[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Haven’t checked in in a short while. Feel like I’m gaining weight and Latuda is likely to blame. I still have quite a bit to lose from seroquel and depakote and CANNOT afford to put on more. It will absolutely have to be a deal breaker. Feeling a bit better about going back to work April 8th. Then again, both my mom and husband said I seemed a little up today. My husband said I also seemed really out of sorts. He was not happy that mom took me shopping while I was “like this.” Mo IOP tomorrow as I have t and pdoc appts. We’ll see how it goes. Trying to get my house bday party ready this week because I am hosting lots of people on sat for my son’s bday. I am also redecorating quite a bit so it is quite an undertaking.

I feel your pain. I just ranted over it.

Hope you have a great party !!!!

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing fine after spending most of the evening with my darling nieces helping get a few girl scout badges; not to mention my Aunt pointed out that the kiddos were missing me since I spend a lot of my time either at work or at M's place here lately. So after work I picked up dinner and M and I helped the girls with Girl Scouts and the fun thing known as homework; besides the girls really missed me and were all on me Sunday for our families Irish Celebration.

Work was good today; got a lot of stuff done today plus it's always nice having new people in the office; on the plus side it seems to be working out which always a good thing.

It was really nice hanging out with the girls tonight; it was a much needed distraction.

Also I guess my heart is doing better because I was able to donate blood for the first time in a very long time; my numbers were fantastic; I was so shocked that after years of my heart rate being scary high and always disqualifying me for giving that it was perfectly normal at 89.

Hugs to everyone

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Had my annual physical today and we talked about my weight that won’t budge, after looking over my Med list we both agreed Latitude is the problem.

Yes weight gain, just creeped in over time, it’s also causing me more general health problems. Makes my PsA arthritis worse. I’m on meds for cholesterol which I didn’t need prior to Latuda

I’m currently eating 800-1200 calories a day. Plus exercise as much as I can with pain conditions. But that exercise is causing more joint pain and damage.

I refuse to buy new bigger clothes. All this is doing is flaring up my urge to just stop eating, anorexic as it’s best. Last time about 4 years there was many talks from T , Pdoc and GP of needing a feeding tube. So I’d like to not have a repeat.

So I am quitting Latuda. Screw Big Pharma making life even worse for those of us psych issues.... deal with unhealthy weight gain. Like really ????

I’m done

Well...****...I’m sorry! That sucks. Let me know how it goes.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Well...****...I’m sorry! That sucks. Let me know how it goes.

Will do !

[Wander]

Saw T. He thinks I am in a mixed state. It shocked me as I thought it was anxiety from trauma. I explained that this is exactly how I felt when I had full blown PTSD and no Bipolar diagnosis. He said I was probably misdiagnosed although agrees I had severe PTSD (he saw it) but also Bipolar at the time which no one picked up.

Now I am deeply concerned as I feel I can't tolerate another mixed episode. I am just too vulnerable from my last mixed with psychosis that abated mid February. That is what traumatised me. He thinks my swings from calm and happy (not hypo) to wildly suicidal plus other symptoms show intense agitation. I explained I am not depressed or manic so it doesn't make sense. He said just the agitation and swings, and intense mood states at times point to Bipolar mixed, plus some trauma reactions. Great. This just can't be happening. Right now (2pm) I am happily listening to music but I tend to disintegrate as the day progresses.

Tomorrow I see my pdoc. Hopefully he can come up with some meds that will quickly snap me out of this. All my meds are held at the pharmacy so I cannot give myself PRN. So annoying but I understand why he did this in February. I just can't imagine what he can do with me already maxed out on three great meds. Maybe PRN antipsychotic like Haldol or something. Idk. Weird thinking about this while feeling so good. Although I have been out of control at times, and put my life in danger I don't think its time for IP. I hope he agrees as I will dig my heels in.

[Wander]

Great. It is now nearly 6 pm and I want to tear the house down I'm so worked up - agitated I guess. Nothing I do helps. My physical issues restrict me from sweating it out so I am stuck , unable to get rid of this horrible energy. I have no meds either. This is hell. Why do I start my days so chill only to end up here? I am so wound up I doubt sleep will come easily. I have an early pdoc appointment so can't take extra sleep meds. I just have to suck it up I guess and try not to do anything stupid. This surely could successfully be used as a form of torture.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wander

Great. It is now nearly 6 pm and I want to tear the house down I'm so worked up - agitated I guess. Nothing I do helps. My physical issues restrict me from sweating it out so I am stuck , unable to get rid of this horrible energy. I have no meds either. This is hell. Why do I start my days so chill only to end up here? I am so wound up I doubt sleep will come easily. I have an early pdoc appointment so can't take extra sleep meds. I just have to suck it up I guess and try not to do anything stupid. This surely could successfully be used as a form of torture.

I am sorry, I really hope your pdoc can help you to get stable. I had a similar thought when I had what my pdoc said was a mixed episode, that it felt like some sort of torture.

