Last thread has gone over 100 pages so here is a brand new one

[Sunflower123]

I just feel rough. I’ve had a chest cold and a sore throat since Wednesday but my Ritalin kept me going. Now I’m just fatigued, I hurt all over and my chest is on fire. Going to the doctor at 1:45. I really hope it’s not pneumonia again. I can’t afford the down time. Fingers crossed.

Hugs to all.

[liveforsummer]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I just feel rough. I’ve had a chest cold and a sore throat since Wednesday but my Ritalin kept me going. Now I’m just fatigued, I hurt all over and my chest is on fire. Going to the doctor at 1:45. I really hope it’s not pneumonia again. I can’t afford the down time. Fingers crossed.

Hugs to all.

Good luck at the doctor, hope it clears up and you’re feeling better soon.

[Nammu]

Back to waking often all night. Still slept some last night, weird dream about somebody named Vicky, she was a character on a soap many many years ago.

Feel disengaged and separate from real life......ill drink my chai and wake up fully and be fine.

[Moose72]

Im at mcdonald's. Its across the street/right next my T and pdoc's office. I got up early and am just sitting here with coffee waiting to go in. Seeing T today. Im hoping I won't cry through my session like last time! My sister said our dad looks terrible. That's sad.

In better news, i found these reusable grocery bags at the store and bought two for myself. They had a big picture of mickey mouse's face on each side which makes the bags very white. (See avatar) I showed it to my mom and she immediately went out and bought the last four they had. She's giving them as Christmas gifts to her siblings.

Today is cloudy outside, but I feel a certain peace inside. Hubby went to work for the first time since before our vacation. I loved being with him all day ever day these past 9 days, but it's nice being alone again with my bird boy. I am taking it easy this morning, but do need to go to the grocery store. Our refrigerator is in dire need of being restocked. I should also finish unpacking.

For some reason, my bird boy is distant from my husband since we picked him up from the boarder yesterday. He's close to me. Bird boy and I are together the most, so he's more attached to me. I think he learned to say "Hello" at the boarder. Generally he only speaks Czech, with just a couple of exceptions. I used to try to teach him "Hello" on occasion, but my Czech hubby always encouraged a similar Czech word. Bird boy is also saying a couple of things that we can't figure out. Luckily nothing sounds like a curse word. We don't teach our sweet bird boy those things. We don't really curse ourselves.

[pirilin]

Oh yeah, life goes on...... long after the thrill of living is gone. Long gone.
Johnny Cougar Mellencamp.

Hell, if it has to go on, I might just make it a thrill. Don't 'ya all agree?.

Good Luck. Cheers.

Snow day! No work, and the weather isn’t even that bad. I got a 5 day weekend! And I have done absolutely nothing with it. Based on a thread on this board a few weeks ago, I bought a weighted blanket, and OMG, all I want to do is cuddle it all day. So that’s what I’ve done with my time off — sat on the couch with my new soft best friend.

Pdoc appt last week, and I am taken off the fluoxetine again. I know it’s the right thing to do — it just tips me into a revved up mode. But, it leaves me worried about the anxiety that is sure to return. I don’t think I am ever going to get good anxiety relief w/o problematic side effects from a medicine.

[~Christina]

Thanks Lavendar for the new thread

I heading out for my rheumy appt today. Just a 6 week followup with lab work. Boring and costly.

Then off to find the xmas present for my granddaughter , it won’t be much I mean she’s only 3 , she will like the wrapping and bows more ! LOL it will be just a small gift.

We are making a trip to Florida to see our kids and Payton. So that reallly trumps gifts , just all being together is what matters.

It’s a grey windy yucky day , my hair will be a mess soon as I walk out the door. But too cold to wear up .... meh everyone else will have a head of messy too

Hope you all have a good day ! Do something nice for yourself today

[nikon]

work was quite hard today. i'm having really vivid dreams, which i quite like - even though i wake up feeling a bit disorientated and tired, it's kind of entertaining.

