[Wander]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Wander, I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you and your therapist/psychiatrist can come up with a plan to keep you safe as you work through this. What about something like IOP, is that an option in your area? If you are not able to keep yourself safe, maybe IP is for the best, though. Has anything helped before when you were in this kind of mental state, perhaps any coping skills that are usually helpful?

Thanks. IOP would not be a good setting for me in this state. It would chew up my days anyway too. I have been like this years ago when going through severe PTSD and mixed states together. A combination of things helped and kept me safe most of the time. Sometimes I am just too out of control to have the ability to use the skills to bring myself down. This is where I was at today and it is very dangerous. As I can be fine some of the time it would feel weird going IP. In reality I just don't want to go. I want my freedom, have things to do, and secretly want to be able to totally lose control alone. I am guessing my T will ask me to make an appointment with my pdoc and go from there.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wander

Thanks. IOP would not be a good setting for me in this state. It would chew up my days anyway too. I have been like this years ago when going through severe PTSD and mixed states together. A combination of things helped and kept me safe most of the time. Sometimes I am just too out of control to have the ability to use the skills to bring myself down. This is where I was at today and it is very dangerous. As I can be fine some of the time it would feel weird going IP. In reality I just don't want to go. I want my freedom, have things to do, and secretly want to be able to totally lose control alone. I am guessing my T will ask me to make an appointment with my pdoc and go from there.

I am sorry, mixed states are terrible enough without adding in PTSD, I really can't imagine how bad you must be feeling. Sending you lots of compassion, I hope you get the help you need. Please stay safe.

[fern46]

The past few days have been good ones. I've had enough energy to stay active and do some form of exercise each day like I wanted. The weather today is amazing and I have spent a lot of the day outside. I hope this trend continues.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so worried that the back surgery is not going to work. I can’t live my life like this. I’m in too much pain to walk very far. I haven’t left my house all weekend because I’m in too much pain. I’m worried about being out somewhere and then not being able to make it back to my car. I went for an airway check on Friday to make sure they are able to get the breathing tube down my throat for the surgery and it was torture. I barely made it into and out of the place. I’m so scared that all this is permanent even though my dr has assured me I will get some pain relief after he releases the nerve. I’m just so worried. Plus I’m terrified of surgery. I always have been. I’m so scared to go through with it. But I don’t have a choice at this point.

I am just worried is all.

[Nammu]

Wildflower I put off my spine surgery for years cause I was so scared of it, but it was the best thing I ever did. I woke up from surgery almost pain free. That nerve pain was gone and so was the pain running down my leg. May your experience be just as good.

I was terrified to get an appendectomy after a bad experience with surgery in my teens. But it went so well! The nurses kept asking my to rate my pain from one to ten and i would say like three or two. Yours could just go just as well!

I'll chime in on the surgery stuff. I had carpal tunnel in my right arm, suffering for 13 YEARS(!!) out of fear. I'm now looking at the left needing it. It was like a miracle for the right, so I'm looking forward to being without the pain in my left as well.

It really can make a big difference. Wishing it for you as well. It's terrible being in the kind of pain you are in now.

I'm doing OK again today-- nothing special. Studied a little Chinese and German, ate, took a nap, watched some TV, and here I am. A boring Sunday like always.

[bizi]

Started doing my taxes...looks like we will get a refund of some sorts but owe state so balances it out.
laundry done, working on billing so it has been a productive day.
bizi

[Wander]

T didn’t say much in text. Will have to survive till I see him Wednesday. I guess he assumes I’m safe enough till then and can assess me then. I feel awful.

I’m not so sure though. I guess I can call the hospital if things get worse. I’m on my own tonight as I want to go for an early swim and my parents are much further from the beach. The ocean calms me. I didn’t go this morning as I hadn’t slept and felt shattered. I regret it now. I need things that lift my spirits. It’s 10 am and I’m already overwhelmed. Once I’m back from errands I will take meds, clean my flat and go to bed early if possible. I hate this. I want to stay home, not IP, but if I’m honest with my T I know he will send me to the hospital.

Today saw improvements in my sleep, energy and eating but my mood is still lousy. Spring hypomania, where are you?

