[Wild Coyote]

I have been sharing about my insomnia lately. I think it's connected to sadness/grief which is exacerbated every July.

I have lost 2 brothers, both in July. Tragedies.
I have lost 4 close family members in a plane crash, also in July.

In addition, the retirement of my former pdoc has been a huge loss.
Getting to know my new pdoc has been very triggering.

I have skipped a wake today because I am too … triggered. I feel like a loser for skipping the wake; yet, I am way over stimulated, and need sleep. Sounds are now getting very distorted, my mood is suffering, etc.

I am treating my anxiety with additional clonazepam, with my pdoc's blessing.

I hope I can wind down and can sleep tonight. It has been 3 consecutive nights without sleep, very anxious/unsettled all night long.

Love to all.

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m sorry you’re struggling, WC. It’s certainly understandable that July would be triggering to you. I hope you’re able to get some sleep and find some peace soon.

[*Laurie*]

Hey WC, Please, please let go of any guilt about not attending the wake. I've been in a very similar situation after way too many losses...I just could not attend one more funeral or memorial service. My legs would not have carried me in; my feet would have been mired as if in cement. Actually getting inside the place could not happen. Sometimes instinct kicks in and it knows what is best for us.

Is there anything you can take prn (stronger than Klonopin, but safe) to knock you out so you can get a good stretch of sleep? I know that you know how important sleep is to our stability. I'm far more concerned about the lack of sleep than about not going to the wake.

[~Christina]

I hate to see you going through all this. You had a overload of emotions. I’m so sorry.

Yes sleep will help, do you have any other AP you can take if insomnia continues.

My Pdoc recently gave me straight Seroquil, I took one a few weeks back when insomnia flared up, it helped. I will only take if I can’t sleep for a few days.

I hope your new Pdoc works out

I wish I had magic words to make it better ......, be kind to yourself and just do what you can manage.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Hey WC, Please, please let go of any guilt about not attending the wake. I've been in a very similar situation after way too many losses...I just could not attend one more funeral or memorial service. My legs would not have carried me in; my feet would have been mired as if in cement. Actually getting inside the place could not happen. Sometimes instinct kicks in and it knows what is best for us.

Is there anything you can take prn (stronger than Klonopin, but safe) to knock you out so you can get a good stretch of sleep? I know that you know how important sleep is to our stability. I'm far more concerned about the lack of sleep than about not going to the wake.

Thanks for understanding.
I am sorry for your losses.

Currently, the med plan is to keep up with the clonazepam all day and to switch to temazepam-- max dose -- at bedtime. Pdoc wants to see if this will work tonight. If not, we may do something different.

Thanks again.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I hate to see you going through all this. You had a overload of emotions. I’m so sorry.

Yes sleep will help, do you have any other AP you can take if insomnia continues.

My Pdoc recently gave me straight Seroquil, I took one a few weeks back when insomnia flared up, it helped. I will only take if I can’t sleep for a few days.

I hope your new Pdoc works out

I wish I had magic words to make it better ......, be kind to yourself and just do what you can manage.

Thanks, Christina.

I think my pdoc is considering Seroquel if this current plan does not work.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m sorry you’re struggling, WC. It’s certainly understandable that July would be triggering to you. I hope you’re able to get some sleep and find some peace soon.

Thank you.

I know you know what this can be like.

[Blueberrybook]

I am so sorry this is such a tough month for you I would find it a triggering month to be sure if all that had happened to me in one month. Skipping a wake is not always the worst thing. I couldn't be there for my mother-in-law's wake and funeral in December (we could only afford 1 plane ticket to send my husband from Texas to California), and I am not at all sad that my last memories of her are of her alive and having fun with my daughter.

I can relate completely about losing your pdoc. My pdoc of over 10 years is retiring. I think she may be still be working but she's there less & less, probably until all or most of her current patients get re-situated; she's sometimes still at the clinic, but I got her to use her influence to get me in with the other pdoc there (very highly rated, with a 6 month waiting list), and I've been able to see him to see how it would work out. He is very good, but he is not my old pdoc, and he adheres tightly to his schedule unless he should have an emergency (in other words, does a bit less chatting, straight down to business). But on the other hand, you can pretty much count on your appointment being exactly on time, he has an emergency cell phone you can call outside of office hours for non-911 urgent issues, not many pdocs have that. He will call you back within an hour or 2 if you call it in the daytime; I've never had to call it late at night like at 3 AM. I doubt anyone could live up to my retiring pdoc. I got so lucky getting 10 years with her. I never realized she was so highly rated (all 5 star ratings, any where you looked) in this area, and just got lucky that my PCP recommended the clinic, and she had the opening when I needed it. She is a wonderful person and deserves to enjoy her retirement, but I get you, it is a loss. It it hard to adjust to a new pdoc and different methods during your appointment.

If you can't sleep tonight, I think you should call you pdoc tomorrow and ask about something else for sleep instead. Low dose Seroquel works very well for sleep for a lot of people. You could ask if you could try it. Seroquel is of the best meds I've ever taken for sleep.

How much clonazepam are you taking? Clonazepam never helps me for sleep. Well, I take it in 1 mg tablets, and if I take all 4 at once it might make me a bit drowsy, but it won't get me to sleep.

