[wildflowerchild25]

Less depressed today but very irritable. Everything is annoying me. But I accomplished a lot today. I bought my son a new summer wardrobe since he outgrew last year’s clothes. I bought all the stuff for his Easter basket. Except Easter grass, I forgot that of course. And an egg dyeing kit. I went back to the grocery store for stuff I forgot and/or couldn’t find yesterday. I went for a half mile walk! I can walk a half mile now without my legs burning. I also exchanged to shoes I bought that were too small for a pair that fits properly. So all in all a productive day. And I am planning to cook dinner so that I can stay under my calories for the day. I lost .2 pounds which is really nothing but at least the scale is moving in the right direction.

Tomorrow RS is taking a vacation day and we are taking my son to an indoor water park. We’ve been there before but RS never has. It should be a fun day. However, I’m not sure how I’m going to stay on diet. The food at the snack bar isn’t too healthy. And I won’t have time to cook dinner either. I’ll ask to get hoagies, the tuna one I get isn’t too calorie full.

[Moose72]

Going great so far. On time in my schexule and it tastes not as bad cold.

Edit: I'm done! Second half tomorrow morni g.

I have mental health care again! Yea!
Had an appointment where it was determined that my income was low enough to participate in a county fund system (for those who don't know, I lost my medicaid in November and haven't had anything except prescription refills in the interim).

What a relief! Though I have been doing well with the BP, I'm having issues with other things that would benefit from therapy.

Tonight is a little "last hurrah" party for the internship that I was part of. It'll be nice to see everyone (or, you know, whoever shows up, lol), but it might also be sad. We'll see.

Good luck with the therapy, fern!

[gina_re]

Another 'blah' day. I did make myself job hunt finally, but I didn't get too into it. But I mostly laid on the couch and watched tv all day. At least I cooked something. The easiest thing you can make, spaghetti. I made some effort. I told my sister I would come over tomorrow, so that would mean I will have to do something with my hair and take a shower. Two things I have been avoiding. I think I'm depressed but not a deep depression. I can still do things that I absolutely have to do, but I've lost interest in doing most things amongst other symptoms. Oh well, such is life.

[yellow_fleurs]

Getting excited about my garden plot. Also looking for an apartment, hopefully something a bit bigger than my current one. I think the change will be good for me, I need to get out of this rut.
I am feeling sluggish at work and depressed in general, but not so much that I cannot have good moments. Maybe I should use my light box more, I don't know. I am not sure what treatment overall will help me so I just keep moving and trying to be optimistic, while inwardly being kind of pessimistic. I might go back to my psychiatrist, I am trying to decide. I would like to be more mentally healthy than I am and I do hope it's possible. I want to know what's going on so I can get the right treatment.

It was not a very good day as i had a little wobble in my diet and got a stomach ache. The weather is improving tho. Almost all the snow is gone. Tomorrow is going to be really nice.

[Pookyl]

Feeling well. Such a gorgeous day too. I need to find some hobbies because I’m a little bored.

[Wander]

Officially have PTSD again. It’s getting bad. Saw my T. He really helped me see what is going on. We talked through a lot of things past and present that made the picture clearer. I almost threw up at the end. He said that is the trauma and not to worry about throwing up. It’s no problem to him if I do it in his office . He was comforting me. He then assured me that we would work together to help me recover, and avoid another stressful hospitalisation. I left feeling strengthened but nauseous. This is going to take a while.

I’m still depressed, but I’m fortunate the depression is mild today. I mostly have a disinterest in doing anything besides sleeping.

Also, I had a therapy appt today and *gasp* she was 5 mins early instead of 10 mins late. The session felt almost TOO long for that reason, but we made progress. We went over my treatment plan and discussed my symptoms from the past 6 months. I admitted to having hallucinations this morning and yesterday, but fortunately, they were auditory rather than visual.

I wish the hallucinations would abate at some point, but nothing seems to stop them. I’m not willing to go on a different AP, though, because of side effects. I hate being on an AP as is, but at least I know Rexulti is doing something for my delusional paranoia without making me gain weight etc.. So although I’m a bit upset with the fact I’m still having hallucinations, I’m willing to keep them as long as the delusions are gone (or mostly gone). The delusions are dangerous, while the hallucinations are not. Plus, I don’t think the hallucinations will ever 100% go away anyways. They’re there regardless of me being in an episode or not.

