[half_awakexx]

Pretty solid so far. It's a slow day at work. Trying to stay focused and present.
Can't wait for this evening Going over to my sister's house to spend some time with her and the kids.
Tomorrow I have a day off work which is much needed.

[yellow_fleurs]

Today I am more irritable and restless again. Sort of excited about things like my upcoming job, but also bored and can't focus on anything. Kind of want to go on a day trip or do something new, just to distract myself. At least I am trying to be mindful of this agitated feeling and keeping it under control at the moment.

Today started so-so. I had little motivation and over ate junk, but it did taste good. Then my bro called and said he was in the area and wanted to stop by for a visit. He's an electrician and often has jobs in my area. He's so sweet that he visits me fairly often during the day. I treasure his visits. I see him more than anyone else in my family.

Luckily I managed to clean up the downstairs in u just minutes before my brother arrived, and had put on a pot of coffee.

I've been drinking too much coffee lately, and even too much wine at dinner. I drink about 4 cups of coffee per day and 2 glasses of wine in one sitting. That may not seem like much, but I feel some negative effects starting from the habits.

[Daonnachd]

I’ve not been feeling well, but I attribute it to my mother’s condition. So things go for now.

[Unrigged64072835]

Been busy the past couple of days. Sunday was cleaning day. Monday I saw the pain doc and hauled a few things from the basement. Today I hauled up even more and worked on putting photos up from the 10th. We also did groceries today and I stocked up on food.

Lab results were up yesterday. I've now squeaked back into diabetes territory. Besides cutting back on chocolate (no surprise), I need to get more vegetables into my food intake without feeling like a rabbit. And get more exercise. My husband has cleared the area around the treadmill but not the weight machine. I need to use both.

I also took some time off to read some inspiring books. I feel like I need to keep my spirits up more. I often find my mind wandering into what-if-this-catastrophe-happens territory, so I need to refocus on what's good and what I can be thankful for.

Lots of love and hugs for you all.

[Blueberrybook]

I called& left a message for my pdoc to call me back today because I'm pretty sure I'm hypomanic. He hasn't called back yet, but sometimes he doesn't until 5, 5:30 or so.

My daughter & I went to my sister's house. She wanted to have a kind of end-of-summer fun day for my daughter & her 3 girls - one 7, one 5, one 4. The kids wore PJs and watched a movie with popcorn. Then, we had breakfast for lunch, my mom's chocolate chip pancake recipe, which is absolutely the best. The kids played some games before we headed home. My daughter is 10 now and starting 5th grade tomorrow; I cannot believe how much taller she is than my 7 year old niece. They grow a lot between 2nd & 5th grade! We both have husbands who are 6'4" tall with tall fathers, so the tall genes are there for all our kids. My nieces don't start school until Monday though. My sister is excited about it as she has homeschooled the 7 year old before this, but she got to the point where she was just too exhausted to keep doing it. Her house is utter chaos with all 3 girls running around and trying to pull you in 3 directions at once. She said she just needs a break and wants to work on her relationship with her 4 year old, often lost in the shuffle and with a personality that is a lot like her own, causing her to get more frustrated at her than the other 2.

I have a pounding headache, but of course, my period decided it might as well show up a few days early

Hope I hear back from the pdoc soon. I think the hypomanic symptom of interrupting people in mid-speech is getting on my husband's nerves, and he's pretty stressed with a new school year starting and his school in utter chaos because of a bad principal.

[Wild Coyote]

Agitated.

Ambien set off some nasty agitation. I have stopped taking it and hope it all settles down. I am on edge and it's tough to function. I can barely stand myself there's been so much agitation.

I do not have EKG results yet; had the EKG a week ago tomorrow. Pdoc wanted the EKG prior to changing meds. I will call her in the AM and see what is holding us up. She did not have an appt time to see me this week; yet, we'd agreed to change meds as soon as the EKG results are available.

Love to All!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I’ve not been feeling well, but I attribute it to my mother’s condition. So things go for now.

(((((( vertigo ))))))

Thinking of you and yours.

WC

[Scooter9]

I hope you get your EKG result soon, wc!

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Agitated.

Ambien set off some nasty agitation. I have stopped taking it and hope it all settles down. I am on edge and it's tough to function. I can barely stand myself there's been so much agitation.

