[Tryingtobehappy5]

Has anyone gone off their meds with good results. I think this has just been 2 years of hell for no reason and Im sick of it. I am absolutely no better and probably worse than I was before meds.

I just started lithium and wellbutrin in september during my last involuntary but have been on depakote for a year. I am still having major mood swings although way less than on depakote alone. I like the wellbutrin but it made me manic when I was on it by itself last summer and couldnt come down until I was off of it.

I asked my psychiatrist if I could go off the depakote now and he said not for at least 3-6 months and only possibly then. I dont want to waste that much more time.

Basically I just want people to tell me Im right since I quit yesterday and I dont even know if I could force myself to swallow that sh** now that I let myself stop for one day. It has been months of difficulty forcing myself every day and I finally just gave up.

[Lefty Seven]

It never ends well. Never.

[Victoria'smom]

I use to have to agree to take my medication until my next visit with the therapist or psychiatrist. So I had to promise every two weeks. I'm a "suicide risk" off medication. No therapist will work with me off medication. A lot of therapy was around learning the system was not against me. It wasn't until I went on desolvables that I actually took my medication mostly responsibly.

I hated Depakote and refuse to take it ever again. Lithium scares me. If your mood swings are still to much your doctor might add an anti-psychotic. When do you see your dr next? Do you have a therapist?

So currently you're soupose to be on depakote, lithium, and welbutrin?

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Yes depakote, lithium and wellbutrin are what im supposed to be on. I just seen my pdoc so another 3 months before im supposed to see him. I see my therapist in a week and a half. They dont have the same views on the meds though and neither does my husband or myself so it makes my head spin trying to understand whats right. All I know is I hate all of this.

Also I have been drinking for a few weeks again, Im not sure if that is factoring into my decision making or what it has to do with anything really but maybe something.

And I feel really alone. Do you ever feel like you NEED company. Its really late here so its just me and alcohol but i wish there were people so badly I feel like going out but there is nowhere to go. I dont have friends and my husband is sleeping. At least i have this board, I feel bad for using it like this because Im not consistent but it I feel like I need it sometimes

[Victoria'smom]

What does your therapist think about meds?
What about you?
and what does your husband think?

That's a long time between appointments without being stable and recently out of inpatient.

[Victoria'smom]

Currently I'm okay with my medication but it's because they're desolvable. I'm not stable but I'm not just one "good idea" from being hospitalized or worse. I have psychosis too so for me it's different.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

They are busy and dont have time to see people more than that. He will see me if i call and really need it thoigh. My therapist seems to think there is more hormone issues even though the ups and downs arent in a pattern and thinks I should try increasing my antidepressant when im down. But I cant anyways because they only give me a week at a time since my last suicide attempt.

My husband goes back and forth between saying I wasnt that bad before meds and thinking i should stay on them. His issue is more with my drinking I guess.

I maybe would just rather give up. I dont even know anymore, I think I am not going to be any good to tslk to now. Thanks anyways sorry for wasting your time

[Sunflower123]

Hi. You are not wasting anybody’s time or misusing this board. I’m happy you are here and you should post as often as you need.

Please be very careful re: your meds. That seems like a good way to end up in the hospital.

Warm wishes.

No. My two attempts to go off medications were severely horrible ideas and led to hospitalizations for increasingly severe mania with psychosis. Both times the manias were also mixed, so they were hell and definitely not euphoria!

By stopping my medications, my illness worsened and the kindling effect started. Those times I stopped were surely based on ill-brained decisions and my then still ignorance about my illness and foolish notion that I could possibly tame such a severe beast with...self will...luck/miracle...?

Finding the right medication(s) is often a challenge, I know, but one that requires patience. Side effects do suck, but many ease over time. Or if they don't and/or are very severe a medication change or adjustment should be made.

Blaming medications, instead of the bipolar illness, is a common thing that happens. I see that as usually an issue regarding acceptance, or in some cases, an addiction to a mood state that ultimately destroys.

