[BeyondtheRainbow]

Yes, Charlie is orange. I love orange cats; they tend to be quirky and fun. Abby is a beautiful calico.

I'll get a picture tomorrow. I'm really fighting to get to sleep tonight. My pdoc increased my gabapentin to try to help bridge the klonopin reduction gap and help with PTSD nghtmares but the higher dose is not working very well tonight. Last night it seemed to be I had driven 6.5 hours so maybe I was just tired. At least I don't have anything planned tomorrow.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Yes, Charlie is orange. I love orange cats; they tend to be quirky and fun. Abby is a beautiful calico.

I'll get a picture tomorrow. I'm really fighting to get to sleep tonight. My pdoc increased my gabapentin to try to help bridge the klonopin reduction gap and help with PTSD nghtmares but the higher dose is not working very well tonight. Last night it seemed to be I had driven 6.5 hours so maybe I was just tired. At least I don't have anything planned tomorrow.

I have always wanted a fluffy orange cat, I also want a black cat. I hope you get good sleep tonight and I hope the gabapentin works to help bridge the gap. I hate those nightmares.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Stream of consciousness here....sorry....

4 AM and I'm wide awake. My PRNs became meds yesterday and I'm not sure what to do (ok, I'm probably taking some old hydroxyzine and contacting my pdoc for more) but this is bad.

Crap, I know why. Another med error. 4 in 6 weeks. I got a new bottle of clozapine and didn't open it. So I missed the dose. I just took 100 mg so I'll probably be knocked out for the day. I have no idea though, I've never taken 100 mg.

I don't know what is wrong with me and messing up the meds. I haven't made this many errors in years, since things were much less controlled. I don't think I'm particularly up or down that would affect my attention span. But I'm going to have to do something; I can't keep making these errors, especially when the errors have nothing to do with the med changes.

This is kind of scaring me.....messing up clozapine is a great way to kick off a huge episode. I'm almost at 3 years out of IP and I don't want to mess that up with a stupid mistake.

[Lefty Seven]

Would I ever as a child believe that I would someday take an antipsychotic? That would be fun to know at 10.



Painted pottery, China, T'ang dynasty (618-907), 14.75 inches high, Christie's.

I can't believe that on saturday it's the first of december.

despite looking forward to some parts of christmas (and wanting a few decorations in my bedroom), I am really not in the christmas spirit- in fact I feel more like a screwdge (baa humbug and stuff), but deep down I know I'm not that- it's just because I've been really struggling with motivation and stuff. I still need to figure out what I'm doing for dinner tonight as someone needs to come out and fix the oven (probably takeout), but I've not had a takeout this week yet so that will be nice

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Yes, Charlie is orange. I love orange cats; they tend to be quirky and fun. Abby is a beautiful calico.

I'll get a picture tomorrow. I'm really fighting to get to sleep tonight. My pdoc increased my gabapentin to try to help bridge the klonopin reduction gap and help with PTSD nghtmares but the higher dose is not working very well tonight. Last night it seemed to be I had driven 6.5 hours so maybe I was just tired. At least I don't have anything planned tomorrow.

I love cats too. I had a sweet gray & white one growing up named Sweet Pea. She lived for a very long time considering she was an indoor/outdoor cat. Died of age, we had to put her down, 15 or 16 years, something like that.

Right now we have 3 cats. Two we thought were strays but belonged to our neighbor who also had dogs. They were both skin & bones. After about 2 months of taking care of the first cat, she casually told me that was her cat lying in the window all the time, but we could have her. That cat is a black & white tabby my daughter named Hungry. The 2nd cat we took to the neighbor first; yes, we could have her; she's completely black and already had been named Midnight. Then, we went on vacation, and inadvertently, the pet sitter let another skinny black cat into our house thinking it was Midnight, Midnight being wary of strangers and prone to sneaking outside. We got home and suddenly had 3 cats. The 3rd black one has a white spot on her chest; we named her Licorice. Licorice did not belong to the neighbor for once. I knocked on a lot of the neighbors' doors, but she wasn't their cat either; we put up posters, and no one claimed her. Of course, here was a 3rd cat we had to spay, but she is the most cuddly of our cats.

