![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#1
|
||||
|
||||
I don't know how to get H to understand how my doing so little around the house in his eyes is pretty much my max or nearly so. I know I don't do a lot of housework. I find it hard to do most everything. Though apparently, I don't have much problems with hypergraphia...
All day, I have thoughts pulling me a thousand directions; it's a minor miracle I can keep up with laundry, trash, and the cats, not to mention taking my daughter to & from school on time. When H gets upset with me, he will often point out how little I have to do and/or worry about compared to him. I know this. My "a lot" is his "day of leisure". He points to my luxury of being able to try to nap if I want to (sometimes I manage & sometimes not), but it's often not even a matter of want to but need to. If I'm on less than about 6 hours of sleep a night, things start spiralling down. H can function all week on 5 hours of sleep and just a little catch up over the weekend though he is tired and often wants (and does need) more sleep. But lack of sleep doesn't drive him into mania. I start sleeping less & less and then mania is right on my doorstep, and it's too late. Sometimes, H will start on a litany of all the things he does in his day versus what I do, and I know his day is not easy, and it guilts me so much, makes me feel I do so little, I'm the least important person in the house, probably even less important than our cats ![]() Some days, it's just hard.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() Anonymous43918, BipolaRNurse, bizi, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, wiretwister
|
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy, Wild Coyote
|
#2
|
||||
|
||||
Break your day into 15 min small increments, anyone can do anything for that tiny amount of time. A sink full of dishes, vacuum a room , surface clean livingroom.
Use your crockpot much easier than multi steps to make meals and force yourself to wear different clothes , show in deeds your husband can actually see. Sometimes push comes to shove. Hope you can put more effort that just typing away daily Hugs !
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() bizi, clydeblack, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy, Wild Coyote
|
![]() bizi, clydeblack, MickeyCheeky, still_crazy, Wild Coyote, wiretwister
|
#3
|
||||
|
||||
I can relate. I have been depressed for a year now, plus was out of work for months and I know I'm doing little around the house.
When I was home I wasn't even feeding the cat (don't worry, my son and wife did it). Also not taking a shower or changing my clothes. My family was frustrated with me but I just had to repeat myself and explain that I was under a lot of stress being out of work and the depression was doing it's thing. I did however find that I could lower their frustration with me if I did certain things around the house. Call those things "low hanging fruit" - things that are easy to do but are very visible and show that I'm doing stuff around the house. I made a schedule and stuck with it. It was all simple stuff and I often did it all together so the rest of my day was free. The schedule allowed me to see what was coming so I could work myself up for it. And when I was done I had a sense of accomplishment. Plus the family was happy things were getting done so everyone won. You have to cook and clean and do a lot more, but maybe a schedule will help. That way you can hit the high visibility stuff and still have time for yourself.
__________________
* Dx: Bipolar II (finally, after years at Bipolar NOS) * Rx: minimal dose of Lamictal My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote, wiretwister
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#4
|
||||
|
||||
I just hate house cleaning, loathe it, in fact, so it doesn't help. But in college, I used to keep my apartment very tidy, and now it's like I'm a completely different person. I clean things; a week later, they are a mess again. Back to ground zero. Start on a project and stop. Like going through my clothes. I had good momentum and then it stopped. I have 2 more drawers to do and my closet. Getting rid of clothes way too big and way too small, the OMG, was I even thinking?! when I bought that, throwing out the t-shirts with holes (I have plenty of shirts) and the socks with holes, some clothes I'm not sure what to do with. Maybe see if my youngest sister wants them. She's normal weight, just an inch shorter than I am; they are nice clothes, I just haven't worn them in years.
Cleaned my desk, it's a mess again. I don't know if it is BP or the ADHD the pdoc insists I do have. Was doing good with small tasks for awhile but got off track. Now I have horrible allergies and am losing a battle with a sinus infection, so I don't feel great. Maybe I'll try my desk again tomorrow. I think I have a lot of papers on here that are trash, but I need to go through them. It would be like me to have something important like an official copy of my birth certificate in this huge pile and trash it, and they charge a pretty good amount of money for one of those. Or even better, my social security card. The more I can avoid the social security office, the better. Last time I was there (changing my name officially after marriage), I was in line ages, and a lady a couple people in front of me went into diabetic shock from not having had her regular snack. She was OK in the end. Then, they know they will have a ton of Spanish-only speakers coming in but only 1 worker (working the English speakers too taking the Spanish speakers). Government at its finest.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote, wiretwister
|
![]() MickeyCheeky
|
#5
|
||||
|
||||
My heart goes out to you. You sound like you’re having a tough time. We’re not playing on the same level playing field as others so it’s harder for us. I think some days...showering and getting dressed and the other things you are doing are a big accomplishment. I can relate. Give yourself credit for what you are doing. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t get it. That isn’t helpful. Hang in there.
