[thoughtsofast]

It's one thing to know that I have this disorder that affects the way I lead my life but it's another thing to realize that somehow my parents are hurting even more than I am. They are helpless in this regard but they still try to help.Sometimes it makes it worse but they refuse to give up. My sister cannot understand how she can help. I don't even know if she wants to understand because she is married and is answerable to a lot of people about my well being, me being notoriously absent from all social gatherings, me not getting married (i'm 32), not progressing in my career etc. I get better and do very well for a few months of the year and it gives them a lot of hope that things are back to normal but I disappoint them again when I crash. So I feel tremendously guilty that I am this way and I cannot be like other kids that my parents thought I will be like. I asked my mom to reveal my condition to all my relatives and she was devastated even by the thought of it. She said she cannot handle it. Not sure what is in store for the future for me but it just brings me down so low when I think of what it will do to my parents. I've aged them many years for sure already.

[Blueberrybook]

I feel this way too. I am 40, with no career. One of my sisters has a high paying job in IT, the other is an awesome stay-at-home mom with 3 girls and an immaculate house. I'm married and have a 10 year old daughter (super smart but tons of sensory issues) and can't keep house well at all. Every time I try to work, I nearly end up in the psych hospital. I feel I definitely don't compare well against my sisters and feel guilty for not being able to work, especially since my parents put me through a highly regarded college, and I went to graduate school and got an M.S. (though by that time, I had to take out loans for my education). I feel like my mom treats me like I might break at any moment. My condition is not a huge secret from my relatives. People don't talk about it much, but it was obvious I had something as I had a severe case of anorexia in college. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with that for 10 years and only later (after showing up super manic for a pdoc appt. was my diagnosis changed). At first, everyone was so concerned about the eating disorder, they didn't focus on anything else and then once I had the diagnosis of depression, other doctors just went with it.

When I was changed to a diagnosis of bipolar, my family acted weird about it. Like it was OK to have major depression, but bipolar was just out there, even worse than having an eating disorder. IDK, it's really weird, the way my family reacts. Even my husband doesn't like to talk about it. I only really talk about it with one of my sisters and my best friend from college.

[Miss Laura]

Yes... I'm the only person in the family with a mental health illness. Having bipolar has brought up a lot ie sever anxiety/panic attacks which I really hid for decades. My parents were super proud of me for what I achieved in life. Then boom I fell ill and we don't talk about it. I don't like talking about it to anyone who isn't suffering or a mental health professional. My Twin has a great job and relationships and my Older Brother has a great job (stressful) and a lovely family. Where as I have nothing to show. I feel like a bum compared to my friends and family. My parents never talk about bipolar and I don't initiate it either. Guess we are both in the wrong. I feel no-one understands me. I feel I have let my parents down in more ways than just having an illness

[Victoria'smom]

It's hard. We're the ****ed up family on both sides. We can't keep house, even though we don't work. We home school our kid, who has issues too. We're not good hosts. I'm both a high school drop out and a college drop out. My husband once again is trying college. I'm hoping this time it's not to much for him. We struggle with money even though his mom helps us. We're a wreck. We had our son young 18 & 20 because we thought we could rock parenthood and college. We had dreams, goals but we were both unstable. (We knew we had issues but felt it was teenager stuff. We were both doing well. We were both manic at the time.) We had a two bedroom everything included costing us 1/3 our income. So we though we had everything covered and decided to have a child. We gave up our home when I decided to go to FL to go to school. We had nothing there and have struggled since. Countless places for a while we were moving every 6 months or so, in different state. We've been homeless several times but to proud to admit it. We're finally settled on a home through sect. 8 but feel awful using the system. I was the driven child. I was the most likely to succeed. I was not the one they were suppose to worry about. Here I am unstable, living off assistance, "drug addict" (bipolar meds) with a husband who "wont" work, that's also a "drug addict" (again bipolar meds). If I'd just get my life together I wouldn't be so unhappy and wouldn't have to rely on drugs.

All my cousins have good jobs making tons of money and are just starting families at 30-ish. My husband's brother is married with 4 Healthy children, a beautiful wife that keeps house, great job, but he's a jerk. His sister works her *** off but she can keep house, is a super mom, raising 2 kids and has a wonderful boyfriend. My older sister is more like me but she wont get help. My younger sister works her *** off and sees us as lazy and doesn't agree the "system" should be helping us.

