[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I totally over did it today. I made 36 cocoa rolled rum balls with rum soaked cherries inside, 50 walnut kolachky cookies, and a rum cherry orange essence bread pudding. And I promised my hubby that tonight I'd use the fresh wild chanterelle mushrooms we bought. I'm going to make a steak with a chanterelle mushroom shallot Cognac sauce eith tarragon, homemade red skin mashed potatoes, and steamed carrots and peas with fresh dill.


I'm going nuts with these Christmas cookie projects. In addition to the above, I've made 100 vanilla crescent cookies, molded spice cookies (though hubby helped with the spice cookies), and have some wild plans of making Linzer tart cookies tomorrow, a cookie called "Morrocans" on Thursday, and perhaps pecan tassies (like mini pecan pies), and coconut cookies with salted caramel chips (half dipped in melted bittersweet chocolate) this weekend. Then I have Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas day brunch to grocery shop and prepare dishes for. For the Christmas day brunch, I plan to make three different kinds of fancy open-faced sandwiches for eight people. I'll of course bring Christmas cookies (some of all 8 varieties). I'm going to pass out at the end of this! I really need to cut back, maybe, but whenever I think I will I plan one additional thing.


I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I don't want him to get the wrong idea.

I’m heading to your house !!!! Sounds yummy !

Enjoy ~

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oooo I so want to come to your house for Christmas!


Well I had epiploic appendagitis. A fancy way of saying one of the fatty sacks on the outside of the colon twisted around cut off its blood supply and died. Painful but self limiting the sack became inflamed but the problem will clear up on its own. The reason my liquid diet helped the pain was because it slowed the movement of the colon so it wasn't agitating the sack. I really like my doc, he even printed out a medical paper for me to read up on it. The pain is better than it was and will go away in another week or so.

Glad you got answers and will be on the mend very soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I hope taking it all at pm will allow you to be more awake during the day , fingers crossed !!

Has your pain let up any??

Thanks, ~Christina!

The pain has gotten worse. I have fibromyalgia, Psoriatic Arthritis and neuropathy all flaring at the same time. I am sure you know how this feels and am sorry you do know.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hi guys, feeling a lot better. Blood pressure is normal heart rate is quite high. I was pretty scared when the nurses and Cardiologist came to get me for the EP Study. I was also scared of the medication they gave me to relax for the study given the recent Vanderbilt scare of wrong medication I asked the nurse to see the vial. Which really eased my fear. Cardiologist held my hand as everything was set up, the prep was cold on my upper thigh. They cleaned both thighs and the numbing hurt on the inner thigh. They also had IV Tylenol running during the test to help ease some of the pain.


Test was okay it was long and boring I remember talking to the nurse about the medication vial and someone scrubbing up my thigh and groin area with prep and the pinch and sting of the numbing. I don’t remember much of anything after that. My Cardiologist showed me everything and the problem exists in my SA Node and apparently I’m also hypersensitive to adrenaline so anytime my adrenaline surges heart rate massively increases. The @ss really wanted to do an ablation but Cardiologist didn’t like that idea; neither did I. I reacted weirdly to several different medications and some aren’t through an IV. Cardiologist doesn’t think it was the 5MG dose that caused my blood pressure. So that diagnosis is fainting spell not otherwise specified. So we don’t know exactly what to do medication wise.


He’s letting me go tomorrow so I can do my finals tomorrow! He’s going to put me on metoprolol and I get to see him two weeks from now same with the primary for the head lac and concussion, Christmas is getting in the way but I should be okay.


M has asked me to the huge Christmas/New Year’s party the organization throws us on New Year’s eve. So it’s a date for us. He and R were there the entire time during the procedure as was Aunt, Uncle, parents were there waiting. Dad really doesn’t like M or R for the matter since he sees it as them taking me away.


