[Wander]

For reference. This is an aerial view of the beach down my street I’m always harping on about.

96F15388-8EF9-46FC-9265-A551EE1FE166.jpeg

[Wander]

BD6E3C44-45E2-496E-8F13-D6588DC52452.jpeg

For reference. This is a stormy view of the beach down my street I’m always harping on about.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. I certainly did. I got a call this morning from a pharmacy that got a huge shipment of my precious Buspirone in and I managed to convince my primary doc to give me a 60 day supply instead of the standard 30. Which he did so I get to avoid this crisis next month and if what they told him is true it will take me until April and by then they predict the shortage to be over with. So besides the good call and pretty flowers on my desk this morning along with my favorite chocolate my day started out on a rather good note.

Of course I had the lovely patient complaints of why is my provider in jeans like jeans suddenly mean they can't read the lab report. It's a nice gesture our company lets us have on the rare occasion so please stop your complaining that the doc you saw could wear jeans and please don't start in on me wearing jeans. I still look pretty professional from the top with a cute blouse and cardigan.

After work I quickly got changed in my office to my fancy Valentine's Day clothes so that I could enjoy a fancy restaurant with my love. Which was lovely by the way, not to mention the trip this weekend of just him and I. After dinner we went back to his place and I'm sorry but that is all you all are getting.

I'm still quickly working on school work so that it can truly be a laptop free weekend and I can have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday without having to worry about discussion posts or quizzes.

I am just glad that I have my medication; and had a lovely night with him.

I will also see you all late Sunday night if not Monday

Hugs to everyone

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wander, can I come live with you? It's beautiful!

[Wander]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Wander, can I come live with you? It's beautiful!

Hey, it’s a two bedroom flat. I could squeeze you in somewhere

showered today which has done absolutely nothing to improve my mood (in fact made it worse, and made me feel dirty)

one funny thing about the shower is that it nearly flooded the bathroom. I find that funny anyway. my 4 year old mind doesn't seem to apreciate the complications it could have caused if it had got through to the bedroom

I am still feeling a little sick from yesterday's dinner (it was disgusting) I will never use that brand again.

no sleep.

today my friend sophie was meant to deliver me some doctor pepper, now it's not coming until tomorrow night. hope I have enough fiz to last me today (I go through it like a hungry dog goes through dog food)

think today I'm going to do some creative writing and listen to music. nothing special going on

[Daonnachd]

Today my son and I are driving up through the California redwoods to the city of Eureka. It's a 4 hour drive each way. I'm looking forward to it.

[liveforsummer]

Wander I wish that was my view!!

I've decided today will be productive regardless of how I'm feeling and thinking!! Good luck to me haha

Wander, gorgeous area!

Daonachd, have a lovely drive!

I was so physically exhausted last night! I did much much more yesterday than I usually do. By dinner I was a vit upset by my overwhelmed feeling. That upset my hubby. I felt bad.

Today is much more laid back. I plan to do some baking and then meet my husband at a restaurant after his work. It's on his way home.

[Under*Over]

I really dont want to get sick again. Ive gotten to the point where I realize... I need to do whatever I can to not let that happen again or it could become very dangerous for me. Im glad I was able to get out of it as well as I have but next time that might not be the case.

I got really really sick. I dont think I appreciated at the time just how bad I was but... it was too close. I dont want that to happen again

[Wander]

So, I had my meds at 8.30pm, usually at 8 pm so not too bad. The Seroquel made me head to bed around 10.30 am. An hour later I woke up after a brief nap and am wide awake. Had a snack and watching a movie. I know I’m supposed to have no screens but I doubt that would help. No drama, same happened last night. I think it’s the change from going IP to OP. Diet change a little, eating a little later, not drinking or drugs, but maybe just excited. I slept in this morning but I have been told to sleep as much as I need for a week to allow me to recover from the bad episode.

Oh well, it’s 2 am. I will try to get up by 10 am at least and nap if needed. Otherwise, I am doing really well. Tonight my ex-husband (we are now back together as of today!) and I played. He redecorated my lounge room, filling it with candles, while I too photos with my professional camera. Great fun! Lots of mess to clean but totally worth it.

This was one of those times that I bit off way more than I could chew. I decided to surprise my husband by making homemade sweet Czech buns (Buchty). I was originally going to make just one batch, but then I got it into my head that I wanted to have three different fillings instead of one or two. So, I made a full batch using one recipe and a second batch using another. The yeast doughs weren't that hard to make, but I made two fillings from scratch (sweet farmer cheese and poppyseed) and doctored up a third that I bought in a can (prune jam). The homemade we're both a bit of work. Then I had to fill all the bun dough. Now I'll have enough sweet buns for an army, and my kitchen is a disaster area. I'm so tired now and regretting the whole project!

[Nammu]

Oh that sounds good bird dancer, I love poppy buns but you can't buy them anymore, not around here. Hope the clean up goes fast.

self destructing. I don't want to get better anymore

[Under*Over]

Originally Posted by spikes

self destructing. I don't want to get better anymore

If you ever need to talk you can talk to me. I know this feeling- this helpless feeling of it all just not mattering. This feeling of it all just hurting so you want to self destruct because what does it matter if its going to hurt in any case.

Maybe its not the same. Maybe thats not how you feel. But I get pain. And if I can help yours in any way... well.

I dont want to see you hurting more. Dont want to see you getting worse.

If theres anything I can do to help so you keep going... well. I want that for you. No one deserves to feel hopeless

[beauflow]

Idk if any relate but last night and a touch of this morning I just had no hopeful thoughts...like "this" will always be a struggle no matter what.... where will this story end? Nothing better or worse than now?
I try to remind myself I don't know the future but yet, it's difficult to realize today's actions help mold tomorrow in ways.

