[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

For the following reasons (as per t):

I’m seeing so many psych people that I don’t need to see her as well

I’ve got excellent insight and I know what I’m supposed to do

There’s nothing more she can add to the picture


I suspect that part of the reason she wants to move on is because I’m a smart arse.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing. Purely from an ego perspective I would’ve preferred to be the dumper not the dumpee

Ahhhhhh yes dump her instead of reverse would have been nice

But shes saving you money , she obviously isn’t helpful.

Are you interested in finding a new T ?

[Blueberrybook]

Found out H did not get the job he interviewed for He has a different interview this Friday, and I hope the outcome is better.

I feel so guilty with having the BP and not being able to work and contribute to finances, but every time I try, the more and more I decompensate, the worse and worse it gets. This was not the life I ever imagined myself having.

I see the T tomorrow, the pdoc on Wednesday, rheumatologist on Thursday. I hate having so many appointments.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Ahhhhhh yes dump her instead of reverse would have been nice

But shes saving you money , she obviously isn’t helpful.

Are you interested in finding a new T ?

I’m not really fussed. I might review it again next year.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Found out H did not get the job he interviewed for He has a different interview this Friday, and I hope the outcome is better.

I feel so guilty with having the BP and not being able to work and contribute to finances, but every time I try, the more and more I decompensate, the worse and worse it gets. This was not the life I ever imagined myself having.

I see the T tomorrow, the pdoc on Wednesday, rheumatologist on Thursday. I hate having so many appointments.

I'm sorry he did not get the job he wanted, I was really hoping he would get the job. I hope his next interview goes very well.

Don't feel guilty Bipolar is terrible and its nothing to feel guilty about. Granted I know where you are coming from, it's very easy to feel down in the dumps when you cannot work.

Your list looks a lot like my list. T again on Wednesday, primary doc Thursday, and a Cardiologist two weeks from today. I hope all of your appointments go well.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm thinking I'm "starting" to become psychotic. My heads loud. I'm drowning it out with loud music.

Possible trigger:

I want to hurt myself because it'll feel nice and other irrational ideas but honestly I don't think I'll stop if I start. I want to cut out my tattoo on my wrist. I currently know this will cause death though.

I know I need to calm down and not be so panicked. I have irrational and impulsive thoughts every day. We usually make sure the house is hospital level safe but I can't tell my husband because he's going through enough right now.

[Lefty Seven]

The only art crate builder on Oahu shut down and I'm a cabinetmaker wired into the art market. If people take their clothes off, they're gonna bang.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

And once again I am awake listening to the rain. I slept an hour, up an hour, asleep for a while but waking up coughing over and over and now I've been awake for another hour.

One of these days my body is going to give up hoping for the .5 mg of Klonopin I dropped almost a month ago. One thing is clear and that is that we will be doing this taper very, very slowly.

Hubby and I will be going to vote in about an hour.

Not registered to vote? Though in some states it’s too late to register on election day, in several states there is same day registration that makes it possible. See http://www.ncsl.org/research/electio...istration.aspx for details. If it is too late in your state, please consider registering as soon as possible, so you can vote in the next election.

Don’t know where to vote? Visit Polling Place Locator - Vote.org to find out.

Leaving for ECT within the next hour or so. I like the drive down and back. It's nice. I saw my dead grandma last night--that was kinda weird and I think I cried a bit. I'm excited to go to Boston this weekend! Whoo! I'm listening to Tropical ***** Storm right now too. Everything feels good, like my blood has been replaced with happiness and excitement.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm thinking I'm "starting" to become psychotic. My heads loud. I'm drowning it out with loud music.

Possible trigger:

I want to hurt myself because it'll feel nice and other irrational ideas but honestly I don't think I'll stop if I start. I want to cut out my tattoo on my wrist. I currently know this will cause death though.

I know I need to calm down and not be so panicked. I have irrational and impulsive thoughts every day. We usually make sure the house is hospital level safe but I can't tell my husband because he's going through enough right now.