My boss came for a visit during lunch as did a few of the other PA’s and docs at the office. Granted I was still pretty hung over from the medication since it was like ten minutes after. I was good and drunk I can only imagine what was said during the procedure. I also had to lay flat for five hours I’ve finally got the all clear to move again, so I have changed out of the hospital gown and back into pajamas. Just got to make it through the night and I will be home free tomorrow to be able to study for my finals on Wednesday. Assuming my blood pressure doesn’t bottom out in the middle of the night. So now to study and beg someone to get me food for dinner.


I also got to have a meaningful conversation with M, and we have a date set. I really can’t thank him enough for staying the past couple of days, I know that chair is not comfortable not to mention missing a day of work same with R. I’m really excited about the organization Christmas Party.


Hugs to everyone and thank you all for the well wishes. I’m really feeling a lot better today.

Just caught up ... Been outta the loop last few days . Oh my goodness !!! I freaking hope someone can get to the bottom of this and get you back into your life ..... M sure sounds like an angel !!! And R too !

[yellow_fleurs]

I am finding the type of deep breathing where you massage right below your collar bones to work quite well. I find it much more grounding than just trying to focus on deep breathing which doesn't tend to work that great for me, most likely due to quickly getting distracted. I am randomly ruminating and getting anxious and filled with dread but fortunately it's now under control.
I am having difficulties with the obsessive thoughts. Also, I don't think I ever mentioned this here but this past year I have been processing the fact that a mentor of mine at a job from a few years back was actually trying to manipulate and lying to me and everyone else. I noticed what I thought were some lies, but I didn't realize the extent and also thought maybe she was a bit forgetful or had the wrong info. It also made me question if I even remembered the story correctly. I mean I know sometimes people occasionally lie, but this was different. She really acted like she was supporting me during a really tough position I had taken on, but now I realize she saw my "weakness" and targeted me. It makes me feel very confused and I am struggling to come to terms with this realization and losing trust in myself and others.

In other news I am eating a lot of chocolate haha. A neighbor handed me a box this morning as I left for work as a holiday present. It was nice to be thought of.

Sending hugs to those who want them!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I had the pre-disciplinary meeting at work today. I wasn't fired. I was told I'll receive a written warning. Good news.

That's great news!

[Moose72]

I am feeling good right now. I think ill take advantage and go to sleep. Night all!

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I got an A on my intro to social work exam, and an A as the final grade. Very happy about that. My art professor should be posting our grades in the next day or so. All I have to do is go over and pick up my graded sketchbook from his office on Thursday.

So I'm off for winter break till January 22nd. Thankfully. I love school but with a lot of symptoms returning this semester has been rough.

Stopped by a bookstore today and got a few books and DVDs, then got some MP3s on my IPod.

Praying for sleep

You go girl! I am so looking forward to my own winter break at least now when I get off from work I can actually do something other than school work. I hope you get some sleep tonight now that the stress of finals are over.

[TheSeaCat]

Hi guys another small update; I just had a shower and I feel great. I had to fight with the nurse who had to be in the same room just in case I decided to have another nose dive; which I didn't. Blood pressure is hanging steady around normal range. Heart rate is a little lower at 130; which is kind of my baseline. Assuming nothing happens tonight when I am sleeping I will be going home tomorrow. I just want to go home and see my cat.

R went out to get dinner and brought back nail polish she wanted to do my nails; which while I quit biting them a while ago they are still pretty short; and even then I like my nails short since it is easier to type that way; but they are cute and Christmasy. She also sent M home for a quick shower. They are both taking off work again tomorrow so they can get me when I am discharged; I also need to go get 'baby' from the mall parking lot.

I have a lot of studying to do tomorrow, it's so hard to study on much of anything around here with the buzzing, beeping, no personal space from the medical staff. I know I am going to do well on three of them, not quite sure how I feel about Epidemiology, I mean I have an A in that class; but I really want President's for the first time; since I do have straight A's in all classes going into finals. I usually made Vice President's list during my associate's degree; but I really want President's List. I want to prove everyone that has ever doubted me wrong. That I can work full time and college full time.

