[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well, I wasn’t able to complete my physical. Nothing to do with my mental status. The PA just wasn’t comfortable letting me do the running and lifting without my spine dr’s clearance because of my herniated discs. I’m very disappointed but it’s probably for the best. I’m just worried that if he says I can’t do it that I’ll lose the job. The PA assured me that wasn’t the case but I’m not sure. I won’t be happy until I’m actually in training. Then I’ll know I’ve got the job for sure. Stupid back problems. I’m getting injections tomorrow so at least I’m already seeing my spine dr. I don’t have to wait to give him the paperwork so I’ll be able to reschedule my function test at work sooner rather than later. And if he does say I shouldn’t lift at least I won’t hurt myself lifting. That would be bad.

I'm so sorry. I was also told I could probably get a job with those requirements too, but I would need to pass the physical with lifting 50 lb., push/pulling 100 lb., and I don't think I could do that. Not to mention, I think some of these meds I'm on might turn a drug test positive even if I'm not taking illegal drugs, so I'd have to disclose that I am on them.

Went grocery shopping this morning @ 6:50am. Got out of there by 7:30. *phew*

I always get so anxious and agitated every time I have to go, so I avoid the grocery store like the plague if I can help it. I just get nervous that the worst is going to happen. It's a long story, but I feel like I'm going to lose my keys, lose my clutch/wallet, etc.. Or something like getting hit by a car. I actually have panic attacks before I go.

I bought toooooons of cereal so that I never have to go back there again for a few months. We're talking like 8 boxes of cereal. lol! I bought other stuff, of course, but the cereal is basically a "filler" for snacks and breakfast.

Froot Loops, Rice Krispies, Lucky Charms, Honey nut Cheerios, Wheaties, Apple Jack's, Frosted Flakes, and Cocoa Puffs. I made sure to buy the BIG boxes. Maybe these will last for like 8 months since I don't eat much food in general. (I'm never a hungry person for some reason.) But I'll have to go back to the grocery store in a couple of months for fresh or frozen foods. I like to bring a frozen lunch to work since, well, it's $1-2 a box vs $5.95 for soup and crackers.

Btw, I did buy some frozen and fresh breakfast foods, so even though I'll mostly be eating cereal, I will be able to have hot breakfasts too. I recently started eating breakfast and now I'm not getting nauseous

[Wild Coyote]

Saw my pdoc. We called the medical center to get EKG results.
I am already on Celexa/citalopram, which can cause QTc interval prolongation.
An EKG showed us my current QTc interval, which is already prolonged enough so that we cannot safely add another med which has this same potential. This rules out using/trying many meds. (Adding such a med puts me at risk for sudden death.)

We are trying gabapentin to help with sleep. My first night on it was last night. I was wide awake. I am hoping I don't get any hangover effect.

Some of the meds we may consider to be relatively benign may not be safe for everyone, especially when combining more than one drug which has the potential for QTc prolongation. I hope everyone is safe in this regard.

Love to All!


WC

[Cocosurviving]

This day is not going well. My oldest daughter K texted me and said she got fired from her job. They told her she did not seem happy with the company and felt like she was not a right fit. I told her I understood the company was unorganized however being that your not rich and have bills to pay she should have shut up. They were not paying her for her opinion on there company. I took a nap then she called saying her cell phone was due to get cut off today. I told her @$$ at the next f.....ing job she gets just shut the f.......k up! I don’t care if people are sitting in the training room smoking crack! Don’t smoke just read your book!
This is the second job she’s gotten fired from in a month! She does have a part- time job but that’s not going to pay her bills. I paid her rent, car insurance, gave her money for fuel and groceries. She needs to get on a job and shut up! And I told her that too. I told her when she opens her own company she can run it they way she would like. However until her name is on the building do what your told.

[Blueberrybook]

Lots of things and panic & anxiety going on. I have decisions to make with my husband and hard ones.

I didn't exercise today. ED-thoughts are really making me hate myself.

BP has me up & down. I think I might be mixed.

[Daonnachd]

I don't work today so I have a list of various chores to do in the house and errands to run out of it. I'm a bit late though for having gone back to bed after taking my son to school and walking the dog. I slept until nearly 10:00. I don't know why I'm so horribly somnolent all the time.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi all--

Been working out and spending time reorganizing my hard drives, archiving old folders and such.

Also, I hate MyFitnessPal with the heat of a thousand suns. I need to find a better food/exercise site or program.

Need to take a shower and chill out for a while.

[Faltering]

I got in trouble at work by my manager for not reporting my absence on Tuesday in a timely manner. I kind of wish they'd fire me because I'd be so relieved, but I know I need a job. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't bring myself to be productive. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. It's too early in the year to let things go. Maybe I'm just not cut out for the working world. Am I lazy or mentally ill? I don't know anymore.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, sorry not to be responding to posts today. I usually try to, but today I just don't have it in me. I am reading them though and sending hugs, thoughts, and prayers to those of you who need them and are happy for those of you doing well.