Sorry if what I wrote isn't what you wanted to read. I just shared my experience, and am not telling you what to do. If you quitting turns out OK for you, great! If not, hopefully that will be a learning experience.

I first went on Bupropion (Wellbutrin) is in 2011 because of stress at work and home and suicidal thoughts. At the time, it was my first psychiatrist visit and it stopped my suicidal thoughts but was probably making me manic. I knew nothing about bipolar. He diagnosed me with depression and said this will make you feel better. Before Bupropion, I would have one or two drinks while I prepared dinner. After Bupropion, I would also drink after my whole family went to sleep. The Bupropion and alcohol were a bad combination for me.

However, in 2015, 30 days after stopping the Bupropion cold turkey, I made a very serious attempt. After that attempt, I was put back on it. Then I started reading more about psychiatric drugs. What I found out made me paranoid about my medications--I tried cutting back on them or stopping multiple times thinking they were responsible for my problems but each time I cut back or stopped, it caused a lot of problems with my anxiety and mood swings.

I am doing really well now because my VA psychiatrist found a good combination of drugs for me. She cut my Bupropion way back--I only take 100 mg a day--after my release from the hospital in 2015--they mostly had me on 200 mg, even tried 300 mg a day. It was way too much. I only took the 300 mg pills for two days because I could only sleep one hour a night on that dose. I also take Sertraline (Zoloft), Gabapentin and Xanax. I have finally accepted the medications and the dosages that my doctor prescribed and it is really helping with my stability. When I worried about a couple of side effects from the Sertraline (libido and emotional numbing) and told my psychiatrist about them--she cut the dosage in half and it really seems to be what I need to function best at work and home. So if you do not feel like your drugs are helping enough or are causing problems--ask for something else or for the dosages to be adjusted.

Also, after my 2015 attempt--I quit drinking. I am so glad that I did.

[MickeyCheeky]

It's dangerous to stop taking meds without counsulting your doctor first. Please, think about this. Of course meds alone won't be enough, but they can definitely help.

[wiretwister]

I really think it would be safer for you to continue with your meds ... if they are unbareable and your pdoc will not change ... is it possible to get a second opinion from another pdoc ...

from my personal experience having played with self doseage changes ... it is risky ... and after years of doing that I have decided to follow my pdoc 100% ... I feel we may not be the best judge of our own condition ( inside looking outside so to speak ) and I feel an impersonal person maybe a better judge of my condition ....

just be careful my friend ... Tigger .

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Thanks everyone a year ago you all convinced me to talk to a Doctor (and tell the truth because I lie to them a lot) while I was manic and I am fairly certain that I would be dead without you all because I was so untrusting of everyone else at that point.

I dont know if I can take the meds now. Im really unsure but I will at least keep thinking about it since it sounds like everyone agrees its probably not the best idea. It almost feels like it would be impossible to put those things in my mouth but I only slept 3 hours last night and dont feel tired at all so thats not a great start.

[Faltering]

I was hospitalized involuntarily when I went off meds for awhile. I wouldn't recommend stopping because it will most likely not end well.

[tecomsin]

It took multiple hospitalizations and years of illness before I finally accepted that I needed to take an antipsychotic every day. Am on 1mg of rexulti, which is the AP, and I take 50 mg of Lyrica because it helps me sleep and takes the edge off the chronic pain condition I have had since before I first fell ill with mania. I don't want another involuntary hospitalization and all the goes with that.

It's very common for people with bipolar to not take meds for it or to go in and out of periods when they do. One reason is that meds have multiple side effects and it's hit and miss whether any particular medication will work or not. On the flip side are people who take a dozen different psychiatric meds each day. If the medicines were really that good that wouldn't be necessary.

