my back is killing me today

litirally, I spent the morning picking up falling clothes from my wardrobe, and if their's one thing bad backs can't stand is leaning down to pick things up (it's ashame that my grabber can't pick up clothes)

that aside, I'm actually glad that today shouldn't be too stressfull

the last few days i've been planning for meetings, been anxious about meetings, (yesterday I had a really intense meeting), i just need a break from the anxiety

it's not over yet (because their's more meetings to come), but for now I can hopefully start to relax (even though my version of relaxing is sitting in a chair in terrible pain)

no anxiety though. that's the main thing

[Wander]

Update: my pdoc never faxed through the Haldol script. It is 7pm now so I have another night of hell with agitation. I just can't concentrate, even on TV. I can't bring myself to clean or find any real way to distract myself so I have been curled up in a ball for a few hours. Now I am going to try to eat something and ramble through YouTube until I can find sleep.

Beyondtherainbow. I have heard Clozapine is great in that way for some people but cannot bear the thought of the side effects and constant blood tests. It seems like too high a price to pay.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wander

Update: my pdoc never faxed through the Haldol script. It is 7pm now so I have another night of hell with agitation. I just can't concentrate, even on TV. I can't bring myself to clean or find any real way to distract myself so I have been curled up in a ball for a few hours. Now I am going to try to eat something and ramble through YouTube until I can find sleep.

Beyondtherainbow. I have heard Clozapine is great in that way for some people but cannot bear the thought of the side effects and constant blood tests. It seems like too high a price to pay.

I'm sorry you didn't get your meds. That's incredibly frustrating. I know you don't want to go IP and I hope it works out, but at least you'll have access to meds and help around the clock if you do end up going. Mixed states are awful. May you find your way back to balance soon. Hugs.

[Unrigged64072835]

Checking in—

Finished the tank top. A couple of minor things to fix but it looks and feels good. I need to do some other learning on the sewing machine before I tackle the next project. I haven’t really sewed knits before so that’ll be a challenge.

Made a whole bunch of quick breads yesterday. Zucchini nut bread, apple spice bread, pumpkin nut bread. I also made apple waffles and buttermilk pancakes. I’m done just in time to empty out the big freezer because it’s frosting up. I also went to a park but there was nothing blooming and a biting wind. Brrrr! My back and sides have been in agony, and I hardly slept at all last night. I just hope to be awake enough to make dinner, because I may not be.

I hope you’re doing well, or recovering, or getting support for whatever you’re going through. Lots of love and hugs if you need them.

Fhairraige, I bet it smells wonderful in your kitchen! I love sweet breads and make them often, too.

Unlike several days before, today I had comparatively low energy and felt a bit down. I haven't been taking good care of myself. I had some OK eating days, but then again several that were overkill.

My husband has been spending money on unnecessary things, plus we've had some appliance breakdowns, not to mention our deck repair not long ago. I never really skimp on groceries, but I tend to skimp on other "me" things, while hubby doesn't. My hair looks bad enough that I finally had to schedule some appointment. Grays are showing and my bangs are way too long. I actually made an appointment at a salon that looks cheaper, but then chickened out and cancelled it and made an appointment with my usual hair stylist. My husband's hair cuts cost $35 plus $5 tip at his barber. There are super cheap cuts at "Hair Clips" but that's got a 1 out of 5 star rating. We've seen the bad results. I've had to go to expensive places for a while since my hair is quite a challenge. I have a huge mass of curly hair. The wrong cut can be a disaster! I've even grown used to the excellent job my hair stylist does with my color. But $35 plus $5 tip? OMG! For a cut and blow dry alone I spend over $100. For a cut, color of my grays, highlights, and a conditioning treatment (which is helpful) I can spend close to $300 plus $50 tip. It's outrageous! To save money, I just rarely get my hair done. Months can pass.

[Blueberrybook]

My mood says it all. I just feel blah today.

My daughter is off from school again. They detected high levels of benzene in the air near that plant that had the fires. They say all the monitors around here and even the borders of the town where the incident occurred never showed unhealthy levels, but who knows. We were never under a shelter in place though I live near the border of the city where the incident occurred and in fact, probably a 10 minute drive from that plant, less if you take away all the traffic lights and around 2 blocks from the shelter in place that was active earlier. Winds are light though shifting in the direction I live. It wouldn't surprise me if they close school again tomorrow even if the air monitors are OK or supposedly so. I think a lot of parents will be keeping their kids home tomorrow anyway just in case as we live so close to the ITC plant.

I hope I am feeling blah just because, which is stupid, but another reason I'd be this groggy and nauseous could be exposure to benzene being that I live close to that plant, and we have been running our air conditioning today and did last night too. When there is a shelter in place because of a chemical incident, you are not to run the AC or any heating systems (and obviously keep the doors, windows, etc. closed and not go outdoors). Our house is older too, not highly insulated, and there are a few drafty spots in the windows and doors.

Ugh, just got an alert on my phone that there is an air quality alert of severe in effect...ozone, high pollen, God knows what else from that chemical plant...

