[wildflowerchild25]

So....depressed for three days, now I am back UP! It’s like taking Ativan takes away the horrible rage and anxiety and leaves me with the euphoria all by itself! It’s fantastic!

Seriously after I pushed through the initial sleepiness this morning (by drinking a half-caff coffee) my day went great! I was talkative and fabulous, even talked during lunch, talked to my awful Co-teacher. Didn’t care about her answers or NON ANSWERS as they were. I’m not worried about my school tracking me or the police arresting me. I’m just HAPPY!

I’m soooo excited because we might get a snow day on Wednesday!!! Not excited to shovel snow but I would love a day off!

I wanna drive fast and drink and get a tattoo but I won’t do any of that but only because I already mismanaged funds last weekend (also hypomanic). I did spend $50 on liquor for my SIL though when a single bottle of wine would have sufficed. That’s for her for this weekend.

I am sooooo happy and sooooo glad I’m not suffering right now!!! Even though I know by the AM I bet on everything I have I’ll be suffering again, but who tf knows at this point in my life!

Some day though it would be nice to get back to stability. Maybe when my job is over.

[~Christina]

Enjoy it while you got it !!!!!!

[Victoria'smom]

Enjoy your good days. Hopefully tomorrow will be good again.

[Guiness187055]

I would kill to have a day like you are having. Hope they continue.

[Nola0250]

Glad you are having a great day and taking full advantage of it!

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m tired because of my meds but I’m wired and not sure I can sleep. Turns out I didn’t take my meds this AM (depakote) so that might be why I was so up today. Tempted to not take it again tomorrow but we all know how THAT works out. So dutifully I will. If I remember :-/ I’m usually good in the AM but every so often one slips by me.

I suppose I will attempt to sleep. Hopefully I’ll be asleep soon. I think I will be, i candeelthe meds pulling me under. Night everyone!

Hi Tara, Hope you had a restful night. Do you think your mood instability might be related to the coming Spring? I notice i am getting some mood instability due to the time of year. Yesterday i was despairing and today i feel good. I usually get manic in the Spring. Not too long now! Hugs, Jane.

[pinkpixiedusts74]

I haven’t been able to sleep well for over a month I was taking trazadone at a high dose. My dr put me on seriquel instead it’s not working my primary dr but me on 1 mg Ativan it’s not stong enough and I don’t know how to tell him that I need something stronger. I’m now trying OTC Unisom and it kind of works but it just doesn’t make me tired and I wake up in the night. I’m always tired. I asked my psych. If he could just adjust my meds I was in he told me I was fine. Time to switch doctors I’ve been telling him for almost a year now. I’m now taking Valium Ativan and teaspoons of nutmeg to try to get some sleep to just relax enough to get to sleep. I’m too hyper and angry all the time. I can’t calm down I’m up till 2 - 4 in the morning trying to get tired enough to go to sleep. My fiancée has an I mpotance problem. Duh that should if been my first clue to run. He has barely touched me in ten years and just a couple time was successful, I mean just enough to last a minute. I’ve been very forcibly blunt about about our lack there of of our sexual relationship being non existent. He listened but didn’t say a word but just that he has to talk to his dr. Then he says that he has to lose 15 pounds before the dr will give him any pills to well you know fix it temporarily. But it’s not natural. He hadn’t seen me naked in over a year I’m not hideous I’m a relativity attractive 43 yr old female I do put up with a lot of his attitude and don’t try to start arguments he barely kissed me and says he feels more comfortable sleeping in the other bedroom so we slept separate for almost 2 months. He come up with excuses to why. Now he wants to go back to that other bed and is starting to come up with excuses to why. I don’t think he loves me any more and doesn’t know how to go about ending it. We not married but slot of things would have to change I don’t have the funds to leave and don’t know if I can make it in my own

[wildflowerchild25]

Yes Jane, I believe the approaching spring has me thrown for a loop, along with work and life stress. We had abnormally warm weather and that definitely triggered a shift, however winter is about to be back with a vengeance tomorrow!!! I’m almost guaranteed the day off, and if it snows like they say it will then it’s not looking good for Thursday either. Which is ****ing fine by me!!!

I’m still flying high as hell today and it’s amazing. Only prob - I didn’t do any of my work because I couldn’t concentrate. I’ll just have to follow along with my co teacher’s lesson.

I wonder what my Therapist will say - she’s never seen me like this. I’m so rarely hypomanic! That’s why it’s so amazing. I didn’t even need to take Ativan today. I’m not anxious or upset at all. Just HAPPY!!! Even though it’s a false happiness, I will take it!!!

[Zigy]

I've been up down for two weeks like I haven't in a while. You think it's the weather changes? My wife thinks so too.

[wildflowerchild25]

For me it’s definitely partly the weather. I get hypomanic every spring, even last year briefly when I was mostly stable on medication.

These negative *** teachers are killing my vibe man. I’m in the lunch room and they are seriously doing nothing but complaining. Like lighten up right! It’s not that bad.

I’ll be happy when I’m alone again because when I’m around people they suck the energy out of me and now I want my energy. I have an hour between work and therapy. Then I’ll be able to zen out with my music. I’m extra connected to the music right now. I can’t explain it.

