[Victoria'smom]

I can’t tell if it’s paranoid or anxious. I can’t say why because if I do for sure it’ll be an admission of guilt and I’ll be arrested. My husband says not to worry but I can’t calm down. I haven’t told him how bad it’s making me. I’m taking my ambein as I please. It’s supposed to be for sleep but I’m using it and staying awake. Not daily. It’s getting bad, I can’t sleep when I’m tired just because I keep thinking about it. Every little noise is getting to me. Like the police will knock anytime. I know it’s unlikely especially because it’s the weekend but I can’t calm down. I’m questioning going up 20 mg of my zyprexa but I have no pdoc. I leave with my parents in less then a week and I don’t want to ruin this like I’ve ruined all my other vacations. I don’t want to loose all I have. On top of my mental health “issues” My son developed a cyst that has popped and is leaking but we can’t set him up a dr.’s appointment until tomorrow.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((((((((( Miguel'smom ))))))))))))

I wish I could somehow help.


WC

[Shazerac]

hope you get this sorted out

[~Christina]

Sorry your struggling.

Ambien isn’t going to help if you take it and force yourself to stay awake.

Ambien can cause people to do things they might not normally do and certainly can cause paranoia, so why stay awake? Why bother taking it?

Increasing any of your meds on your own will only cause you to run out ... then what ?

Your last vacation with your parents you made it through and enjoyed it or at least that what you posted.

Being scared is okay , it sucks but it happens , trust your husband.

[Victoria'smom]

so why stay awake? Why bother taking it? It gives me a body high and my chest isn't all tight from anxiety. If that causes paranoia then I'll stop taking it as much.

Your last vacation with your parents you made it through and enjoyed it or at least that what you posted. I did enjoy it but I cut it short because I thought my husband was taking my son away and they were in on it. I spent most of the time worried about them.

[Travelinglady]

I hope you feel better soon. Can you get an appointment with your doctor who prescribed you the meds? Let us know how your son is. (I have cysts, too.)

[Victoria'smom]

Can you get an appointment with your doctor who prescribed you the meds? He retired. I took a 20 mg tablet last night and ambien. I slept well and took a nap today. My anxiety is really high still. I need to pack still. I leave Friday. I'm having a much better day today.

We were able to see the dr and miguel does have a cyst and it is leaking. So now he's on antibiotics and sees a surgeon next week. Hopefully he can have surgery after his finals but before he starts summer term. He's in a lot of pain but they told him to take Tylenol and warm baths. The dr said the antibiotics will help with the pain as the pain is from the infection.

[Tucson]

Sounds like you are suffering right now. I am sorry to hear this. You need your support system right now including your husband. So by all means tell him all about what you are going through right now. He may make worthwhile suggestions to you, or at least be an emotional support for you.

Go up 20 mg of olanzapine? This is allot. Why not take 10 mg instead? Why 20 mg? IMO not a good idea to increase this med that much. You are abusing both ambien and may end up abusing your AP. I do not see this bringing you stability and happiness. However, I do understand why you are doing this. Be aware of the pitfalls of your current approach to these meds. I can understand that you are not in the right frame of mind for making decisions like this. Ask your husband for help. He probably will be more grounded and think more clearly for you. These are not meds to play with like popping another couple pills of Tylenol for a headache.

Hang in there. Talk to your husband. I hope you will feel better soon.

[Victoria'smom]

I took a full tablet of olanzapine instead of half last night (20 instead of 10). I went back to half a tablet tonight. My husband thinks I'm just being silly that we're doing nothing wrong. He's fine with me abusing the ambien as long as it's not regularly. I have to be very careful because I don't want to be addicted to it. He's not being much help. I don't think he understands how bad off I am. I'm good at looking/acting fine when I'm not even when I'm not trying. I'm hoping things get better when I leave. It's stupid that I can't handle any stress. I don't feel the cops will follow me there, at least right now. Is it bad when you know you sound crazy?

I'm going to try and make an appointment for June 4th.

[Tucson]

I hope the best for you. It is a bad situation to be in with no pdoc available. As an aside, my friends father abused ambien. He started hallucinating. I think this was due to his chronic use of the med for every day which spanned a couple years. Still, this happened to him.

Here is an interesting link to ambien use and abuse:

https://drugabuse.com/library/ambien...-drug-to-abuse

[Victoria'smom]

It's weird. I wont swallow pills but this on is small enough for me to swallow. I really wouldn't even think about taking it if it was bigger. Hell I'm on disolvable meds because I can't/wont swallow pills daily. I don't drink, don't normally swallow pills. It's just weird.

Bizi I read the whole article. It's really odd that a pdoc would give me something I could OD on, especially something so small. I was in an episode and wasn't sleeping regularly. I'm going to bring it with me but try not to use it.

I don't know what I want to do. I was planing with new pdoc to try and convince him/her to lower my meds until I'm med free. I'm fine with where my meds are now but I have no personality, unless ***** is a personality. I hate that I can look fine but be a complete mess. Therapy doesn't help, it use to but I've had bad luck with therapists since I moved 3.5 yrs ago.

Last night we were talking about how my logic jumps around and when I jump around to much they up my meds. I'm sorry if I'm jumping around it's hard for me not to.