[Faltering]

Last night I couldn't sleep and felt wide awake so I wrote a report for work at midnight. I realized I wouldn't get any sleep and decided to take another day off work. I regret it now, but I'm trying to make the most of it. I went to get my baseline blood work before starting lithium. I hope the results come in soon. I started hearing voices again today so I'm trying to just ignore them. I really hope I can sleep tonight. I don't feel tired. Latuda usually knocks me right out at night, so I don't know what's going on. I hope it doesn't mean my mood is shifting. I don't think I can handle more instability right now.

[Victoria'smom]

Home, it reaks I don't know if it's cemicals or mold. I don't think mold would grow that fast. I took the zyprexa and an Ambien. Everyone took a nap and it's my responsibility to stay safe. We have so much to do all with out a car. My parents come this weekend. In two weeks HUD comes. I'm just trying to pass the time until I pass out.

My brother has nixed every single idea that my sister and I have had to more aggressively help my father. We never had the group intervention because of my brother. I am through doing nothing or doing so little that Dad does nothing to change.

In July, my husband and I drafted a letter to my dad's girlfriend of several years. It was never sent. Today I reworked it and told my sister that I WILL now send it. I sent it to her and probably she read it to her stubborn and unhelpful husband. I told her that I didn't need to show my brother (who constantly nixes all ideas), but she pushed me to show it to him. I sent it to my brother, who never reads emails, and cc:d my sister asking her to show my brother when she sees him. I wrote that I will leave a vmx on my brother's cell phone on Sunday morning and if I don't hear from him by Monday, it will go out, but I will eliminate references to him (and even my sister, if necessary) and change all "we's" to "I's" and "me's". I told them that I will accept any consequences from doing that.

I'm at a point where I will no longer see my father if he does not get some TBD'd level of help. I'm willing to accept that possibility. I rarely see him much anyway, and when I do, it's always a very stressful visit leaving me crying or with anxiety attacks. Frankly, I have told my therapist and psychiatrist already that I have been basically grieving the loss of my father. If it is total loss, even without his passing, at least my grieving process is started.

Happy Halloween everyone! (((Hugs))) to all who need them.

[Moose72]

In my pjs all day. No shower. Slept 13 hours +. Took blood pressure med for the first time. Paid bills. More tomorrow. Meh. No money tonight so its pizza rolls for dinner.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My brother has nixed every single idea that my sister and I have had to more aggressively help my father. We never had the group intervention because of my brother. I am through doing nothing or doing so little that Dad does nothing to change.

In July, my husband and I drafted a letter to my dad's girlfriend of several years. It was never sent. Today I reworked it and told my sister that I WILL now send it. I sent it to her and probably she read it to her stubborn and unhelpful husband. I told her that I didn't need to show my brother (who constantly nixes all ideas), but she pushed me to show it to him. I sent it to my brother, who never reads emails, and cc:d my sister asking her to show my brother when she sees him. I wrote that I will leave a vmx on my brother's cell phone on Sunday morning and if I don't hear from him by Monday, it will go out, but I will eliminate references to him (and even my sister, if necessary) and change all "we's" to "I's" and "me's". I told them that I will accept any consequences from doing that.

I'm at a point where I will no longer see my father if he does not get some TBD'd level of help. I'm willing to accept that possibility. I rarely see him much anyway, and when I do, it's always a very stressful visit leaving me crying or with anxiety attacks. Frankly, I have told my therapist and psychiatrist already that I have been basically grieving the loss of my father. If it is total loss, even without his passing, at least my grieving process is started.

I am so sorry the intervention was nixed.

I do understand, at least somewhat, about your grief related to your father. My father was a (raging) active alcoholic. It's very sad.
I hope your siblings might see fit to back you up.

Thinking of you!

WC

[Blueberrybook]

Ate better today but ran way too much.

Ran so much that I have blisters on the last 2 toes of each foot, very painful. I even put those blister band-aid things on them, and it didn't help. Don't know how I'm going to do the Halloween stuff. Walking in any type of shoe is painful. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help.

Running so long and so hard to the point now I can barely walk in shoes is God-awful. I haven't done that in a long time. Maybe I am missing the Wellbutrin (though I'm exhausted, I make myself run)? Or maybe the mood stabilizer isn't helping as much? I called and left a message for my pdoc to call me because of all this on top of the sleepwalking, just want to be sure it is OK normal stopping Wellbutrin stuff. I've been more irritable and anxious too along with some insomnia, 5 hours of sleep last night. It's been a tough few days.

