[wildflowerchild25]

Had a much better day today. No headache finally and even though my student acted up I dealt with it a lot better because I didn’t feel sick. Then I came home to a wonderful surprise - flowers from RS! No one’s gotten me flowers since my husband and I can’t remember the last time he even got me flowers. RS wrote on the note that it was because we have been talking for one month and I have changed his life for the better. He’s sooooo sweet.

He came over at 6p and thankfully my son was much better behaved today. He’s going to fix my door for me and try to fix my son’s bed because I can’t afford to get him a new one until I get my tax return in February. I’m just so lucky to have found him. He’s taking me to a car race on Friday, something I’ve never done before. I am looking forward to it. It’s nice to get out and experience new things.

I hope my good mood continues through the holidays!

[sarahann1993]

I'm new here. Hello everyone!

I'm starting to think I'm never outside of an episode. I'm either manic or depressive. I am not even sure if I know who I really am at this point. I'm actually kind of scared to find out...


Am I a nice person or is it just the manic being... manic? I have no idea. I can't find myself and it's getting worse. No one understands so that makes this a million times worse. I have never been able to hold a job so I own two businesses. I have to stay away from Facebook or I will involve myself in a conversation I shouldn't be apart of. It's hard for me to admit what I do wrong or when I do wrong but I'm going to start. I'm desperate for help (I am against medication). I am trying Rieke in about a week. It's a form of healing done by energy. Seems far fetched but I will try almost anything at this point. Sorry if my spelling is incorrect at anytime. I don't seem to care much anymore. I'm faking being "myself" everyday. That's probably confusing me even more. I'm very irritable and annoyed by everything and everyone in my life. I feel alone and overwhelmed with these crazy emotions. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and some days I wish I would.


I've tried medications and they made me very sick. I couldn't take it. I didn't eat for a week before the doctor changed my meds again. I'm tired of putting chemicals in my body. Why do we have to live this way?

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Congrats on your new ride !!!!!! Nothing feels better than to get a new ride.

Hopefully you will find a medication that helps you , I’d be worried too

Sounds like this is a perfect fit for you job wise. Not many can say that !

Feel better

Thank you; i'm pretty excited about it; I swear nothing beats that new car smell; best of all she has like no miles on it.

I really hope he finds something that works; I'm sick of med changes from earlier in the year.

I know with each new day I'm amazed with my coworkers and my boss, I want this to last.

Thank you; how are you doing?

[beauflow]

s

today was good, though my brain was going faster than my typing earlier at work... my coworker friend mentioned he's noticed this lately with me, after I pointed it out to him ((joking around that I was missing words and for them to all guess)).. he relates..

he's an old time coworker friend .... I acted like a chicken in front of him today ((I got a pass to skip out on executive meeting this week that this friend doesn't... because I explained how it was a waste of my time.. my ex does question how I still have a job).
It's may be due to they need people and I can be a calm debater at times if not an exceptional typed up debater. Though with personal things, I am so chaotic at times... I feel this year I've been worse at work, like I did tell a project executive a few months ago- their "backhanding" ways weren't going to build a good relationship with me. ... oi... I can't believe that was me some Times.

I did drink three beers the night prior but no beer or alcohol tonight... it can start innocent enough with me, but can be habitual easily for me, especially when hangovers are few and far between.. have rules though because I've learned, and never wanted to be like my dad... I have patted myself on the back for sticking with my plan of limited drinking this year around the holidays. Plan to keep that plan too.

I have always wondered if there were other people that when they had drank , if they too didn't get much hang overs.. I dont drink much these days due to i did use to binge drink at times ((and can still be at risk for that )). when I was younger I used to drink with friends, go to sleep for a few hours and be up and ready, while everyone else was still passed out .

Rules set in place for me, that if I brake them I am only hurting myself in the end... a lot of work functions are at bars, and not everyone understands when I mention- I really shouldn't drink.

I seem to do worse with anything when I "ban it" ((like if I say no more meat, I crave it and need it)).. that seems pretty normal for humans though.

Yesterday, I did see the general doc- all blood work aok... outbreak just acne.... just the same spot this whole year.. did get a referral to see a dermatologist .. I am holding off on that till the end of the year. I should focus on finding another T rn.
I wish MIs could be diagnosed with blood or other means that were more than a patient explaining to another human their symptoms.

Maybe I'd get on a true treatment plan rather than doing what I do if so. but idk, have been told I'd still go through the cycling etc with a pdoc medicine plan.. and for me-- that doesn't assist to get me on the boat so to speak.

I am rambling and a bit all over the place today. Apologies if I am hard to follow.

