationship with my mom has been a complicated one. It seems people in my life are very inconsistent. They have times where they can be very supportive, but there are other times where they are really critical. It fluctuates a lot. It is just how I was brought up living with her.

In the past, she was emotionally abusive during times where I suspect she had mood episodes, but she refuses to address it. She can be that very loving mother who is there for me, but then there are times she's really caused me to have set backs. She is also being super horrible to my brother right now. She wants him to "snap out of it" and will curse and carry on whenever I mention that he isn't doing well. She literally exploded last time I brought him up, and he never hurt my mom. He is very depressed and has suicidal thoughts, and I am worried about him. That is stressful for me too, because I worry about him and don't like how he's treated. He needs help. When I was 15, I had my first BP episode and she couldn't handle me.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

My mom is living with my grandmother, but really close by. I am staying with my dad. He is cool. I have nowhere else to go. Even when I was living by myself though my relationship with my mom has been a complicated one. It seems people in my life are very inconsistent. They have times where they can be very supportive, but there are other times where they are really critical. It fluctuates a lot. It is just how I was brought up living with her.

In the past, she was emotionally abusive during times where I suspect she had mood episodes, but she refuses to address it. She can be that very loving mother who is there for me, but then there are times she's really caused me to have set backs. She is also being super horrible to my brother right now. She wants him to "snap out of it" and will curse and carry on whenever I mention that he isn't doing well. She literally exploded last time I brought him up, and he never hurt my mom. He is very depressed and has suicidal thoughts, and I am worried about him. That is stressful for me too, because I worry about him and don't like how he's treated. He needs help. When I was 15, I had my first BP episode and she couldn't handle me.

Are you a legal adult? If so you don't have to deal with your mom. Its ok to distance yourself from family if you need to when you turn 18.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by leomama

Are you a legal adult? If so you don't have to deal with your mom. Its ok to distance yourself from family if you need to when you turn 18.

Yes, I've been a legal adult for decade and a half. She can go a period of time where she is great to be around....like a friend. In fact, I felt encouraged for a while, because we went a long period of time where things were going well. It's just when she gets into one of her bad periods where she can be hurtful. I guess right now, her bad side is coming out. I don't really know what is going on with her, but I guess it's not my job to figure it out. I guess I need space from her, but I do miss her "good side." I know it sounds unhealthy, but I just lack support, so I will take every bit that comes my way. Sometimes she doesn't realize how much words can hurt though. My brother lives with her, so it is worse for him. The friends that I have left are off doing better things, or they are married and do not live near by. The guy I was dating died a few months ago. So it can be lonely.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I avoid the news. Negative stories really hit me hard. When I'm feeling unwell I avoid social media. Deactivate my account. I avoid dark tv shows and movies. I don't listen to sad songs or songs that bring negative memories. Basically I try to make my life as positive as I can.

Thank you. Negative stories trigger me too and so does Social Media. Luckily, all of my accounts are de-activated. I haven't touched them. I am trying to search for distractions, but haven't quite found anything that holds my interest.

You know the people you’re dealing with. Can you tell them you’re feeling fragile and ask them why they said X? Sometimes using a soft tone helps.

If you have a family member like mine, you might get attacked again. You know them so think about it.

So, moving on...

Write a letter/email to a friend
Write in threads you like around the forum
Take pictures (if you like that) of your cat, or nature
Play a YouTube video on a topic you like, and shut your eyes

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by key tones

You know the people you’re dealing with. Can you tell them you’re feeling fragile and ask them why they said X? Sometimes using a soft tone helps.

If you have a family member like mine, you might get attacked again. You know them so think about it.

So, moving on...