ELL no....they let me down. So I don’t talk to them any mores...except mama....she be ok.

[Row Jimmy]

I've moved on from feeling guilty about letting my parents down. I used to feel guilty about it considering the education they provided and the direction they offered, but the bar was set pretty high for me and there were a lot of expectations in my house when I was growing up. There wasn't any pressure, per se, because I was a good student. But every time I offered an opinion about what I wanted to do or wanted to be, I usually got shamed into the vision my parents had for me. Banking, physician, leadership. I *distinctly* remember the time I was at a cookout just after college graduation and my uncle casually asked what I wanted to do. I mentioned I was thinking about taking the state trooper exam. To which my father bellowed "STATE TROOPER, I didn't pay for you to go to college to become a cop"! Oddly enough, I would have made more money as a trooper and I'd be retired today with a great pension. I was hurt by his lack of support, but he didn't mean anything by it. My parents being children of the 30s and 40s grew up in an environment where you worked hard for one company, even the local bank, and you eventually became CEO with the right education, connections, and some luck. In the 80s and 90s, the world changed and my parents weren't able to recognize it or even understand it. The internet? Biotech? I was supposed to take over the world.......and I didn't.

The difference now? I'm just me, no more no less. I say all this because a "let down" is a two way street. I've imploded here and there but not enough to sink myself. Thus, I don't feel badly that I didn't meet *their* ideal of what I should have been. Sometimes, we subconsciously connect with their demands or our guilt and we believe the story. "Mom is right, I should have been more". Sure, I can blame some of it on BP - quitting jobs and always searching for the perfect buzz - but at the same time, I landed comfortably and I'm OK with that. God put me on a path and I am walking it.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

ELL no....they let me down. So I don’t talk to them any mores...except mama....she be ok.

This is how I feel except it was my mom who let me down, my dad died when I was young.

I feel worse about putting my brother through everything. He didn’t deserve to be alone for so long.

[Wander]

I often feel I have let down my family and broken their hearts. Logically I know that my illness, and what flows from it, is not my fault, but I can’t help feeling guilty for making my parents and sister sad and scared. Maybe over time this will change.

[A Hobbit]

I’m in my 40’s. Married with 4 kids (aged 19 down to 6). I was recently cleaning out the garage (a task I’ve put off for a couple years), when I came across report cards and other docs from my school years.

I was absolutely devastated to rediscover - for I had completely forgot - just how much trouble I was all the way through high school.

In third grade my educators believed that I was a gifted student. By junior high they sent my folks a letter believing that I was mentally handicapped (actual verbiage)!

Reading my report cards and the comments from teachers really brought it all back. My poor parents had a terrible time with me, and had no clue what to do. They did haul me off to psychologists, but I’m terrible with talk therapy.

I have been feeling very bad for my folks lately. But they probably don’t even remember all of that. They’re in their 70’s now and they’re just proud of my family - though I keep my struggles from them.

I was diagnosed bipolar in my early 20’s, but I believe I’m ADHD. I think my school record is strong proof of it.

I let them down, they let me down. It cancels out in my mind so no... I mean maybe if my dad brought me to the hospital when I passed out in front of him after hitting my head I wouldn't have as many problems, maybe if my mom didn't do drugs before I was born I'd be better off. Maybe if we moved or involved the police when I was being abused I wouldn't be so messed up.

Honestly at this point they're just dealing with consequences of their actions or inactions. It's not like me not curing cancer or proving string theory is ruining their lives.

My parents are dead. I am unaware if I let them down and I really don't care. I am a thousand times the parent to my kids that they ever were to me. I thrived inspite of what they put me through. No regrets. No apologies.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

My parents are dead. I am unaware if I let them down and I really don't care. I am a thousand times the parent to my kids that they ever were to me. I thrived inspite of what they put me through. No regrets. No apologies.

Same. On every point.