Really, I am so over this plant incident. It has gotten me so paranoid

Blueberrybook, I'm sorry you have to suffer the results of that environmental disaster. Hopefully the air and water will improve quickly. I heard about it on the news and it looked scary. Do they know what started it?

[rwwff]

Well, I found out this week that my tremors aren't a side effect of the abilify. Went to a neurologist who flatly told me "parkinson's". That wasn't even on my radar of things to worry about, now its front and center. She gave me meds, but they're a tease right now, I have to titrate up the dosing, so now I'm pretty ok for a couple hours and then miserably shaky the rest of the day.

Still, I guess I'm no worse off than before knowing; hopefully once I'm up to 4x day I'll have more good time than bad.

[fern46]

BirdDancer, I feel you on the haircut. Curly hair is a challenge and it can take a while to correct if you let someone new mess it up. I'm sorry money is tight right now. That's frustrating and can be stressful. Hopefully the unexpected expenses will ease up for you soon.

I had low energy today as well. I'm getting through, but definitely dragging. I need a boost, but want to avoid extra sugar and caffeine. I'm heading outside for a walk soon. Hopefully that will help lift me a little until I can get back to bed.

[cashart10]

Well...today was my last day of IOP. It went very well. I’m at gymnastics with my girls right now and when I get home I am going to have to clean the house.

I saw my pdoc yesterday. She said I can’t come off the Latuda because it seems to be working. Instead, she checked my BMI and it is high enough for a weight loss pill called saxenda since my cholesterol is a little high also. She told me to schedule an appt with my gp to have her prescribe it and that it should counteract the weight gain and even help me lose up to 2 lbs a week with proper diet and exercise. Hopefully she is right!

Stressing a bit about the birthday party sat. Wondering how I’ll get it all done. I always do though. I have all day tomorrow too so I know it reallly will be fine.

[pirilin]

Ah. Not a good day.
This cold feels like I'll never recover again.

Cheers.

Ack, we're getting more snow tomorrow, about 5cm. Enough already! My keyboard stand came today but it requires assembly. I gave it a try but it's beyond me. I put a call into the superintendent who is super handy and works for a song. But he's hard to get so it might be a few weeks. Well, at least i am one step closer to learning piano. Loving instrumental music! Mood stuck on the low side of neutral. Hugs to all who need them, especially BlueBerryBook and WildFlowerChild!

[yellow_fleurs]

I do not know if this is related to a mood or anxiety thing, or if I actually have something else wrong with me, but it freaks me out how I will get these flare ups of symptoms where I can barely form words, write sentences, function. I almost feel like I have early signs of dementia but I sure hope not. This week has been weird because I was happy because of spring, but also tired and irritable and not functioning well. Not sure what it is, but something is definitely off with my brain. Perhaps it is all related to a mood disorder i just do not know.

Got my hair cut which feels good. Have therapy tomorrow before work which I am looking forward to. Then my boyfriend is visiting from out of town which will be nice.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by rwwff

Well, I found out this week that my tremors aren't a side effect of the abilify. Went to a neurologist who flatly told me "parkinson's". That wasn't even on my radar of things to worry about, now its front and center.

I'm sorry to see you have another diagnosis to deal with. I hope the meds kick in quickly and make huge difference for you.

There's a board that I think is a sister board to this one called Neurotalk. NeuroTalk Support Groups Maybe you can find some support there.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is alright. I'm not at all. M's doctor's appointment went terribly and it's going to be some serious surgery. I really don't feel like taking about it. I really just want to break down and cry.

Hugs to everyone

[Nammu]

I'm sorry sea cat.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is alright. I'm not at all. M's doctor's appointment went terribly and it's going to be some serious surgery. I really don't feel like taking about it. I really just want to break down and cry.

Hugs to everyone

I am so sorry. That must be devastating news. Sending BIG hugs.

[Wander]

Still waiting on my Haloperidol script. It is midday and thankfully I am not that agitated but it always gets worse as the day progresses. Last night was the worst in a while. I curled up in a ball to cope. Annoyed at my pdoc for not faxing the script and the pharmacy for thowing out my Haloperidol as I wasn't currently taking it. It better come through today but my pdoc isn't in the office on Fridays so I am not hopeful. I emailed him today as he requested an update yesterday. I hope he responds. I am not doing well overall.

[Wander]

Sorry I keep posting. Just an update. It is 4.30 pm and I’m feeling awesome. Had a productive day and heading to my partners for the night. Such a relief to not be agitated. Hopefully this is over and my mood stays happy.

[Blueberrybook]

Woke up with a massive headache, probably sinuses or stress or both. Can only take Tylenol for it, and that is not helping so far. Maybe I'll drink some coffee as I'm tired too but had to wake early to get H up for work (he sleeps through all alarms we've tried so far, and the quietest wakes me and usually I can't go back to sleep afterwards).

School closed again today because of the plant fires and possible fallout. My daughter has had 1 day of school this week, so she's had practically a 2 week Spring Break except we are not doing any outdoor activities even if the temperature and weather is nice otherwise, which is a pity because spring doesn't last long here before the heat gets unbearable.