Write a letter/email to a friend
Write in threads you like around the forum
Take pictures (if you like that) of your cat, or nature
Play a YouTube video on a topic you like, and shut your eyes

I told my mom how I felt in a voice where I did not get loud, but told her I was hurt. She just went on to defend herself and said I'm too sensitive. Usually, I can let things slide, but I cannot change the way I feel about this. I forgive her and figure she didn't mean it to be as harsh as it came off, but this reopened old wounds and negative messages about myself that I've been battling with. Sometimes people don't realize how much certain things can affect someone.

I do like youtube videos. Thanks for the suggestions. I need to find new youtube videos that engage me, since I am currently going through a spot where everything seems kind of stale. Maybe I just need to search harder. I like comical things and calming things. I wish I could get back my motivation to do yoga. I feel so lazy, and I think part of it is depression.

[Pookyl]

These are the triggers for me that I have to avoid at the moment:
News
Any program on TV that has a discussion concept (people sitting around arguing)
Any program where suicide is a big part
People who are abrasive and aggressive online, always getting their knickers in a knot.
Anyone online who assumes I’m stupid.

I try and surround myself with sunlight and rainbows. Once I’m unwell it’s a long road back.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

These are the triggers for me that I have to avoid at the moment:
News
Any program on TV that has a discussion concept (people sitting around arguing)
Any program where suicide is a big part
People who are abrasive and aggressive online, always getting their knickers in a knot.
Anyone online who assumes I’m stupid.

I try and surround myself with sunlight and rainbows. Once I’m unwell it’s a long road back.

Thanks, those are big triggers for me too! Anything involving being judged, seeing people argue, aggression in any form verbally or otherwise, and suicide-related topics are things that I need to stay away from. I think I might need to set a boundary with brother, while being supportive, which is a hard balance. Some of the things he reports about his depression really trigger me and concerns me. I want to be there, but it's a little re-traumatizing at times. I want him to go to a counselor. He keeps coming to me though, and I get it, because he knows that I understand....but I wish he'd seek someone outside of the family. I still want to let him know I am there for him though.

[xRavenx]

Thank you all for your responses by the way. The support means a lot to me.

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I told my mom how I felt in a voice where I did not get loud, but told her I was hurt. She just went on to defend herself and said I'm too sensitive. Usually, I can let things slide, but I cannot change the way I feel about this. I forgive her and figure she didn't mean it to be as harsh as it came off, but this reopened old wounds and negative messages about myself that I've been battling with. Sometimes people don't realize how much certain things can affect someone.

I do like youtube videos. Thanks for the suggestions. I need to find new youtube videos that engage me, since I am currently going through a spot where everything seems kind of stale. Maybe I just need to search harder. I like comical things and calming things. I wish I could get back my motivation to do yoga. I feel so lazy, and I think part of it is depression.

Oh, I’m glad you might use th YouTube suggestion. There are videos about everything...I even found DBT Peer Connections to check out DBT for free.

Around some people, I feel like I have to act strong, like nothing is wrong because if they find weakness they make it worse. I don’t understand it.

You’re a good person, forgiving your mom.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Yes, I've been a legal adult for decade and a half. She can go a period of time where she is great to be around....like a friend. In fact, I felt encouraged for a while, because we went a long period of time where things were going well. It's just when she gets into one of her bad periods where she can be hurtful. I guess right now, her bad side is coming out. I don't really know what is going on with her, but I guess it's not my job to figure it out. I guess I need space from her, but I do miss her "good side." I know it sounds unhealthy, but I just lack support, so I will take every bit that comes my way. Sometimes she doesn't realize how much words can hurt though. My brother lives with her, so it is worse for him. The friends that I have left are off doing better things, or they are married and do not live near by. The guy I was dating died a few months ago. So it can be lonely.

So it sounds like the whole family lives intergenerational , I know that’s normal in some cultures. My parents moved out at 17/18, I moved out at 18, my visually impaired brother stayed at home well into his 20s.
My mom is delusional about me and my dad is self centered. I try to support him the best I can.
I hope you find some peace.