~Christina I think my entire office is made up of angel's but M and R especially. How are you by the way; haven't seen you in a while was afraid something might have happened?

I feel really good tonight; but I think a big part of that was the shower.

Hugs to everyone and thank you for all your

[wildflowerchild25]

I had a good day today despite my student getting aggressive and trying to push me and other people. Spent the day in detention with him again. They’re trying to get him to stay home until his meds even out. So I hope he doesn’t come in the rest of the week, because Friday is the last day before winter break and my regular student is coming back in the new year so I won’t have to deal with him anymore.

RS is coming over tomorrow to help me make cookies. He’s also coming to my son’s winter concert on Wednesday. Everything just feels so right with him. He’s so sweet he’s getting my mom a gift to let her know how much he appreciates her watching my son so we can go out. I don’t know how I got so lucky!

[Pikku Myy]

I dislike Christmas stress. I am about to loose it.

[beauflow]

all, been reading and many hugs and good thoughts.

(((Everyone)))
_________

I have been in a decent mood, a good mood,.. a mood that forgets boundaries I gues..Boundaries that I made... I am a contradiction...

Possible trigger:

Boundaries in this context were- no more sex with ex ((I've been known to chant this to my self.. maybe even make a little song )). Did great in November, not so much in Oct..

Sunday was nice, I may have enjoyed myself a bit too much with my ex.. i don't feel bad about what we did, ((and want a repeat)) .. but " I know, I know.. I know"...

I'm just perplexed in a way. ... I deleted what I wrote... just the ending thought of
Wtf is wrong with me?
Stays.

Possible trigger:

((I just wish I didn't continue to wonder about something or someone else for even a split second while doing such things,. or I wish that person just be direct with me... or me being better-- it's all in my head, and the realization of that just hits other things)).
I hate me some days that I tangled my ex into this madness-- I dislike me too but see here is the thing-- that'll hit on a down day and -hard.. rn - my ex knows this all in detail along with my other things.. and he still ****s me like he loves me... I am sure to let him know my doubts of us.. I do love him

Right now- I found this funny
I actually told my ex "happy holidays!"
(( It's one of these years .. but who knows)).

And a part of me says to live in the moment - this is life- and another says prepare for January!! I will try to balance both.

Looking at tablets and other things, ... my friend that I mentioned ((outside of work)) .. she may go with me to a mall tomorrow-- it's been a "minute" since I've been to a mall. I never was a mall person but I have always liked to.go to the mall one time when I haven't been for years...

Idk why I am happy this year.. 2018 was not the greatest...and perhaps that.plays into this.. strangely in july I was down and out...

ya know, i.dont understand my cycles.. some years I am like this, other years no- opposite... if indeed 3 pdocs are correct, and I cycle .. but I have these rapid changes... but idk.. I just don't right now.

An odd thing today
I had a neighbor come up to.me today out of the blue, telling me about how he is bipolar and that's why he and the evicted neighbor girl got along,... he was trying to explain his bipolar to me and I was listening, also encouraged him with learning more ((he said he was learning more and I was like - right on man))....
This neighbor, I've chatted with a few times, even made a funny one night when he was drunk and had his key in the door and I was going to help him out... but he -- has hit things, which scares me-- my PTSD goes up... and I can freeze or fight depending... I want to be a friend but must stay safe.

[Moose72]

I can't sleep. The tremors are worse and it seems when i relaax they get going.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I can't sleep. The tremors are worse and it seems when i relaax they get going.

This has to be uncomfortable and very upsetting!

Have you reported this to your pdoc?
Maybe you have done so and I've forgotten?

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I hope it goes away immediately.

I also hope you can get some decent sleep.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Pikku Myy

I dislike Christmas stress. I am about to loose it.

(((((( Pikku Myy ))))))

This time of year can be so very stressful!
I hope you can find at least moments of relief.
The holidays will be over soon!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by beauflow

all, been reading and many hugs and good thoughts.

