[bpforever1]

I am doing well. I met the new man and am ecstatic. We talked a lot and enjoyed ourselves over coffee and tea. He is truly a gentleman. He is like a breath of fresh air. After meeting the previous man who treated me like a piece of meat, I feel good about him and myself. We are taking it slowly and will meet for dinner next month. He is busy with work and travels internationally. I was just glued to listening to his stories. He has illnesses and so do I. We are not perfect but may be perfect for each other. I really like his character. I can't wait to meet him again. I feel happy!! I won't ask him for anything unless he offers. I don't want to repeat my mistake with him by asking for help. I will just go with the flow and keep smiling. Sometimes, we meet people who truly change our lives in a positive manner. I think he is such a person. He is truly blessed. I hope our relationship will blossom into something beautiful. I feel blessed having had the opportunity to meet him.

[pirilin]

I'm tired. I'm starting a business for the 46th time. Without any need.
I deserve to be punished.

I'm doing okay.

another night with no rest (which sort of sucks), but the plus side is that I didn't hav any flashbacks.

yeah... doing okay, just slow day

2 PM and it feels like the day's been going forever

[bewise93]

I am having benzo withdrawal symptoms, but I feel much better than yesterday. I don't have the self hatred like I did yesterday. I just hope things continue this way.

[Wild Coyote]

I am here, reading. Not much to say. Struggling.

Love to All!


WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Good news: no akasthisa from Trileptal. Feel more tired than anything. TD is still an issue but that may be stress now (see next).

Bad news: looks like our annual ant problem is a lot worse than expected. Exterminator coming out soon for initial treatment. Sank our budget for this month, but we can't put this off. I am so sick of this house and all the problems we have had with it. I really want to move, but then something else happens and we have to stay even longer.

I think comfort food will be in order tonight, but I'm too tired to make it.

[Scooter9]

Not feeling the greatest today, but I got up early. I ended up watching the world cup games when I should have been working instead. Had lunch with my younger son.

I have a strange feeling that I'm starting to see things in my peripheral vision and sometimes when I look at something I see something else I know is not there. I notice these things throughout the day and I'm starting to write down when it happens to see if maybe there's a pattern to it. I'm a little worried because I have never had this before. The Latuda I'm taking is for depression. Maybe this is something that will pass as the depression gets better.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm feeling good today though I think I might be a bit hypomanic. Went for a 3 mile run this morning (bad, I know, but I haven't fallen since my pdoc reduced my dose of propranolol). Since propranolol is also a blood pressure medication, that could be causing the issues, except a lot of times, I will have been walking 20, 30 minutes and then suddenly fall.

I see the neurologist tomorrow about the falling. Hopefully the rain will slack off as her office appears to be even closer to the Gulf of Mexico than I live. I am bringing all my medications with me. I already signed & mailed in releases for her to request records from my old & new pdocs, my family doctor, and the gastroenterologist. So we'll see. I will let everyone know how it goes.

I had to take my doctor for her 10 year well child exam today. She did fine, but the eye screening showed she's seeing close to 20/50 in both eyes, so now we have to take her to the eye doctor, and the insurance won't pay for any of it because we already upgraded her glasses in January. She has bad eyesight (inherited from me), and it worsened a lot as I was growing, finally slowing down towards the end of high school. That is going to cost a pretty penny. She needs to be able to see.

I also sold 6 more boxes of books to the used bookstore (before it started raining heavily) and took 2 boxes they won't accept (advance reader's editions, even independent authors) to donate to the friends of the library. My daughter was happy because I spent some of the money on new books for her; she was very excited about a book for Python computer coding for kids she found at the used bookstore, and she found a copy of a book she loved that I think I may have accidentally donated someplace.

I'm tired after loading all those boxes up. Oh, and my car will not be fixed today because of the rain. There goes another $300 for a new starter and replacing the battery terminals. It's raining bills

Scooter, how is your eyesight? If you have bad eyes, you may see things like that peripherally, at least I do from time to time, but my eyes are very bad, a -10 in contact lenses. That is horrible eyesight.

[giddykitty]

long day one with the guests. There are two young boys and they are rambunctious as can be! I'll either sleep well tonight, or I'll wake up in anxious anticipation of them waking me up. ha! It's funny because they are such sweethearts, but in all seriousness, I hope this doesn't wear the crap out of me. So tired and it's only 9:30!

[Lifeischallenging]

Hey all, I've been recently gaining some weight. I went up 20 lbs. I think it has to do with the meds he has me on. I'm meeting with him tomorrow. Hopefully he will do something else. Like put me on another medication meant to help you lose weight. I talked to a banker about student loans as I am looking at going back to college. They told me it is possible to get student loan while you have two existing ones. We'll see how it works out. I'm kind of excited because this the kind of turn I wanted for my life.

[bpforever1]

I am tired and sleepy. All I did was teach one class and came back. I have no energy.


The new man I met wrote me this morning and wished me a nice day. He is nice.


I don't talk to the other man I dated for awhile. It is ok. He never writes me but is a contact on skype. I don't miss him at all.