Not sure my daughter is going to be in the best mood. She started her 2nd period yesterday, and this one is much heavier than the first. I just got back from the school as the nurse called, and she needed a change of clothes. She's very introverted & self-conscious, so I'm sure she is beyond embarrassed about it. That's such a hard time for girls growing up.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think my body is finally adjusting to my lower klonopin dose. I still had trouble sleeping but it has been less difficult the last 2 nights. I think I'm really tired from 2 weeks of not sleeping well and so I'm extra tired.

My dentist called and offered me $100 to move my appointment for a crown up a couple of weeks until tomorrow. I accepted and am really happy about it since I have to pay for this entire crown due to my last dentist messing it up only 4 months ago so my insurance won't pay. I have to get up earlier than I have been but I should be fine.

I'm waiting for my mom to get home and then we're going out to a Mexican restaurant for supper. It's really good food so I'm excited.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Ate better today but ran way too much.

Ran so much that I have blisters on the last 2 toes of each foot, very painful. I even put those blister band-aid things on them, and it didn't help. Don't know how I'm going to do the Halloween stuff. Walking in any type of shoe is painful. I took Tylenol, but it didn't help.

Running so long and so hard to the point now I can barely walk in shoes is God-awful. I haven't done that in a long time. Maybe I am missing the Wellbutrin (though I'm exhausted, I make myself run)? Or maybe the mood stabilizer isn't helping as much? I called and left a message for my pdoc to call me because of all this on top of the sleepwalking, just want to be sure it is OK normal stopping Wellbutrin stuff. I've been more irritable and anxious too along with some insomnia, 5 hours of sleep last night. It's been a tough few days.

Not sure my daughter is going to be in the best mood. She started her 2nd period yesterday, and this one is much heavier than the first. I just got back from the school as the nurse called, and she needed a change of clothes. She's very introverted & self-conscious, so I'm sure she is beyond embarrassed about it. That's such a hard time for girls growing up.

I am sorry it's been difficult.

Topical lidocaine has become very popular. It helps to numb affected areas. It's available at most pharmacies and in most big box stores. I am unsure if it can be used safely on broken skin or not; this is something you can ask your pharmacist. I am wondering if this might make you more comfortable?

Of course, walking a lot is not recommended with blisters; yet, you do have to walk a bit around home, etc.

I hope your daughter will find Halloween activities distract her from the day's event. It's a tough time for her.

Best wishes for a Happy Halloween!


WC

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am so sorry the intervention was nixed.

I do understand, at least somewhat, about your grief related to your father. My father was a (raging) active alcoholic. It's very sad.
I hope your siblings might see fit to back you up.

Thinking of you!

WC

Thanks, WC!

It's a long story, but I went ballistic (really ballistic) talking to my dad about 10 mins ago. Told him not to call me again until he has an appointment with at least a therapist. I was rough! I'm not sure that did any good at all.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I think my body is finally adjusting to my lower klonopin dose. I still had trouble sleeping but it has been less difficult the last 2 nights. I think I'm really tired from 2 weeks of not sleeping well and so I'm extra tired.

My dentist called and offered me $100 to move my appointment for a crown up a couple of weeks until tomorrow. I accepted and am really happy about it since I have to pay for this entire crown due to my last dentist messing it up only 4 months ago so my insurance won't pay. I have to get up earlier than I have been but I should be fine.

I'm waiting for my mom to get home and then we're going out to a Mexican restaurant for supper. It's really good food so I'm excited.

What a relief to be adjusting, at least to some degree to the klonopin decrease.

I hope you have fun tonight! Sounds yummy! I love Mexican food!

Call your dentist back and negotiate for a $200.00 discount! Lol!

I hope tomorrow goes well, too!


WC

[~Christina]

Wasn’t going to post but I have to be actively hammering distractions.

My T was sick today so not seeing him. Next appt is in 2 weeks so I will only see him once in November and once in December. He seldom ever get a cancellation, but on the rare occasion he will call me.

I’m so distraught and wanting to check myself out but I can not do that to my family.

I might have to breakdown and call the crisis line.

This so sucks more than I can put into words.

I. Just. Can’t. Take. Much. More.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Wasn’t going to post but I have to be actively hammering distractions.

My T was sick today so not seeing him. Next appt is in 2 weeks so I will only see him once in November and once in December. He seldom ever get a cancellation, but on the rare occasion he will call me.

I’m so distraught and wanting to check myself out but I can not do that to my family.

I might have to breakdown and call the crisis line.

This so sucks more than I can put into words.

