[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by MsSchadenfreude

Feeling heavy.

I am sick of my boss. She's snobby, or maybe you call it "hoity-toity". Comes across as the person who smiles and fakes being nice, while behind the facade she is a total b****. Other people have noticed how she acts and have said things to me... We just have to deal with it obviously, but this week, I kind of snapped at her. (as professionally as I could be) I'm a loyal person to my team and I'll gladly go head to head with authority to fight for what's right, and work isn't all about "how we will look to executive team"...that's how she is. ALL THE TIME! Makes me feel physically ill sometimes to be near that kind of energy.

I can tell she doesn't know how to take me sometimes, but she does appreciate me, I know, she's said it... after all, she does rely on me, and needs me to make her "look good". ha

Blah... enough about work. I am feeling impulsive again though...that I want to just quit and find a job in something easy that doesn't even require much education.

I think I need to give up the idea of going to NP school. Might not be worth the stress. Alas, I've been on this pendulum for a few years now.

Medication being adjusted down starting tomorrow. I went to the pdoc today.

I’m sorry you are sick of your boss. I’ve had a few difficult ones as well. A good boss is worth their weight in gold.

I hope your med change goes well.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My head is so very loud

I am sorry. I hope things quiet down asap.


WC

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I finally figured out that good old coffee keeps me awake in class. I’ve never needed coffee to wake up before so I never considered it. But I had a nice 20oz cup today and I stayed awake the whole morning. Yesterday I had 16oz and had minimal dropping, though I did start to fall asleep right before my lunch. I need to get a programmable coffee pot.

Coffee is sooooooogood !!

Glad it’s helping !!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I hope things quieten down for you.


This cooler weather is nice. The leaves still aren’t changing down here in southern Tennessee. How about up there?

Not much change yet ... hoping for it soon , usually makes me feel good !

Burmese Chinatown. I was going to buy my friend Mori a Taser to pack in his dicey neighborhood until I realized that the first thing Mori would do with an electroshock weapon is use it on me.

China's coming.

[MJLouise]

checking in with an update. The weather is nice here too - beautiful fall weather here in Germany is a very similar climate to the north east USA.

Im an extremely exhausted. I've had to just stay off the bupropion the tremors were getting worse not better. Sorta bummed about it but I went to see the neurologist and he seemed surprised the psychiatrist was okay with trying that. its common in the US but he said it as if its not commonly used in Germany. I didn't feel like explaining how Ive tried just about every o there antidepressant out there.

So my EEG was nice and clear- I wasnt expecting seizures so that was good but he told me to hold off starting a mood stabalizer because some of my other symptoms I've struggled with could also be MS. So I have to wait two + more weeks for the MRI plus reading results now to rule that out too. I do know I have some odd symptoms outside of bipolar but I have to hope I don't have that that would be awful.

I told him a lot of my weird sysmptoms can be explained by my back, I have a lot of spine issues, osteoarthritis, disks that like to buldge, torn ligaments, advanced degeneration and moderate stenosis, lumbar scoliosis, etc. There is a lot wrong with my back to explain sometimes getting a numb leg or tingling in my hand and feet and pain. But I guess it cant hurt to rule MS out all it does is ramp up my anxiety and makes me need to wait for medication. =/

*****SOOOOOOOO TIRED*******

[bewise93]

Doing good this morning. I have to go babysit my sister this weekend which will suck. But all in all, I feel well this morning. Drank my coffee and read a book.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by MJLouise

checking in with an update. The weather is nice here too - beautiful fall weather here in Germany is a very similar climate to the north east USA.

Im an extremely exhausted. I've had to just stay off the bupropion the tremors were getting worse not better. Sorta bummed about it but I went to see the neurologist and he seemed surprised the psychiatrist was okay with trying that. its common in the US but he said it as if its not commonly used in Germany. I didn't feel like explaining how Ive tried just about every o there antidepressant out there.

So my EEG was nice and clear- I wasnt expecting seizures so that was good but he told me to hold off starting a mood stabalizer because some of my other symptoms I've struggled with could also be MS. So I have to wait two + more weeks for the MRI plus reading results now to rule that out too. I do know I have some odd symptoms outside of bipolar but I have to hope I don't have that that would be awful.