I hope you get some sleep tonight. Take care of yourself

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I am so sorry this is such a tough month for you I would find it a triggering month to be sure if all that had happened to me in one month. Skipping a wake is not always the worst thing. I couldn't be there for my mother-in-law's wake and funeral in December (we could only afford 1 plane ticket to send my husband from Texas to California), and I am not at all sad that my last memories of her are of her alive and having fun with my daughter.

I can relate completely about losing your pdoc. My pdoc of over 10 years is retiring. I think she may be still be working but she's there less & less, probably until all or most of her current patients get re-situated; she's sometimes still at the clinic, but I got her to use her influence to get me in with the other pdoc there (very highly rated, with a 6 month waiting list), and I've been able to see him to see how it would work out. He is very good, but he is not my old pdoc, and he adheres tightly to his schedule unless he should have an emergency (in other words, does a bit less chatting, straight down to business). But on the other hand, you can pretty much count on your appointment being exactly on time, he has an emergency cell phone you can call outside of office hours for non-911 urgent issues, not many pdocs have that. He will call you back within an hour or 2 if you call it in the daytime; I've never had to call it late at night like at 3 AM. I doubt anyone could live up to my retiring pdoc. I got so lucky getting 10 years with her. I never realized she was so highly rated (all 5 star ratings, any where you looked) in this area, and just got lucky that my PCP recommended the clinic, and she had the opening when I needed it. She is a wonderful person and deserves to enjoy her retirement, but I get you, it is a loss. It it hard to adjust to a new pdoc and different methods during your appointment.

If you can't sleep tonight, I think you should call you pdoc tomorrow and ask about something else for sleep instead. Low dose Seroquel works very well for sleep for a lot of people. You could ask if you could try it. Seroquel is of the best meds I've ever taken for sleep.

How much clonazepam are you taking? Clonazepam never helps me for sleep. Well, I take it in 1 mg tablets, and if I take all 4 at once it might make me a bit drowsy, but it won't get me to sleep.

I hope you get some sleep tonight. Take care of yourself

Thank you.
I know you are going through a similar adjustment re: pdocs.

My new pdoc is fine. I am just not used to her... and she's not used to me. She gives out her home phone number for emergencies. I have to stick with this plan tonight, as all pharmacies close early around here on Sundays.

We may make a different plan tomorrow, if needed.

The 1 mg clonazepam has been as effective as candy, so far.
Max dose temazepam has not been helpful yet at night, since this exacerbation has started.'

Thanks again.

I dont have much to contribute, but here's a hug and I hope you get some sleep.

[Nola0250]

Hugs! So sorry you’re dealing with all this.

((((((((WC))))))))) Yikes, it's no wonder July is difficult. Sorry to hear the Temazapam is not working yet either. Wish I could send you some sleepies -- several nights now I keep falling asleep watching dvds. And yawning a lot. Definitely would send you some if it were possible. My Pdoc has recently suggested melatonin (I do have trouble sleeping on nights before work days sometimes). Don't know if it helps yet. Is that something you have tried or could add on?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

((((((((WC))))))))) Yikes, it's no wonder July is difficult. Sorry to hear the Temazapam is not working yet either. Wish I could send you some sleepies -- several nights now I keep falling asleep watching dvds. And yawning a lot. Definitely would send you some if it were possible. My Pdoc has recently suggested melatonin (I do have trouble sleeping on nights before work days sometimes). Don't know if it helps yet. Is that something you have tried or could add on?

I had tried melatonin last year; yet, could try it again.
Thanks for your suggestion.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

Hugs! So sorry you’re dealing with all this.

Thanks, Nola!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl2

I dont have much to contribute, but here's a hug and I hope you get some sleep.

Thank you!
Hugs are great!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

I had fallen asleep for an hour. I had gotten an urgent phone call. I am very close to a sister who lives out-of-state. Her MIL is seriously ill in ICU; my sister needed to talk with me.

I hope to go back to sleep.


WC

[cashart10]

I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you! It’s hard to imagine experiencing such grief on that timeline and anyone would feel as you feel. Be kind to yourself!

[*Laurie*]

Keep us posted, WC.

[Victoria'smom]

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

[Movingon69]

I don't know exactly how you feel but I'm moving cities and I'm scared to death to find a new pdoc and therapist because I like mine so much.

I also understand about the funeral/wake. If you can't do it don't. If you are close to the surviving members wait until after the funeral and you are in a better place. Then reach out to them or go visit them. So often people are inundated leading up to the funeral then everyone goes back to their lives and surviving loved ones are left with depression. Who better to understand depression than someone with BP? I have done that on a number of occasions. It might not work for you but it helps me.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry you're going through so much suffering in one month!

I don't have much in the med department that would help.

Lots of love and hugs to you.

[Wild Coyote]

Thanks so very much to everyone!

Update:

I finally did get some sleep; not enough, but a start.
I was very hung-over this morning from the sedation and have been feeling increasingly depressed (which can happen if/when I increase benzos).

I will try the same strategy today, starting to sedate myself in late afternoon and continuing through bedtime.

I truly appreciate the love and support!
Thanks again!

WC

I'm so glad you got some sleep. Insomnia is horrible. I also think trying some Seroquel could help if this doesnt.

I'm so sorry for all the losses you've had. much love to you.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm glad you got some sleep, and I hope you manage more tonight.

[~Christina]

Thinking off you. I do hope you can get more sleep.

I’m only a pm away if you need me