WildFlowerChild25: i am so sorry you are suffering this way! Just take it moment-by-moment and Wednesday will come. Keeping you in my thoughts.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My back keeps seizing up. I can’t walk. I’m scared. I can’t even walk across my house. I’m trying to rest right now and hopefully soon I’ll be able to walk at least a little bit but I’m not sure. I sent my son home on the bus today thank god because I didn’t think I’d be able to get out of the house to get him and I was right. I don’t know what to do. The ER isn’t going to do anything for me. My spine doctor can’t do anything for me. I just have to try to walk through the pain but it makes my legs weak and I’m afraid I’ll fall. I just want Wednesday to get here ASAP. Hope to god this works.

Sorry for complaining again I’m just scared by the fact that I can’t get up to walk right now. Plus I’m alone at home so No one is even here to help me.

Edit: I managed to make it to the bathroom and back. Barely but I did. I’m stuck here until bedtime I guess. Then I’ll try to make it to bed.

That sounds incredibly scary. I hope Wednesday gets here fast.

[Daonnachd]

Went out for a ride on my bike for the second day in a row. I hope to reap some benefits from exercise now that it's warming back up.

[liveforsummer]

Anxiety is lurking on a regular basis. Its had decades to creep and hide in every fibre of my being. Where it once came on as a sudden attack, heart racing etc now it lurks. That tingly under the skin feeling, the permanently tightened muscles, shallow breathing and an almost dizzy like/vertigo sensation. I am not going to be dragged down this miserable road again.

In other news, I'm managing to juggle my 2 p/t jobs so far!

And that's about it.

Be safe

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Today was better. My therapist and I talked a lot about grief and needing to let that happen. I've kept myself too busy/distracted to deal with it until now but at this point I'm out of distractions. The time has come. It's just so complicated because of the estrangement and the horror over his living conditions.

He lent me a book on grief. I feel special because he doesn't usually lend books but says he trusts me. (I've been seeing him 13 years so I hope so!) This is one he used when he taught a class so there are interesting notes he's made throughout. This helps because I feel like our relationship is really good now and we had a rough patch that lasted a long time. Mostly it lasted because I couldn't let things go but it was still really hard and now it's definitely over.

I just wish the book or he could tell me how to feel. I guess I'll get there though. For now I'll keep eating carbs and feeling lazy. Tomorrow I'll do some laundry and be proud of that. I've not done much in the last couple weeks. He died 2 weeks ago today so that's about right I guess. Gotta stop the carbs though. I am trying to lose weight, not gain it.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

T finally got back to me after my distress call text. It was 4.30 pm. He asked me to contact my pdoc to get emergency appointment. I called but no appointments available. Receptionist sent a message to pdoc to see if he could squeeze me in. I haven’t heard back. I’m barely coping. Anxiety is extraordinary. I’m self destructive and all over the place. Trying to hold it together. Just took night meds and am desperately hoping I will be asleep soon and stay asleep. It is 7.15 pm. I’ve taken up smoking which is really odd for me. Just trying to calm down I guess. I don’t know what’s wrong. Trauma? I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. This is hell. I can only hope I will sleep as I’ve struggled lately. I can’t stand being awake any longer. I’m scared.

I hope you can sleep

Please stay safe if you can’t go the the ER they can help you.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I never thought I'll say this.

It has been five years of pain.

Coming from good ole Miami.


However, I'm happy to live in this town.

Cape Coral posted 24th in the happiest

cities in the US list.

And is still top ten in safety.

At some point, it was number one.

Attatown.


Cheers.

My step son lived in Cape Coral for a couple years. Now he lives in Miami, he works for American Airlines.

Hope you find some pain relief. ((Hug))

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

My back keeps seizing up. I can’t walk. I’m scared. I can’t even walk across my house. I’m trying to rest right now and hopefully soon I’ll be able to walk at least a little bit but I’m not sure. I sent my son home on the bus today thank god because I didn’t think I’d be able to get out of the house to get him and I was right. I don’t know what to do. The ER isn’t going to do anything for me. My spine doctor can’t do anything for me. I just have to try to walk through the pain but it makes my legs weak and I’m afraid I’ll fall. I just want Wednesday to get here ASAP. Hope to god this works.


Sorry for complaining again I’m just scared by the fact that I can’t get up to walk right now. Plus I’m alone at home so No one is even here to help me.


Edit: I managed to make it to the bathroom and back. Barely but I did. I’m stuck here until bedtime I guess. Then I’ll try to make it to bed.

Oh no , I am so sorry you are in such intense pain you can barely move.

Yes Wednesday needs to arrive right now !

Gentle

Still no sign of my nice Spring hypomania. I'm trying not to worry as Spring is so late this year here. We've still got tons of snow. The forecast is good tho so maybe soon. I'll be so bummed if i skip it this year.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone is doing well today. It was a pretty busy day for me today; then again Mondays and Wednesday's tend to be my busier days of work. We had a new nurse start today so I spent most of the morning out of my office showing her around and helping her get aclimated to our office. I always like it when new people start makes things interesting until they get adjusted.

Plus making sure they adjust keeps me busy for the day and I like having busy days.

Work is good; I am in for a stressful week with M seeing the surgeon this week which has me a little worried of what is going to be said because he is still dealing with pain and spasms; but he is still getting up and going to work to keep his mind of everything even though work is probably causing some pain too. I am trying not to get worked up with the though of him seeing the doctor.

Hugs to everyone

I'm doing alright I guess. Just wanted to check in.