I told him a lot of my weird sysmptoms can be explained by my back, I have a lot of spine issues, osteoarthritis, disks that like to buldge, torn ligaments, advanced degeneration and moderate stenosis, lumbar scoliosis, etc. There is a lot wrong with my back to explain sometimes getting a numb leg or tingling in my hand and feet and pain. But I guess it cant hurt to rule MS out all it does is ramp up my anxiety and makes me need to wait for medication. =/

*****SOOOOOOOO TIRED*******

I’m sorry the bupropion didn’t work out for you. Does your pdoc have anything else in mind? Sounds like you’ve tried a lot of things.

Fingers crossed that you have good test results and that it is not MS. I am sorry to hear about your back issues though.

I hope you get some much needed rest.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( MJLouise ))))))

So sorry the bupropion had to go.
I hope your MRI is clear.
It's very anxiety-provoking to wait on an MRI.

I hope you can get some quality rest!


WC

I took a shower today and feel absolutely gross.

my back is really stiff because of fibro pain and honestly, I wish I could unscrew it, throw it away, and screw on a new one.

I was meant to cook BBQ ribs for dinner, but since my overeating is 100 times worse than before, I just called someone up to deliver me a mcdonalds at dinner time. absolutely no will power....
again no sleep, making it another sleepless week.

some of my halloween decoeration arived today, so need to see about someone coming to set it up (probably next week)

raining

[Moreta]

Man I feel rough. Way too much walking yesterday. I walked the mall. I CAN FIT IN REGULAR CLOTHES! I went to torrid and asked about sizes and they said an XL was a 14/16 so I was like **** this I'm not paying $40 for a shirt so I went to H&M and got 2 shirts and 4 dresses for $35. woooooo. Plus size clothes are a scam.

I went out with my friends for my birthday last night. We went for pizza. when dinner was over I was an idiot and said "let's walk to mast general store" and I forgot how far away it was. We all got candy though. I ate too much of said candy already. lol.

It turned out to be a decent birthday. My friends birthday party is on saturday so I have to spend today and tomorrow cooking.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Man I feel rough. Way too much walking yesterday. I walked the mall. I CAN FIT IN REGULAR CLOTHES! I went to torrid and asked about sizes and they said an XL was a 14/16 so I was like **** this I'm not paying $40 for a shirt so I went to H&M and got 2 shirts and 4 dresses for $35. woooooo. Plus size clothes are a scam.

I went out with my friends for my birthday last night. We went for pizza. when dinner was over I was an idiot and said "let's walk to mast general store" and I forgot how far away it was. We all got candy though. I ate too much of said candy already. lol.

It turned out to be a decent birthday. My friends birthday party is on saturday so I have to spend today and tomorrow cooking.

I am so glad you'd had a fun birthday afterall!

Belated Happy Birthday!


WC

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am so glad you'd had a fun birthday afterall!

Belated Happy Birthday!


WC

Thanks. I think I was feeling crummy cause I'm in the process of cutting out sugar again and that always messes with my mood.

[Moose72]

I really dont know what to say to pdoc today. Guess we will see what comes outta my mouth at the time. Drinking tim hortons coffee now. Havent bounced once! (Its pretty strong).

[Blueberrybook]

I had a pretty good morning except I did run, and I need to eat. I don't understand the eating and not being hungry; it is not part of my ED. Even with the worst anorexia I had, I was starving and thought about food and wanted to eat all the time (had an appetite, just didn't indulge it much).

If things don't improve, I'll see the doctor. Not sure if I should bother with the PCP or just go straight to the GI doctor. My perforated ulcer surgery had to be altered a bit from the textbook form, and some part of it was similar to getting a gastric sleeve, which I didn't need; I was 5'4" and 120 lb. at the time of the surgery, a healthy weight for me.

I'll see what the pdoc says next week. He is really getting on my case to gain weight, but I have a hard time not exercising, and now, I have a hard time trying to find an appetite. The GI doc had mentioned checking my gallbladder & doing a colonscopy. Ugh. Might have to.

I did do a writing prompt today, which was nice for me and also baked a cake from a mix as H and daughter like a dessert after dinner. Going now though to eat even if I don't exactly feel like it.