[Moose72]

I need a nap. Orange is the new black ended. :-( I watered all the plants at my mom's house. The Amazon package arrived today. However, 13 year buddy is busy this weekend. He doesnt know I bought them anyway. Ive been sleeping 10 hours a night. My bipap tells me so. N3 did the dishes. Yay! Ive been writing more in my blog. Today is my dad's 71st birthday. I called him to wish him a happy day. Peter told me today that he wants to trade lives with me because all I do is text people and go to starbucks and watch tv and call people on the phone- that his job was much harder and more important and there was just so much MORE of it to do- that he would have to do my stuff on TOP of his stuff .... Basically how lazy and unmotivated I am. That his life is just more everything than mine and worth more though he thought mine might be easier to just watch tv and text people all day! Needless to say I was a little p issed at him for saying these things.

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling kind of off today. Had a severe swing into depression yesterday that had me in bed as soon as I got home from work. Woke up still feeling bad and had issues with derealization most of the morning. Feel a little bit better now but very exhausted. I usually only get depersonalization/derealization with severe episodes. So now I'm worried.

[pirilin]

Let's say I got the magic touch. Not to mention The Law of Attraction again.

The pool heater has been broken for a few days now. I don't need it in 100 degrees weather, but La bruja does.
She calls for warranty and they say in two weeks.
I called the electrician that changed the pump, to see if I could blame him, but he knows his stuff. No dice paradise. He offered to "fix" me, but will be OFT until Monday.

I'm cutting a papaya tree, and looking at the pool equipment.
Something told me to force the valves a little, well, a lot. And VOILA!!! Water going up!!!. And coming out HOT!!!. The Law of Attraction?. No. I'm just a lucky sonofagun.

[yellow_fleurs]

Feeling pretty low today, and irritable and kind of tired. I know it is because my period is around the corner. In a way I am glad I am not feeling happy/energized like I did last month, because this way I think I will be safe, as this is more in line with how I usually feel off meds. So I hopefully will not end up in a low place plus impulsive as was the case last month. Still, I know I am heading for a lower place over the next few days, so going to try to just be nice to myself and let myself relax knowing it's not forever. No more interesting updates because I haven't really felt up to doing anything else today. Hugs to everyone and especially those who need it most right now.

[wildflowerchild25]

I had my steroid injections in my back today. Boy were they lying when they said it wouldn’t hurt! When they touched the nerve it was shooting electrical pains down my legs. NOT pleasant. But I made it through. Dr says I should feel the effects in 7-10 days. I see him again aug 31 to see if the injections worked. If not it’s surgery. **** that. I’m not having surgery anytime soon. Surgery terrifies me plus who would care for my son? Plus, I’m just starting a new job (hopefully). So I’ll just have to deal with the pain for awhile. But hopefully the steroid injections will work.

He only approved me to lift up to 20lbs though so we will have to see what my job says about that. I hope they still hire me. The PA said they would but I’m just not sure. I’m happy I don’t have to lift 50lbs though. I really wasn’t sure I could do it. Now I just have to walk for six x minutes and run for two. I dunno about the running either. I wish I spent my summer in the gym instead of sleeping every day. My body’s like mush. Oh well too late now.

Hoping to go to sleep early tonight but I’m very hot so I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll be to sleep. The ACs on but it doesn’t reach my room very well. I have a fan pointed directly on me too. So we will see.

Hugs to all that need them

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I had my steroid injections in my back today. Boy were they lying when they said it wouldn’t hurt! When they touched the nerve it was shooting electrical pains down my legs. NOT pleasant. But I made it through. Dr says I should feel the effects in 7-10 days. I see him again aug 31 to see if the injections worked. If not it’s surgery. **** that. I’m not having surgery anytime soon. Surgery terrifies me plus who would care for my son? Plus, I’m just starting a new job (hopefully). So I’ll just have to deal with the pain for awhile. But hopefully the steroid injections will work.

Hoping to go to sleep early tonight but I’m very hot so I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll be to sleep. The ACs on but it doesn’t reach my room very well. I have a fan pointed directly on me too. So we will see.

I hope the steroids work - and sooner than 7 days. I also hope things cool off for you. It sure would be nice to relax in a cool setting.

We've got the AC on, too, but I've also got the oven going as I'm baking a frittata for supper. Why didn't I simply plan a fruit salad tonight?

[VerMOZZica]

This has been a hard week. I`ve hardly gotten anything done. I`ve just felt so depressed and unmotivated. I feel useless and lazy. At least I got out today and I`m doing some laundry right now. Hopefully next week is better.

