[SorryShaped]

I'm mostly getting sleep at night. I've been way overly interested in sex. I've not had any, but still exceptionally interested. I didn't think any of it was a problem until I realized what I'm doing is somehow, though I'm not sure, wrong.
I like to cook. When I do, I'm usually listening to music. I "dance." I wouldn't say I'm any good but I make A LOT of sexual motions while I do it. I've known for a while that someone could see me through my very thin curtains, and that one person does watch at times. That really turns me on, to be watched, and I turn it up that much more. I've only recently discovered how good it feels. Today I noticed the yoga studio had three people standing at the windows while I gyrated and cooked and I was so turned on by that such as it was ALMOST too much. I felt so amazing and dirty and sexy and so so so Good and I almost walked outside to wait for them to leave the studio. But, that would probably end the audience that might not know I know they see. So I didn't go. I know something should be wrong with what I'm doing, but I really like it and honestly nobody's getting hurt here so is it wrong?

[treevoice]

I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing your sexuality in so long as it remains lawful and harmless, and in so much as you can control yourself from doing anything unhealthy or that you might regret.

[SorryShaped]

I'm keeping it legal, with no fiddly bits out on display but did think about taking my shirt off.
There are times I go into or out of the shower and do not care who can see. That's probably somehow wrong but I'm not doing anything other than walking in my apartment. The dancing around turns me on and being watched while I'm doing it heightens it so much more. Even if I knew they were laughing like the Joker at my terrible moves, it's still a huge turn on. Sex is much more mental than just physical to me. Good sex is anyway.
So back to the question I meant to ask.
Is this dangerous behaviour? Am I at full mania risk? If I am I'll do my best to keep it down but this little thing feels better than drugs to me, and certainly better than sex ever does, including risky places where I could have gotten caught more than once.

[Wild Coyote]

Is this "dangerous?"

I like treevoice's response to you.

Does this feel like you may be headed toward a more full-blown mania?

Is the whole idea about attending the concert and meeting your friend (for the first time) adding to this "mild mania?"

Please take good care! You have been doing so well!


WC

[Blueberrybook]

I don't know you, but it seems a bit more than "mild" mania to me?

You've got a wonderful imagination and I knew a girl who was just like you, dancing naked with hints of perversion. She one day asked me to paint her face at ~2am. I feel for her hard that night/morning.

Well, time passed by and before I knew it, I was wearing her FM-boots.

Latter on, I find out that she's bipolar and had difficulty ...well at that time I was always depressed and I knew absolutely nothing about mental health. I'm going back 20 years ago...

But I tell you now. I've never seen someone so happy to just be themselves. Not only did I have a tough decision to make if I should leave my "perfect" girlfriend and ask her out instead....

Anyway, we didn't ever have sex. Sure we talked a lot and fell asleep together on her floor (long story) more than once, but she inspired my whole attitude towards intimacy.

And in my own way, I still have feelings for her.

Dammit. I've done it again. For some baffling reason , I've managed to forget the topic and made it about me.

Sir, Mr, Friend. Nothing's wrong with that. In my honest and humbly lack of sleep and barely functioning opinion.

OK, I'll try to be useful. Do you keep arousal diaries ? What I mean is, when you notice any type of shift, do you keep notes? Why limit a diary just for moods a dep?!

You spoke last week sometime that you stopped talking something that scared you off them, for reasons I remember.

[SorryShaped]

Everything has a lot to do with meeting her for the first time. I may have to skip tonight because I can't help being turned on by dancing now. That class is certainly kind of like dancing with sticks. Me in a room full of very pretty women. I may test the "am I really attractive?" posit. I'm not thinking clearly, I know, and I don't want to

I can't remember the source of this, but let me tell you something you already know

Mania signs

-- irritability
-- sleeping less without tiring
-- experiencing a rush of energy
-- uncontrolled spending
-- feeling more self-confident than usual
-- socialising/partying out of character
-- talking fast and more than usual
-- disjointed racing thoughts and ideas
-- difficulty concentrating
-- increased desire for sex
-- uncharacteristic reckless behaviour

Depression symptoms

-- prolonged sadness/crying
-- change in appetite: eating more/less
-- sleeping more than usual
-- loss of pleasure in usual interests
-- social withdrawal
-- feelings of worthlessness
-- suicidal thoughts
-- irritability, anger, anxiety
-- negativity and indifference
-- loss of energy/tiredness

I'd go crazy with out this app that makes copy from mobile a breeze.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...ojekti.clipper

I've also been hypo, so we need to avoid confrontation to balance out selves.

PS. I got so hypo when I got on Zoloft, I fapped for almost 4 hours. Girls would find this repulsive lol

Maybe we should share porn

[SorryShaped]

Can only mark two in the top list

[SorryShaped]

I don't much care for porn. I not really turned on by it.

Nothing wrong with sexy dancing, porn, getting aroused, being excited or having fun.

Watch your sleeping my friend. Trust your instincts. Mania bad. If you think you *might* be going down that path check in with your doctor.

[treevoice]

I wouldn't worry too much about this in so long as you can control yourself from taking it too far. Exhibitionism is a pretty common and valid fetish and there are healthy and safe venues where you can meet like-minded individuals to explore those things, but if you are prone to manic episodes and aren't sure if you can control yourself then it would be worth talking to your therapist about it.

[SorryShaped]

I'm in a much better place after tonight's exercise, exercise class, and then yoga. I'm much more calm.
Here's something funny as it gets. They've put the curtains now! LOL! Maybe someone didn't like what they saw. OMG! Should I have a complex about not being up to par? Nah. It's funny though.