(((Everyone)))
_________

I have been in a decent mood, a good mood,.. a mood that forgets boundaries I gues..Boundaries that I made... I am a contradiction...

Possible trigger:

Boundaries in this context were- no more sex with ex ((I've been known to chant this to my self.. maybe even make a little song )). Did great in November, not so much in Oct..

Sunday was nice, I may have enjoyed myself a bit too much with my ex.. i don't feel bad about what we did, ((and want a repeat)) .. but " I know, I know.. I know"...

I'm just perplexed in a way. ... I deleted what I wrote... just the ending thought of
Wtf is wrong with me?
Stays.

Possible trigger:

((I just wish I didn't continue to wonder about something or someone else for even a split second while doing such things,. or I wish that person just be direct with me... or me being better-- it's all in my head, and the realization of that just hits other things)).
I hate me some days that I tangled my ex into this madness-- I dislike me too but see here is the thing-- that'll hit on a down day and -hard.. rn - my ex knows this all in detail along with my other things.. and he still ****s me like he loves me... I am sure to let him know my doubts of us.. I do love him

Right now- I found this funny
I actually told my ex "happy holidays!"
(( It's one of these years .. but who knows)).

And a part of me says to live in the moment - this is life- and another says prepare for January!! I will try to balance both.

Looking at tablets and other things, ... my friend that I mentioned ((outside of work)) .. she may go with me to a mall tomorrow-- it's been a "minute" since I've been to a mall. I never was a mall person but I have always liked to.go to the mall one time when I haven't been for years...

Idk why I am happy this year.. 2018 was not the greatest...and perhaps that.plays into this.. strangely in july I was down and out...

ya know, i.dont understand my cycles.. some years I am like this, other years no- opposite... if indeed 3 pdocs are correct, and I cycle .. but I have these rapid changes... but idk.. I just don't right now.

An odd thing today
I had a neighbor come up to.me today out of the blue, telling me about how he is bipolar and that's why he and the evicted neighbor girl got along,... he was trying to explain his bipolar to me and I was listening, also encouraged him with learning more ((he said he was learning more and I was like - right on man))....
This neighbor, I've chatted with a few times, even made a funny one night when he was drunk and had his key in the door and I was going to help him out... but he -- has hit things, which scares me-- my PTSD goes up... and I can freeze or fight depending... I want to be a friend but must stay safe.

(((((( beauflow ))))))

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Went to Pdoc today and he filled out all of my disability paperwork before my court date. He also wrote a letter stating I am not able to hold a job at this point. Still fighting depression but better today since I got out of the house. I am beginning to wonder if the xanax is causing some of my depression. It might be time to taper back a little. In the mean while my Dr. raised my wellbutrin to 450mg. I am afraid to take that much due to seizures so IDK. Hope everyone is having or had a great day.

It must be a relief to have the paperwork done!
A great deal of weight is placed upon the treating physician's report.

I think some of the meds contribute to depression, especially those used for anxiety. I hope cutting back is helpful.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I am finding the type of deep breathing where you massage right below your collar bones to work quite well. I find it much more grounding than just trying to focus on deep breathing which doesn't tend to work that great for me, most likely due to quickly getting distracted. I am randomly ruminating and getting anxious and filled with dread but fortunately it's now under control.
I am having difficulties with the obsessive thoughts. Also, I don't think I ever mentioned this here but this past year I have been processing the fact that a mentor of mine at a job from a few years back was actually trying to manipulate and lying to me and everyone else. I noticed what I thought were some lies, but I didn't realize the extent and also thought maybe she was a bit forgetful or had the wrong info. It also made me question if I even remembered the story correctly. I mean I know sometimes people occasionally lie, but this was different. She really acted like she was supporting me during a really tough position I had taken on, but now I realize she saw my "weakness" and targeted me. It makes me feel very confused and I am struggling to come to terms with this realization and losing trust in myself and others.

In other news I am eating a lot of chocolate haha. A neighbor handed me a box this morning as I left for work as a holiday present. It was nice to be thought of.