Been keeping myself preoccupied with the internet and related things (phone, etc.). Kinda forgot about this website. lol.

Bought a ton of s*** on AliExpress that isn't being shipped for some reason. I think the holidays are just making everything a nightmare. I wasn't even trying to buy gifts. It was just random stuff for myself.

Gotta buy everything from China before the postal things take effect, as I don't want to pay a small fortune for delivery 12/1/2018 and beyond (I think that's when it kicks in?). I think the postal stuff is fair, though. China is NOT a "developing nation" anymore and shouldn't be getting special discounts on delivery.

Oh well. Still have to buy some Christmas gifts to participate with the family, whether I agree with consumerism or not. Wouldn't be fair for me to get presents from other people and send none to anybody else. What a guilt trip! I also told everybody "NO PRESENTS FOR ME," but they're giving them to me anyway, hence I have to participate in consumerism stuff

Originally Posted by IRememberMyFirstBee

Based on a thread on this board a few weeks ago, I bought a weighted blanket, and OMG, all I want to do is cuddle it all day. So that’s what I’ve done with my time off — sat on the couch with my new soft best friend.

Haha, I got -- not a weighted blanket -- but one of those super-soft fuzzy ones and feel the same way! It's so hard to get out of bed! Pet it -- good blanket, good blanket, lol. SO soft!

Here, besides having trouble getting out of bed... , work is really starting to get on my nerves. Last week an ugh thing, today, another ugh thing (some of us have to now wear these crazy bright orange t-shirts -- looks like we had a prison break, ffs!). I need to get a new job (looking, but it's hard to find a good fit -- something I can handle and all...)

But I'm knocking the dredges of this cold out which is good. (Glad it turned out to just be a cold.)

Wishing everyone a good day!

[Blueberrybook]

Sorry, I haven't read the previous posts. I've had a day, and it is only 2 o'clock.

I feel like I should have stayed in bed today. It's been one of those annoying days where little things happening add up. I also went grocery shopping (forgetting to buy Tylenol, which now I have a stress headache, I could probably use). Prepped veggies, washed grapes.

I nearly had a heart attack putting groceries away. The refrigerator just stopped, stopped cooling, stopped running, everything. We cannot afford to buy a new refrigerator. Pretty much in panic mode, I went online, found the most common cause is dirty coils, cleaned what I could reach, but there was stuff I couldn't. Got a superficial cut on my right index finger, right at the top, where a band-aid just doesn't stay.

I've been going on cottage cheese & peaches all day and had a run this morning. I am waiting for my soup to cool, eating some yogurt. Going to watch something recorded on the DVR and try to relax while I have lunch.

Going, going, going since 5 AM. I'm exhausted.

[beauflow]

s

I am spending my last vacation day at home with my cat, he missed me very much and has been really close to me all day when I am not up doing things.... ((I came home and cleaned almost right after getting home)). I got really annoyed that I have cups and dishes missing and asked my ex about them.. he has them, two things I know why .. he says he will wash and give them back, trust he will but I may have to remind him.

My ex thinks I am weird, when I stay to dog/house sit I clean things- like I'll clean the bathroom, I'll clean the kitchen, I did my towels this time too. One time I aligned all the kids' toys because they weren't tidy.. idk why I do this, anxiety may be...
Usually when I want to do these things (align untidy things) I remind myself about boundaries (not mine don't touch it))..

My friend that I house and dog sit for tells me not to worry about these things. But I must at least strip the bed for some reason, admittedly last July I was (Dare say/dislike to say) a tad depressed - so I didn't do as much but still stripped the bed and got the bathroom.
It's been a strange year I think.. at least right now I think so..I had a lot go on... if life was different-- I'd be almost ready to deliver here soon, but that's not my life .

[Moose72]

Blueberry- is your fridge running now?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Blueberry- is your fridge running now?