[stahrgeyzer]

I avoid people. If it's really bad then I isolate myself from everything, perhaps try to sleep it off. I've also had this crazy long lasting suicidal project where I'll start searching on google maps endlessly for a nice place to end. Idk why but searching for a place to end really soothes me. That seems to discharge whatever it is that causes the manic mood. The crazy part is that usually I'm 1000000% dead set on ending. It isn't until the next day or whenever that I start give up on the idea of ending.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I avoid the news. Negative stories really hit me hard. When I'm feeling unwell I avoid social media. Deactivate my account. I avoid dark tv shows and movies. I don't listen to sad songs or songs that bring negative memories. Basically I try to make my life as positive as I can.

I think that it speaks to my extreme damage but, I have been fixed to the television, internet, radio during this week of negative (horror-filled) news (is this website social media? If so, I don’t deactivate my account.)

I gorge myself with sadness. Sad music. Requiems. Poetry and then books. I become so immersed in sorrow until, finally, I am so exhausted that I queue up some Katy-Perry-Pop and sing out until sung out.

And, then, I begin anew.

(Interesting Katy Perry factoid: all men love Katy Perry, or the idea of Katy Perry. We will deny it. But it’s true - from pre-teens to octogenarians - all men want Katy-as-girlfriend.)

[xRavenx]

Today pretty much confirmed how bad things are.... it's getting worse when it comes to family to the point of comments being made about my brother and I criticizing us due to our mental health problems and saying it would have been easy if we were never born. In the past, I've been told in a nasty way that they should have never had me into the first place. This came up again because of my brother being in crisis. There is zero understanding in my family.... I think I need to stay away from everyone, and i hope they stay away from me.

[Row Jimmy]

My mother is a trigger but I can't avoid her because 1) she is alive, 2) she likes to call me every day to bust my balls about something, and 3) if I don't call, she'll bust my balls about that. She'd bust the balls off a brass monkey.

I'm 52 and I'm still talking about my mother......what a loser.

The moral - some things we can't avoid and we just have to figure out how to deal with them. My solution has been to grow my hair below my ears so my mother comments on it every time she sees me. Haha! I win again!

[Unrigged64072835]

I can't avoid all the triggers, so I work on mindfulness and distress tolerance quite a bit. I don't watch much on TV except animal and science shows, and even then I catch them trying to make some drama out of it.

I listen to soothing music. There's an instrumental chill station on Pandora, as well as a spa music channel.

I have lots of people on FB who stay optimistic and encouraging about going after one's dreams. That helps quite a bit. They're making money too, but I look for the free stuff.

My daughter is pretty much a drama person, but I usually let her stuff roll off of me. Unfortunately, she'll get my husband riled up and I have to deal with that.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Row Jimmy

My mother is a trigger but I can't avoid her because 1) she is alive, 2) she likes to call me every day to bust my balls about something, and 3) if I don't call, she'll bust my balls about that. She'd bust the balls off a brass monkey.

I'm 52 and I'm still talking about my mother......what a loser.

The moral - some things we can't avoid and we just have to figure out how to deal with them. My solution has been to grow my hair below my ears so my mother comments on it every time she sees me. Haha! I win again!

I understand completely! Some things just aren't going to change, and everyone's family dynamic is different. Today I've been shutting out the world though, and it feels pretty good. Although I cant control my family, I am able to at least avoid reaching out to them when needing time alone. It helps me avoid conversations with them that don't end too well. Maybe they are just all over stressed and I can't put myself in the middle of it, especially when I am struggling. I guess time alone is what I need until I feel a little better.

I avoid contact with anyone

I totally isolate myself, put loud music on, and mentally bang my head against a wall and I cut more as well.

[scatterbrained04]

Negative and gossipy people. I can beat myself up plenty. I don't need someone to help with that. It gets a little unavoidable, though, because I work with some negative people.

People that hold in grudges. I mean like, that was a thing 24 hours ago. I also isolate and fall freely in to my own reality.