[LadyShadow]

Had a good day today despite waking up at 2:30pm, ugh! I have been taking 20mg of Melatonin on top of 400mg Seroquel and my crazy mind won't rest enough for me to fall asleep. The bad side of that is, if I take more Seroquel or something else I won't wake up or be too groggy too do anything or worst case scenario - sleep all day.

I better figure it out before I commit to working a job - Sigh.

[Blue_Bird]

I'm feeling really good. My meds are great so I'm hoping the one that's not generic is approved by my insurance.

Possible trigger:

I ended up in the ER the other day due to my ED and long story short I'm out and after a few days of eating normal and getting a ton of rest I'm beginning to feel much better

My concentration has come back, I have energy again, I don't feel like crap and my hallucinations have stayed away for several weeks.

Hope everyone is doing okay

[fern46]

Today was a good day, but strange as well. I saw my pdoc and he is questioning my diagnosis. He thinks maybe I have delusional disorder instead of bipolar disorder. I read up on it this evening and I'm not sure it fits. I'm not sure bipolar disorder fits either. Ugh... I don't like not knowing one way or the other.

Originally Posted by Wander

That’s a tough situation. I have no advice I can think would help, but I can see you’re working your bit off. Keep fighting and hopefully a decent job will come along. Even start at dishwashing if you desperately need the cash right now. Then you can keep looking and work from there. I wish you the best of luck.

Fortunately, I do have a job (that I've been at for a little over a month). Problem is, I can't stand it. So it's more like continuing to look I guess. There *is* one aspect that I actually (generally) enjoy, that was a surprise to me. At least there's value in that, because it lets me not worry about that if that's part of another job.

There's a number of times that I really wanted to just walk. And totally *would* have when I was younger! (I've had 40 jobs, though the rate of change has slowed over the years). I never worried about finding another one back then, but it's much, much harder now. And ageism is very real. Illegal, but real (I actually had a potential employer SAY they weren't hiring me on account of it(!!)) Doesn't help.

Anyhow... the search continues...

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm feeling really good. My meds are great so I'm hoping the one that's not generic is approved by my insurance.

Possible trigger:

I ended up in the ER the other day due to my ED and long story short I'm out and after a few days of eating normal and getting a ton of rest I'm beginning to feel much better

My concentration has come back, I have energy again, I don't feel like crap and my hallucinations have stayed away for several weeks.

Hope everyone is doing okay

I am glad that you are better..
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I hope everyone is doing alright today. Sorry I didn't update you all yesterday about M or the surgery. I felt all strung out afterward and while I was active; I just didn't feel like typing a big update; I mean I could have posted that everything went fine; which is what I should have done. Bad me I know.

M's surgery was yesterday; surgery of course lasted longer than what we were told but that was because there was more damage. He was doing okay after the surgery yesterday ate a little and slept a whole lot.

Today was a little better Physical Therapy got him out of bed and a short walk to the bathroom so he is walking which is nice to see minus the pain.

I am doing alright running on very little sleep and dealing with my heart rate issues coming back. I'm exhausted but feel okay mentally. This hospital couch leaves little to be desired in terms of sleep quality; but if I wasn't here no way I would get sleep in a proper bed.

Hugs to everyone

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Had some bad news - My T of 12 years got really sick and has decided to go into retirement. I didn't even get a proper goodbye and its really tearing me apart. I think I will buy him a card and write a letter and hope they give it to him.

On a good note, I saw my good friend of 20 years today. It was good to hang out with her, I hadn't seen her in a while. We had wine, Taco Bell, and played Mario Kart. It was nice seeing her place, she really redecorated. Also, we watched the new Amy Schumer comedy special on Netflix and had a few really good laughs.

I guess everyone moves on in life, I just have to make due with a new therapist.

Oh honey I know the feeling of loosing a good T. I lost a good one and she was amazing; took me a while to find another one that I could trust and properly let everything out. I love this guy to pieces; he helped me out when I really needed it.

I am happy you got to hang out with a friend; sounds like a great friendship and Mario Kart is always a good idea.

Also hun lower dosages of Melatonin work better than the higher dosage; I take 3mg in gummy form and find it works pretty well most nights; granted I am also on 300mg of Seroquel so who knows which one is properly knocking me out at night.

I have been experiencing a downswing in my mood this past week, sometimes more pure and occasionally with bursts of adrenaline filled agitation/fury. Today I see my psychiatrist. At times I've questioned myself as to whether I should mention some of this (and that I've needed extra prn Seroquel), but now I know I should be 100% upfront about everything.