I have two new classes next week and feel apathetic. This is not good. I may be getting depressed or may be just tired from the day.


I will rest for the rest of this week. Tomorrow, I have to pay a big bill unfortunately. I will be ok.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Scooter, how is your eyesight? If you have bad eyes, you may see things like that peripherally, at least I do from time to time, but my eyes are very bad, a -10 in contact lenses. That is horrible eyesight.

cln1812, I wear reading glasses occasionally for the really small stuff but otherwise my eyesight is ok.

Yesterday I saw a whole room that I know wasn't there because it's impossible to have a room there. I also saw a cat walking in my peripheral vision. It's really odd. I'm keeping track of what I'm seeing, where I was when I saw it, and when it happened. I hope this passes.

In 5 days, I have my consulting appt with some neuropsych lady who wants to reevaluate me for possible schizophrenia or schizoaffective. I'm a bit nervous about it all because I don't know what to think or expect.

The reeval is free, so why not? Might as well do it. Would be interesting to know what I REALLY have, and to see if I need special treatment, even though treatment between BP and sza is more or less the same. I just want to know, I guess. Curiosity.

I also don't want people thinking I'm manic if I'm hallucinating. My therapist let it slip that she thought I was manic when hallucinating for 5 weeks before upping my antipsychotic dose. (I was hallucinating for 5 weeks because I had no pdoc at the time.) As I mentioned before, my therapist was awesome enough to hook me up with a temporary pdoc in the same office. Life saver -- literally.

I just want peace of mind. Otherwise, I'm doing decent, but not 100% good. My grandma in hospice has been always on my mind.

I can't tell if I'm depressed or overmedicated.

Had breakdown trying to get ready for work. Almost missed bus. Here, hanging on by a thread. Leaving time cannot come soon enough. Have T appt. (coincidentally) TG. Feeling hopeless. Well, it IS hopeless, not just a feeling. There is no help for me. That's for people who have it.
Sorry to sound so... whatever. It's just the plain f'd up reality of the situation.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had breakdown trying to get ready for work. Almost missed bus. Here, hanging on by a thread. Leaving time cannot come soon enough. Have T appt. (coincidentally) TG. Feeling hopeless. Well, it IS hopeless, not just a feeling. There is no help for me. That's for people who have it.
Sorry to sound so... whatever. It's just the plain f'd up reality of the situation.

((((((( Innerzone ))))))

Sending supportive vibes~

Thinking of you.

WC

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope your T can help you with your feelings, Innerzone. You're not hopeless; you're in a very tough situation and I doubt even a "normal" person would've handled it well.

-------------

Saw ENT doc. One of my salivary glands is partially blocked. He managed to make it work, but it didn't at first and it hurt like hell. So, six weeks of sucking sour hard candy and hot compresses to make the glands flow. If that doesn't help then I'll have to go to another specialist to look at the tube to the gland. I had a bad headache so my husband went to the store while I took some ibuprofen. Guess what--he brings back soft chewy candy. I'm going to wait until I send him out again. We're both tired right now--him from his MS meds and me because I took my muscle relaxer this morning.

At least I'm not making stuff up.

Daughter's cat has another ear infection. We suspect it's from the high humidity. Daughter is taking the cat in to the vet tomorrow. Her friend has another job interview this weekend. Hope it works out for him.

Mood is tired but okay.

Hugs for those that want them.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Had breakdown trying to get ready for work. Almost missed bus. Here, hanging on by a thread. Leaving time cannot come soon enough. Have T appt. (coincidentally) TG. Feeling hopeless. Well, it IS hopeless, not just a feeling. There is no help for me. That's for people who have it.
Sorry to sound so... whatever. It's just the plain f'd up reality of the situation.

Sending big hugs.

[Scooter9]

Feeling low today and very tired. I had too much sugar.

I did some work around the house and had lunch with my younger son. Getting the place ready for the arrival of my older son in two days. I'm hopeful that my mood will improve for the time he's here. If it doesn't improve I hope at least that my mood does not go lower than it is now.

I'm into astronomy, as in the study of the physical stars and planets. Today is the summer solstice in the northern hemisphere - the longest day of the year. I have access to special telescopes and I took photos of the sun today - a nice way to commemorate the day.

[wildflowerchild25]

I got my tattoo done! It looks gorgeous. Covers up the scars very nicely. I think I managed to attach a photo of it but I’m not sure if it worked. If it doesn’t oh well. I’m very happy with it and so glad I got it, even though it was quite painful. No more painful than what I put myself through I’m sure.

I’m getting overwhelmed and discouraged with the job hunt. My therapist recommended going to the unemployment office and making an appointment with someone there and possibly going through DVR for services related to employment. I have an official diagnosis I’m just not on disability. So I think I’ll be eligible. I don’t know. I need help. I feel like I need to work while I’m looking for full time work but that if I get a part time job I won’t be motivated to look for full time work still. However I also feel like working part time will be a good way to get my confidence back. Show me that I can actually do a good job in the right environment.