![]() |
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() bizi, Wild Coyote, wiretwister
|
#6
|
||||
|
||||
Yes, and there is just so much stress & uncertainty regarding H's career, not to mention how we are going to handle Christmas & birthday expenses for my daughter next month. I am stressed about that too.
I can't focus lately, but this has always been a bad time of year for me (not to mention all the food associated with holidays and post-holiday diets, EDs just love that stuff). I start doing something, say folding laundry, and then I will think about something I meant to look up on the computer, go do that, go back to the previous thing then think, "Oh, I saw that sign driving home that the city is having the annual hazardous waste disposal soon. I wonder if they will take that old gasoline H wants to get rid of." Back to the computer, to the city public works page, gas is not listed, call the city, oops, called emergency public works dispatch (for extreme issues with sewage and such), transfer, transfer, OK, they will take old gas. Better email that to H, or I will forget. Whatever I was doing before all this is completely forgotten. Ugh, now now I need to re-microwave my coffee AGAIN, it's gone cold, let's weigh myself. ED hates that number. Check self out in mirror. Maybe I should fix my hair. Phone rings, automated message: prescription ready at the pharmacy, go to pharmacy, darn it, I forgot to drink my coffee, maybe I should drive down to Starbucks, no, it's close to lunchtime, the traffic gets bad there around lunch and so on and so forth goes my day. And I am actually better now on the Adderall than I was before, but it's still the pits, and you can see how thinking like this all day long except if I am running and dissociating results in little getting done all day. Really wish mixed would get out of here. And if I'm not dealing with racing thoughts, then it's negative thoughts & depression. Not to mention exhaustion. I am always so tired, but I'm completely normal on all the medical labs, even special ones they might do. I have the fibromyalgia and the Reynaud's phenomenon (not sure what causes the Reynaud's I have except it's not the usual suspects but it is bad in cold weather). And while it does get cold here, it definitely is nothing to compared to winter in most of the country, just enough to flare the Reynaud's, so I have to be vigilant about keeping my hands (especially my fingers) and my toes warm since that helps it.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#7
|
||||
|
||||
Is your exhaustion a function of your fibromyalgia? I don’t know much about it. I had just heard it’s very painful.
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#8
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
Probably it's partly fibro & partly everything else. I try to ignore the pain as long as I can; I actually have a very high pain threshold. I was in terrible pain with labor & contractions, 6 cm dilated when we got to the hospital, and H said he thought I wasn't that far along or even in labor and hardly hurt because I was so stoic about telling him when I was in pain, but YES it hurt HORRIBLY and I yelled at the couple on the elevator who said, "Looks like somebody's going to have a baby soon." They were just trying to be nice, but by that point, I'd been in 1abor over 10 hours, H had believed it was no big deal, and nice was just gone. The fibro pain is always there, just much worse some days, and some days I'm stronger, can manage to give it less attention or priority and I'm not sure why. The brain fog associated with fibro is another matter. When that comes on, I can't ignore it, can hardly think around that too. I wish I could use the crockpot more for meals. H is not a fan of crockpot meals. He says the meals all taste similar?! I did say I have 2 picky eaters, and as picky as my daughter is, I'd say H is the pickiest. If only he did the meal planning...but then, he'd choose recipes requiring concentration on multiple things at once and taking ages to cook.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#9
|
||||
|
||||
I am angry that your husband is so so so....verbally abusive to you.
I am sure his words hurt you. He should be more supportive of you....you are right he doesn't get it.... (((((HUGS)))) bizi I have raynauds also it runs in my family.
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Have you considered couples or family therapy? Just a thought since you have expressed your family is under a lot of stress. Maybe it could help with communication and understanding? I
Also I am similar in that my thoughts can pull me in a thousand directions and I can get overwhelmed and be exhausted with nothing done. Do you have a routine and schedule? This helps me a lot personally. I can get way more done while expending the same amount of energy, because I will drain my energy daydreaming, ruminating etc. Certainly not recommending you do more than you can handle, just a thought for what works for me. You could write down a couple of short tasks at set times for example. |
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123
|
![]() MickeyCheeky
|
#11
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, yellow_fleurs
|
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#12
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
My morning routine goes well but the later the day gets, the worse things go for me. I hurt, have a stupid sinus infection & allergies, am freezing cold even though it is in the upper 60s outside, am exhausted, haven't had breakfast yet. Made coffee, forgot to drink it, now I have to microwave it. Like this, my day starts to unravel. I'm going to eat breakfast and try to watch a show I have on the DVR.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, yellow_fleurs
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#13
|
||||
|
||||
I just wish there were a way that people without mental illness could understand what it's really like for us, especially our loved ones. You can read about bipolar all day, but I don't think you can understand it unless you actually have it and have to deal with the meds too. Same with panic disorder and definitely the eating disorder. Even the fibromyalgia. And the same disorder affects people differently. Some people with bipolar manage to hold down a job (and I am in awe of those of you who do) and some people cannot (I try, I'm in the hospital or near it in less than a month). H doesn't understand why, and it's even hard to describe the way things hit me to him. A lot of the time, I just don't have the words.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, TheSeaCat, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#14
|
||||
|
||||
I have told my h that depression is like trying to walk around with weighted boots on ones feet and one of those plastic grocery sacks on yr head. Yr h sounds very impatient so, in a jokey way you could ask him to actually try walking around like that , attempting to do household tasks. I don’t know how you would simulate pain, but a timer going off constantly as a distraction might simulate adhd and hypomania.