I. Just. Can’t. Take. Much. More.

Please keep hammering those distractions. I know it seems bad right now but things will get better. Hang in there. You are so vital.

[Moose72]

christina, this too shall pass. Im sorry you are going through this.

[Moose72]

Ive been sleeping till 11 or on the couch watching Bojack Horseman today in my pajamas. I have important things to do tomorrow.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Ive been sleeping till 11 or on the couch watching Bojack Horseman today in my pajamas. I have important things to do tomorrow.

I’ve been on the couch in my pajamas watching the Scream movies. I had important things to do today but will try again tomorrow.

[Daonnachd]

I was unfamiliar with Bojack Horseman and had to look it up. ...What an interesting premise for a show.

Today I wrote a couple of reviews of articles going in the fall issue of bp Hope magazine so they are sending me a complimentary copy as thanks. I enjoy that type of writing so would do it even if I weren't getting a magazine as payment.

[downandlonely]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I was unfamiliar with Bojack Horseman and had to look it up. ...What an interesting premise for a show.

Today I wrote a couple of reviews of articles going in the fall issue of bp Hope magazine so they are sending me a complimentary copy as thanks. I enjoy that type of writing so would do it even if I weren't getting a magazine as payment.

That's wonderful! I should do something like that. I used to think I was a good writer, but I've lost some self-esteem in that area.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Wasn’t going to post but I have to be actively hammering distractions.

My T was sick today so not seeing him. Next appt is in 2 weeks so I will only see him once in November and once in December. He seldom ever get a cancellation, but on the rare occasion he will call me.

I’m so distraught and wanting to check myself out but I can not do that to my family.

I might have to breakdown and call the crisis line.

This so sucks more than I can put into words.

I. Just. Can’t. Take. Much. More.

Do whatever you need to do in order to be safe.

As much as this sucks, it will pass in time.

Let me know if/how I can help.

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Wasn’t going to post but I have to be actively hammering distractions.

My T was sick today so not seeing him. Next appt is in 2 weeks so I will only see him once in November and once in December. He seldom ever get a cancellation, but on the rare occasion he will call me.

I’m so distraught and wanting to check myself out but I can not do that to my family.

I might have to breakdown and call the crisis line.

This so sucks more than I can put into words.

I. Just. Can’t. Take. Much. More.

I’m so sorry about your T. Please, please be safe. Call the crisis line if needed, go IP if needed, just take care of yourself any way you can. We can’t lose such an important friend on the forum and your family can’t lose you either.

Remember what you always say to everyone else - bipolar cycles, it’s the only reliable thing it does. You will cycle out of this.

Stay strong!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I was unfamiliar with Bojack Horseman and had to look it up. ...What an interesting premise for a show.

Today I wrote a couple of reviews of articles going in the fall issue of bp Hope magazine so they are sending me a complimentary copy as thanks. I enjoy that type of writing so would do it even if I weren't getting a magazine as payment.

Great news!
Now I wish I'd subscribed!


WC

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Do whatever you need to do in order to be safe.


As much as this sucks, it will pass in time.


Let me know if/how I can help.



WC

Thanks my friend it means a lot to have your wonderful support

[TheSeaCat]

I am so exhausted my body does not like waking up at 6am, leaving the house at 6:45 so I have time to get coffee and breakfast. Driving an hour to the training location. I will be glad when these three days are over. I also should not have worn the heels I wore today. So cute but so painful. I had my badge made and for once an ID photo does not look terrible.

On the plus side I really think this medication combo is it for me! I feel great.

The boyfriend also had to be in the same city I was in for training so we did lunch and dinner together. Anyone else obsessed with Culver’s?

Hugs to everyone

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m so sorry about your T. Please, please be safe. Call the crisis line if needed, go IP if needed, just take care of yourself any way you can. We can’t lose such an important friend on the forum and your family can’t lose you either.


Remember what you always say to everyone else - bipolar cycles, it’s the only reliable thing it does. You will cycle out of this.


Stay strong!

Thank you so much for caring .... it means a lot..

Yes thank you thank you for reminding this always cycles , I wasn’t thinking of that. Funny how muddled the mind can get. I’m trying to stay safe.

[yellow_fleurs]

Christina I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now and that you didn't get to see your T on top of it. Please keep yourself safe and call the crisis line if you need. Don't forget to give yourself lots of extra love and compassion, even if it feels counter-intuitive right now. It's incredibly hard to believe when in the midst of it, but it really will pass and you won't feel like this forever. You have made it through many cycles before. Keep using the distractions and leaning on whatever support you have.