The last couple of times I heard from my sister, she wrote highly concerning emails about my dad, but even herself. Last night she went so far as to write that she doesn't think we'll have my dad for much longer. The tones of her emails have been quite different than her usual. I wonder if she may possibly be either hypomanic (she also has a bipolar dx) or just extremely stressed. She even mentioned receiving reprimands from her two bosses and that she's suddenly going on a strange vacation with my nephew. Her husband has been experiencing opioid withdrawal for a while. Everything together must be very rough for her. I called my brother this morning to express my deep concern about everyone. I told my brother I'm at a loss what to do. I am furthest away, and I am struggling a little myself, but not so much as sis and dad, obviously. My brother also said that someone told him that the owner of the cafe my dad goes to might be exploiting my dad financially. That is believable given some confirmed facts my dad told us in the past. We may need to contact the police in his town.

I cancelled my French class today with a lie. I lied to my husband when he asked if I have the French class today. I am not stopping permanently. I just told my teacher I have a migraine. I don't.

[pirilin]

Hey, new format. We're going places.
Or you guys are going places.
I'm still stuck flying the Sea of Tranquility.
C'mon Superman. WAKE UP!!!.
Soon you'll be called Mighty Mouse.

Cheers.

[Scooter9]

Oh man I'm having the feeling of being watched and monitored today. My pdoc says it's part of the depression.

I have this feeling that I'm being watched and that people are following me around. It's a really strange feeling. I know there's nobody watching me but I still get that feeling. It's not new, it has been this way for days now.

My wife has a bad cold and I think I caught it. I'm feeling kind of sick today too.

No sales of my new book yet but I guess that's to be expected since I haven't promoted it yet. It's also in a crowded marketplace competing with a bunch of other books about a similar topic (how to live happy) except that I added stuff about bipolar, depression, and being alone to it. I did more than that but that's the jist. Like they say, write what you know.

I am pissed!!! I got a phone call I missed this morning from my pdoc's office, so I call back and they said it was just to confirm the appointment. Then not ten minutes later they call and say they meant to cancel my appointment and now it's rescheduled to mid May. And they know I just got out of the hospital and need to see my pdoc. This happens so often I really need to get my butt off the couch and find a new pdoc at a new office.

Originally Posted by spikes

I am pissed!!! I got a phone call I missed this morning from my pdoc's office, so I call back and they said it was just to confirm the appointment. Then not ten minutes later they call and say they meant to cancel my appointment and now it's rescheduled to mid May. And they know I just got out of the hospital and need to see my pdoc. This happens so often I really need to get my butt off the couch and find a new pdoc at a new office.

Maybe you should look for another psychiatrist. I think that's extremely horrible that your pdoc cancelled your appointment so soon after your hospitalization. Mid May sounds like it's too far away under such conditions. If they couldn't take patients on the original day, they should have tried to squeeze you in sooner on an alternative day. Do you think the scheduler knew you just got out of the hospital? You might consider calling the office and reminding them of that. I'd, personally, tell them that mid May seems too far off given your recent discharge from the hospital.

[Sunflower123]

Checking in. I’ve had a wonderful day doing errands with my 83 year old mom. She is very frail right now but between the two of us...were getting it done.

We’re going to a Mad Hatter’s luncheon at church tomorrow with the proceeds going to charity. Everybody wears unique hats. I’ve wanted to go for the last three years but it sells out quickly. I have a nice black suit and a while silk shirt with a chic black and white hat. I’m going for a Paris vibe....sunglasses and all. Looking forward to it.

Warm wishes to all for a peaceful weekend.

[GoldenSnitch]

I had another “stay in bed all day” day. Even the smallest things overwhelm me. I’m still waiting for my disability claim from work and they are telling me now that they need to talk to my pdoc. This has been going on almost a month. I’m so stressed and pissed about it.

[Wander]

Early morning update. Today I am going to my sisters to celebrate my nephews 13th Birthday. It will be a low key affair. He has autism and hates large crowds. Lately I have been reducing my nightly Seroquel. I was down to 12.5mg but last night I couldn't sleep so I went back up to 25mg. I hate this drug and want off it. Even at these low doses (I used to be on 75mg) I have gained weight. Well f*** that. I want off.

On another topic. I freak out when people walk past my front door which is a sliding door and make a shadow moving across the curtains. I live in a block of flats so this happens often. I have to deal with it but I sometimes get paranoid. I breathe and remind myself I am safe.