I did cook, omg idk why this last half of the year or more-- just not cooking like unusual do...which is a shame in away.
Was productive.. had fun joking around.
I hope tomorrow I am in a good mood too, a little get together will be going on that I almost always get extremely anxious with every year... last year, oi.. people got upset with me because I joked around that someone paid me to go and I showed up extremely late ((paid me with a soda pop which made me happier ... but I felt worse about my joke going the wrong way)).. but last year I was really down and out, this year I've been all over the place ((like a few years prior))..

[Blue_Bird]

My mind is racing like crazy right now. So many things to do during the next two weeks. Then I start thinking about things I have to do next semester and on and on. .. so many unexpected things can happen at any moment. . I've been going over each days to do lists for the next two weeks in my head repetitively and pacing. I hate that I can't plan for every possible situation. Maybe I'm a control freak. Trying to relax though. I see a nutritionist for my ED next week. Hopefully it goes well.
I'm excited because I get paid this weekend for tutoring someone throughout the semester. I'll be able to send my best friend a card with some cash.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Thank you; i'm pretty excited about it; I swear nothing beats that new car smell; best of all she has like no miles on it.


I really hope he finds something that works; I'm sick of med changes from earlier in the year.


I know with each new day I'm amazed with my coworkers and my boss, I want this to last.


Thank you; how are you doing?

I’m doing okay , I’m upright lol

Thanks for asking

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hi guys! I have great news I bought a new car tonight; traded in my car I've had for eight years and got a brand new Nissan Kicks! M is honestly to blame his new Jeep Wrangler got delivered today; and I wanted to take a look at Nissan and um ended up getting me an early Christmas Present and best of all she's super cheep a month also my insurance is going to drop by 40% come January so it was a good time to get trade up; not to mention she is slightly more of adult car.

Today was a day of meetings out of the office, ran into my Cardiologist while he was on his rounds, he was very happy to run into me; so I spend my lunch break getting checked over by an extremely worried Cardiologist. My Holter Monitor results were less than pleasing. I defiantly have Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia and possibly even Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome; which is just great. I spent lunch getting an EKG; honestly lost track how many I've had this year. My blood pressure also sucks; knew that from yesterday's doctor's visit.

He was very concerned about my headaches since that means my condition isn't being managed. Yeah and maybe my 160 heart rate had something to do with his worry. The Holter Monitor has my heart rate in the 180-190's a few times. No wonder I feel horrible most of the time. He wanted to admit me, I gave him a lecture to find a medication I don't have time for a stupid hospital. He made me an appointment for tomorrow and he's probably going to adjust my meds; he wants to have more time looking at the results before making a change.

I had a budget meeting, a meeting of all practice manager's and assistants today and probably a crud ton of Referral's to get through tomorrow; since I was gone for most of the day minus the thirty minute meeting I had to have with M regarding the way he dresses; someone seriously complained about him wearing a Henley. I wanted to roll my eyes but issues have to be addressed even if he is in dress code. People just like to pick apart everything. He's wearing scrubs tomorrow; I don't blame him.

After work we went to pick up his new baby; the Jeep; while we were out we stopped by the Nissan and I got my Christmas Present; who is so shiny and pretty. The new baby was the highlight of my day. I'm glad M knows cars because my last was a present from the parents and they dealt with the finance; this time it was all me; with M's help so I didn't royally screwed.

I just want my stupid heart issue to be fixed; the only plus side I see is there is nothing wrong structurally; everything else sucks. Two doctor's in one week; seesh again I am so grateful for overtime and a super understanding boss. M really wants to come; so we had to rearrange his schedule since he is also worried. I just want one week where I don't have to have some test or see a dang doctor. I'm really irritated tonight because of it. I swear I am having some great luck here lately.

Hugs to everyone

I cannot imagine having such a high heart rate! Must feel a bit overwhelming when that happens.

I wonder if the high pulse rate is strengthening to the heart, like conditioning the heart, similar to aerobic exercise? Or does it create a risk, long term , of cardiomyopathy? Either way, it's gotta be a PITA! I hope you can get it under control!

Congrats on your new "baby!"

I hope you feel better soon!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Had a great time with my daughter. Didn't damage the pocket book too deeply. Got something for everyone and bought gifts for mum to give to her great great grandkids. Did buy ensure so I have protein. The hardest part of the day watching my daughter eat a Greek salad....it was loaded with olives and feta cheese, mmmm

So glad to hear you have had FUN!
Greek salad is a fave of mine, too! Had to be difficult to have to refuse to eat!

Ensure is great if not eating. The high protein formulation is very interesting. I also use Glucerna now and then, as it helps to stabilize blood sugar. I sometimes use the "Hunger Control" formula of Glucerna.

Please be careful, as diverticulitis, at it's worst might cause a perforation.
I hope you feel better soon.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by sarahann1993

I'm new here. Hello everyone!