Sounds like maybe you should go to the ER? At least contact & tell your pdoc. Seems like things are getting worse for you, not better.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hubby and I will be going to vote in about an hour.

Not registered to vote? Though in some states it’s too late to register on election day, in several states there is same day registration that makes it possible. See http://www.ncsl.org/research/electio...istration.aspx for details. If it is too late in your state, please consider registering as soon as possible, so you can vote in the next election.

Don’t know where to vote? Visit Polling Place Locator - Vote.org to find out.

Going to wait a little later to go vote. We are zoned to vote in an elementary school. I want to be sure school is well underway before going.

Although, ugh, it sucks when you live in a solid strong Republican or Democratic area. Makes you feel your vote doesn't matter much. Our voting area was intensely gerrymandered in the 1990s and not changed after it came to light

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

And once again I am awake listening to the rain. I slept an hour, up an hour, asleep for a while but waking up coughing over and over and now I've been awake for another hour.

One of these days my body is going to give up hoping for the .5 mg of Klonopin I dropped almost a month ago. One thing is clear and that is that we will be doing this taper very, very slowly.

So sorry. I know I would have trouble dropping Klonopin too even though I tell myself I will not. Most days I take 2 mg, but there are weeks I take the full 4 mg a lot. If my stress ever gets under control, I want to lessen my meds, especially the Klonopin. I did notice the Buspar actually did help a little with anxiety in my case (first thought it did nothing) when I ran out of it for about a week. because my mail order pharmacy messed up. So maybe I might have to start that way.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by spikes

Leaving for ECT within the next hour or so. I like the drive down and back. It's nice. I saw my dead grandma last night--that was kinda weird and I think I cried a bit. I'm excited to go to Boston this weekend! Whoo! I'm listening to Tropical ***** Storm right now too. Everything feels good, like my blood has been replaced with happiness and excitement.

Sorry about your grandmother. I'm sorry, I haven't been up to date on this thread. Did your grandmother just pass away or were you visiting the gravesite? It is always hard when a loved one passes, even if it has been expected for awhile.

Hope the ECT helps.

[Blueberrybook]

Ran this morning, but on the plus side, I did not run again after dropping my daughter off at school. I really, really wanted to, got out headphones and key, locked the door, and was tying the key onto my shoelaces when I talked some sense into myself and unlocked the door instead, went inside, and took a bath. I am feeling a bit guilty about that though. Stupid ED.

Today, I see the T. We're going to work on healthy coping mechanisms other than exercise. Which I obviously really need.

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Going to wait a little later to go vote. We are zoned to vote in an elementary school. I want to be sure school is well underway before going.

Although, ugh, it sucks when you live in a solid strong Republican or Democratic area. Makes you feel your vote doesn't matter much. Our voting area was intensely gerrymandered in the 1990s and not changed after it came to light

I understand the frustration, but your vote does matter! This year has shown that some candidates, considered underdogs, have won. Close races are won by people coming out to vote. Individuals voting, added up, who wouldn't normally vote, become many.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson, a poet that many believe had bipolar disorder was quoted as saying the following:

"It's better to have tried and failed than to live life wondering what would've happened if I had tried."

Saw an alien warp to another galaxy. It was small and yellowish white. It was about the size of my hand. It appeared out of the darkness on the left side of my head, and it was spinning a little, albeit kind of slowly.

I wish I could have explored the galaxy, but I wouldn't have fit through such a small warp. Plus, no oxygen I bet. Dangerous.

I want to explore other galaxies though. We haven't been able to as a human race, so this could be a scientific breakthrough.

So this is good news on my part. I'm pretty happy about this

deffenetly one of those days where you just think what's the point?

why am I here?

