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#51
May 20, 2018, 10:11 PM
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I’m really hopeful that things start turning around. My oldest daughter did call me from the hospital and we talked for a while. I told her to be polite to the psychiatrist tomorrow when she talks to him or her. I had to wait until Tuesday evening to see my daughter. My 12 year old daughter had one week of school left. I’m so glad because I do not like her current school. My lips are swelling up. I don’t know if it’s my allergies or stress. I took my allergy medicines.
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
 Anonymous45023, BipolaRNurse, bizi, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, VerMOZZica, Wild Coyote
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 Wild Coyote
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#52
May 21, 2018, 09:34 AM
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Got two offers on LinkedIn to chat with recruiters who contacted me. They're from large, reputable companies, and based on my salary research, they could possibly DOUBLE my current salary. Holy fuzzballs. "Hell yeah I'm ****ing interested!!!" And one of them lets you work from home on Wednesdays.
 I think both jobs are located in in California, while I live on the east coast. BUT doubling my salary definitely makes up for the increased cost of living in California. Hot damn. Let's hope that something becomes of these interviews. |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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#53
May 21, 2018, 09:39 AM
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Beautiful morning, I’ll take it
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| Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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| Nammu
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#54
May 21, 2018, 10:14 AM
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Sun's out! That helps a lot. Took the dogs for a walk, doing some gardening, anything to try and break up this sucky boredom. Meds are starting to kick in again I think and that gives me hope.
I know one thing for sure...I can't...and don't want to...try to live without meds. I don't understand why so many people try over and over again and just keep failing because they don't want to accept that the drugs don't "cure" their illnesses?
__________________
 Bipolar l/Rapid/Mixed/Depression/Anxiety Disorders lamotrigine 100mg 2x/day Vraylar 6mg 1x/day methylphenidate 10mg 3x/day bupropion XL 200mg 2x/day bupropion IR 174mg 1x/day buspirone 30mg 2x/day quetiapine 50mg 1x/day I'm 50 Shades of Bipolar and I have no safe word... |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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#55
May 21, 2018, 10:27 AM
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I can't do this without meds anymore. I want help, but apparently I can't get any. I suppose I'll take my leftover risperdal and just be okay with whatever side effects it's causing that make my resting heart rate shoot up to 130+ and get fired from my job for not being able to perform duties. I don't care, that's better than this. I don't know what I'll do when I run out though.
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| Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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#56
May 21, 2018, 01:47 PM
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same old same old. I'm still confused or conflicted if I even have bipolar. There's no doubt in my mind that I suffer from depression, but I'm not sure if the high moods are just my personality and my body trying to overcome the depression or if it's an elevated mood. Because I don't know if I've experienced significant change in sleep, except when I was on both the AD and this med being used for ADHD.
Speaking of ADHD, I'm also restless because now that I've taken the neuropsych test, I still have to wait almost 2 months for the results. What the hell do I do in the meantime?? And what do I tell my pdoc at the appointment in between. Yes, I had suffered some of my worst depression, that the mood stabilizer is not enough, and that now I'm feeling a bit more "normal"?? I guess that's what I say. Oh, and that my focus is on and off. I should probably try to take note if that is cyclical too or just coincidence that the lack of focus I've noticed was happening when I wasn't depressed...maybe it was both. I'm just blabbering because I don't know what's up and feeling very frustrated and ...talkative. I should probably talk out these things...
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Celexa (Citalopram) 20mg Levothyroxine .75mg Liothyronine 5MCG (2x daily) Probiotics And a whole slew of vitamin and herbal supplements. |
| bizi, Sunflower123
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#57
May 21, 2018, 01:56 PM
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Planned meals this morning. Only needed a few things from the grocery. Packed up all the mugs and a little bit of the dishes. Sent in requests for estimates of the remaining dishes. Kids picked out what they wanted. I would've done more but the basement is still really warm and I can only do so much. I don't know how my husband stands it, because he also overheats easily.