[Moose72]

I stopped at starbucks on my way to judo. Lunch group is dinner instead of lunch today. Taking N3. My bipap says I slept 2 minutes short of TWELVE hours! WTF?

Speaking of eating disorders, I think I used to have one of sorts back in 2005 or so. I'd do judo hella crazy a lot plus I would only eat "healthy" foods. And if I ate something that didn't fit that "healthy" categorty, I'd just chew it up for the flavor then spit it in the sink. I was 117 pounds of muscle- no fat. I still long for that body back. But I'm older and starting way out of shape. My T pointed out all the negative self-talk I have about myself. Its bad.

I'm seeing my old therapist for likely the last time this afternoon. It's very sad since I believe I liked her more than any other therapist, and I've had many. She recently moved her practice far away from my home, so I had to find a more local therapist. My husband has been driving me to my old therapist's new location almost every other Saturday for a few months, but that just can't continue. I want to finally introduce my old therapist to my husband today and hubby had the nice idea of bringing her a flower arrangement.

At this moment, I feel kind of numb. I'm not sure if emotions will increase as I say goodbye to her. I'm so used to people leaving my life.

[Daonnachd]

Hmmmm, I got tons done yesterday, slept about half my usual, and I feel good. I wonder if this is the start of something I'll have to fight. ...or just the absence of depression.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Moose72

. My T pointed out all the negative self-talk I have about myself. Its bad.

Your new avatar looks like you've been crying. Are you OK?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Your new avatar looks like you've been crying. Are you OK?

Actually, that was my attempt to look cheerful. I wasn't crying though. Im ok. I am going to judo which heightens endorphines then out to dinner with friends.

[Blueberrybook]

Checking in this morning. I've been doing much better about taking Protonix in the morning. I am not sure if it is because putting it in front of the coffee maker helps me or if taking it in the morning on an empty stomach is just easier to remember. Maybe it's a little of both.

I am still thinking I could be mixed. We'll see what the day brings. My husband came home from work yesterday in a much better mood after thinking over our options while setting up his classroom for school. His students come back on Monday. None of the options are super, unless he finds a higher paying job he can commute to from here, and/or if I can find a day janitorial job with him having a higher paying job with much better insurance (they give teachers here insurance with a $7500 deductible), not a night custodial job, possibly working in a school kitchen too, fewer hours but it would be during the day or me substitute teaching. But we do at least have options. Others would require us losing and having to store our most of our belongings in an unairconditioned place. My parents do have a large quonset barn on the farm they inherited from my paternal grandparents. That would mainly help with furniture and things not subject to destruction from heat, like gardening tools, some of hubby's garage tools (our garage is air conditioned though, with a window unit).

Just having my husband in a better mood helps. On Wednesday, he came home very depressed and anxious, even crying and said, "I think I'm done. Just done." He has had the worst job history ever that is not even his fault but due to financial cutbacks and bad luck (failing startup companies). He does not have mental health problems; this is just stress. The last time I saw him crying and so upset (not counting talking about his mother's death) was in late 2008 and 2009 when he needed back surgery because of the pain and couldn't even pick up our 1 year old daughter (and she was small for her age). He has lost his temper a few times about the situation, throwing stuff outside and even knocking down most of the Christmas tree ornaments, but it passes. He is not violent toward my daughter or me. I think there are times he has to let it out because he almost never does; it just stays pent up inside him.

I did exercise this morning, but it was hot & sunny with a clear sky, and I didn't want to overheat, so I cut my running in half and barely walked (maybe 1/10 of a mile) to get home. Now, it is 88 degrees with a heat index of 101 degrees (the humidity here makes it feel so hot).

I could look each med up, but does anyone know which are the ones that tell you not to overheat? Just wondering if they are morning meds and/or XR meds.

[hopeless2015]

Popping in to say hey..things are going ok. Keeping up at work and things at home are better. Hubs us doing a side job this morning, then we are upgrading our phones, then motorcycle ride. Should be a nice day.

HUGS to all

[Moose72]

Went to judo. Im full of endorphines now! Feel reFRESHed! One of the younger judoka got promoted today so as tradition states we each shook his hand and threw him. Then we got our picture taken all together. If I find that photo I'll share. :-)

[Scooter9]

My son and I helped my mother clean the carpets throughout her place yesterday. It took a long time because there were a lot of area drugs and lots of stuff on the floors. We got suck in traffic too.

In the evening I visited a friend and his family for dinner. It was nice.

I'm feeling lower today than I was yesterday. Trying to think positive thoughts.

I completely stopped my lithium last night, 3 weeks ahead of schedule.

A busy day so far today... cleaning and doing things around the house. Going shopping and visiting the nursing home later.