I really love orange cats too. My grandmother has 3 very beautiful orange cats that get along with her little mixed breed dog. Her animals are like children to her, except her chickens. Though I do think she gets upset when she loses one to a hawk or something. She gets her eggs from them and usually a few cartons to sell to my mom, my aunt, friends of hers. Not much money, just pocket money, a token payment, she never wants to take the money, but they all leave it on the table anyway.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Abby just is a name I liked and always thought I might use if I had a daughter. Charlie is Charlie Orange, a play on a favorite ice skater Charlie White. (Yes, the skating thing is weird but I spent summer 2014 on bedrest after ankle reconstruction surgery and learning figure skating was one of the things that got me through those months. Now I love it and watch it all season long.)

One of my nieces is named Abigail. She is called Abi for short. I liked the name too, even considered it for a girl (Abi is younger than my daughter), but H had known an Abigail growing up, so we nixed that name from the list.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I love cats too. I had a sweet gray & white one growing up named Sweet Pea. She lived for a very long time considering she was an indoor/outdoor cat. Died of age, we had to put her down, 15 or 16 years, something like that.

Right now we have 3 cats. Two we thought were strays but belonged to our neighbor who also had dogs. They were both skin & bones. After about 2 months of taking care of the first cat, she casually told me that was her cat lying in the window all the time, but we could have her. That cat is a black & white tabby my daughter named Hungry. The 2nd cat we took to the neighbor first; yes, we could have her; she's completely black and already had been named Midnight. Then, we went on vacation, and inadvertently, the pet sitter let another skinny black cat into our house thinking it was Midnight, Midnight being wary of strangers and prone to sneaking outside. We got home and suddenly had 3 cats. The 3rd black one has a white spot on her chest; we named her Licorice. Licorice did not belong to the neighbor for once. I knocked on a lot of the neighbors' doors, but she wasn't their cat either; we put up posters, and no one claimed her. Of course, here was a 3rd cat we had to spay, but she is the most cuddly of our cats.

I really love orange cats too. My grandmother has 3 very beautiful orange cats that get along with her little mixed breed dog. Her animals are like children to her, except her chickens. Though I do think she gets upset when she loses one to a hawk or something. She gets her eggs from them and usually a few cartons to sell to my mom, my aunt, friends of hers. Not much money, just pocket money, a token payment, she never wants to take the money, but they all leave it on the table anyway.

I wish I could have cats especially black ones! But my fam is allergic but I have a dog and she is amazing.

She showed up in my backyard one day and I fell in love. I did find the owner and reluctantly returned her but about a month later she got out again. I didnt find her then but when the owner was contacted she didnt want her anymore so she went to the shelter.

When I found out she was there I called right away and took her home for a trial period before adoption. I was freaking out when I picked her up because I realized I had gotten a dog I really knew nothing about other than that I had fallen in love with her and she was good with the kids in the 2hrs I had met her before. I was imagining her not being trained to go to the bathroom outside or having some other major issue I didnt know about.

She is so perfect though, cuddly and relaxed but energetic when we go to my dads farm or go for a run or the boys want to wrestle lol. Its the best when everything just falls into place and you get the perfect pet when you werent even trying

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Stream of consciousness here....sorry....

4 AM and I'm wide awake. My PRNs became meds yesterday and I'm not sure what to do (ok, I'm probably taking some old hydroxyzine and contacting my pdoc for more) but this is bad.

Crap, I know why. Another med error. 4 in 6 weeks. I got a new bottle of clozapine and didn't open it. So I missed the dose. I just took 100 mg so I'll probably be knocked out for the day. I have no idea though, I've never taken 100 mg.

I don't know what is wrong with me and messing up the meds. I haven't made this many errors in years, since things were much less controlled. I don't think I'm particularly up or down that would affect my attention span. But I'm going to have to do something; I can't keep making these errors, especially when the errors have nothing to do with the med changes.

This is kind of scaring me.....messing up clozapine is a great way to kick off a huge episode. I'm almost at 3 years out of IP and I don't want to mess that up with a stupid mistake.

I am sorry you could not get to sleep.
I hope you are able to get your meds squared away.

WC

I've been feeling easily triggered or upset/agitated/angered lately. I've had to "step away" from some things, people, and places. I've blocked a couple people on various forums lately, not because they bullied me, but because what they had been writing triggered me. It's true that I could have just not read their posts, but blocking worked better so I'm not tempted to read their posts. I also unsubscribed from the cooking subreddit. I liked that subreddit initially, but some people there are so nasty and trollish. Imagine? On a cooking subreddit? Most of the time it is totally curious what inspires such ire.