I do not have EKG results yet; had the EKG a week ago tomorrow. Pdoc wanted the EKG prior to changing meds. I will call her in the AM and see what is holding us up. She did not have an appt time to see me this week; yet, we'd agreed to change meds as soon as the EKG results are available.

Love to All!


WC

[Cocosurviving]

I fell asleep at 5 AM CST and had to get up at 10 AM CST to get ready for my scheduled
appointments. I had to sit through 1-1/2 hours of questions by my new case manager to update my treatment plan. We have to do this every six months. I was not pleased that my new case manager was wearing blue jeans and sneakers on a Tuesday. I like my treatment team to look professional. My last case manager that retired never dressed like that. He even had his shirt untucked. Then I had an appointment with my new pdoc. The main reason for seeing him today was so I could start back on something for insomnia. I had been using Ambien but had a reaction to it last week. My allergy specialist did not want me back on Ambien because I also have angioedema. My pdoc said he thinks the Ambien just should be lowered that if I’ve taken it in the past regularly and had no problems I should be fine. I reluctantly agreed. This evening I went to a support group meeting and ended up at the anxiety group. I thought today was bipolar group. I stayed for group and I could see the differences in the group facilitators. The anxiety group facilitator is organized and comes prepared with resources. She had a binder with a typed list of mental health resources. There was a lady that attended and it was her first meeting. There were only four of us in the room. The lady was in such distress that she cried throughout most of the meeting. She was dealing with a lot mentally and physically too. We started talking about coping skills. The lady that had been crying asked what coping skills might help her. The facilitator is a licensed psychologist. She gently told her that from watching her during our meeting and how she is in distress that coping skills will not do the trick for her. She explained that she would recommend her start with one-on-one therapy and talk with someone about what she is dealing with. That later once she’s more stable coping skills will help. The facilitator for the bipolar group would have never been honest with the lady. She would have named some coping skills and said how great they help. She’s a nice lady but is not willing to speak up and tell you what you need to hear. She’s also not a licensed psychologist. She was going to school to get her therapy license and her bipolar flared up. She never finished and became licensed. When she shows up for meetings the only thing she has is her phone. She has no binder with copies of community resources. The anxiety group facilitator even had flyers of when each group meeting was. Then at the end of the night I called my pharmacy about my meds. The pharmacist states that my pdoc has not called in anything. I sent an e-mail to the assistant manager of my pdoc’s office. This is the second time I was seen by this new pdoc and could not get my meds the same day. When I joined the clinic I had another pdoc and seen him for three years. He was organized and got things done the same day. I told her to figure out what happened and iron it out. Then have someone call me.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I was asleep, now I'm awake.

My mom is away this week so I'm dogsitting. I also have to care for about 150 monarch caterpillars and chyrsalis. That takes 1.5-2 hours per day most days. And I took on all these other responsibilities.

Monday was supposed to be therapy day but my car battery was dead because I left the hatchback open for days.

Today I went to help my sister with my nieces so she could get some work done today so I took my PRN Nuvigil and got my blood drawn and then went down (2 hours), had a great time with perfectly behaved kids and then their dad got home and was stressed which changed the dynamic to stressed, whiny, fighting kids. So instead of coming back to take care of caterpillars, release butterflies, water plants and walk the dogs I stayed longer than planned then drove 2 hours home and didn't do those things.

Tomorrow I have to get up and release butterflies and change milkweed and give clean bedding. Then I can finally spend a few minutes with my cats before meeting my brother and his girlfriend (who I'm not sure I like) to go to a wildlife preserve thing near here. I"m hoping she doesn't stress me out.

But this is just too big of a week. I'm tired and stressed and can't settle down because I'm afraid I'll fail somewhere.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I was asleep, now I'm awake.

My mom is away this week so I'm dogsitting. I also have to care for about 150 monarch caterpillars and chyrsalis. That takes 1.5-2 hours per day most days. And I took on all these other responsibilities.

Monday was supposed to be therapy day but my car battery was dead because I left the hatchback open for days.

Today I went to help my sister with my nieces so she could get some work done today so I took my PRN Nuvigil and got my blood drawn and then went down (2 hours), had a great time with perfectly behaved kids and then their dad got home and was stressed which changed the dynamic to stressed, whiny, fighting kids. So instead of coming back to take care of caterpillars, release butterflies, water plants and walk the dogs I stayed longer than planned then drove 2 hours home and didn't do those things.