[Wander]

Survived last night. T tomorrow and pdoc Thursday. Went for a swim early morning. The highlight of my day. Downhill from there as the anxiety and wild eyes grow. 4.30 pm now. Drinking. At my parents though so won’t get away with getting drunk without a fight. Sometimes I feel like I’m exaggerating the situation. Other times I’m walking a very dangerous path. I’m overwhelmed basically and struggle to cope healthily. In fact I don’t want to. I’m so over this s***. Not sure what to say to my T and pdoc as I want some help but don’t want to be hospitalised. If they knew the full story I’m IP. Still, I feel I have a chance to calm down OP given the right treatment. Now to deal with the worst part of the day.
Hope everyone is ok.

[bizi]

This morning was 179.4 so out of the 180's.
today is officially 2 weeks AF this time round., stating that I will be AF today that is. 2 weeks ago I hit the highest weight in YEARS!!!!! 190.8.

I kind of fear I'm taking one too many steps forward. In addition to French lessons, yesterday I signed up for a six-part lecture series held at the university nearby. The lecture series addresses interesting and important topics relating to modern China. It will be held every Tuesday night for six weeks, starting next Tuesday. Someone here may recall my concern about studying French at night. That's why I ended up seeking private lessons during the daytime. My husband was the first one to object to me studying French at night, but he didn't hesitate to recommend the evening lecture series at the university. The reason? Because the lecture series is relevant to a potential part-time work-from-home job I may want in the future, which my husband may also work on. But hubby doesn't plan to attend the lecture series. Just me. It's held from 8 pm to 9 pm. On such nights I have to wait to take my evening meds. Assuming I won't get home until 9:30 or 9:45 pm those nights, that will surely mean that I won't be able to fall asleep until about 3 am. It's always the same. Plus, after a lecture, I'm sure to be wound up sometimes.

My dishwasher is fixed, thanks to my electrician brother. My clothes washer needs to be replaced, but is sort of working in the meantime.

I have therapy today. I'll be curious to hear what she thinks about the classes and lectures. I really like her, but she's still a fairly new therapist for me. I am not entirely sure she can accurately judge if I'm potentially biting off more than I can chew. I know my psychiatrist can, but he's too careful of a guy sometimes. He's not always encouraging enough.

[Daonnachd]

I meet with my T today then go to the memorial service for Lewis this evening.

[pirilin]

I have a cold. Feels like the flu.
Courtesy of La Bruja.
Whatever she picks, she brings home.

May The Superior Power bless her.
She has been working out there with
this thing for over a week.
I would be crying, or trying to.

Cheers.

I had a nice calm day. There was beautiful sunshine and you could see patches of grass but it was still so cold you could see your breath. I feel okay -- not depressed but maybe a little bored. Can't wait for my keyboard stand to arrive and i can get started on learning piano. I didn't talk to anyone all day but i don't feel lonely. On a break from Scrabble. Haven't played in weeks. I don't miss it at all.

[~Christina]

I made a longish response on the Dr weight

I’m dumping Latuda. I have had enough

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I have a cold. Feels like the flu.

Courtesy of La Bruja.

Whatever she picks, she brings home.


May The Superior Power bless her.

She has been working out there with

this thing for over a week.

I would be crying, or trying to.


Cheers.

I hope it goes away ASAP !!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I had a nice calm day. There was beautiful sunshine and you could see patches of grass but it was still so cold you could see your breath. I feel okay -- not depressed but maybe a little bored. Can't wait for my keyboard stand to arrive and i can get started on learning piano. I didn't talk to anyone all day but i don't feel lonely. On a break from Scrabble. Haven't played in weeks. I don't miss it at all.

Sounds like a pleasant day ! Yes I’m seeing some green on my acres, was cold this morning but warmed up so nicely. YAY !

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by pirilin

I have a cold. Feels like the flu.
Courtesy of La Bruja.
Whatever she picks, she brings home.

May The Superior Power bless her.
She has been working out there with
this thing for over a week.
I would be crying, or trying to.

Cheers.

Hope you feel better soon. I had flu about a month ago and it was ugly.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wildflower, good luck with your surgery. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you feel much better very quickly.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I made a longish response on the Dr weight

I’m dumping Latuda. I have had enough

Of what? Weight issues? I hope not. I can feel it creeping and I’m SO tired of putting on weight from these damn weight gaining pills. I just feel like Latuda, though it seems to be working, is yet another culprit.

[cashart10]

Haven’t checked in in a short while. Feel like I’m gaining weight and Latuda is likely to blame. I still have quite a bit to lose from seroquel and depakote and CANNOT afford to put on more. It will absolutely have to be a deal breaker. Feeling a bit better about going back to work April 8th. Then again, both my mom and husband said I seemed a little up today. My husband said I also seemed really out of sorts. He was not happy that mom took me shopping while I was “like this.” 🙄 Mo IOP tomorrow as I have t and pdoc appts. We’ll see how it goes. Trying to get my house bday party ready this week because I am hosting lots of people on sat for my son’s bday. I am also redecorating quite a bit so it is quite an undertaking.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Of what? Weight issues? I hope not. I can feel it creeping and I’m SO tired of putting on weight from these damn weight gaining pills. I just feel like Latuda, though it seems to be working, is yet another culprit.

Had my annual physical today and we talked about my weight that won’t budge, after looking over my Med list we both agreed Latitude is the problem.

Yes weight gain, just creeped in over time, it’s also causing me more general health problems. Makes my PsA arthritis worse. I’m on meds for cholesterol which I didn’t need prior to Latuda

I’m currently eating 800-1200 calories a day. Plus exercise as much as I can with pain conditions. But that exercise is causing more joint pain and damage.

I refuse to buy new bigger clothes. All this is doing is flaring up my urge to just stop eating, anorexic as it’s best. Last time about 4 years there was many talks from T , Pdoc and GP of needing a feeding tube. So I’d like to not have a repeat.

So I am quitting Latuda. Screw Big Pharma making life even worse for those of us psych issues.... deal with unhealthy weight gain. Like really ????

I’m done