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and happy Sunday; I hope everyone is doing great today. I had a busy day today compared to me doing hardly nothing yesterday besides taking the doggies for a walk.

Today was Sunday School and Church; followed by lunch with his parents which is always a nice time; his parents are truly wonderful people; so it's always nice doing lunch with them along with G and his wife. After lunch I went out shopping with R and a bunch of other friends since I didn't exactly want to hang out yesterday so we did it today; in the middle of the shopping trip my dad called and invited M and I to dinner for corn beef and cabbage since it is St. Patrick's Day and my family is very Irish; which of course I accepted; corn beef is one of my favorites.

Plus it seems like my dad is getting slowly on board the M train; and of course my grandfather; Aunt; Uncle and nieces would also be coming for dinner; plus on Monday my dad was really nice to M and he was again super nice during dinner again, plus it is always nice seeing my nieces even though they can sometimes be monsters on occasion.

All in all I had a very good day today even though it felt like I did a lot of running around today. Back to work tomorrow; Monday already. I sometimes wish there was a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Hugs to everyone

@wildflowerchild25: When I was in the hospital for whatever happened to my blood pressure and caused to me faint: I was scared; but the thing is I had a great doctor and I am sure your surgeon is great at what he does. Surgery of any type is scary because it's unfamiliar territory; but I am sure your surgeon has done several of them and knows precisely what needs to be done. Think positive thoughts.

[xRavenx]

Everything is making me emotional lately. I am leaving my job, and I know that it's for the best. But I feel nothing is going to change. All I do these days is stay to myself in my room and isolate. It's hard to even meet people these days, and I've lost enthusiasm and just wish that wasn't the case. It's very hard for me to remain calm. I even started drinking alcohol more frequently again. My head hurts and meds do not mix with alcohol, so I know I need to stop.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

My husband and I have appliance troubles. We tried to get the dishwasher fixed, but found it's not worth replacing the broken parts. Our clothes washer needs replacing, too. Money for these things? I keep putting off getting my hair done because of mounting expenses.

Oh I feel your pain, we had to get a washer last year and now our fridge is acting stupid.

Hope you can find a decent priced replacement.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by fern46

The past few days have been good ones. I've had enough energy to stay active and do some form of exercise each day like I wanted. The weather today is amazing and I have spent a lot of the day outside. I hope this trend continues.

Sounds like a great day ! Hope many more follow

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m so worried that the back surgery is not going to work. I can’t live my life like this. I’m in too much pain to walk very far. I haven’t left my house all weekend because I’m in too much pain. I’m worried about being out somewhere and then not being able to make it back to my car. I went for an airway check on Friday to make sure they are able to get the breathing tube down my throat for the surgery and it was torture. I barely made it into and out of the place. I’m so scared that all this is permanent even though my dr has assured me I will get some pain relief after he releases the nerve. I’m just so worried. Plus I’m terrified of surgery. I always have been. I’m so scared to go through with it. But I don’t have a choice at this point.


I am just worried is all.

I know it’s hard to not be scared. This surgery will relieve so much pain and you can get back to your life.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Everything is making me emotional lately. I am leaving my job, and I know that it's for the best. But I feel nothing is going to change. All I do these days is stay to myself in my room and isolate. It's hard to even meet people these days, and I've lost enthusiasm and just wish that wasn't the case. It's very hard for me to remain calm. I even started drinking alcohol more frequently again. My head hurts and meds do not mix with alcohol, so I know I need to stop.

I’m sorry your struggling. I hope things ease up very soon

[~Christina]

I did nothing today ... nothing at all , tv vegged and made egg sandwiches for dinner. Simpleeeeeee!!!!!

Tomorrow? I’ll be scrubbing the walls lol

[Wander]

T finally got back to me after my distress call text. It was 4.30 pm. He asked me to contact my pdoc to get emergency appointment. I called but no appointments available. Receptionist sent a message to pdoc to see if he could squeeze me in. I haven’t heard back. I’m barely coping. Anxiety is extraordinary. I’m self destructive and all over the place. Trying to hold it together. Just took night meds and am desperately hoping I will be asleep soon and stay asleep. It is 7.15 pm. I’ve taken up smoking which is really odd for me. Just trying to calm down I guess. I don’t know what’s wrong. Trauma? I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. This is hell. I can only hope I will sleep as I’ve struggled lately. I can’t stand being awake any longer. I’m scared.

