My grandma will likely die within 24-48 hours according to the hospice doctor. Her vitals are not good at all.

For some reason now, I just can't feel sad. I don't know why. Maybe I am in shock? But then, I'm not so in shock because she's been in hospice care for a little bit, so it's kind of expected, if that makes sense. I mean, I knew that any day could be her last day. It was only a matter of time. Idk.

I have/had no problem with her. I love her, and she's never done anything wrong to me, so it's not like I hold resentment. I always took care of her even when she was at her worst. So idk.

Not sure if it's the dementia that's killing her or if it's something else. But she hasn't remembered me, so it's entirely possible that the dementia is taking its toll.

[Daonnachd]

I think when we know the loved one is suffering the sadness is lighter. You have seen her quality of life. Don't feel guilty that you're not lamenting her stage now or upcoming.

[yellow_fleurs]

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. I actually had a similar response to my grandmother's passing, and felt strange about it. I think for me she had been declining for so long and was in a lot of pain, and I had been saying goodbye to her slowly over time, so the actual passing did not make me as sad as I would have expected. She was ready to go. It was more of a situation where I knew I would miss her, and I will sometimes think of her fondly and wish we had more time together, then I might get a bit sad.

[Nammu]

I echo Vertigo's wise words.

I agree with all of what was written above. Don't feel bad for not crying. Though it is surely sad to see a loved on pass on, it sounds to me that your grandmother had slowly been deteriorating for a while. When that is the case, we slowly prepare ourselves sometimes. If you instead think back at the good times with a smile, that is perfectly acceptable. Even those of us who are devastated at the time of a loved one's loss will hopefully reach the time of acceptance and sweet memories after some time.

I was devastated at the time of my paternal grandfather's death, but that was mostly because he was young and his death was unexpected, and I was only 8 years old and unfamiliar with death. He was also my most beloved grandparent. I remember seeing my dad devastated, and that hurt a lot, too.When my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather died they had been in nursing homes slowly passing. I don't recall crying, but of course it was sad. My paternal grandmother even passed on my 30th birthday, that's something I'll never forget. I remember all three well and smile whenever I think of them. They were loving people.

My maternal grandmother was abusive to my mother and to my siblings and I. That was a situation where there was no love involved, although I know my mother did have some love for her, despite. The only sad part was that she lived the longest of all of my grandparents, even seeing my sweet mother die. My mother's death was one of the most devastating events of my life. I was only 33 at the time, my mother only 61. It was very unexpected.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( hugs ))))))

[~Christina]

(((((( hugs ))))))

Be kind to yourself during this loss.

Thanks for the support, everyone. She passed away about 10 minutes ago.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[Unrigged64072835]

Very sorry for your loss, Blue. She is not in pain and afraid anymore, so that would be a relief.

[Moose72]

Im sorry for the loss of your grandma Blue.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm so sorry. You are likely to go through many feelings in the time to come and that's normal no matter what they are. Death is a very personal experience and is different for everyone, even members of the same family who have been equally involved. You may feel numb today but other feelings are likely to come.

[Blueberrybook]

I am so sorry. Those things are tough You my feel the grief at a later time, or if she's been on hospice awhile, you might have been grieving throughout that process. I grieved for my grandmother while she was on hospice long before her death. Little things and not the big phone call make me grieve for my mother-in-law, who just passed in December. Sometimes the big moments are the times we are prepared for and numb inside. I had a grandfather die from Alzheimers, and when you lose a loved one that way, it's like you've grieved them long before death.

[hopeless2015]

I'm so sorry for your loss blue!! Big HUGS

[wildflowerchild25]

I am sorry for your loss blue!

[Wild Coyote]

I, too, am so sorry for your loss.
I wish I lived closer and could truly be there for you IRL.
Hugs, sweetie.


WC

[Tucson]

I am so sorry for your loss. Last year, my mother died. She was having seasures, so I knew something was coming up. Then a couple days later, the private placement nursing home called me with the news that she had passed away. I was numb and I not feel anything at all. I thought something was wrong with me. It took me about a year to start feeling something about what happened. I now miss her more. I wish I was there for her when she passed.

[bizi]

I am sorry blue.
I know you loved your grandmother very much and she knew that too.
You took care of her longer than most could.

Hospice has a great grief support system. You can see a counselor for bereavement. They will support you and your family for up to 18 months.

please consider using their services.

They are paid a lot of money(by medicare and insurances)

to provide support in any way they are able to.

Not sure if this would help or not...they have a chaplin if you are interested, just ask the social worker.
bizi

[*Laurie*]

There is so much wisdom and love on this thread. Take it all in, blue...it's for you.

[cashart10]

Just want you to know that I’m thinking of you and am sorry for your loss. Try to get some mental and physical rest because you may find the upcoming days exhausting. Try to hold on to your good memories together.

[Movingon69]

If she has dementia and hasn't been able to remember you for a while you may have already mourned her loss. I agree with everyone else there have been times in my life when loved ones quality of life was so poor that I knew they were in a better place. I'm a Christian so it was somewhat comforting to know they weren't suffering any longer.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having a relationship with a grandparent all the way up into adulthood is very special.

[Nammu]

((((((((((Blue))))))))))) so sorry, I know you were close to her these last few years until she went into the hospital. Remember the good times and be kind to yourself.

[liveforsummer]

I’m so very sorry for your loss Blue

[yellow_fleurs]

So sorry for you and your family's loss.

[*Laurie*]

I want to second what Cashart posted. The coming days are likely to be emotional and maybe even very tiring. Please, please take time to care for yourself, blue. Check in with yourself to see how you're doing. Remember that lately, you've been having a rough time, so it's extra-important to get good sleep.