Sending hugs to those who want them!

Wow. It's totally understandable you'd be hesitant to trust considering this experience.

When I was working, it was very cut-throat in "corporate America."
One had to be very cautious, which was disheartening.

I hope you will successfully process this experience and can heal.


WC

Wearing hats and laughing because I'm, as he put it, "wacko," "f*cked in the head," "crazy." If I laugh and act like I'm joking they won't know that I know.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

This has to be uncomfortable and very upsetting!

Have you reported this to your pdoc?
Maybe you have done so and I've forgotten?

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I hope it goes away immediately.

I also hope you can get some decent sleep.

WC

I did sleep about 5 1/2 hours. My youngest woke mme up at 12:30 am to fill out some school paperwork! Ooh Im so mad at him! Then i couldnt get back to sleep until 2. No I havent called pdoc. Maybe iys time to.

[beauflow]

s

Some times I tell myself "things work out some how some way,as long as I keep trying... things may not work out exactly how I desired, planned or wanted to but they do work out.. or at least I hope"

My friend is skipping out on me but for good reason. Nonetheless I will journey to the mall and this gives me more freedom... thou the thought of having a moment with another ((just simply bonding time )) would be nice.

I will try and go smile at strangers today which can be a good pastime for me.

[pirilin]

Checking in.

I'm dancing alone to latin reaggeton. Some country too, for balance.

PayPal warns me of attemps and deny. Then next day, they raise the limit.
They have me on a 100 a day diet. But raising.
Ah, six months to pay no interest. Grrreat!!!.
Even Capital One raised my limit. With a 592 credit score. Am I lucky or what!.
They don't seem to realize I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I'm becoming a mini Bernie Madoff. Hehe.

i worked a show last weekend, and did good.
I could buy three more guns and two knives.
Which presents a problem. I need one more safe. And the space to place it.
Why they keep coming with new stuff?.

Like a good patriot, I hafta fulfill my duty of keep the economy rolling.
Came back home with eleven dollars, after gassing Hooker up. A FORTUNE!!!.
TTTHP I don't have a gas card............yet.

Well, enough with my situations.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING???.

Good Luck. Cheers!!.

[Blue_Bird]

I slept!!!!!!!!!! Omg, I feel so much better. What a crazy week or so.

I have an appointment later today with a nutritionist my psychiatrist referred me to for my ED. Hopefully that goes well.

Other than that I'm just enjoying being able to do whatever I want for winter break!

today I finally got round to watching "elf", and actually really enjoyed it.

I think i mentioned here before- someone tried to lend me the disk but it was badly damaged.

it was nice to watch it in full on tv- okay, so the end was a bit.... blah, but the rest of it was good (I love the fact that one of the characters in elf has my name!)

it's still not as good as muppet's christmas carol, but the movie is up their now as one of my top christmas movies. could it be something I watch every christmas?. quite possibly!

had my nails repainted today (gold with glitter), and also wrote my shopping list and menu for next week.

the bad sides of today is that I didn't sleep at all last night, and that I spent the day in unthinkable amounts of pain (I think I had enough pain in my back and legs today to probably break a world record)

also very depressed

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

today I finally got round to watching "elf", and actually really enjoyed it.

I think i mentioned here before- someone tried to lend me the disk but it was badly damaged.

it was nice to watch it in full on tv- okay, so the end was a bit.... blah, but the rest of it was good (I love the fact that one of the characters in elf has my name!)

it's still not as good as muppet's christmas carol, but the movie is up their now as one of my top christmas movies. could it be something I watch every christmas?. quite possibly!

had my nails repainted today (gold with glitter), and also wrote my shopping list and menu for next week.

the bad sides of today is that I didn't sleep at all last night, and that I spent the day in unthinkable amounts of pain (I think I had enough pain in my back and legs today to probably break a world record)

also very depressed

I am sorry you are in pain and depressed.
Your nails sound pretty!
I hope you can find a way to enjoy the season.

WC