Sunny day again, and what's really great is that our privacy fence is FINALLY being repaired today. I can't wait until we can enjoy our deck and have a BBQ.

Yesterday my mood was a bit elevated. My therapist told me that was clear, as well. She suggested I take an "as needed" Seroquel, but I'll confess that I didn't in the end. I ended up winding down a bit. I even got a normal amount of sleep. That sometimes happens to me. I'll be elevated in mood during the day, and then my evening medications will snarf it out. Then often I wake up OK, then the energy builds again.

Spring has come. Happy first day of spring, everyone! I know that I'm vulnerable to developing mania in the spring. Sometimes it even starts as early as late February. It's good that my therapist and I talked about ways to curb it yesterday. Of course I love the increase in energy and mood, but if I don't succeed in taming the beast, the beast goes way too wild.

[bizi]

It has been here for a while.
But happy first official day of spring to you too!
Getting ready to shower....geesh... why must it be such a production????
Just get myself into the f' king shower!
bizi

Sleep's been pretty crappy lately. Getting to sleep isn't the problem, it's waking up ridiculously early. *Maybe* getting about 5 hours' worth of actual sleep. But definitely no "up" resulting from it. Mood-wise doing alright, despite circumstances. (I'm down on the circumstances, but stable.) A *little* frustration instability/reaction, sure, but overall ok. Staying on track with meds routine.

Now if I could only find a new job... (They want me OUTSIDE today! In the SUN! THAT'S not going to fly. I only burn, so NOT COOL. Good thing it is only early season. If it were straight up summer, I'd have to quit over it. I LOATHE summer's sun and heat for any that don't already know it, lol. Yet another reason I really need to get a new job pronto!)

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Had my annual physical today and we talked about my weight that won’t budge, after looking over my Med list we both agreed Latitude is the problem.

Yes weight gain, just creeped in over time, it’s also causing me more general health problems. Makes my PsA arthritis worse. I’m on meds for cholesterol which I didn’t need prior to Latuda

I’m currently eating 800-1200 calories a day. Plus exercise as much as I can with pain conditions. But that exercise is causing more joint pain and damage.

I refuse to buy new bigger clothes. All this is doing is flaring up my urge to just stop eating, anorexic as it’s best. Last time about 4 years there was many talks from T , Pdoc and GP of needing a feeding tube. So I’d like to not have a repeat.

So I am quitting Latuda. Screw Big Pharma making life even worse for those of us psych issues.... deal with unhealthy weight gain. Like really ????

I’m done

I thought maybe I was the only one for which laudta wasn't weight neutral but I see I'm not alone. I've struggled several times with wanting to go off because of that. And yes calories wise I do not eat much and pain keeps me from excercising much. But then I think about unstabliing and I don't want to give it up. What a quandary. Good luck.

[fern46]

Today has been mixed for me. I woke agitated, but calmed for a good morning. The weather is nice and I'm hoping this chill feeling will continue through the evening. I tried to stay awake all day, but I snuck a quick nap in anyway. Now I'm trying to force myself to exercise a bit.

Well wishes to all for a good day.

[Pookyl]

I was only on Latuda a short while. I got paradoxical anxiety and Weight gain++

[Pookyl]

Still IP. Ended even more manic since I arrived. I also had a fall and the meds made me merry 😀

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

Saw T. He thinks I am in a mixed state. It shocked me as I thought it was anxiety from trauma. I explained that this is exactly how I felt when I had full blown PTSD and no Bipolar diagnosis. He said I was probably misdiagnosed although agrees I had severe PTSD (he saw it) but also Bipolar at the time which no one picked up.


Now I am deeply concerned as I feel I can't tolerate another mixed episode. I am just too vulnerable from my last mixed with psychosis that abated mid February. That is what traumatised me. He thinks my swings from calm and happy (not hypo) to wildly suicidal plus other symptoms show intense agitation. I explained I am not depressed or manic so it doesn't make sense. He said just the agitation and swings, and intense mood states at times point to Bipolar mixed, plus some trauma reactions. Great. This just can't be happening. Right now (2pm) I am happily listening to music but I tend to disintegrate as the day progresses.


Tomorrow I see my pdoc. Hopefully he can come up with some meds that will quickly snap me out of this. All my meds are held at the pharmacy so I cannot give myself PRN. So annoying but I understand why he did this in February. I just can't imagine what he can do with me already maxed out on three great meds. Maybe PRN antipsychotic like Haldol or something. Idk. Weird thinking about this while feeling so good. Although I have been out of control at times, and put my life in danger I don't think its time for IP. I hope he agrees as I will dig my heels in.

Mixed episodes are pure hell on earth. I want to rip my skin off in a rage and sobbing my eyes out from feeling so lost.