[SorryShaped]

So, mania has evolved. I'm now awaiting a new bicycle and cell phone, both being paid for on time but with no interest. I do really need a bike to save gas and because my old car is barely running at all and getting 6 miles per gallon. You did read that correctly. Six. I'd sell it completely but my psych team is in another city, 25 miles away.
I am developing a relationship with a squirrel. As long as I'm wearing the same hat, he'll come up about a foot away and sit down if everyone else is quiet nearby. Maybe it's my imagination, but he does seem to recognize me. Right now he's back in the tree. I'll get a pic sometime but he usually leaves once I get my phone out and stop looking into his eyes.
I'm trying very hard to be more social but also trying even harder not to drink. I'm doing ok on the first one, and perfectly on the second, though the urge is quite strong.
So is that other urge that usually goes with mania, the physical one. I'm not even touching myself because I don't want to push the stimulation. I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
I feel like everything is so HARD in life but so beautifully so. That makes perfect sense to me. You?
Food is incredibly delicious. I have to force myself to not eat constantly, especially coffee and chocolate and chocolate in coffee!
I'm still working out and still practicing yoga.
Thinking about my parents today sent me into a really messed up panic mode, as did my ex last night only she got full on flashbacks in my remembering of her.
So other than money problems, I'm kind of handling it ok. It could be much worse.
I think my friend is avoiding me but claiming to be sick. I go up and there's always a "do not disturb" on her door. So I really don't know because I haven't been able to see her. I still message her and she sometimes responds, claiming the illness.

I don't know what is the best thing to say right now, but are you just longing acceptance? Your squirrel likes you regardless of the specie difference and my impression is you can be yourself around the creature and not judged.

When I'm hypo, I'm confident in speaking to people, which is if you have the chance, speak to a therapist or similar.

Whatever reasons, jotting stuff down really helps.

If I've noticed something about forums like this, is we don't marinate on one answer, statement, etc.

Peace

[SorryShaped]

To feel like I belong would be nice. To feel like I'm wanted, divine!
I saw my T this week. I spilled everything I could then asked, "what to do about it, or what?"
His advice was fairly simple, "stay the course and try to maintain. Watch yourself, be careful."
I don't have a problem talking to most people. There are a few I can't stop listening to, so I'll nudge her to talk more, but I've noticed aloof is very effective with this one, so I'm playing that role for now.
I'm actually a lot more open than I used to be.
My ex tried to bait me on a social site. Eff that. Not looking.
I wrote this morning like a madman, which is appropriate because I started a play/book about life, love, mental illness and physical illness and all the pains in them all. I got about 1500 words in under an hour before I realized I hadn't taken meds. I took them, and poof! The spark was gone 15 minutes later. I don't think it's safe for me to know that my creativity is being so much dulled by meds. I'll not stop taking them. I wonder what else is being blocked by meds?

I often judge my actions by if I was not manic...would I be embarrassed at myself....but having alters causes embarrassment anyways....so we are very sensitive to embarrassment...so, I really ain’t got anything to say except that I tried but see that this may most likely not apply to you or any other singleton out there....so forget I wrote this but not wanting to delete it just in case it might. Good luck!

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I often judge my actions by if I was not manic...would I be embarrassed at myself....but having alters causes embarrassment anyways....so we are very sensitive to embarrassment...so, I really ain’t got anything to say except that I tried but see that this may most likely not apply to you or any other singleton out there....so forget I wrote this but not wanting to delete it just in case it might. Good luck!

I have a lot of shame for my past but I always have trouble with the shame for the now, manic or whatever

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by 2ISAB

I fapped for almost 4 hours.

"Fapped," sir, is a new one in my vernacular. I'll file it it there along with "bopping the bishop" & "spanking the monkey." Thanks for expanding my vocabulary!

[SorryShaped]

So I went ahead and took my ex on a road trip yesterday. People, you know my PTSD symptoms and her. I put up with it. Mania sometimes is a good idea. Without it and the approaching lethal levels of caffeine in my blood I would have told her "no" in an epiphany of eff-you! I didn't. I let her jabber on and said a lot of "yep" and its ilk and let it go. I might be getting over some of the PTSD symptoms! I think being at the helm made a difference too. I was thinking about a girl I do like the whole time and wishing that they'd magically swap places, but one they wouldn't.
That was yesterday.
Today I went to the table near the squirrel. He didn't show up, so I walked the grounds he lives in and went back to the table and waited. 15 minutes later and nothing. I got worried but thought, "squirrels have busy lives and he's probably off with some tasty nuts somewhere." I got up and left to go to the gym. I'd wanted to go back and look for him but yoga blissed me out and I couldn't think until I was almost home. I think I walked into traffic once because I heard a horn, but it's downtown so people are pretty cautious. Here it is 11:30 at night and I have to be four places during the day nowhere near each other and do my laundry tomorrow night plus get a haircut. I might have to do laundry Wednesday and try to do it at my parents' house so I can have time to clean floors there.
Being frazzled is starting to get me frazzled, but I am getting so much done!

[bizi]

you are on a slippery slope.
be careful
bizi

[SorryShaped]

Took extra half dose Seroquel without doubt as needed as pdoc said to do in past. It's doing nothing. If I'd known it was so ineffective tonight, I'd have tried to go running in the cooler air.

[bizi]

What meds do you take? if you don't mind sharing?
bizi

[SorryShaped]

I'm sure I've said before,
But anyway
Tegretol xr twice a day
Levothyroxine in morning
Seroquel at night
Multivitamin twice a day
I really want to make coffee but know how badly my body needs rest

[bizi]

how many mg of seroquel?
Are you going to call your pdoc to let him/her know you are manic?
they may want to increase your seroquel to get you to sleep.
bizi am heading to bed. hope you get to sleep.