Yes, thank goodness! I am going to ask H to clean the coils ASAP when he gets home. After that, it is a coil condenser motor (or something like that out), and then you go down a list of ever-worsening possibilities.

But we have lived here 14 years, bought the refrigerator then. I don't think H has ever cleaned the coils, but I don't know anything about refrigerator maintenance or repair.

[Moose72]

Beauflow: Usually when I want to do these things (align untidy things) I remind myself about boundaries (not mine don't touch it))..

I wish more people thought the way you do! I have a picture memory of where I left things, so if you move it, I get really upset.

[wildflowerchild25]

So the student I work with is going to be in the hospital for at least a couple of weeks I am so worried about her. All we know is her swallow study “didn’t go well”. I don’t know what that means. I know the speech therapist was advocating for a feeding tube. I’m also worried about that for selfish reasons. If she gets a feeding tube, she will have a nurse with her instead of me, and I’m afraid I’ll be put out of a job. But I’m trying not to worry about that since I honestly don’t know what will happen. I definitely have my job for at least another two weeks. I’ll just be shuffled around to different classrooms every day. Not ideal. I get nervous going into other classrooms.

I meant to get to the gym today but I didn’t fall asleep until late last night and It was pouring my the time I got out of work so I said screw it and went home and took a nap. It was a great nap. I hope I’ll sleep tonight. I’ve been struggling with insomnia off and on for a couple of weeks now. It’s not every night, I’d say every other night. I’m up until after midnight. I don’t know why. I have no other mood symptoms and I’m not particularly stressed out so who knows. I’ll just keep taking my melatonin and valerian root and hope it helps.

I see pdoc tomorrow. I’m going to ask to lower the haldol. I only get psychotic in mood episodes and I haven’t had an episode in seven months. I’d like to see how I do on a lower dose. It’s fast acting so if things start getting hairy it’ll be easy to go back up and even out. At least that’s what I hope.

[TheSeaCat]

Thank’s Lavender for the new thread!

I got to work this morning and the two PA’s pulled me into an exam room for the sixth EKG of the year. I told them I was fine, yet they had to see for themself. I guess they were still worried about yesterday’s episode. The EKG had my pulse at 140. The female PA hensforth known as R is also planning on throwing an office Christmas Party for the entire office at her place which I really like the idea, doing secret Santa and all that stuff and she wants me to cohost. So time to make cute invitations and set the amount for secret Santa. The male PA hensfotth known as M it felt like he was in my office ever time I turned around worried about my pulse.

Dad ended up having to call a plumber because the toilet was backed up yet again I was enterally greatful to be at work with great plumbing.

Anyway I’m off to therapy and I wish for more days off.

Hugs to everyone

[Scooter9]

I need to get out of this depression...I have been depressed for 13 months now.

Before this started I was reading, had a good job, was writing, was engaged. Of course it was thanks to lamictal, which I suddenly had to stop and which started all of this.

So I decided a while ago that I have to do something. I read about making small goals. I tried that and it worked a little, but it's better than nothing.

So I made small goals and achieved them, and missed others. I kept on trying.

So now I have decided that I'm going to motivate myself to get back into fields that are really of interest to me and have been for a long time - astronomy, artificial intelligence, and big data.

I have been reading books about all three and I admit I don't understand all of it but you have to start somewhere.

It's all forced - I have to force myself to read and do other things but the way I see it, it's progress.

I'm tired of oscillating between severe and moderate depression. Maybe this will help me climb out... if anything I'll at least be distracted and not thinking about how bad I feel.

As far as today goes, I feel bad, a lower than usual mood. Everything aches. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I'm stressed at work.

But I'm here and have finished reading another chapter, so that's better than I have been doing for a long time.

[Moose72]

Just home from fwb's place. Color me happy!

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I need to get out of this depression...I have been depressed for 13 months now.

Before this started I was reading, had a good job, was writing, was engaged. Of course it was thanks to lamictal, which I suddenly had to stop and which started all of this.