I honestly don't know why things are so bad half the time, I think half the time I'm just fed up of life and thinking... oh not again, and half the time
i just focus on all my regrets

like today.. not really much of a reason to be depressed,

but you know... today I sat in a chair and filled up on junkfood

go me. where's my medal. that sort of thing

[Nammu]

Last night was one of those long nights where I question if my stability has come to an end. Though I took my meds as usual could not sleep.......and not sleeping is always the precursor. Takes more than just one night but it always alarms me. My unstablized self is so bad and I've spent so much time in hospitals, an experience I don't care to repeat especially here, where I've heard terrible things about the psych wards. Ah.......it magnifies in the dark. I finally did get some sleep and dreamed I was 5 and was trained to blow up the school. I refused and there were repercussions for me bucking the system, but in the end it all worked out and they were able to see they didn't need to blow things up to get results.

Still nervous about what tonight will bring. Think the whole ordeal is nervousness over the election. Healthcare is primary as is ability for those on disability to live. Do vote today.

[Faltering]

I left work early due to hallucinations and extreme anger. I'm waiting for the doctor to call back with my blood test results to see if I can start lithium. It's frustrating because I already have the pills. I'm just not allowed to take them yet.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Saw an alien warp to another galaxy. It was small and yellowish white. It was about the size of my hand. It appeared out of the darkness on the left side of my head, and it was spinning a little, albeit kind of slowly.

I wish I could have explored the galaxy, but I wouldn't have fit through such a small warp. Plus, no oxygen I bet. Dangerous.

I want to explore other galaxies though. We haven't been able to as a human race, so this could be a scientific breakthrough.

So this is good news on my part. I'm pretty happy about this

You ok? You sound like me when manic.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Last night was one of those long nights where I question if my stability has come to an end. Though I took my meds as usual could not sleep.......and not sleeping is always the precursor. Takes more than just one night but it always alarms me. My unstablized self is so bad and I've spent so much time in hospitals, an experience I don't care to repeat especially here, where I've heard terrible things about the psych wards. Ah.......it magnifies in the dark. I finally did get some sleep and dreamed I was 5 and was trained to blow up the school. I refused and there were repercussions for me bucking the system, but in the end it all worked out and they were able to see they didn't need to blow things up to get results.

Still nervous about what tonight will bring. Think the whole ordeal is nervousness over the election. Healthcare is primary as is ability for those on disability to live. Do vote today.

I hope you sleep well tonight. Not sleeping is always the precursor for me too. I fall into hypomania and then, quite soon, full-blown mania. Last psych hospitalization was horrible.

It's even horrible to be a patient in a regular hospital (such as when I had my ulcer operated on, stupid IV alarm went off every time I moved my arm, nurses took forever to respond to the call button, etc.). Even, for goodness sakes, after having a normal birth and the normal postpartum hospital stay (no C-section, no complications). The first time my husband, baby daughter & I finally fell asleep in the hospital after she was born, we were all woken at 5 AM. They dragged in a huge doctor's scale to weigh me, and it's not like I had issues with water retention beyond the norm for pregnancy. Why they saw fit to wake us all up at that God-awful early hour just to get my weight on a huge doctor's scale, I will never know. Couldn't it have waited until 8 AM at least? Then, of course, my daughter would not go back to sleep for forever

[Moose72]

I got up at 6:30 feeling great. Been going ever since. The men came and put in the new water heater. Just waiting for it to warm up. And I voted.

[Blueberrybook]

Went and cast my ballot. Hardly anyone there voting when I went, quick in & out. Makes me very glad I did not stand in the awful long early voting line people on NextDoor were complaining about. Early voting is always awful here, especially the first & last days. Though one time I went with my daughter when she was a toddler; she got so fussy & cranky, I got moved straight to the front of the line.

[pirilin]

All under control. By the enemy.

[Moose72]

I thought today was good but now my child is totally being a teen. Will his brain mature in just one more year? Of course not. He's uber smart but squeaks by in school. I wish all he'd done is have sex... Teens are difficult. His girlfriend eggs him on- and vise versa.