[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've been hesitant to post because so many people are struggling and this may seem unfair.

I've thought I was a bit happy hypo which happens to me maybe once every 3 years and never lasts for more than a few days. This has and when I saw my pdoc she suggested this might be a normal mood.

I don't know what a normal mood is. If I ever had one it was 30 years ago as a child. I keep pondering and I just don't know. That I'm not going way up is something. I'm sick and using my nebulizer and more inhalers than usual and those things usually ramp me up; so far no problem except getting to sleep last night.

It's just so weird that this might be that longed for goal I gave up on long ago.

[bizi]

hey rainbow, enjoy this time as long as you can.
bizi

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Bizi, it's just so WEIRD. I've almost never topped mixed episode, moderate for more than a few weeks. This is what clozapine has given me but it is not a feeling I trust. (And I admit to having a list off meds I want off of but my pdoc knows and I will wait knowing she promises in fall (I get manic in late June-July and last year was really bad because of lowering a dose at the wrong time because I was doing pretty well).

I know it could change tomorrow but it's so weird to even think about.

[Tucson]

I am here. I exercised today by walking about four and a half miles at a very brisk pace. I even ran for brief periods of time. When I got home, I was really tired, breathing heavily, and drenched with sweat. So this is a good thing. I ended up with a good workout. Recently I have been walking in 100 degree weather. This time I went earlier in the morning.

Recently I have been a bit elevated. It usually starts with driving recklessly on the road and hypersexuality. Now I have been having precipitous drops into significant depression. It lasts for several hours, maybe longer. Today I woke up very depressed. This is unusual. I did not even have the chance to become fully awake. It was awful lying there on the sofa feeling so very depressed. I do not know why this is happening to me. I may start a thread on this in order for me to better understand what is happening to me. My pdoc has taken me off of Latuda without replacing it with something else. He gave me no reason for this. Maybe I am going through withdrawl?

[pirilin]

Yesterday was bad physically. Fever, chills, the works. My stomach too.I thought I was dying.
I could barely prepare my favorite sandwich. The one that I'll have in my death bed.

Honey baked ham. Roast beef Teriyaki. Provolone and swiss. Triple decker.
Washed down with two glasses of whole milk.
Prunes and peanut butter for dessert. And to bed I go. Not thinking I would wake up.

Well, here I am. Up since 12:30AM and feeling like Superman again.

[Faltering]

Yesterday I had a good birthday with just a few hangups. Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

This morning is bad again with the voices. I also just feel awful mentally in general. Right now I'm taking 40 mg of Latuda. My pdoc gave me 60 mg samples and I'm thinking I might try it. I need some sort of relief.

I am wondering why I am alive today. I am seriously ****ing wondering

all I have done is eat breakfast, watch 2 episodes of rastamouse, made a cd of music and drank so much dr pepper I'll be turning in to a ****ing pepper soon enough.

oh well, later I have my roast lamb, and I hope it's nice- means the day hasn't been totally wasted

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m in a miserable *** mood today. And I know it’s just PMS but it’s hard to handle. I already yelled at my son like five times today. I also slept till 11:30.

I’m supposed to be discharged from IOP tomorrow. I’m kind of sad because I won’t have any structure to my day anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself except become a hermit and sleep all day. That’s not healthy. I need some ideas on how to keep myself occupied.

Hoping I feel better tomorrow.

[Wild Coyote]

It's been several days. It's been busy. Went to a social on Friday night.

All of my doctors want me to try medical marijuana. The think it's safer than the morphine, the muscle relaxants, etc., for medical issues. My pdoc thinks it might help out with C-PTSD, sleep and anxiety, as well. I'm giving it more thought. They've been encouraging this for several years now.

It just seems strange to me that people are trying to get off of marijuana and my docs all want me to be on it?

It's possible it could take the place of several different meds in my case.

Am seriously considering this approach. MD completed the mmj certification... again. I have let it expire several times due to my ambivalence.

Love to All!


WC

[Tucson]

I am here and as loopy as ever. I have been going through a difficult time with not even a modicum of an understanding why. I still try to exersize every day. I think this has been helping.

I want to get out of here. I am beginning to feel restless. I want to run away on a trip of some kind. I just do not know what to do with myself. I want my life to be different. I want this to happen right now. Oh well. Here I still am. Maybe I will go to Panda Express to cheer myself up. Something has gotta change.