Bought a new weather monitor and gave the kids the old one. Also got more heavy-duty moving boxes. We still have about 2 ½ months to sort through the storage. Also pulled out some little-used baking dishes to see if my daughter wants them. She likes to bake but doesn't do it much. I can't have too many sweets so I don't bake either. Mood is okay but feeling the depression creeping in due to the heat and humidity. |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Nammu, Sunflower123
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#58
May 21, 2018, 02:23 PM
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I'm quietly flipping out because my mom is cooking turkey burgers. I only eat boneless skinless chicken tenders (1 tender at dinner). They've been cooking chicken breasts huge ones expecting me to eat the whole thing. I'm doing good eating it but my mom complains at what I leave on my plate.
We're leaving for camp tomorrow. My husband wants me to drop meds. So I don't feel like I lost my personality and I can loose weight. I'm almost obese. I'm going to try to join a gym and take swimming lessons. I already know how to swim like a fish but I need structure of the class so I don't over do it or drop it. I'm cutting soda when I get home.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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#59
May 21, 2018, 03:11 PM
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Hey. So I had a decent weekend. Today was okay. Got my work schedule for next year, it sucks but could be a lot worse I suppose. I’m gonna try not to worry about it until sept. No point when I can’t xhange it. Anyway, I am trying to sike myself off for an importan and uncomdodtAble phone conversation I need to have with my brother. Hope it goes well.
I think I am okay. At least better than last week. I wish I didn’t feel so alone and cut off from the living world lately. Idk. Have a good nite. Keep fighting the good fight. |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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#60
May 21, 2018, 03:34 PM
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Quote:
(((Hugs)))) I get like that too with heat and humidity
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
| bizi, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835
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| Unrigged64072835
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#61
May 21, 2018, 03:41 PM
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Hello, I gained a lot of weight when I first started meds. But I worked out and sometimes just walked a lot. I also cut out soda. I lost all the weight. Last year I was put on another med and it made me gain a lot of weight. I actually have a Apple Watch so I can track my steps. I use a free app called My Fitness Pal. Good luck
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#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
| bizi, liveforsummer, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Nammu, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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#62
May 21, 2018, 04:07 PM
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Hey, all.
I'm trying to feel better, remembering the good times, but I'm actually kinda dragging. I'm doing my best to hide it because (1)my wife's uncle had a massive cerebral hemorrhage yesterday, so she's dealing with the fact that he's only got a couple/few days left, and (2)if I'm fully open with my pdoc when I go in for ECT this Friday, and tell them of the intrusive thoughts I've been having, they'll put me in IP.
__________________
>< |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, liveforsummer, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#63
May 21, 2018, 04:32 PM
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This has been the worst month of the year. I wasn't that bad earlier today, but now I'm so extremely sick again with nausea and severe headache. I managed through yesterday, but the days before we're hell with me having a bad mixed state at two international airports. The vacation was mostly horrible. It was supposed to be my husband's and my 20th anniversary celebration vacation. What a waste of money we didn't have! I feel so sorry for my husband! I was so scary crazy at the airports that he bawled (crying) on the airplane. Tomorrow is actually our anniversary day and I wish I could go to the hospital. I do see my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I can't imagine how I'll even begin to tell the hellish story of the last few weeks.
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| Anonymous45023, bizi, liveforsummer, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25, xRavenx
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| bizi, Wild Coyote
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#64
May 21, 2018, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
((((Hugs))))
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
| bizi, Daonnachd, liveforsummer, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| Daonnachd, Wild Coyote
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#65
May 21, 2018, 04:51 PM
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I’m feeling defeated today. Seriously. I was already depressed and now I learned that COBRA coverage will be about $2000 a month. That’s more than rent would be. My grandma was going to help me but there’s no way we can afford that. I don’t know what I’m going to do about insurance. I just want to forget about it and crawl in my bed but I can’t. When I applied for Obamacare it said I wasn’t eligible but I think that’s because I said I was going to do cobra back when I thought it was only $600. I’m so upset. I’m gonna have to call and I hate making phone calls. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m going to have to quit group on 5/31 and I’m not sure I’ll be able to see my therapist. I could pay out of pocket for her I guess. I don’t have to have the prescription coverage, my prescriptions aren’t that much, but I’d have to take my son off his inhaler. I’m not entirely sure if he needs it but if he does I’d rather he have it. Ugggghhhh everything is such a ****ing mess.