Tomorrow I have to get up and release butterflies and change milkweed and give clean bedding. Then I can finally spend a few minutes with my cats before meeting my brother and his girlfriend (who I'm not sure I like) to go to a wildlife preserve thing near here. I"m hoping she doesn't stress me out.

But this is just too big of a week. I'm tired and stressed and can't settle down because I'm afraid I'll fail somewhere.

Wow! You have been busy! Sounds like you are having some fun, too. I so enjoy my nieces and nephews (they are all adults now). I do miss playing with them like I did when they were younger. Lots of critters to take care of, too! I hope tomorrow will be joyful despite the stress.
Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Still awake. Agitation has eased up a little with bedtime meds; just cannot sleep. Wound up. Took available PRNs.

Happened to be up to get a call telling me a family member, under hospice care at home, has passed. (I was on the call list.) Our loved one had been suffering end-stage dementia. She is finally at Peace.

Love to All!

WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

WC, I'm sorry about your loss. I hope you are able to grieve without additional trauma. I'm glad you know she is at peace. All my years working in nursing homes I was always so glad to see the peace on people' faces after a long battle with dementia.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think my Nuvigil has me hypo. I've taken it several times this summer without problems but this time it's really got me wound up. I just took my 2nd PRN klonopin dose and I had one in the morning too (but that was yesterday ). I want to start cleaning butterfly cages but I can't disturb the butterflies I couldn't release today. So I'm hoping for sleep or my brother's girlfriend may be unbearable--and we'll be on a bus for 2 hours. My brother and I have an odd relationship anyway so tension with his girlfriend won't help at all.

Back to trying to sleep. I keep getting almost to sleep and then waking up to pee. I must have had more to drink than I remember. Or I have a UTI which I don't have time for.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I think my Nuvigil has me hypo. I've taken it several times this summer without problems but this time it's really got me wound up. I just took my 2nd PRN klonopin dose and I had one in the morning too (but that was yesterday ). I want to start cleaning butterfly cages but I can't disturb the butterflies I couldn't release today. So I'm hoping for sleep or my brother's girlfriend may be unbearable--and we'll be on a bus for 2 hours. My brother and I have an odd relationship anyway so tension with his girlfriend won't help at all.

Back to trying to sleep. I keep getting almost to sleep and then waking up to pee. I must have had more to drink than I remember. Or I have a UTI which I don't have time for.

Thanks for your insightful response to my post above. I firmly believe she is finally at Peace.

Sorry about the Nuvigil's effects. I had dropped my Adderall because I was becoming too anxious. The anxiety has continued; yet, it is not exacerbated by the Adderall right now, thankfully.

I hope you get some deep sleep before daybreak.

WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks WC. I emailed my pdoc because I barely got any sleep and have been awake since 5:30; I gave up now. My writing to her was manicky so I'm pretty sure she'll agree to my proposal to increase my clozaril for a few days to calm me down again.

I'm going to take care of butterflies, take a shower and hope I can get a couple hours of sleep before my next commitment.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Thanks WC. I emailed my pdoc because I barely got any sleep and have been awake since 5:30; I gave up now. My writing to her was manicky so I'm pretty sure she'll agree to my proposal to increase my clozaril for a few days to calm me down again.

I'm going to take care of butterflies, take a shower and hope I can get a couple hours of sleep before my next commitment.

I'm glad you communicated with your pdoc but am sorry about your lack of sleep. I'm sleeping around 6 hours a night (still not quite enough though not as little when full manic sets in), but I'm pretty sure I have hypomania. Not so much this morning though. I didn't exercise, not even walking. I woke up with an upset stomach. I'm not sure if it's, my period (day 2 which is always the worst), forgetting to take my Protonix for my stomach for over a week, a bug, or anxiety or all combined.