[Blueberrybook]

Just as I'm needing a break from Spring Break, my daughter's district cancelled school today due to a chemical tank fire in a nearby town. Since they've got 7 tanks on fire now (was 2 yesterday), NAPTHA, xylene and now God knows what else burning; they've probably just got to let it burn out at this point. It started yesterday, and that town just got their shelter-in-place lifted. We never had one though we were near the border of it. Spent the day with my sister, nieces, and BIL who are farther away, but we came home last night as we had nothing to spend the night with us, and my sister doesn't really have a huge house and 2 of my nieces are in school. At least the wind is blowing the smoke and fumes away from us. Another day home with a bored pre-teen girl...sigh.

At least no one was hurt, but I'm antsy as I promised H I would not go jogging. The air quality here is always iffy (it's a chemical/industrial area), but now probably worse. ED is screaming at me though

[pirilin]

I never thought I'll say this.
It has been five years of pain.
Coming from good ole Miami.

However, I'm happy to live in this town.
Cape Coral posted 24th in the happiest
cities in the US list.
And is still top ten in safety.
At some point, it was number one.
Attatown.

Cheers.

[Blue_Bird]

Have finally been getting sleep. I'm adjusting to the meds well., I feel really good

If only...

If only I could afford and was able to attend a particular lecture series I learned about in an email I received today. I'm already attempting to study French again, which is sort of more expensive than we can handle (and a test of a step forward). The lecture series would surely be too much for me to handle, and more expense. Plus the six-part series starts at 8 pm each time. That's way too late for me to be out. However, it could be extremely helpful for something I may finally do as a part-time job in the future. The lecturers are prestigious, so it's a great opportunity. 😥

I feel unwell today because of my monthly. I have a mild headache, cramps, and general mild malaise. Our clothes and dishwashers both need replacing. They only partially work. Partially (thanks to my brother) is better than not at all, though. It still equals extra work. And we will need to spend the money on them.

The other day, hubby and I went to buy hubby new prescription sunglasses. He didn't really need them, but it was hard to convince him of that. He bought a type of prescription sunglasses online only recently, but they weren't good enough. He had to have a much fancier type only available through a regular eyeglass shop, which is much more expensive. Then we went to the liquor store and spent a ton of money there (mostly all just for hubby). When we got to the cashier I was already feeling nervous about the expenditure and told the cashier that we were buying the alcohol in lieu of me not getting my hair cut and dyed. He of course laughed, which is somewhat what I was aiming for (dark humor). He responded in a humorous way, but I now forget what he said verbatim.

[wildflowerchild25]

My back keeps seizing up. I can’t walk. I’m scared. I can’t even walk across my house. I’m trying to rest right now and hopefully soon I’ll be able to walk at least a little bit but I’m not sure. I sent my son home on the bus today thank god because I didn’t think I’d be able to get out of the house to get him and I was right. I don’t know what to do. The ER isn’t going to do anything for me. My spine doctor can’t do anything for me. I just have to try to walk through the pain but it makes my legs weak and I’m afraid I’ll fall. I just want Wednesday to get here ASAP. Hope to god this works.

Sorry for complaining again I’m just scared by the fact that I can’t get up to walk right now. Plus I’m alone at home so No one is even here to help me.

Edit: I managed to make it to the bathroom and back. Barely but I did. I’m stuck here until bedtime I guess. Then I’ll try to make it to bed.

[Blueberrybook]

View leaving my housing subdivision this morning. Oil/gas processing storage tanks (now 7 on fire) likely to burn 2 more days. God knows where this smoke plume will come down, could be half of Houston for all they seem to know. Weather forecast should have the winds blowing it away from my house though I don't think there is any way the air quality even here won't suffer...Promised H I wouldn't run, and it's got my anxiety up too...even though I know the air out there cannot be good for anyone.