My daughter is graduating this Wednesday. I am very happy she is. I will be there, but the way I am feeling right now, I want to hide in my house. I am not up to any social situations. I have to locate my camera, and once again figure out how it works. It is one of those expensive premium models where most of its features I will never use. I purchased many expensive lenses for it, most of which I have not used. Another bunch of purchases made during an elevated mood.

[Unrigged64072835]

Tried getting rid of the ants using spray twice in a row. If they come back we may have to call an exterminator. There may be a nest under the concrete, but we would have to fill underneath with more concrete and that'll get expensive.

Looked out the kitchen windows and there was dew on them. For some reason I felt really sad. It may mean that it's now too hot and humid to go outside. I sunburn and get overheated easily and the trees aren't big enough here for adequate shade. But that also means I have to stay inside unless we get up early. It sucks. I've already had two migraines from not being hydrated enough.

Possible trigger:

It also didn't help that on Friday some old medical mystery show had a murder scene right when I was making my next pnurse appointment. Not a good thing for someone with PTSD.

Otherwise it's been quiet. I'm doing six loads of laundry. We're going to vacuum here in a little bit. Tomorrow I'll have to get orders in for a couple of meds. I have both Ts this week.

Despite all the griping I'm doing okay now.

[bizi]

I am going to work in the yard a bit this afternoon.
hoping to plant some plants in pots.
I have a lot of dead plants and pots of dirt but no plants it is very depressing looking at them, from neglect...very depressing.
bizi
It is overwhelming me....

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's been several days. It's been busy. Went to a social on Friday night.

All of my doctors want me to try medical marijuana. The think it's safer than the morphine, the muscle relaxants, etc., for medical issues. My pdoc thinks it might help out with C-PTSD, sleep and anxiety, as well. I'm giving it more thought. They've been encouraging this for several years now.

It just seems strange to me that people are trying to get off of marijuana and my docs all want me to be on it?

It's possible it could take the place of several different meds in my case.

Am seriously considering this approach. MD completed the mmj certification... again. I have let it expire several times due to my ambivalence.

Love to All!


WC

I've never tried pot, but I've heard so many amazing stories, like a little girl who used to get seizures everyday that suddenly stopped when she started pot. And then there's the pain aspect. So many things pot is good for. Just keep in mind about the different strains. Maybe do some research into that?

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m in a miserable *** mood today. And I know it’s just PMS but it’s hard to handle. I already yelled at my son like five times today. I also slept till 11:30.

I’m supposed to be discharged from IOP tomorrow. I’m kind of sad because I won’t have any structure to my day anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself except become a hermit and sleep all day. That’s not healthy. I need some ideas on how to keep myself occupied.

Hoping I feel better tomorrow.

To give yourself structure, you should make it a habit to go somewhere once a day at the same time everyday. You don't have to spend anything, but walking around the mall or in a park are options. I also like the beach, even though the water is cold as **** up here. And if you need something like groceries, you can use one of those "time slots" to do it. Just give yourself something different to do every time so that it doesn't feel like a chore, unless you don't mind setting aside 2-3 days a week where you go on a walk at a specific place. Exercise is great!

[hopeless2015]

Been a good day. Husband and I went to my Moms for lunch. I'm making banana bread and will take most of it over to her. I had 3 very, very ripe bananas to get rid of. I need to sweep the floors and clean the bathroom yet but that should only take me half hour at most. Trying a new broccoli soup recipe that Doug found online for supper.

HUGS to all!!

Bought some expensive headphones on Amazon and started using them today... They put pressure on a part of my jaw that makes me salivate. So now I am salivating to a YouTube video about ugly toads. I really doubt that toads taste good... And I don't even know why I'm watching ugly toads in the first place. (This is what happens when you watch a video, click the next "recommended video," then the next recommended one, and the next...)

This is a bizarre phenomenon. I'm debating on whether or not to return these things. I really don't want to salivate to work-related videos at work. Or just listen to music and salivate at my computer screen.

Otherwise, no hallucinations lately, or delusions for that matter. I think I'm finally stable, after soooo long!

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( bluebicycle )))))))




WC

[anthony.bagala]

Does my boss suffer bipolar disorder ?

He can be a downright monster at times.

He goes through very strange periods that have distinct patterns and depending on where he is on the cycle will determine how pleasant it is to work with him.

I know that he has a mental illness because he is seeing a therapist after he suddenly disappeared from the office for 3 months entirely unannounced. That came after a period of heightened intensity in his behaviour and paranoia and after he was making my life hell with overt office politics.