So I decided a while ago that I have to do something. I read about making small goals. I tried that and it worked a little, but it's better than nothing.

So I made small goals and achieved them, and missed others. I kept on trying.

So now I have decided that I'm going to motivate myself to get back into fields that are really of interest to me and have been for a long time - astronomy, artificial intelligence, and big data.

I have been reading books about all three and I admit I don't understand all of it but you have to start somewhere.

It's all forced - I have to force myself to read and do other things but the way I see it, it's progress.

I'm tired of oscillating between severe and moderate depression. Maybe this will help me climb out... if anything I'll at least be distracted and not thinking about how bad I feel.

As far as today goes, I feel bad, a lower than usual mood. Everything aches. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I'm stressed at work.

But I'm here and have finished reading another chapter, so that's better than I have been doing for a long time.

At least you are making an effort. Even if it's forced, you are doing something.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I just feel rough. I’ve had a chest cold and a sore throat since Wednesday but my Ritalin kept me going. Now I’m just fatigued, I hurt all over and my chest is on fire. Going to the doctor at 1:45. I really hope it’s not pneumonia again. I can’t afford the down time. Fingers crossed.

Hugs to all.

I hope you feel better soon!

[Blueberrybook]

One positive thing and another thing I just wanted over happened when I got my daughter from her math competition practice today.

First: The thing I am most glad to have over: Running into the school principal after the CPS case in September
My daughter's elementary school is not that large, and the principal learns all the kids by first name and recognizes the parents of a student, especially if the student participates in other school activities. Since my daughter is in 5th grade, the principal definitely knows me. She would have been notified about the CPS case, and since then, I have been so worried to run into her and how awkward it would feel. She came out with the students leaving the practice, saw me and spoke to me. Luckily, it was not too bad as I'd sent an email recently to the spelling bee coordinator (date of the spelling bee tryout coinciding with another event involving 5th graders). I guess the spelling bee person forwarded that to the principal, but it was an ordinary email involving dates. So the principal opened with that, told me they'd move the date of the spelling bee so the 2 events didn't collide, said it was nice to see me and moved on. She did seem genuinely glad to see I was OK, and thank goodness, I got that over with. Although truly, my T was right; I'd overplayed the event in my mind.

So: first post-CPS encounter with the principal over & done with

The good thing is the school counselor picked my daughter (along with several other children) as a child in need for the holiday season. The church next door to the school does a lot for the school; it is the church we attend when we do go, and we hear of all they are always scrambling to do for my daughter's school. They have a gift shop with donated new toys, and parents of the kids identified can come shop and choose 2 toys for their child without cost. I have to call tomorrow to set up an appt. time in December to do the shopping.

Finally, a couple small but good things

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Dramatic pdoc visit today. I've been on patient assistance for Emsam (my AD) for years. For months now we've been contacting them about renewal and have done paperwork twice but no meds have come; nor have any letters telling me I was dismissed from the program. So I assumed when I got there today that they'd have my meds.

Instead they had nothing. I commented to my pdoc that this was getting scary because I only have so many more months stockpiled (somehow I built up a supply over time, thank God) and it's almost 3 years since I was IP and I'd hate to have to go in for a med change which would be needed to get me off Emsam safely.

So they called and my pdoc talked to several people at the company and kept being told that I was being disqualified for having Part D insurance even though they've provided them med while I've had Part D for years because it is so expensive that I couldn't afford it even with the minimal coverage I'd get with it. Finally she talked to someone who vaguely remembered "that application" and they'd been confused that a new application was sent in (despite being told to do that by someone there) and that I did actually qualify. So they are shipping tomorrow and I can relax after a very stressful 15 minutes.

At least it took up enough time and stress that my pdoc never got upset with me for my multiple med errors lately.

The 2.5 hour drive was in bad trafffic and snowy/rainy stuff so it took 3 hours and I'm tired now. I have to eat some soup and get to bed.