I'm starting to think I'm never outside of an episode. I'm either manic or depressive. I am not even sure if I know who I really am at this point. I'm actually kind of scared to find out...


Am I a nice person or is it just the manic being... manic? I have no idea. I can't find myself and it's getting worse. No one understands so that makes this a million times worse. I have never been able to hold a job so I own two businesses. I have to stay away from Facebook or I will involve myself in a conversation I shouldn't be apart of. It's hard for me to admit what I do wrong or when I do wrong but I'm going to start. I'm desperate for help (I am against medication). I am trying Rieke in about a week. It's a form of healing done by energy. Seems far fetched but I will try almost anything at this point. Sorry if my spelling is incorrect at anytime. I don't seem to care much anymore. I'm faking being "myself" everyday. That's probably confusing me even more. I'm very irritable and annoyed by everything and everyone in my life. I feel alone and overwhelmed with these crazy emotions. I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and some days I wish I would.


I've tried medications and they made me very sick. I couldn't take it. I didn't eat for a week before the doctor changed my meds again. I'm tired of putting chemicals in my body. Why do we have to live this way?

Hello! Welcome to PC and to the Bipolar Forum!

I hope you will find the information and the support you may be seeking.
So glad you have jumped in with posting! Please do make yourself at home.

There are lots of meds I cannot tolerate, too.

I have not had good luck with Reiki solving my mood episodes. I have used it to support relief of chronic pain. Just my own experience.

I hope to see you around the forums.


WC

Keep waking up in the middle of the night.

I don't know why I didn't feel depressed for the past two days. I went from having suicidal thoughts all the time and feeling glum to feeling perfectly fine.

Is it possible for a depressive episode to last only 5 days? I don't get it. But I know I was depressed with the awful feelings, excessive sleep, and suicidal thoughts. I also always feel "pressure"the in my head when depressed, and I had that too. I'm so confused.

sarahanne, welcome!

New car, shopping going well, and other things...I'm glad to read about the positives on the previous page. Those with some health and other concerns, please take care.

Yesterday I went a little "nutty" at the regular grocery store and a Polish deli. I spent around $300 on food. The bulk of my expenditures were on Christmas cookie ingredients, which includes special flour, special sugar, more cocoa, baking chocolate, dried fruit, and 3 1/2 lbs of nuts. I also bought various cookie molds and cutters. I have in my mind that I'm going to bake six different kinds of Christmas cookies this coming week, some more than one batch. In my head, I've been saying "Mother-in-law used to make 12, so six is fine", but suddenly I've grown quite intimidated by this grand project.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Is it possible for a depressive episode to last only 5 days? I don't get it. But I know I was depressed with the awful feelings, excessive sleep, and suicidal thoughts. I also always feel "pressure"the in my head when depressed, and I had that too. I'm so confused.

My answer is yes to your question. Maybe not an episode as defined by the DSM, but I think many people with bipolar disorder, including me, have such short-term mood dips and also elevations on occasion, and they can be far more significant than just "normal" mood fluctuations. My experience with these has increased over the years.

[Moose72]

Every time I woke up last nightI thought of how my life sucks. Cant get those thoughts to go away. Why have I gotten my life into such a state? I cant think straight. Yet on the outside I appear normal and ok. I think! I still cant make myseld go to choir or judo. I really suck lately. And i cant think of anything good that happens. I want to go back to bed. No matter what i am doing there is a pressure to hurry up and do something else. Could this all be lack of seroquel?

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

sarahanne, welcome!

New car, shopping going well, and other things...I'm glad to read about the positives on the previous page. Those with some health and other concerns, please take care.

Yesterday I went a little "nutty" at the regular grocery store and a Polish deli. I spent around $300 on food. The bulk of my expenditures were on Christmas cookie ingredients, which includes special flour, special sugar, more cocoa, baking chocolate, dried fruit, and 3 1/2 lbs of nuts. I also bought various cookie molds and cutters. I have in my mind that I'm going to bake six different kinds of Christmas cookies this coming week, some more than one batch. In my head, I've been saying "Mother-in-law used to make 12, so six is fine", but suddenly I've grown quite intimidated by this grand project.

Nutty, lol. I started salivating reading your posts. Sounds yummy and fun to do. I'm not doing much for holidays this year but will make a turkey dinner.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

sarahanne, welcome!

New car, shopping going well, and other things...I'm glad to read about the positives on the previous page. Those with some health and other concerns, please take care.