Last night I went to the fourth of six lectures on modern China topics held at the university, in conjunction with our community adult school. It was a real doozy, unlike the others that were quite interesting and scholarly. What set last night's lecture apart from the others was that I concluded that the lecturer, obviously an esteemed professor, was likely in some kind of episode of mental illness. What his mental illness might be, I'm not entirely sure. Could've been hypomania/mania, schizophrenia, or something else. I don't want to describe the topic exactly, but it was not too far off from if a professor spoke for an hour about bubble gum being of great significance in post WWII American history, from the late 1940s to late 1950s. That's an accurate analogy. As referenced in past weeks, my psychiatrist has also been attending these lectures. I'm tempted to bring it up today, when I see him. I'm not sure if he'll want to discuss it much, but I do hope he'll at least say if my conclusion above is unfounded.

I just must study my French today. I'm guilty of extreme procrastination. The reason for it is deeply seated. It is not related to laziness, or even distraction, from other things.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Last night I went to the fourth of six lectures on modern China topics held at the university, in conjunction with our community school. It was a real doozy, unlike the others that were quite interesting and scholarly. What set last night's lecture apart from the others was that I concluded that the lecturer, obviously an esteemed professor, was likely in some kind of episode of mental illness. What his mental illness might be, I'm not entirely sure. Could've been hypomanic/manic or could have been schizophrenia or something else. I don't want to describe the topic exactly, but it was not too far off from if a professor spoke for an hour about bubble gum being of great significance in post WWII American history (late 1940s to late 1950s). That's an accurate analogy. As referenced in past weeks, my psychiatrist has also been attending these lectures. I'm tempted to bring it up today, when I see him. I'm not sure if he'll want to discuss it much, but I do hope he'll at least say if my conclusion above is unfounded.

I just must study my French today. I'm guilty of extreme procrastination. The reason for it is deeply seated. It is not related to laziness, or even distraction, from other things.

That's interesting. When I worked in a research lab in grad school, we suspected that my research professor had ADHD, especially since she mentioned a couple of times that one of her sons was diagnosed with it. All of her "behaviors" appeared to have aligned with the diagnostic criteria as well. Of course, nobody told her anything because, well, it wasn't our place to talk to her about it.

Anyway, I think having mental illness yourself makes you more attuned to "seeing" mental illness in someone else. I also think having mental illness tends to (but not always) make you more empathetic than the average person. However, what's frustrating from me is wanting to help that person, but knowing (again) it's not my place to talk to them about it unless they approach me and ask for help.

But yeah, hopefully your professor's next lecture won't also be a doozy. Maybe this past lecture will be a one-off.

[Victoria'smom]

I found out last night my husband's T wants to see me :'( . I'm scared to see her. I've started a low dose of my medication again (1/2 my former dose). I had to because I couldn't control my thoughts. Can any T not yours send you to IP? She wants to see me individually and with H regularly. She knows I don't want therapy but also knows I need it. If anything to keep me med compliant. IDK, I feel it's an invasion of privacy for him and what about me? What if I don't like her as my therapist? What if she doesn't like me? What if this is all a set up to evaluate me for IP?

[Daonnachd]

I'm meeting with my T today. I'm not sure how I feel.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I found out last night my husband's T wants to see me :'( . I'm scared to see her. I've started a low dose of my medication again (1/2 my former dose). I had to because I couldn't control my thoughts. Can any T not yours send you to IP? She wants to see me individually and with H regularly. She knows I don't want therapy but also knows I need it. If anything to keep me med compliant. IDK, I feel it's an invasion of privacy for him and what about me? What if I don't like her as my therapist? What if she doesn't like me? What if this is all a set up to evaluate me for IP?

This is a bit paranoid. what makes you think you need to be inpatient?
bizi

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

That's interesting. When I worked in a research lab in grad school, we suspected that my research professor had ADHD, especially since she mentioned a couple of times that one of her sons was diagnosed with it. All of her "behaviors" appeared to have aligned with the diagnostic criteria as well. Of course, nobody told her anything because, well, it wasn't our place to talk to her about it.

Anyway, I think having mental illness yourself makes you more attuned to "seeing" mental illness in someone else. I also think having mental illness tends to (but not always) make you more empathetic than the average person. However, what's frustrating from me is wanting to help that person, but knowing (again) it's not my place to talk to them about it unless they approach me and ask for help.

But yeah, hopefully your professor's next lecture won't also be a doozy. Maybe this past lecture will be a one-off.