Therapy yesterday was cancelled as my therapist lives in the town where the plant is located and has family there since that is where she grew up, which I remember she told me about when I first met her last fall, I think just to reassure me she's familiar with living in this area and things like shelter-in-place chemical incidents/hurricanes & tropical storms, all of which are stressful. Rescheduled for next week but mood is downward, I think not feeling safe outside so being indoors a lot and with a bored 11 year old as well as well as dental nerve pain - have been to the dentist many times recently - (finally getting somewhat better) all month long has not helped my mood at all. Fibro has flared too. Stress is not good for it, neither is tooth pain, high pollen counts, and probably stuff in the air from the plant fire.

I went out today to get some fish fingers for dinner.

also while I was out grabbed a copy of harry potter and the chamber of secrets (which to be fair, is now the only harry potter book I still have any interest in), I still like harry potter and the magical universe, but hmm, I guess I have a long way to go before I'm classed as a hard core fan

I also grabbed a shower today

taken it's toll though, because once again my back is killing me, I am nautious (probably from the extreme pain) and I'm out of breath

I was thinking earlier about how old I felt/ feel

I'm falling apart peace by peace

at least my physical body is

[yellow_fleurs]

I think there was a miscommunication with my therapist about my appointment. I was maybe supposed to confirm I could make it to keep the appointment. I showed up and then found out she was not there and I was not on the schedule, oops. At least I have one scheduled for next week.

I am feeling a bit better today. Had a really hard time getting up, but feeling better as the day went on (and I had coffee and breakfast, that always helps). Seeing my boyfriend tonight, hopefully I will be in a good mood and can enjoy the time together.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I think there was a miscommunication with my therapist about my appointment. I was maybe supposed to confirm I could make it to keep the appointment. I showed up and then found out she was not there and I was not on the schedule, oops. At least I have one scheduled for next week.

That happened to me once, too. My T doesn't have a receptionist though, so I sat in the hall til about a quarter past the hour. When I finally sent her a text all she could do was apologise although it wasn't really her fault. I don't know how I got my day confused for I was due there the following day.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I think there was a miscommunication with my therapist about my appointment. I was maybe supposed to confirm I could make it to keep the appointment. I showed up and then found out she was not there and I was not on the schedule, oops. At least I have one scheduled for next week.

I am feeling a bit better today. Had a really hard time getting up, but feeling better as the day went on (and I had coffee and breakfast, that always helps). Seeing my boyfriend tonight, hopefully I will be in a good mood and can enjoy the time together.

That never happened to me, but it happened to another one of my psychiatrist's patients. I arrived for my appointment, which my pdoc was aware of, and he saw the other patient sitting in the waiting room with me. She had been there for a half hour already and had traveled one hour to get to his office. I ended up giving her my appointment, went home and then returned later at an open time my pdoc had. I only live 4 mins away from my pdoc, by car. My pdoc and that patient appreciated it. I felt for her because at the time it seemed she really needed to see him urgently. I didn't.

[Blueberrybook]

Tough morning. One of our cats got into varnish or something outside overnight and was covered in it from fur to skin, entire body. Vet’s office said call animal poison control, but they charge a consultation fee of over $50, and we don’t have money to burn.

I tried to wash the cat with Dawn and water, then used vegetable oil because I think whatever she had on her was oil based. Barely got anything off after over 20 minutes of trying, and she got away (did this outside obviously). But then I was covered in the stuff, clothes soaked, brownish oily stuff all over my body and hair and feeling sick from the fumes. Just threw away the clothes and shoes, got inside, showered and bathed forever. Had to use olive oil and lemon juice to get the stuff out of my hair and am clawed and bitten up all over by the cat.

I don’t know. She may yet die from poisoning. There was no way I could get all that stuff off her. We will keep her outside and feed her if she returns. H said maybe once it dries we can cut/shave the hair should the cat live. At any rate, by the time I got to her this morning, she had to have been in that stuff for awhile and probably licked herself all over. If she dies of poisoning, I was probably too late, and with that stuff covering her (a black cat so I could not really see it except where things like bits of grass clung to her) and down to the skin, it was beyond my abilities to clean. I still feel bad about it though and like I should have been able to do more

Drained after all that. Plus, I tripped over another one of our cats while carrying out a bucket of warm water so the bath wouldn’t be freezing. Fell on concrete, scraped both hands, both knees, elbows too. I am scraped, bruised, clawed, bitten and hurting (though yes, at least the cat had her shots). Had a tetanus shot around 7 years ago, so I guess I am okay there. Aren’t those things supposed to last for 10 years?

No school today for my daughter. Luckily, she was more concerned about me being okay from being covered in whatever that stuff was than the cat and seemed sad but understanding when I told her the cat might die of poisoning. But she just said, “I’m glad you’re OK, Mommy.” several times. She’s been very sweet today. Normally, she behaves well, but she is a pre-teen, so I have to accept it’s not always easy to parent her.