Yesterday I went a little "nutty" at the regular grocery store and a Polish deli. I spent around $300 on food. The bulk of my expenditures were on Christmas cookie ingredients, which includes special flour, special sugar, more cocoa, baking chocolate, dried fruit, and 3 1/2 lbs of nuts. I also bought various cookie molds and cutters. I have in my mind that I'm going to bake six different kinds of Christmas cookies this coming week, some more than one batch. In my head, I've been saying "Mother-in-law used to make 12, so six is fine", but suddenly I've grown quite intimidated by this grand project.

That is a lot of dishes to do!

this morning, I felt the physical age of 107

my back was hurting so much, and I was bent over in pain. more than one time I thought I was going to just " go over", my legs were starting to go too and even before breakfast I had to sit down because the pain was just too much- needless to say I felt very very irritable

my breakfast smelled amazing,, but smells arn't always reliable- it didn't taste as good as it smelled (it was nice, but nothing special), maybe because I as still in pain and couldn't properly enjoy it

then checked my emails and watched recess: the movie (I found it was on, and I rememberd watching recess in the 90's,) it was a nice memory- so that killed an hour

and then I have done nothing for the rest of the day, accept for posting here and listening to the christmas music- still in pain too, (not as much as earlier but still a lot)

mood's good and depression is low

Originally Posted by Moose72

That is a lot of dishes to do!

Oh my! You're right. Maybe hubby can help me.

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Nutty, lol. I started salivating reading your posts. Sounds yummy and fun to do. I'm not doing much for holidays this year but will make a turkey dinner.

I wish I could share some with you. I must share them with people and not eat them up myself. I think I'll start the first ones today or tomorrow.

Turkey sounds good. I know that's lots of work with all of the sides, too.

[Blue_Bird]

I was able to sleep 5 hours

Going to the college soon. Then after that to the gym. I'll probably clean when I get home and then relax and read

[Unrigged64072835]

RF nerve block didn’t go as planned. Still in a lot of pain, even with all the remedies. Going to check in with pain doc today. Didn’t sleep well either, but more because my mind is racing than from pain.

Daughter is coming over soon to wrap more presents. I’ll leave her to it.

Other than that, not much.

Take care of yourselves, everyone.

[Nammu]

This am the pain was worse, so called the clinic hoping I could see my doc. But no, after 20 questions they told me to go to the ER, not urgent care ER. I hate ERs. I'm delaying, need clean underwear, it's in the dryer now. Yes I do have clean underwear but it's holy, I'm not going to an ER with holy underwear. Hmm what else can I do to delay? I really hate ERs, you lay there forever while they think up more uncomfortable tests. I'm taking my iPad with me.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Hope it goes well Nammu and that you get answers. Sorry you have to go to the ER. That's never fun.

[tecomsin]

I'm going to see my friend in hospital today. Will be a hassle looking for parking. Need to get ready. Took 1 mg of Rexulti and 5 mg olanzapine last night and sleep until 6:30. Was hoping for more. I will try this again tonight. I was very irritable and short with my son last . night before i finally fell asleep.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Got a new prescription, lamictal. Hopefully this will work, Im so close to losing everything I have. Really I just want to give up, I want to hurt myself, I want to drink until I black out again, I dont give a sh*^ about what happens to me. But I love my kids so Im pushing through those feelings for their sake. But if I keep having issues I wont be around them much anyway so then I guess there wont be any point in trying anymore.

I keep thinking Im slowing down on my own, Im ok, and then I only sleep a few hours and Im up cleaning and going for a long run or my thoughts turn bad and start racing. And Im still not eating, my body needs this to end, I already lost 10lbs in just over a month and I didnt need to lose it. So I guess I need help even though I dont want it.

Convinced myself last night to see the Dr and now I just have to convince myself to follow through, Im constantly going back and forth in my mind. Hopefully if I can get the first dose down I will be able to keep going. Have appts with my Dr and T next week so I have to try to keep those as well as I have been cancelling all my appts lately.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

This am the pain was worse, so called the clinic hoping I could see my doc. But no, after 20 questions they told me to go to the ER, not urgent care ER. I hate ERs. I'm delaying, need clean underwear, it's in the dryer now. Yes I do have clean underwear but it's holy, I'm not going to an ER with holy underwear. Hmm what else can I do to delay? I really hate ERs, you lay there forever while they think up more uncomfortable tests. I'm taking my iPad with me.

I hate ERs, too!

However, I am very glad you are choosing to be safe with this situation.
Will be thinking of you!
Big hugs!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

RF nerve block didn’t go as planned. Still in a lot of pain, even with all the remedies. Going to check in with pain doc today. Didn’t sleep well either, but more because my mind is racing than from pain.

Daughter is coming over soon to wrap more presents. I’ll leave her to it.

Other than that, not much.

Take care of yourselves, everyone.

Oh Dear! So sorry the block did not work!
I hope your pain doctor can help you.

WC