I got out to my old mental health drop-in for the first time since last Summer. I had a great time! It was so nice to get out. I even enjoyed the bus ride! All this staying home over the Winter has really gotten me down. I can go out everyday now if i want! We hit double digit temps tomorrow! (Celcius) Yay!

Jennifer1967, your Mad Hatter's lunch sounds great! I like your outfit! Black + White is an excellent look!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Checking in. I’ve had a wonderful day doing errands with my 83 year old mom. She is very frail right now but between the two of us...were getting it done.


We’re going to a Mad Hatter’s luncheon at church tomorrow with the proceeds going to charity. Everybody wears unique hats. I’ve wanted to go for the last three years but it sells out quickly. I have a nice black suit and a while silk shirt with a chic black and white hat. I’m going for a Paris vibe....sunglasses and all. Looking forward to it.


Warm wishes to all for a peaceful weekend.

Sounds like a blast !! Enjoy ~

[LadyShadow]

So, I had a good day despite the cold rainy weather. I went to the interview and I did REALLY well - I think the manager was really impressed with me. The only downside is he asked if I would go out to other locations which I don't really feel like doing - my car is already old and I don't want to push it. But a good note, I am still applying all over so we will see if there is something better down the road, which won't require me to travel a lot.

[Wander]

Update : had the most wonderful hour long chat with my autistic nephew at his 13th Birthday family thing. We talked politics, religion, economics, history, quantum computers, and whether or not Apple beats PC. It was amazing. He is so wise and intelligent. Yet, he refuses to do his homework, participate in class, and yells at his teachers saying that school is pointless. I hope he begins to cooperate as he is basically a genius.

I’ve had similar conversations in the past but mostly he keeps to himself. This was the best conversation so far and I feel privileged he shared it with me.

[Victoria'smom]

I ****ed up today. I hurt my husband's feelings again. I want to ball up and cry. Instead I took an ambien. I have to be careful not to get addicted. At the same time I really don't care. I wish I could put into words what I'm feeling. I need help but I suck. I want my "loud" head back, I don't want to feel bad for not feeling. I want the outgoing me back. I'm going to stop the zyprexa staying only on the lamictal. I need to feel something except just bad for not feeling. Maybe IOP? I may just wait until my son leaves for the summer. I might just go back to my old clinic so I can get abilify shot. So many thoughts I'm drowning

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by Wander

Update : had the most wonderful hour long chat with my autistic nephew at his 13th Birthday family thing. We talked politics, religion, economics, history, quantum computers, and whether or not Apple beats PC. It was amazing. He is so wise and intelligent. Yet, he refuses to do his homework, participate in class, and yells at his teachers saying that school is pointless. I hope he begins to cooperate as he is basically a genius.


I’ve had similar conversations in the past but mostly he keeps to himself. This was the best conversation so far and I feel privileged he shared it with me.

This is so heart warming!

[GoldenSnitch]

Anyone still awake? I feel like I’m getting manic after being depressed for a month. It’s 3am here and I haven’t slept yet. I’ve been online shopping and enrolling in classes that I probably have no time for. I was dancing around singing with my dog. My mind is racing with all of these things I want to do and need to do but I haven’t got any of them actually done yet because I feel overwhelmed. Anyone with me??

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm awake after a few hours of sleep. Hoping I won't be for long though. This usually lasts 30-60 minutes and 30 is up.

I'm sorry you can't sleep. My interrupted sleep is not fun but total insomnia is so horrific I can't eve think of the right word. I hope you sleep soon. Sorry I'm not going to be around to chat. I check-in and can read at night but my eds make my vision blurry and I can't really post without a major offer (this is spellchecked heavily).

4 hours of sleep and awake. Again. Ugh. Just took PRN. Hopefully I'll knock back out. Better quit screen time.

[pirilin]

Good morning everyone, It's 8:30AM now.
I'm sleeping good with the L-Tryptophan.
Solid seven hours.

There are several sayings about waking up in Cuba, my native land.

El que madruga, Dios lo ayuda. ( God helps the one that wakes up early.)
No por mucho madrugar amanece mas temprano. ((No matter how early you get up, the sunrise will be at the same time.)
Cuando hay uno que madruga, hay othro que no se acuesta. (When one gets up early, there's another that doesn't go to sleep.)

Why this sayings thing?. I must be going senile.

Cheers.