I see my psychiatrist today. I have a couple of important things to bring up, including the above. And the holidays.

I have to buy something for my hubby's birthday. I haven't a clue what.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I've been feeling easily triggered or upset/agitated/angered lately. I've had to "step away" from some things, people, and places. I've blocked a couple people on various forums lately, not because they bullied me, but because what they had been writing triggered me. It's true that I could have just not read their posts, but blocking worked better so I'm not tempted to read their posts. I also unsubscribed from the cooking subreddit. I liked that subreddit initially, but some people there are so nasty and trollish. Imagine? On a cooking subreddit? Most of the time it is totally curious what inspires such ire.

I see my psychiatrist today. I have a couple of important things to bring up, including the above. And the holidays.

I have to buy something for my hubby's birthday. I haven't a clue what.

I hope you feel better soon.

[tecomsin]

BirdDancer, I also find online forums to get to me sometimes. Blocking helps but sometime the only choice for me to have peace of mind is just to disconnect for awhile.

Thanks, Jennifer_1967 and tecomsin! Tecomsin, I have disconnected from some places over the past year. I think it has been good for me. Really, PC is the only bipolar online support group I visit anymore. I've even almost entirely stopped blogging on WordPress.

I feel like I'm slipping backwards in terms of social interactions and being able to express myself creatively. Usually I like being an "idea person", but my ideas are fewer and further between in recent months, too. I do feel a bit lonelier than in the past. I even feel less connected to my psychiatrist, whom I've always adored. And as for my newish therapist, I have started not to like what she is providing (or the lack of help). It's hard to know if it's my mood state causing a lot of this, or something else.

[nikon]

i haven't had a great day. in general i feel really paranoid about people in my life being able to identify me on online forums, so it always feels like i have to be really vague and disclose absolutely no identifying information.

felt quite anxious the whole day and a bit aimless/down. i think this was partly because i had really good news yesterday, and was on a bit of a high, and today had suddenly come down from that. also i had to visit family this evening and get really stressed around them. luckily i'm home now. today i've struggled with anger episodes, which i'm not too happy about. especially while driving. suddenly find myself shaking with rage. i'm not seeing my therapist this week or next week but almost think i should try to get in to see them next week in case things escalate.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Thanks, Jennifer_1967 and tecomsin! Tecomsin, I have disconnected from some places over the past year. I think it has been good for me. Really, PC is the only bipolar online support group I visit anymore. I've even almost entirely stopped blogging on WordPress.

I feel like I'm slipping backwards in terms of social interactions and being able to express myself creatively. Usually I like being an "idea person", but my ideas are fewer and further between in recent months, too. I do feel a bit lonelier than in the past. I even feel less connected to my psychiatrist, whom I've always adored. And as for my newish therapist, I have started not to like what she is providing (or the lack of help). It's hard to know if it's my mood state causing a lot of this, or something else.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I struggle too with creativity, even just getting ideas, like how or where to store something we just got that doesn't fit in with other things or is a lot larger or a lot smaller. I just can't even get those ideas any more. I disconnected from my book club, pretty much, haven't been to a meeting in months. I do like my new T, but my pdoc is not as good as my old pdoc, and I think I could see him 10 years and not feel connected to him. Not that he's a bad doctor, he just is efficient and doesn't do personal chit-chat stuff. You have to be on the ball and have what you want to tell him ready (I have started making a list).

I hope things get better for you. This can be a tough time of the year too.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm down today, struggling with PTSD stuff that happened in early December 4 years ago. This one I struggle when the anniversary comes around, but other things just choose to pop up randomly because I don't really remember the month or time of year it happened.

I have had high anxiety and took my anxiety meds early, but it is not helping, so I may need to take the prn stuff, but sometimes that knocks me out. More sleep wouldn't be the end of the world, and it would wear off by the time I have to get my daughter from school.

Did a progressive relaxation thing with my T yesterday, and that worked much better for me than deep breathing. In fact, I almost fell asleep in her office and got startled when she spoke again at the end. I am supposed to practice that one. I just hate this anxiety, even a bit of paranoia (thinking random sounds I hear are a person trying to break into the house or running behind me to catch me, or following me in the parking lot, etc.).

[Guiness187055]

Finally was able to get moving and get some stuff done before I go away. I think I might be hypo. I had 2.5 hours of sleep and have so much energy I can't stop moving. I hope I am not going manic before I go away. Hope everyone is having a great day.