My daughter is starting school again today, 5th grade, and the district has decided to start school later and dismiss 30 minutes later (instead of 3:15, 3:45, which I don't like). We had a good routine going with the 3:15 dismissal and homework, dinner, bath, going to bed, with some playtime. Also, my daughter is an a dual language Spanish/English class (she's been in it since kindergarten), and the spelling words she gets for Spanish are so much harder than the English words. Maybe it's just because we're Anglo and don't speak or read Spanish at home. However, it does have a lot of accent marks that can make words tricky, along with the silent "h" letter. I don't think she will get spelling words this week with starting on a Wednesday, but she'll likely have them next week. Plus, I know she's going to come home with that huge packet of forms to fill out. I did the online registration again this summer, which is supposed to save you on the forms, but it didn't seem to do that for us last year. We all have dentist appointments I pre-scheduled 6 months ago at the beginning of September, assuming the 3:15 dismissal, and I don't want to have to pull my daughter out early for the dentist, so now I have to reschedule, and sometimes it's hard to get a block where they can fit in everyone - my husband, my daughter & me. My husband likes to be there just in case my daughter has a cavity. She has super high anxiety at the dentist, and it gets worse with a cavity even if I tell them to use the nitrous oxide while they fill it.

I called my pdoc's office yesterday, but he never got back to me. Either the front desk didn't give him my message, or maybe he had a hectic day and forgot. Even though I'm getting things more things accomplished and having more energy (though not today), I can tell it's worse. I'm getting more forgetful in the middle of doing tasks. I will do things like load all the wet clothes in the dryer and forget to start it or stop something in the middle to start something else that needs doing and then forget to finish what I was doing before. I called around 5:30 this morning and left a voicemail at the front desk, which I'm hoping he responds to early. He either responds early, around lunchtime, or 5 - 5:30. So we'll see.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Agitated.

Ambien set off some nasty agitation. I have stopped taking it and hope it all settles down. I am on edge and it's tough to function. I can barely stand myself there's been so much agitation.

I do not have EKG results yet; had the EKG a week ago tomorrow. Pdoc wanted the EKG prior to changing meds. I will call her in the AM and see what is holding us up. She did not have an appt time to see me this week; yet, we'd agreed to change meds as soon as the EKG results are available.

I'm sorry about your loss too. My grandfather passed away from Alzheimer's when I was in 10th grade, but it was like I had mourned the loss long ago because he just wasn't present with us anymore and reverted to speaking only Czech (his native language) even though he could speak 5 languages fluently before. Even if he had chosen to use Spanish, I could have understood some of that because of taking it in school and living in an area with a high Hispanic population.

Love to All!


WC

I hope you get the EKG results soon. It might be a good idea to call your PCP or whatever doctor set up the EKG and see if they have the results and forgot to call you with them or fax them over to your pdoc. Though hopefully, the long wait means all is well with your heart. I've had them done in the past, and getting results never took that long for me. It seems like blood test results for stuff came back slower, but I'm not sure, it's been awhile since I had my last EKG. It is good your pdoc is monitoring you though and taking all into consideration. One time, my pdoc wanted blood results on some things; they did the them, the results were in because I could see them on the computer, both from the lab and from the PCP's office, and it was taking forever. Turned out the front desk at the pdoc's misfiled the blood results, so my pdoc hadn't seen them yet

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by spikes

Getting out of the funk finally. Made pancakes for breakfast and I'm about to go for a walk.

That's great news. I hope you will start feeling better & better

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I fell asleep at 5 AM CST and had to get up at 10 AM CST to get ready for my scheduled
appointments. I had to sit through 1-1/2 hours of questions by my new case manager to update my treatment plan. We have to do this every six months. I was not pleased that my new case manager was wearing blue jeans and sneakers on a Tuesday. I like my treatment team to look professional. My last case manager that retired never dressed like that. He even had his shirt untucked. Then I had an appointment with my new pdoc. The main reason for seeing him today was so I could start back on something for insomnia. I had been using Ambien but had a reaction to it last week. My allergy specialist did not want me back on Ambien because I also have angioedema. My pdoc said he thinks the Ambien just should be lowered that if I’ve taken it in the past regularly and had no problems I should be fine. I reluctantly agreed. This evening I went to a support group meeting and ended up at the anxiety group. I thought today was bipolar group. I stayed for group and I could see the differences in the group facilitators. The anxiety group facilitator is organized and comes prepared with resources. She had a binder with a typed list of mental health resources. There was a lady that attended and it was her first meeting. There were only four of us in the room. The lady was in such distress that she cried throughout most of the meeting. She was dealing with a lot mentally and physically too. We started talking about coping skills. The lady that had been crying asked what coping skills might help her. The facilitator is a licensed psychologist. She gently told her that from watching her during our meeting and how she is in distress that coping skills will not do the trick for her. She explained that she would recommend her start with one-on-one therapy and talk with someone about what she is dealing with. That later once she’s more stable coping skills will help. The facilitator for the bipolar group would have never been honest with the lady. She would have named some coping skills and said how great they help. She’s a nice lady but is not willing to speak up and tell you what you need to hear. She’s also not a licensed psychologist. She was going to school to get her therapy license and her bipolar flared up. She never finished and became licensed. When she shows up for meetings the only thing she has is her phone. She has no binder with copies of community resources. The anxiety group facilitator even had flyers of when each group meeting was. Then at the end of the night I called my pharmacy about my meds. The pharmacist states that my pdoc has not called in anything. I sent an e-mail to the assistant manager of my pdoc’s office. This is the second time I was seen by this new pdoc and could not get my meds the same day. When I joined the clinic I had another pdoc and seen him for three years. He was organized and got things done the same day. I told her to figure out what happened and iron it out. Then have someone call me.