I don’t know. At least my mood has been pretty solid. NV advised me to spend some free time learning Spanish so that when I come to his family gatherings I can understand what they’re talking about lol. I though it was nice that he was talking about taking me to family gatherings. That means he’s thinking about the future with me. I’m hoping to introduce him to some of my family next weekend if his schedule allows it. I’m glad things are going so well with him.

Everything in good time I suppose!

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by spikes

I can't tell if I'm depressed or overmedicated.

((((Hugs))))

[Blueberrybook]

Wildflowerchild, I love your tatoo, what a great way to cover up your scars!

I'm sorry for everyone feeling down

My day went pretty well. I did a run/walk this morning (perhaps being a bit self-destructive), but I didn't fall again. I am feeling steadier on my feet and losing my balance less. My last fall was June 10, and I know that wasn't so long ago, but it would be awesome to go from 4 falls a month down to 1 and then hopefully none. I haven't had falling issues since my pdoc lowered my dosage of propranolol in half. I didn't overexercise, not by any virtue of my own, but because it looked like rain was coming in, so I stuck to going around the block and only made around 2 miles before it started pouring.

I saw the neurologist today, and everything checked out fine. She suspected either the Seroquel or propranolol was causing the falls since they can affect blood pressure, but my blood pressure was fine today lying down, sitting, then standing, not much change. I'd signed a release and had my latest labs sent over and those were fine too except my iron was low, which I had already seen when I looked up my results through the lab's website.

After getting home, we picked up my car from the shop (I'd driven my husband's car to my appointment); it had needed a new starter. Then, lunch, some chores, and grocery shopping, which took awhile today, mostly because I was out of stuff I normally don't have to buy and also because we are having a family reunion on Saturday, and I'm supposed to bring a dish & a dessert. I am not looking forward to this reunion at all. I know my own group of family, but this is a reunion from my late maternal grandfather's side. He had 9 siblings, all of which had families of their own, except a baby that died at birth, and his mother took in 2 of his cousins when they became orphaned and raised them as part of the family too. Anyway, my mom & aunt are hosting it, and my aunt has decided everyone needs to "mingle" and has come up with all these games and ice-breakers. Gag. I hate social conditions normally, much less being forced into them. Worse, my sister was going over the geneology of this family with my mom and grandmother the last time we got together for my niece's birthday, and it seems like 90% of the family is alcoholic or in jail for things like shoplifting or swindling money from elderly people. Makes you really want to get to know them. Apparently, my grandfather was a heavy drinker too, but he quit cold turkey when my mom was in her teens after my grandmother threatened to throw him out. I never saw him touch a drop of alcohol (he died when I was in my mid-20s). We lived very close to that set of my grandparents; they were practically 2nd parents to me, so I was around him a lot. My mom never drank because of the alcoholism on her dad's side. I can't wait for the reunion to be over with.

Tomorrow, my sister and 3 nieces are coming over to swim in our pool with my daughter & me, now that the rain has stopped. But then, my daughter has an eye doctor's appt. in the afternoon, and I anticipate she will need new glasses. She had her wellness exam at the pediatrician's yesterday, and they said her eyesight in both her eyes (with her current glasses on) is around 20/50. More expense there; she already has pretty bad eyes (taking after me on that).

Looked up my daughter's 4th grade scores on the Texas state standardized test (STAAR). I really hate standardized tests, and you can't opt your kid out of them in Texas. My daughter did really well though. She had a perfect score in math again (got a perfect math score in 3rd grade too), missed one question in reading and reads above a 12th grade level, and scored in the 97th percentile in writing. I always did well in school, but I had to work hard at math, and that is my daughter's top subject. She takes after my husband on that one

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I got my tattoo done! It looks gorgeous. Covers up the scars very nicely. I think I managed to attach a photo of it but I’m not sure if it worked. If it doesn’t oh well. I’m very happy with it and so glad I got it, even though it was quite painful. No more painful than what I put myself through I’m sure.

I’m getting overwhelmed and discouraged with the job hunt. My therapist recommended going to the unemployment office and making an appointment with someone there and possibly going through DVR for services related to employment. I have an official diagnosis I’m just not on disability. So I think I’ll be eligible. I don’t know. I need help. I feel like I need to work while I’m looking for full time work but that if I get a part time job I won’t be motivated to look for full time work still. However I also feel like working part time will be a good way to get my confidence back. Show me that I can actually do a good job in the right environment.

I don’t know. At least my mood has been pretty solid. NV advised me to spend some free time learning Spanish so that when I come to his family gatherings I can understand what they’re talking about lol. I though it was nice that he was talking about taking me to family gatherings. That means he’s thinking about the future with me. I’m hoping to introduce him to some of my family next weekend if his schedule allows it. I’m glad things are going so well with him.

Everything in good time I suppose!

Nice tattoo!


WC

[giddykitty]

I updated in borderline personality disorder check in because I'm feeling particularly childlike today and not the good way. It's a rough moment. Bad thoughts and just trying not to cry anymore and put on a brave face. I'm so tired!