[Cocosurviving]

I grew up in a household with my mom and her alcoholic husband. My grandfather was also an alcoholic. I have a younger sister and brother. I struggled in middle school and high school. I was kicked out of high school for fighting. I went to Job Corp and got my GED. I had a job. I had a baby at 18 and another at 21. But started community college. Then I decided to move out of my birth state. I visited a family member in Nashville, TN. I fell in love with the city. I planned things out and nine months later I moved. I had saved all my income tax money. My boyfriend moved with me too and my two kids. I registered with temp companies and so did he. We both found jobs. A year later I started community college again. Then I transferred to a 4 year college and finished the rest of my classes. I worked full-time and went to school on-line full-time most of my college days. After I graduated I changed jobs for better salary. Things were going good I was even thinking about going back for my masters. In 2011 I had a hysterectomy and then the mood swings started. I kept going to the my doc and they did all kind of test. Then by 2012 I was put on Celexa and it put me in full mania. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. I later found out a few other people in the family have a mental illness. No one talks about much. My mom does not like talking about mental illness. She thinks you just take some medication and it fixes everything. I talk about mental health with others that have one or mental health professionals. As far a siblings mine are not showing me up. My sister did just get married. Her husband does work but he’s a pot head. Her oldest daughter is having a baby and moving in with them. She has a soon to be 18 years old daughter with no job that already lives there. Her husband has a son that is about to be 18 years old and he lives there too. The house is only a three bedroom. I do not like being crowded. My brother has two kids that my mom has custody of. His girlfriend is pregnant and due in June. He does keep a job but he’s barely making a little over minimum wage. He was in auto school and dropped out. My sister has went to school for nail tech and medical coding. She does not work in either field. She works at a car rental company. Now on to my mom. She runs her own business. But wants to close down hers and be a manager for someone in the same business. My mom does not have her degree not even a bachelors. The position requires a degree. I suggested she go to college. She had excuses about not having enough time. Not having anyone to watch my brother’s kids that she’s raising. I do not feel sorry for her. I was going to school while working and raising two kids.

I do not owe anyone anything. Just because someone thinks you “should” have been a doctor or a lawyer does not mean you are obligated to make their dream come true. Plus you can not help it if your ill. I have a cousin with cancer and she is not able to work. I see no difference in me getting SSDI and her getting it too. But society wants people to feel bad for the medically sick not the mentally ill.

Absolutely not. In fact, I feel they (especially my mother) let me down.

I am far more functional and successful than my parents were.

That was a pair that should never have happened and neither one of them deserved to have children.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by key tones

I am far more functional and successful than my parents were.

That was a pair that should never have happened and neither one of them deserved to have children.

Same with my parents. The only reason they weren't divorced was because my mother would've had to pay alimony.

They're gone now, and other than my aunt the rest can fall off the map.

[Asteya]

I’m 32 as well, my mom passed when I was 30. She never did quite believe in bipolar, but was supportive of me no matter what. I don’t think my family thinks it’s a real thing other than my sister who is a nurse. My dad has his own family and doesn’t seem to say much more than “oh” like it’s a new thing each time. I guess that’s better than someone treating me different like there’s something wrong with me.

[Christopher1990]

I feel as though I let myself down more than letting my parents down. They're tough on me but very supportive.

[pirilin]

..................Nope.

At your age, you're no longer a kid. Sorry. You don't need mommy or daddy to tell your relatives about your mental illness. You can. You can fight the stigma yourself. Are you thinking more people should know so more people can feel sorry for you? If that is the case, you need to do more work on yourself to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Couldn't care less. Too old to be living my life for someone else.

But if I had when younger, I still wouldn't.

I *might* have cared a bit about my dad, only because his kids (that grew up with him) were set up for and achieved success, as did he. But I wasn't a part of that and we really haven't had much contact, so no worries, no (known/expressed) expectations.

My mother? HA! Couldn't give a rat's ***. She's a bigger mess than me and therefore has no right to glorious expectations of me. My sister produced those, so she can revel vicariously through her, lol. I totally get along with my sister -- and am glad she took the load, because I went no contact with my mother years ago. So toxic.

[bpforever1]

I don't feel guilty about letting my parents down. They pushed me into careers I did not want to do and were not compatible for me. I wished they could have allowed me to do what I wanted to do. Now, I am doing what I want. They tried to live through me but when I did not turn out the way they wanted, they gave up trying to live through me. I am happier now that I have the freedom to do what I want. They were not good to me initially because they expected too much even though I was ill. They thought my illness would go away. It never has. I am my own person now. I don't owe anybody anything. I think my parents wasted their time and money pushing me to do something I did not want. I don't feel good about it, but am now happier without their pressure. They chose their paths. I chose mine finally. Thus, I don't feel guilty at all.