My h and 40 yr old son especially so don’t get this. My h has serious medical probs. I handle his docs so this pisses me off even more. I’ve even saved his life more than once. In fact I make the major decisions and do the long term planning. Yes, I can be hard to live with w my drama, but my ideas on real estate investing for our residences have paid off well. My son nonetheless loses it w me, won’t even tell me what irritates him. Very passive aggressive. My h is basically a very kind man, and is finally after 40 yrs at least listening when I try to explain the bipolar 2 w mixed episodes and ultra rapid cycling. I’ve had a tough yr w deaths in the family, so I get very distracted sometimes also and sometimes have confusion I can totally relate. I think it really helped when I had my friend w a bp son meet h and she is willing to meet son.When they know someone they have to face knows how they treat you it can help. If u could find a support group you like maybe someone could be an influence on him. Crockpot and pressure cooker meals do not taste the same. Shape up buddy or you’re going to have to answer to me, LOL. That ought to strike fear in his heart, LOL! Love ya, Blueberrybook!
__________________
Bipolar 2 with anxious distress mixed states & rapid cycling under severe stress tegretol 200 mg wellbutrin 75 mg, cut in half or higher dose as needed Regular aerobic exercise SKILLSET/KNOWLEDGE BASE: Family Medical Advocate Masters in Library Science Multiple Subject Teaching Credential-15 yrs in public schools |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#15
|
||||
|
||||
((((Blueberrybook)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I'm sure many can relate. However, it seems like what's making the situation even worse is that your husband is not being very supportive to you... he doesn't seem to understand, nor does he try to, understand your condition, making you feel even more terrible than you do already.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() Wild Coyote
|
#16
|
||||
|
||||
Not really. I have a T .
My best friend lives in the U.S Northeast, never see her much. I have 2 younger sisters, both of whom I consider friends. Only my youngest sister lives in practical driving distance from my house (around 40 minutes). She’s also the mom of my 3 nieces, and they are aged 4, 6, and 8 years old so it is hard to converse in person if they are all home. She nearly always has the 4 year old with her though because she is not in school yet. My other sister has my 2 nephews. They are 11 and 13 and pretty much take care of themselves, but she lives in the Dallas area, which is not a casual drive one makes from Houston without planning as it can be 4-6 hr long and is easier to do as an overnight or several day long visit. So I don’t see my middle sister much. That is pretty much it in the way of support ![]()
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#17
|
|||
|
|||
It sounds like your husband lacks empathy and nothing you have said or done to help him understand your condition has changed his behaviour.
Your description of his blame and criticism sounds like it could be abuse. Maybe your T can give you some ideas on how to cope with this but I don't think helping him 'understand' is going to change anythign because he doesn't seem to want to understand. Maybe the answer is to confront your husband with his behavior. Not sure what else to say.
__________________
BP 1 with psychotic features 50 mg Lyrica 50 mcg Synthroid 2.5 mg olanzapine |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#18
|
||||
|
||||
Your h is going thru a lot himself, but that’s no excuse. Nami has some family meetings in the large cities. Also if u have a 3rd bedroom, ask him if he would be willing for you to have a roommate who would trade household help for room and board until you get better. I did that when my disorder first kicked in during a stressful postpartum event. However supervising such a person requires effort as well.
__________________
Bipolar 2 with anxious distress mixed states & rapid cycling under severe stress tegretol 200 mg wellbutrin 75 mg, cut in half or higher dose as needed Regular aerobic exercise SKILLSET/KNOWLEDGE BASE: Family Medical Advocate Masters in Library Science Multiple Subject Teaching Credential-15 yrs in public schools |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Sunflower123
|
![]() MickeyCheeky
|
#19
|
||||
|
||||
My H is empathic other than with my MI and my ability to do things around the house. H thinks I use my MI to do so little. I try to explain to him it's not that way, and he says he can't differentiate between MI and laziness. I can't get him to understand that I already have to push to do what I do manage to get done.