Hopefully, I can read a bit afterwards, maybe go through more of my clothes. I can't believe how many clothes I have of the "OMG, was I even THINKING when I bought this??!" variety, more than I realized.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I had a pretty good morning except I did run, and I need to eat. I don't understand the eating and not being hungry; it is not part of my ED. Even with the worst anorexia I had, I was starving and thought about food and wanted to eat all the time (had an appetite, just didn't indulge it much).

If things don't improve, I'll see the doctor. Not sure if I should bother with the PCP or just go straight to the GI doctor. My perforated ulcer surgery had to be altered a bit from the textbook form, and some part of it was similar to getting a gastric sleeve, which I didn't need; I was 5'4" and 120 lb. at the time of the surgery, a healthy weight for me.

I'll see what the pdoc says next week. He is really getting on my case to gain weight, but I have a hard time not exercising, and now, I have a hard time trying to find an appetite. The GI doc had mentioned checking my gallbladder & doing a colonscopy. Ugh. Might have to.

I did do a writing prompt today, which was nice for me and also baked a cake from a mix as H and daughter like a dessert after dinner. Going now though to eat even if I don't exactly feel like it.

Hopefully, I can read a bit afterwards, maybe go through more of my clothes. I can't believe how many clothes I have of the "OMG, was I even THINKING when I bought this??!" variety, more than I realized.

Back before i was diagnosed i weighed 117 pounds of muscle. I did exercise to get rid of food id eaten and restricted at times. Everybody just told me not to get "too skinny". Oh and im 5"2' also. Im now 60 pounds heavier. Thanks blood clot and thanks lack of judo and thank most of all to APs! At least ive lost 15 pounds since my heaviest.

I'm in my car waiting to go into my therapist's office. I'm not sure what to talk about, but I'm sure once I'm there I'll figure it out. I'm not yet fully at ease with her and feel my progress has taken a step back since leaving my previous therapist. Last week I asked to reduce our sessions to once every other Friday, but she discouraged that saying she sees most all of her clients every week, and that I need it now. I saw many past therapists every other week, even at worse points of my illness.

Truth is, I'd like to save some money and I don't see what we're doing as productive. Money is a serious issue for my husband and I right now. Mental illness can bring on poverty. So many things need repair. The money isn't there, and we can't figure out a good solution for the short-term. I feel that we're going to have to sell things. I wish it was my things, but other than my portion of the house, I have nothing of much value. I hate to see hubby sell any of his things, because the situation is because of my illness.

Update: Got home. My therapist did agree to reduce to every other week. Now I have to figure out more expenses to cut.

[Moose72]

Pdoc lowered my seroquel to 200.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Back before i was diagnosed i weighed 117 pounds of muscle. I did exercise to get rid of food id eaten and restricted at times. Everybody just told me not to get "too skinny". Oh and im 5"2' also. Im now 60 pounds heavier. Thanks blood clot and thanks lack of judo and thank most of all to APs! At least ive lost 15 pounds since my heaviest.

When I lift weights, I actually tend to gain weight, usually in the area of 115-120 lb. I'll start obsessing about weight lifting a lot then (anxious when I have to miss a scheduled lift day), but it actually keeps my weight up while I still look lean, and I'm drinking the post-workout protein shakes and such. For me, that weight is considered low-normal; though docs tend to be happy with me if I am 105 lb. up. My frame is small too, though it seemed like it was more medium-size in high school. Loss of bone mass? IDK.

I just can't motivate myself the same with dumbbells at home (tried & failed several times), and I don't have anything that would work in the way of a weight bench. Plus, I don't like the feel of the dumbbells we have; they were H's in grad school. Poor H was trying to build muscle; I swear, he weighed around 160 lb. when I met him, and he is 6'4". He's gained some now to a better weight for his height, though he tends to get super-thin by the end of the school year, then gains over the summer.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Pdoc lowered my seroquel to 200.

Do you think it will help? I can't remember exactly...what sort of symptoms were you having that caused him to lower it?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Man I feel rough. Way too much walking yesterday. I walked the mall. I CAN FIT IN REGULAR CLOTHES! I went to torrid and asked about sizes and they said an XL was a 14/16 so I was like **** this I'm not paying $40 for a shirt so I went to H&M and got 2 shirts and 4 dresses for $35. woooooo. Plus size clothes are a scam.