Thank, bluebicycle. I do feel similarly. Luckily, though, this professor was a one-time deal. The lecture series has a different professor for each week it's held. I think people would likely complain if every week was like yesterday. Normally I would I have written to the school that offered the lecture series, but there was a representative from the school there listening, as well. If they agreed with me, they would likely not ask him to speak in the future. It's a pity if mental illness did indeed play a part in his odd presentation. During the lecture, he made references to talking to colleagues and them disagreeing or seeming perplexed with his ideas. This could be highly embarrassing for him in the future, but perhaps if he's usually highly respected it can be looked past. The university where he's a visiting scholar has a history of tolerance (to various degrees) when it comes to scholars/scientists with mental illness or extreme eccentricity. That may seem like an odd fact to know, but I do.

[Moose72]

Prep went well. Leaving at 1.

Had an appt. at a staffing agency today. I was hesitant about the whole thing, but went anyway. I just now left, told them to forget it. I don't like that feeling, like I'm being herded into something, and I was feeling it, so I left. In the past, I'd just get swept into things (people pleasing probably), and THEN kick myself and ruminate endlessly. Still kind of kicking myself, because I don't like people having my info unless necessary. I'm a very private person. But the good news is that I left! At least that's progress.

Just wish I'd stayed in bed and maybe gotten more sleep.

[Victoria'smom]

what makes you think you need to be inpatient? I don't think I need IP but I'm use to professionals disagreeing with me. I can handle the space I'm in now. All she knows about me is that I sit quietly in my husband's sessions and whatever my husband said last session. I was not with him last session. His T asked if my T knew something and he told her I'm not going back to therapy and I guess she wants to talk to me about it.

I saw my psychiatrist a little while ago. It was a laid back session. I told him that my agitation has been reduced since my medication increase, but I still have minor mood fluctuations. He said to stay where I am with my meds, especially since Easter is coming up.

I mentioned earlier that my psychiatrist is attending the same lecture series on modern China topics that I am. We were really quite naughty. During my session, we sort of made fun of the last lecture. I mentioned that I thought the professor was maybe having some kind of issue. My psychiatrist agreed. He actually went so far as to say he suspects the professor could be on the autism spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome). Having had a lot of exposure to people with Asperger's (my two nephews and a local man), I now think that's a possibility, too. I feel bad that we laughed a bit about the lecture topic. It was rather absurd, though. My psychiatrist said he slept through about 1/3 of the lecture. I know that because I saw him with his head down.

[Sunflower123]

I have an appointment with a tdoc who specializes in mood disorders on April 29th. I’m really relieved because I’m baffled at and tired of going along thinking I’m stable and Blam! I’m on the phone with the crisis line. I also have a few issues I’d like to work on. I never really got over my daughter going to college.

Got out in this gorgeous weather and ran some errands. About to go out again. I’m feeling like myself again after a day and a half of a crisis. Am I just not accepting my diagnosis? Why does this keep happening? Maybe I’ll get some answers April 29th.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[fern46]

My family session went well today. We played mostly. We didn't get into anything heavy, but she established the start of a relationship with my kids. We go back in two weeks. I'm optimistic.

[pirilin]

Good news and bad news.
Found a US Treasury bond from 1996.
Hundred dollar bond. The bank gave me 107.54 dollars.
I spent it rightaway, thinking my wallet had at least 60 bucks.
My wallet has 18 measly bucks. Where does the money goes?.
Life is full of surprises.
Cheers.

[Scooter9]

I had a really low day today. My mood was particularly low and I was withdrawn. I took a long and brisk walk at lunch - a beautiful afternoon, yet my mood didn't change.

I got in contact with my son who is living and working in another country and told him I love and miss him. At least that's the good thing that came out of this today. He replied later and said he loves me too.

I went shopping on the way home. When I got home my younger son was home which was nice. He lives at home but has classes at night so I only see him 1 or 2 times a week.

I feel so bad. I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow.

[GoldenSnitch]

I had a decent day today. I stayed busy and spent some time outside with my daughter in the beautiful weather we are having. It felt good.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am still feeling funky today although we had a good day at the water park. I’m not depressed really I just feel...off. I don’t know.

I’m pretty worried about Easter. There’s been some family drama involving my mother and my grandfather. Basically he yelled at her about getting our kitchen redone and she’s now said that if he says anything on Easter about it she will not keep her mouth shut. Thing is he’s guaranteed to say something about it and not in a nice way. Besides that my uncle and cousins are all dickheads. Last year Easter was horrible. But this year I’m bringing RS. I shouldn’t have invited him. I’m going to be so embarrassed if **** pops off.

Also, my grandparents are pushing me to ask RS to be the point person for this whole kitchen remodeling fiasco. I don’t think it’s fair of them to ask the man I’ve been dating for only five months to get involved. It’s not his house. He doesn’t live here. Why would he want to get involved in the drama?

Ugh I hope everyone behaves themselves. I hate my family dysfunction.