This guy at work is annoying. First of all, he stole my work and took credit for it about a month ago (thankfully he got in trouble for that). Now he's asking me to modify my work so that he can use it for a certain purpose. Still stealing other people's work after getting slapped for it, eh? I never said you could use it in the first place.

He evidently doesn't even know how to steal other people's work properly! He stole it and has no idea what to do with it, and then he comes to me for help. Real smart. If you're going to steal something, at least make sure you understand it. Doofus.

The worst part is that he tried to justify his stealing today. "I don't want to replicate anyone else's work. No sense in reinventing the wheel." My boss wasn't having any of it today. Got pissed at this guy, as he should.

Otherwise, had an ok day. Mood is fine. Just annoyed by this shameless guy who knows better but doesn't give a s***.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

This guy at work is annoying. First of all, he stole my work and took credit for it about a month ago (thankfully he got in trouble for that). Now he's asking me to modify my work so that he can use it for a certain purpose. Still stealing other people's work after getting slapped for it, eh? I never said you could use it in the first place.

He evidently doesn't even know how to steal other people's work properly! He stole it and has no idea what to do with it, and then he comes to me for help. Real smart. If you're going to steal something, at least make sure you understand it. Doofus.

The worst part is that he tried to justify his stealing today. "I don't want to replicate anyone else's work. No sense in reinventing the wheel." My boss wasn't having any of it today. Got pissed at this guy, as he should.

Otherwise, had an ok day. Mood is fine. Just annoyed by this shameless guy who knows better but doesn't give a s***.

I used to have a coworker that would steal most of my work and pass it off as his. I finally put a password on all my stuff. Totally shameless. Glad you’re having an ok day.

[Guiness187055]

My dryer just died....FML

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I've been feeling easily triggered or upset/agitated/angered lately. I've had to "step away" from some things, people, and places. I've blocked a couple people on various forums lately, not because they bullied me, but because what they had been writing triggered me. It's true that I could have just not read their posts, but blocking worked better so I'm not tempted to read their posts. I also unsubscribed from the cooking subreddit. I liked that subreddit initially, but some people there are so nasty and trollish. Imagine? On a cooking subreddit? Most of the time it is totally curious what inspires such ire.

I see my psychiatrist today. I have a couple of important things to bring up, including the above. And the holidays.

I have to buy something for my hubby's birthday. I haven't a clue what.

I am sorry you are going through this.
I am also feeling a bit agitated lately. I do find to helpful to stay away from some people on forums as well. I hate to resort to "blocking," yet sometimes it helps the most.

I hope your appt today was helpful.

I hope you feel better soon!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Still adjusting meds.

Very grateful again today!
More snow. Approx. 30,000 w/o power and will not have power until Sat. night or Sunday! Shelters have been opened up in school gyms, etc.

We are so lucky to have power and to be able to stay in our own home!

Love to All!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

This guy at work is annoying. First of all, he stole my work and took credit for it about a month ago (thankfully he got in trouble for that). Now he's asking me to modify my work so that he can use it for a certain purpose. Still stealing other people's work after getting slapped for it, eh? I never said you could use it in the first place.

He evidently doesn't even know how to steal other people's work properly! He stole it and has no idea what to do with it, and then he comes to me for help. Real smart. If you're going to steal something, at least make sure you understand it. Doofus.

The worst part is that he tried to justify his stealing today. "I don't want to replicate anyone else's work. No sense in reinventing the wheel." My boss wasn't having any of it today. Got pissed at this guy, as he should.

Otherwise, had an ok day. Mood is fine. Just annoyed by this shameless guy who knows better but doesn't give a s***.

Sorry this is still going on! How aggravating!

Always nice to hear from you!

[Moose72]

WC, Im glad you don't have to sleep in a gym.

I'm home. Came home at 10 am feeling tired. So I laid down in bed and fell asleep for 4 hours! lots of dreams. Of course I woke up to umpteen texts and one missed call.

In other news I am getting fatter. Or at least my stomach is. Thanks seroquel. Can't wait to finally break up with you. (Of course 4hour naps don't help.)

[pirilin]

Cold day here. It went down to 48 while I slept.
Good thing I have a light weighted blanket.
I dislike the smell of the heater from the HVAC.
If it goes under 55 inside the house, I'll turn it on.

Cheers