I went out with my friends for my birthday last night. We went for pizza. when dinner was over I was an idiot and said "let's walk to mast general store" and I forgot how far away it was. We all got candy though. I ate too much of said candy already. lol.

It turned out to be a decent birthday. My friends birthday party is on saturday so I have to spend today and tomorrow cooking.

I'm glad you had fun on your birthday Sounds like you got good exercise and found clothes that fit. Is cutting sugar helping you? Not just with weight, but with things in general, mood & such?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm in my car waiting to go into my therapist's office. I'm not sure what to talk about, but I'm sure once I'm there I'll figure it out. I'm not yet fully at ease with her and feel my progress has taken a step back since leaving my previous therapist. Last week I asked to reduce our sessions to once every other Friday, but she discouraged that saying she sees most all of her clients every week, and that I need it now. I saw many past therapists every other week, even at worse points of my illness.

Truth is, I'd like to save some money and I don't see what we're doing as productive. Money is a serious issue for my husband and I right now. Mental illness can bring on poverty. So many things need repair. The money isn't there, and we can't figure out a good solution for the short-term. I feel that we're going to have to sell things. I wish it was my things, but other than my portion of the house, I have nothing of much value. I hate to see hubby sell any of his things, because the situation is because of my illness.

Update: Got home. My therapist did agree to reduce to every other week. Now I have to figure out more expenses to cut.

I understand all too much about money, especially if you feel you are not making much progress with a T and it is going to waste.

We have so many money issues, and they are largely my fault (before I was diagnosed bipolar, or before H accepted that I did have bipolar, though he did accept I had issues with money). It just got worse & worse as his jobs kept downsizing. Now with his teaching job, even though he makes a decent salary on paper, he brings home maybe $30,000 a year, if that. The insurance takes most of his paycheck, and then it is crappy insurance to boot. He's trying to apply to other jobs, though he is overworked, what with needing to take care of the lawn and the HOA issue with him needing to build a fence. They came down to what he thinks was a split-vote, as he no longer a has to build a full fence or conceal our garage window AC from the neighbor, who has never complained about it, and he's probably lived next door close to 10 years. I guess some of H's story about my medical emergency (the ulcer stuff), awful teacher health insurance and poor pay causing us financial issues got to some of the HOA board as he was told some of the HOA board would come out and help him with build the partial fence, once his plans are approved. And he told them, yes, he wants the help.

I'm trying to work on cutting grocery expenses. Groceries are so expensive. I hate cooking and neither H or my daughter are big foodie experimentalists, but we may have to head that way. They've opened an Aldi nearby; my sister says it definitely saves her money, though she did tell me not to buy non-food items like foil, paper towels, etc. there as it is cheaper elsewhere. I have found a couple free websites with food recipes that showcase Aldi's sales for the week and will try them once I've used up what I have. I still have stuff I can make, especially if I look online and get creative with it, though I do not have much in the way of meat. I could do without meat myself. My daughter doesn't like meat much either, but H always wants it. My hope is I can convince him to go for a few vegetarian recipes a week. Last time I bought chicken breasts (just 3 large breasts), that alone was over $10. So frustrating. And H is going to have to lump it and eat leftovers even though beyond 2 days, he doesn't want it and is all paranoid if I serve it 5 or 6 days later that it will cause food poisoning, and it doesn't, not unless it is something you don't heat up. My mom was the queen of leftovers, and I was not sick much growing up, except for the chicken pox, which doesn't have a thing to do with food poisoning.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Do you think it will help? I can't remember exactly...what sort of symptoms were you having that caused him to lower it?

That was when i was having those bad hallucinations and mania. I hope it helps- if even to get me to stop gaining so much weight in my abdomen.

Doing great! I'm in my third week of Wellbutrin and it's just like night and day! I feel really good but not over-the-top, not hypomanic. I haven't felt this good in 27 years, since i was 25 and at the peak of my career. It's welcome indeed!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

Doing great! I'm in my third week of Wellbutrin and it's just like night and day! I feel really good but not over-the-top, not hypomanic. I haven't felt this good in 27 years, since i was 25 and at the peak of my career. It's welcome indeed!

That’s great news!