Idk why I share this,...

guess I argue with myself a lot. ... little flame of hope please come back for those that it's smulders out...
Though with me, in a few hours or days I maybe a sunshine... or not.. I never understand my cycles that well... April I hope to paint again

For.now music and try to find something.. at times I have "happiness " then wonder if it's real or a lie..

[wildflowerchild25]

I think I’m making my life at work much harder than it needs to be. I am CERTAIN my coworkers are talking bad about me behind my back, and moreover I am CERTAIN one particular coworker thinks I’m completely incompetent. This could all be completely untrue. I cannot tell. But I’m trying to think, why does it even matter if she does and they are? Because I’m not incompetent, I don’t think. My girl is taken care of. She gets changed, I take her to get her feeding, I put her braces on and take them off, I put her body jacket on (at least I will on Tuesday). So maybe I’m not detail oriented and I’m forgetful. So like today I completely forgot to get gloves for the bathroom. Then my other coworker got them and I was sure my one coworker was talking bad about me, saying something like “I told wfc to get them and she didn’t, I can’t believe it” or some ****. I don’t know. But even if that’s true what does it matter? I don’t know. I’m having a hard time.

I’m also really struggling with falling asleep at work which is a really bad thing and I Know My coworker notices and that’s another reason for her to talk bad about me. I don’t know what to do. I’m good if I’m active but my job is a lot of sitting around. Caffeine doesn’t seem to help. I guess I just have to find a way to stay active. Wash dishes or walk around or something. I get enough sleep at night but I have to take melatonin and valerian. I’m not hungover in the morning but maybe that contributes to my sleepiness? But without it I don’t sleep which would definitely contribute to sleepiness.

I just hate the feeling of being judged but I’m starting to think I’m judging myself more harshly than anyone else could judge me.

[hopeless2015]

Hi all, took a vacation day and took my aunt to her chemo and to the store. She's really doing so good with it all..she's a trooper. Just thought I'd give my mom a break for the day. Just relaxing now till hubby gets home from work. Will probably go out for a bit tonight. Anyhoo things are going pretty good.

Big hugs to all

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Only slept 3hrs last night. I am so confused but my house smells and looks nice finally. It is almost never that way. Seem to be up and down with the mood quite a lot.

I made it past the liquor store when i was out for a walk today, im definitely on the higher side of things and really really want to drink.

But I blasted my music in my headphones and let myself deal with that intense urge by singing and walking with tears in my eyes and shaking the anger through my arms. Maybe I looked silly but I didnt stop and I really wanted to.

"Gonna shake throw it away in the dirt, under me yeah. I am, I am, I am, I am, I am a giant"

Hopefully I can keep away from it, a big part of not buying any today was also that H is working tonight and I cant drink when im alone with the kids. As of tomorrow that wont be a reason because he will be home again

[Scooter9]

I spent the night at my mother's place last night and will stay here tonight too.

I took her to physiotherapy today and helped overall. She's doing well. I have to remind her to use her walker which is a good sign that she really wants to be independent again.

I'm just here because I didn't want her to be alone. She lives on her own and is off work for 3 months while she recovers so she's alone all the time. She appreciates that I'm here.

I'm reading about the difference between sadness and depression and I think a lot of what I'm experiencing is sadness that's become depression. I'm sad for the losses in my life but it has transformed into depression.

I think I can relieve the depression by changing how I relate to my losses but easier said than done and that's not a quick solution by any means, but it's a start.

Otherwise I'm feeling withdrawn and lonely but getting by. I'm just glad that I can be there for my mother and that I'm finding out more about sadness and depression.

[Pookyl]

Feeling normal again following my hypomanic episode

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

This was one of those times that I bit off way more than I could chew. I decided to surprise my husband by making homemade sweet Czech buns (Buchty). I was originally going to make just one batch, but then I got it into my head that I wanted to have three different fillings instead of one or two. So, I made a full batch using one recipe and a second batch using another. The yeast doughs weren't that hard to make, but I made two fillings from scratch (sweet farmer cheese and poppyseed) and doctored up a third that I bought in a can (prune jam). The homemade we're both a bit of work. Then I had to fill all the bun dough. Now I'll have enough sweet buns for an army, and my kitchen is a disaster area. I'm so tired now and regretting the whole project!

Your husband will appreciate your hard work and thoughtfulness.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Wander

So, I had my meds at 8.30pm, usually at 8 pm so not too bad. The Seroquel made me head to bed around 10.30 am. An hour later I woke up after a brief nap and am wide awake. Had a snack and watching a movie. I know I’m supposed to have no screens but I doubt that would help. No drama, same happened last night. I think it’s the change from going IP to OP. Diet change a little, eating a little later, not drinking or drugs, but maybe just excited. I slept in this morning but I have been told to sleep as much as I need for a week to allow me to recover from the bad episode.

Oh well, it’s 2 am. I will try to get up by 10 am at least and nap if needed. Otherwise, I am doing really well. Tonight my ex-husband (we are now back together as of today!) and I played. He redecorated my lounge room, filling it with candles, while I too photos with my professional camera. Great fun! Lots of mess to clean but totally worth it.

Congratulations on your relationship! I hope it works out for you! Also, your home is beautiful. I cannot imagine swimming in that ocean all of the time. The beach is like Heaven to me and I only go on average once a year.

Spending an absurd amount of time in bed. Weary and depressed.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

You are one strong woman!

Agreed! She is a very strong woman!