Ugh. Sorry about your new case manager. I'm not sure if you have anxiety too, but it sounds like the anxiety group might be better run for you than the bipolar group.

I'm sorry about your new pdoc too. My old pdoc was the best. I saw her for 10 years, and to her credit, she kept me out of the psych hospital for 10 years, though I had one very close miss. There were a couple times she just suggested it, but didn't push it. I don't like going IP. I was devastated the day she told me she was retiring. I knew it had to come up at some point as she was older than I am, and I'm 40 now. The new pdoc is great by the lousy pdoc standard around here, but nowhere near as good as my old pdoc. She answered her emergency cell phone right away when you called; the old pdoc has an emergency cell phone at least and seems to check it for voicemails every few hours, but generally doesn't answer right away or even within the hour. He also is efficient and sticks to his schedule as closely as possible when appointments are scheduled unless he has a severe emergency case. My old pdoc always ran late with appointment times, but that was because she never seemed to push the appointment time to exactly 15 minutes or whatever it is after the initial intake and would listen longer when you told her things and also ask me all the questions about bipolar directly, which was nice so I didn't forget to tell her something. I think I am going to ask the new pdoc to do that too because when my thoughts are racing with hypomania, I forget to tell him things; he's at the same practice as my old pdoc. I'm pretty sure he will do that if I ask for it though I didn't have to ask the old pdoc; she just did it.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I’ve not been feeling well, but I attribute it to my mother’s condition. So things go for now.

I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry. That has to be tough.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Been busy the past couple of days. Sunday was cleaning day. Monday I saw the pain doc and hauled a few things from the basement. Today I hauled up even more and worked on putting photos up from the 10th. We also did groceries today and I stocked up on food.

Lab results were up yesterday. I've now squeaked back into diabetes territory. Besides cutting back on chocolate (no surprise), I need to get more vegetables into my food intake without feeling like a rabbit. And get more exercise. My husband has cleared the area around the treadmill but not the weight machine. I need to use both.

I also took some time off to read some inspiring books. I feel like I need to keep my spirits up more. I often find my mind wandering into what-if-this-catastrophe-happens territory, so I need to refocus on what's good and what I can be thankful for.

Lots of love and hugs for you all.

Yay for the diabetes miss! If reading inspiring books might help you, hopefully you can check one out from the library just to see. I'm also worried about the future. I don't know how we're going to make this year on just a teacher's salary from my husband's job. We have no savings left any more and may have to start pulling money out from his retirement fund he got during the time he worked at NASA. Government funding cuts led to severe downsizing in scientific study jobs there, and it became all about the astronauts and practically nothing else.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still awake. Agitation has eased up a little with bedtime meds; just cannot sleep. Wound up. Took available PRNs.

Happened to be up to get a call telling me a family member, under hospice care at home, has passed. (I was on the call list.) Our loved one had been suffering end-stage dementia. She is finally at Peace.

Love to All!

WC

My grandma passed away from end-stage dementia on monday last week, and she, too, was in hospice.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard seeing someone suffer like that, especially when they're not eating, drinking, etc.. My grandma was essentially a vegetable her last two months.

[Daonnachd]

Wild Coyote, I'm sorry to hear of your loved one's passing.


Today I see my T. To be honest, I don't know what good it will bring. I'm down. I know why. She won't be able to change anything.