He seems to have two of three different phases. He seems to have characteristics that always co-exist in each stage. In one stage which I label the 'fun and relaxed' stage, he is lazy, doesn't care about the work as much and gets preoccupied with sex. He is more pleasant to work around when he is in that stage. He shows up to work late and leaves early.

In the 'monster' stage he is intense and driven by work and comes in early and leaves late taking on workaholic type of characteristics. He also becomes difficult and obsessive and plays office politic games to try and shore up his security of job in the office. He is sometimes unbearable when in this phase.

Some of us believe he suffers bipolar but frankly, none of us really understand the disorder. I am more studied in the personality disorders and can spot them a mile away which is why I believe my boss suffers NPD.

I guess the point of this post is to ask if it is likely he suffers bipolar disorder and to get any helpful tips on managing a working relationship with a sufferer.

If that’s your worse...then you are doing great. We bought a home hair electrolysis machine from Amazon and let’s say the spark gives us an, ahem....tingle.

Love it so much we bought another!

I'm doing well this second. A little restless so I'll probably go for a walk in a bit.

[wildflowerchild25]

Doing much better than this morning. I think the sun finally coming out helped a lot. I sat in the yard while my son played with his friends across the street. I’m getting better at letting him out of my sight. I’m still quite anxious if I don’t at least hear him but I try to tell myself that everything will be ok. I’m especially worried about the boy who has a pool in his backyard because my son can’t swim yet. I’ve got to get him in for swim lessons!

Finally folded and put away my son’s laundry from last weekend I also took out my summer clothes. I forgot how many pretty tops I have. I put away my winter clothes too. Hopefully yesterday was the last miserably cold (to me anyway) day. I still have my hoodies out just in case!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Doing much better than this morning. I think the sun finally coming out helped a lot. I sat in the yard while my son played with his friends across the street. I’m getting better at letting him out of my sight. I’m still quite anxious if I don’t at least hear him but I try to tell myself that everything will be ok. I’m especially worried about the boy who has a pool in his backyard because my son can’t swim yet. I’ve got to get him in for swim lessons!

Finally folded and put away my son’s laundry from last weekend I also took out my summer clothes. I forgot how many pretty tops I have. I put away my winter clothes too. Hopefully yesterday was the last miserably cold (to me anyway) day. I still have my hoodies out just in case!

I am glad you are feeling some relief.
You deserve a break.


WC

[salsharia]

Lithium is now titrated up to a theraputic dose at 900mg. I’m still hypomanic but not manic like before. Slept 3 hours last night and have been doing everything/running around today. Yet there is still so much left to do - so I keep going. Still pursuing many ideas and love the creativity of business pursuits and my future strategies. Spending money, bought a laptop yesterday and some jewelry and sunglasses today. Because I’ve been up since 4:30 am time feels weird today. I keep finding myself confused about what day and time it is.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by anthony.bagala

Does my boss suffer bipolar disorder ?

He can be a downright monster at times.

He goes through very strange periods that have distinct patterns and depending on where he is on the cycle will determine how pleasant it is to work with him.

I know that he has a mental illness because he is seeing a therapist after he suddenly disappeared from the office for 3 months entirely unannounced. That came after a period of heightened intensity in his behaviour and paranoia and after he was making my life hell with overt office politics.

He seems to have two of three different phases. He seems to have characteristics that always co-exist in each stage. In one stage which I label the 'fun and relaxed' stage, he is lazy, doesn't care about the work as much and gets preoccupied with sex. He is more pleasant to work around when he is in that stage. He shows up to work late and leaves early.

In the 'monster' stage he is intense and driven by work and comes in early and leaves late taking on workaholic type of characteristics. He also becomes difficult and obsessive and plays office politic games to try and shore up his security of job in the office. He is sometimes unbearable when in this phase.

Some of us believe he suffers bipolar but frankly, none of us really understand the disorder. I am more studied in the personality disorders and can spot them a mile away which is why I believe my boss suffers NPD.

I guess the point of this post is to ask if it is likely he suffers bipolar disorder and to get any helpful tips on managing a working relationship with a sufferer.

Welcome to PC.

I am sorry you are having some difficulties at work. We have no way of knowing if your boss does/does not live with bipolar illness. We cannot diagnose. Coping strategies may help you.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel led to do so.

Your first 5 posts are approved by a moderator before they appear. After 5 approved posts, you will also have access to chatrooms and to the Private Messaging (PM) system.

I hope to see you around the forums.

Wild Coyote

[Faltering]

In crisis but I can't miss work tomorrow so too bad I guess.