I can’t concentrate with these complaining b****es and the music looping through my head.

[franz kafka]

I get manicky in the spring too. I hope you land softly.

[~Christina]

It’s a shame you can’t just say OMG SHUT THE EFF UP .

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m like, not hungry today at all. I ate half my breakfast and only a banana and broccoli for lunch, none of my chicken. I don’t want anything for dinner although I will later I’m sure. And I’m sure it won’t be anything good that I pick lol.

Seems my appetite coincides with my mood disturbances, specifically hypo and mixed. But that hasn’t always been the case but I’m not sure maybe it has I dunno. I was stable for so effing long!!!! But over the summer I couldn’t eat right for like a month. Right now I don’t feel like I can’t eat, just don’t want to. Hungry but not hungry right?

I’m in my car jamming waiting for my therapy appt. I’m tapping my legs like crazy. I’m physically tired from work but mentally I’m ****ing jazzed. Pretty sure there will be a snow day tomorrow, NJ declared state of emergency. But I don’t think we will get enough to be closed Thursday as well. Just as well, we’re out of snow days and I don’t want them to take from spring break!!!

I wonder when I’ll crash and for how long. I was down for three days over the weekend, or was it two?? I don’t recall.

I didn’t have to take Ativan today. Still nervous about the police but not as scared as I was.

Wonder what my T Will say!

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

It’s a shame you can’t just say OMG SHUT THE EFF UP .

SERIOUSLY!!! They were so annoying. I know I complain a lot on here but I don’t complain about the students and parents constantly. They hate their lives even more than I do lol.

[wildflowerchild25]

My t laughed with me but she did make me deactivate my credit cards in my amazon account so I can’t impulse buy dumb ****. I guess that’s fair.

Edited to add: confirmed SNOOOOOOW DAYYYY tomorrow!!! Yaaaaaaaas!

[~Christina]

Enjoy your day off !!!!!!!!

Yay! Enjoy it!

[wildflowerchild25]

Talking to a seemingly nice guy on tinder after talking to a creep. Hypo gives me confidence! Even though I should NOT be trying to start anything right now. Oh well a girl can have fun!

Def overshared though. Oh well. Don’t care.

Oh it’s three am, ****. Sleep much???

[wildflowerchild25]

Sooo I slept for three hours. I didn’t take my night meds because I was drinking. I only had three drinks but I know I shouldn’t be drinking. I’m still pretty jazzed. Right now it’s onky raining so I feel like going out and going shopping but I only have $14 until Friday unless I want to use my savings and/or credit card which I don’t. I need to freeze that ****. Instead I’m going to clean the **** out of everything!!! I wish I had gotten paint so I could paint the damn doors. I hope we don’t end up getting any snow I can’t take being snowed in for two days. I WILL take my night meds tonight and I won’t drink I promise. I took my morning depakote. I hate not sleeping.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was jazzed this am then hit a slump because I was so tired from only sleeping 3 hours, then I fell asleep
For fifteen minutes and that re energized me and now I’m like wooooooooo electrified. Really want to drink tonight but I need
To take my meds to hopefully sleep
A bit.

Trying to keep
Myself together in front of my mom.

Still talking to the guy from tinder. Seems too good to be true. Probably a narcissistic abuser that I’m going to get sucked into. But I’m also suspect of all men now after how my husband treated me in his last years.

Oh my goddddd I just need to run ****ing snow!!!!

[wildflowerchild25]

I slept a full ten hours thanks to meds! I’m still hypo af. Thank god bc I need to dig my car out from the snow. It suuuucks this snow is so heavy!! But I need to get tf out of here and go do something. I don’t know what though. I shouldn’t shop. Maybe I’ll just buy the ingredients I need for dinner tomorrow night. That’s not too dangerous right? The grocery store? Lol.

I’m having such a great time, although I did need to take the benzo last night. My brain started to run wild with anxiety thoughts. But it’s all good. That’s what it’s there for.

[wildflowerchild25]

I think I may be crossing the bridge from hypomanic into possibly actually manic but maybe not. It’s only because I keep seeing things. I feel absolutely wild eyed today. Like seriously I feel like I could run a mile which doesn’t sound like much but I can’t run more than 30 seconds lol!

I was soooo freaked out on Wednesday and if I were at work right know I would be freaking out and turning mixed because of the pressure of having to hide this from everyone. I’m actually kind of freaking out because this is just too much. So I just took my depakote (which I forgot yesterday dammit) and I took an Ativan. Hopefully that’s enough to keep me from flipping **** today!

How do you know you’ve switched from hypomania into mania? I still don’t think I have because even though I’m seeing things I didn’t impulse buy **** and I drove the speed limit (police paranoia). Buuuut I am seeing tinder guy tonight and I can say I might hook up with him because I really want to which is unlike me and all my previous hookups have been when I’ve been hypomanic.

I see pdoc March 27c ten more days. Why is it always ten more days?

[Merlin]

Can you do a quick phone check up with your pdoc prior to your appointment to discuss your hypomania?

[wildflowerchild25]

I might be able to. She is a new pdoc to me. I don’t know how much she does talking outside appointments.