I hope your Pdoc can help you

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Sleep's been pretty crappy lately. Getting to sleep isn't the problem, it's waking up ridiculously early. *Maybe* getting about 5 hours' worth of actual sleep. But definitely no "up" resulting from it. Mood-wise doing alright, despite circumstances. (I'm down on the circumstances, but stable.) A *little* frustration instability/reaction, sure, but overall ok. Staying on track with meds routine.


Now if I could only find a new job... (They want me OUTSIDE today! In the SUN! THAT'S not going to fly. I only burn, so NOT COOL. Good thing it is only early season. If it were straight up summer, I'd have to quit over it. I LOATHE summer's sun and heat for any that don't already know it, lol. Yet another reason I really need to get a new job pronto!)

Oh gawd in the sun and heat ???? Oh hell no , I have zero tolerance when it comes to that. I just melt and I become a bytching monster , I’ve always been this way , should have seen me as a child growing up in Florida. Ugh it wasn’t pretty , my mom knocked the hell out of me for it all the time. , as if that helped

Sleep yes sleep ...it has sent you flying in the past a few times i remember . Not good. Any ideas other than wacking yourself in the head at bedtime ??!! Lol but not really lol

I still have all my body parts crossed that a new job pops up pronto !!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I thought maybe I was the only one for which laudta wasn't weight neutral but I see I'm not alone. I've struggled several times with wanting to go off because of that. And yes calories wise I do not eat much and pain keeps me from excercising much. But then I think about unstabliing and I don't want to give it up. What a quandary. Good luck.

I have been weighting the pros and cons of dropping this med for months now. Stepping on the scale yesterday sealed its fate , poof it’s gone.

I worry about a crash but if I remembering back to other weigh gainers once off then the weight just came off rather quick.. that’s my hope

Big Pharma sucks !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I was only on Latuda a short while. I got paradoxical anxiety and Weight gain++

And Latuda is specifically advertised as weight neutral , go figure

Glad you got off it.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Still IP. Ended even more manic since I arrived. I also had a fall and the meds made me merry

I’m sure your meds have you loopy , be safe !!!!

Have they noticed you have your phone yet ?? Lol

I felt such intense boredom this evening that i went out to a mall just to have something to do. I enjoyed it. It was a nice break from my tiny apartment. The mall has a huge atrium with soaring ceilings -- so nice!

Still no sign of my Spring hypomania. This afternoon i sat on my balcony with my dog on my lap. But in my parka. My dog looked all around.

SpringSpringSpring -- where are you?

[~Christina]

Been cleaning all day with short breaks here and there , my back is hella pissed !

Oh and I burnt some cabbage I was cooking down going to make my gleaming clean house smell grrrr

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is doing well today. I am starting to feel anxious and worried about tomorrow. Really it seems to be the only thing my brain wants to think about which is so very nice. Work was alright had some complaints to deal with; it would be so nice to go a day without someone complaining about something.

Sorry again not really in an updating mood.

Hugs to everyone

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm working my way through the grief book my therapist lent me. It's actually a workbook but I decided to read first and then go through the workbook if he thinks it will help. I'm not sure I'm yet in the place that I'll benefit; I think I'm one step before the workbook stuff starts and need to address that first.

I feel like I'm not allowed to grieve because I did 20 years ago. But I have all sorts of new feelings and things I haven't allowed myself to feel for 20 years (or longer) and I need to sort through that and feel worthy to grieve before I can do it.

His obituary ran in the local paper for where I grew up this week. Nobody reached out to say "I'm sorry". I know people have good reason to not think well of him but I thought at least one person would say something. But if it were me I'd probably not know what to say either.

Otherwise a decent day. I walked my mom's dogs so I got some exercise which is good. I have done 2 loads of laundry in 2 days which is at least accomplishing something. I've been struggling with that lately; I am just tired and low motivation since his death. I'm learning this is normal but I would like a day or two off.

[Wander]

Saw my pdoc at 10am. He was concerned about my levels of agitation and anxiety and what they compel me to do so he suggested IP. I want to try alternative options as I hate IP and only got out of my last horror admission (the episode was horror not the staff) six weeks ago. He gave me a script for a strong benzo to deal with the anxiety and requested I take Haldol. I thought my pharmacy was holding all my meds but they had thrown out my Haldol as I was not currently using it. So they sent a message to my pdoc to fax the script. It is 2.30pm and he has not got back to them. I hope it comes through soon as I need relief.

If I am not feeling calmer by tomorrow he wants me to contact him and I will go IP once a bed is available. My pdoc told me we would get through this as I despair another episode and feel I cannot handle anymore. I fear for my life if these meds don't work ASAP. I went for a swim to try and lift my mood and burn some rage off. I felt better for a bit but am drowning again. Why do I keep getting mixed episodes so often? I have a great pdoc who fights to help me and is very skilled. Mixed episodes are notoriously hard to treat. I can't live like this and I don't know how to escape.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wander, have you ever tried clozapine? That is what stopped (at least lessened greatly) my constant mixed episodes. I haven't had a bad one in the 3 years I've been on clozapine compared tn pretty constantly prior to that.