Wellbutrin is the only antidepressant I can take without triggering mania but unfortunately it increases my anxiety. Nothing seems to really touch my depression. I am hoping to try ketamine or a derivative of it once it is legal in Canada, where I live.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

At 150mg the wellbutrin isnt keeping the depression away and when I was on 300 there was no depression but I was manic the whole time. And APs suck all the life out of me so I drop them pretty quick.

The problem for me is that all of my bad episodes have been caused by meds. Or at least while I was on meds. I only had bad depression but no SI before meds. Except when I was 17 and tried but I was using several substances then.

The only thing I can see as possibly being a hypo episode before meds was ripping my bathroom apart, demolishing the basement and redoing all the plumbing at once. After that I crashed pretty hard and thats when i finally started meds.

That seems pretty minor to me though and Im just feeling like I would way rather go back to how I was. Now I hurt myself, I drink way more, I have an insane amount of SI and often have episodes where I get out of control to the point of involuntary. Thats not better. I might just keep filling my rx every week in case I need it later though.

[downandlonely]

If you're drinking with your meds, they will not work properly. Alcohol is also a depressant, so it makes depression worse. Try taking the meds without alcohol before giving up on them.

[Victoria'smom]

Here’s my take on your situation take it with a grain of salt:

You need to go to the dr and get your hormones check to rule that. You need to sit down and really look at your past, your hospitalizations, your meds and your alcohol use.

How are you going to deal with your mood swings?
How you are going to prevent hospitalization?
Do you trust your therapist with your life? (enough to listen when you need hospitalization)
Do you trust your psychiatrist with your life?
If you don’t trust your T and pdoc that much then you need to find a new treatment team.

Do you believe in kindling?
What symptoms do you want to control?
What side effects are you not willing to handle?

Write all these answers down and talk to your therapist about it.



If your husband is worried about your alcohol use there are drugs that help that. You have to make sure you’re not self medication. Playing with just an antidepressant can cause mixed episode (depression and mania at the same time.) You’ve been to the hospital several times. It’s likely you’ll end up there again. If you can’t talk honestly with your Dr. write it down or find another dr. Often once diagnosed things seem worse because your looking for it.

[~Christina]

I haven’t been able to read all the responses my heads too noisy but I’ll throw this out there

Anyone can stop meds for a day or a week etc and feel “ good” because all meds have a half life which means it all has to be processed out of your body.... then the not so much fun can start.

Remember how it took time to actually start working? Well your brain will have to adjust without the Med and that can be pure hell. Took my brain almost 2 months to get lithium out of my life , I’m still left with a fine motor skill tremor , small but it’s there.

Why not try a different Med if these aren’t working ??!

I always want to toss my meds but last time I actually scared myself so I’ll stay on my current cocktail, might change later , but my family deserves me to be as stable as possible and I damn sure owe it to myself.

Good luck

[Tryingtobehappy5]

So I decided to keep taking the wellbutrin and lithium. I know I should do what my pdoc says and also not drink alcohol but I feel like this is the best I can do for now. I will definitely tell my therapist when I see her next week. She only shares things with my pdoc with my permission but they do work together when needed.

Im really shaky today so hopefully that will calm down with the lithium. I only took wellbutrin yesterday and today and Im definitely on the hyper side but really happy.

You are all so awesome thank you

[MickeyCheeky]

Just be careful, ok?

[Christopher1990]

I refuse depakote. The side effects were unbearable in doses larger than 250mg. Everyone here had given you good advice. Deep down you know what you have to do.

And being off medication is simply out of the question with us. The goal should be to take as Little medication as possible and live the healthiest life you can live.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I am or was on 1250mg of depakote. It didnt give me any side effects but no matter how many times I am told I cant believe that it wasnt causing my mood swings over the past year.

The lithium and wellbutrin make me really sick physically but I actually like the wellbutrin so I can deal with that.

I still dont know if I will stay on meds, my life is just so f***ed up now.

[Victoria'smom]

Do you have a therapist?

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Yes I see her every 2 or 3 weeks. I go in about a week again.