It took him 12, 13 years before he even accepted there is MI between MI needing constant institutionalization, the in between, and no-MI. At least he does accept most of my MI diagnoses though not so much the ED or the ADHD. I question the ADHD myself. Who's to say it's not manic behavior and/or behavior caused by meds? But even if it's used off-label for me, the Adderall lets me concentrate enough to read books again and watch TV shows, doesn't up my panic or mess with my sleep. The only thing it may be doing is increasing my sex drive but not to the point of hypersexuality, so more of a good thing than bad. And it is tough. People with bipolar are all different: some of us are able to work a normal job, live a pretty normal life, maybe take meds or go to therapy and others have to fight to get anything done, even getting up & getting showered & dressed. I think H's problem lies in that he can't understand how bipolar can be a single diagnosis with so many differences between people. It is not an easy thing to explain or to get people without MI to understand. And then on top of that, the anxiety & panic disorder with long-lasting panic attacks and such super-high anxiety I can't do a thing, and H having a rough time himself right now with finances and job searches. It's hard.
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() Wild Coyote
|
#20
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#21
|
||||
|
||||
((((Blueberrybook))))
![]() ![]() |
![]() katydid777, Wild Coyote
|
![]() Wild Coyote
|
#22
|
||||
|
||||
I was diagnosed late and it drove a wedge into my marriage he though I stopped doing most anything because I just couldn’t and didn’t want too and I wound up IP
My T had him come along one visit and he told my husband in plain simple English that I indeed have Bipolar and it causes problems with xyz and my Fibromyalgia causes abc He was enlightened and realized a professional told him then I was in trouble. Maybe you can schedule a T appt in the afternoon so he can join you ? Just a thought.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() bizi, katydid777, luvyrself, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() bizi, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#23
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
This is such excellent advice!!!! bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() luvyrself, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#24
|
||||
|
||||
Possibly. I don’t know who could watch my daughter though. I will leave her home alone for quick trips to the nearby grocery store (it’s small), but I don’t feel she is yet ready to be home alone longer than 15 minutes or so.
Oh, and H has to fix the problem with the HOA seeing a window AC unit that has been there for 10 years without complaint until a recent sweep of the neighborhood by the HOA. He is not happy about having to build a fence now to block all of it from street view; right now, you can only see about half of it. Though today it’s raining; he can’t work on it. Since H is a teacher, he has Thanksgiving week off along with the students. I don’t think H puts much faith into any type of medical professional. When he was 17, he had to have a back operation over Christmas vacation, couldn’t keep pain meds down, and his doctor was unreachable on a ski trip. The doctor also neglected to tell H and his parents that H needed to go to physical therapy starting x days post-op. Then, he’s like, “They mis-diagnosedyou with depression for 10 years and had you on the wrong meds.” Yeah, also true. Plus, since he has a doctorate in physical chemistry from a Nobel Prize recipient (Rick Smalley), he is super smart. I think he has a hard time trusting a doctor or therapist he doesn’t know and/or that I have not been seeing for a long time. He feels there are a lot of bad doctors out there and just because they have a degree, it doesn’t mean they know everything. So it’s very hard. Maybe I will talk to my youngest sister’s husband. He teaches band for a middle school, but he also is the music minister of his church. If you tell him something you don’t even want my sister to know, he keeps it to himself. He is good with advice or maybe can help explain some of these MIs to H. They are now requiring teachers to get a lot of MI training on training days due to all the school shootings. It actually made H frantic when he came home. He was like, “Do you hallucinate or hear things that are not there or voices telling you to do stuff? I never knew bipolar could do that, and how can they diagnose anyone with all these illnesses having a lot of the same symptoms?” I was like no, I don’t hallucinate or hear voices in my head telling me to do stuff, which realaxed him a bit. They did do an exercise demonstrating how hard it is to think with racing thoughts, and that apparently did give H some idea, so I need to remind him that is how I almost always think. I only hallucinated after my surgery and think that was from a combo of the meds and the severe pain. But BIL has been a teacher longer than H and is in a different school district, so his MI training probably differed, and he’s had more students with MI since he’s taught much longer. So maybe it’s worth talking to BIL about? Hypergraphia again...
__________________
Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen Last edited by Blueberrybook; Nov 19, 2018 at 01:20 PM. |
![]() katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
#25
|
||||
|
||||
Can’t your daughter go with to a T appt and be in the waiting room with a book? Surely she’s old enough for that isn’t she ?
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
![]() katydid777, MickeyCheeky, Wild Coyote
|
![]() MickeyCheeky, Polibeth, Wild Coyote
|
Reply |
|