I don’t know why I’m depressed except that I’m PMSing as I’ve been saying but I’m not sure that’s the whole problem. But it must be. My group leader told me I should go exercise today but I could only manage to go to the store to buy new clothes for my son. Then I came home and slept. I should t have!!! I should be fighting harder!! ****. I don’t know why this is so difficult. **** depression.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Cocosurviving, Daonnachd, liveforsummer, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#66
May 21, 2018, 06:20 PM
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HUGS to all!!
Made it through Monday. My husband surprised me with planning a trip to a baseball game and overnight stay for June 2nd. I'm so excited! We haven't done anything in a few years. I really don't deserve this guy!!!
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| bizi, Fuzzybear, liveforsummer, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#67
May 21, 2018, 07:10 PM
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Group sucked. I didn't get a chance to talk about how I had a panic attack while driving because I can't go back on meds because receptionists are incapable of keeping track of appointments and wound up hyperventilating in a parking lot dry heaving and have been having frequent hallucinations and increasingly paranoid thoughts and I will be working a stressful job in a stimulating environment with chaotic hours where safety is pretty important as is trusting your team. But I got to hear all the town's drama.
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| Anonymous45023, bizi, liveforsummer, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
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#68
May 21, 2018, 07:11 PM
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I did not sleep to good last night. My anxiety was through the roof. I just could not relax and stop thinking about my oldest daughter. Then I need to get my youngest daughter through this last week of school with no problems. I cooked dinner and took the dog for a short walk. It’s so hot I could not go walking by the lake. I don’t do well in the heat. My mom called me. I had not talked to her in days. I did not tell her about my daughter. I got her off the phone quick.
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, Daonnachd, liveforsummer, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
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| Wild Coyote
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#69
May 21, 2018, 08:35 PM
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I took 60 mg of Latuda last night and had akathisia before I fell asleep. I haven't seen any improvement in mood today. I see my pdoc tomorrow. Wishing I could go IP but it's just not a good time.
__________________
Bipolar 1 Latuda 120 mg Adderall 40 mg |
| Anonymous45023, bizi, liveforsummer, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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#70
May 21, 2018, 10:46 PM
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Walked on the tred mill an hour for a 5K(3.1 miles) at 5% incline supposedly burned 455 calories, which I don't believe. Watched TV, cake wars which is entertaining. I like the cooking channel.
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
| Anonymous45023, liveforsummer, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| Cocosurviving, Wild Coyote
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#71
May 22, 2018, 08:43 AM
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Slept awful. I keep doing these exoeriments of going to bed without sleep meds as I want to see how long I lay there awake. So far I keep caving at the 1.5-2 hour mark. I know it’s not a good idea. Anyway woke up brain feeling like someone’s squashing it. I said to hell with this and threw on my running shoes and ran around a track by us in the rain.
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| Anonymous45023, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#72
May 22, 2018, 08:50 AM
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I was so sick yesterday afternoon and evening. Luckily my stomach is better this morning, but I'm still unwell. I think I need a big increase in my Seroquel XR. I see my psychiatrist today.
I've been so sensitive lately. I found a dead baby bird in our backyard yesterday. That was just another trigger among many. Hubby buried it near our lilac bush and put a stone and flower as a marker. Then this morning I heard a baby bird crying. I looked and it seemed to be pushed out of the nest prematurely. I told hubby and he looked and said it was probably old enough. My parrot is clearly worried about me. My old parrot used to get stressed by my illness, too. I feel bad. He is very quiet. I gave him kisses and pets, but he still knows. |
| Anonymous41462, Anonymous45023, liveforsummer, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#73
May 22, 2018, 09:09 AM
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I am alone. I do not feel alone.
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| Anonymous45023, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#74
May 22, 2018, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Yes, our pets pick-up on a lot about us!  I hope you feel better soon.  WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. 
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| Sunflower123
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#75
May 22, 2018, 02:30 PM
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Quote:
(((((( liveforsummer )))))) Good for you -- going running!  I hope you sleep better soon. WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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| liveforsummer, Sunflower123
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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