[wildflowerchild25]

I didn’t go to work today. No real reason other than I was tired and my student wasn’t going to be in anyway. She’s not going to be in tomorrow either but I’ll go to work tomorrow. I shouldn’t have taken off today but whatever. Nbd.

I finally made an appointment with a GI dr for this pain in my stomach. It’s been going on off and on for about three years. Recently it’s gotten worse again. So I sucked it up and made an appointment. The last time I went to the GI dr he fat shamed me. He dx’ed me with GERD but none of my symptoms fit GERD. He ignored the pain in my stomach and told me to just lose weight and I’ll be fine. I never went back. I’m reticent to go to a new dr because I don’t want to be fat shamed again. I already feel bad enough about how much I weigh. But this time I’m going to a new practice with new drs so hopefully this one will take me seriously.

I’m still feeling awful about my weight. I did work out yesterday though. Planning on going again tomorrow. I really need to take control. I almost went out and got McDonald’s today for lunch but instead I had my leftover fettuccine Alfredo. Still high in fat and carbs but not as many calories as McDonald’s. Tomorrow we’re going to the fair so I’m not sure what I’m going to eat. I might eat before hand so that I’m not too hungry by the time we go.

I never heard from that job I applied for and I’m sure it’s because I don’t have my special ed certificate. It’s disappointing. I applied for a general ed job today but I probably won’t get called for that either because I have no general ed experience except for being a co teacher. I just want to make more money. I’m seriously hurting. I’m trying not to make unnecessary purchases. But I still don’t have enough between paychecks. However, I much happier in my own house so I’d rather be dirt poor and living here than have a little bit of money but live with my mom.

I bought cigarettes on Sunday and Monday because my juul charger broke and I had to order a new one. But I’ve been good for a couple of days. I want to smoke but again, I have to take charge of my health.

I guess that’s it. Supposed to be ridiculously hot here for the next few days. RS and I are going to a museum of medical oddities on Saturday. I assume it’s air conditioned so that should be fine. We just have to walk from the car to the museum and then to the restaurant for dinner afterward.

[wildflowerchild25]

So I spoke too soon about that job! I got a call for an interview today! I am so excited! I really have to practice my interview answers so I don’t mess this up. I really want to work with EBD kids again.

[Nammu]

Good luck!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So I spoke too soon about that job! I got a call for an interview today! I am so excited! I really have to practice my interview answers so I don’t mess this up. I really want to work with EBD kids again.

Yay! I'm excited for you. I wish you all the best with your interview.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

So I spoke too soon about that job! I got a call for an interview today! I am so excited! I really have to practice my interview answers so I don’t mess this up. I really want to work with EBD kids again.

That’s Great!!!!!!!

[~Christina]

Saw my Rheumatologist today , emergency appt. it’s obvious my Enbrel shot quit working. I have 2 horrible areas of psoriasis flare and my pain from PsA is much worse. Most of my joints are inflamed compared to my appt 3 weeks ago.

So they are going to get me authorized for Humira. Hopefully it doesn’t take long.

Meanwhile meds from my Dermatologist yesterday feel like I put pure bleach on the areas when I apply ointment.

I’m just sick and tired of everything, just stop the world and let me get off ! I’m done.

[yellow_fleurs]

My brain is being mean to me today, making me anxious and feeling really bad about myself. I feel so frustrated that brains can get so out of whack so easily. I mean of course it makes sense as they are complicated, but how can I get outsmarted by hormones every month? I am also the usual, very tired and lethargic and spacey. It honestly is really embarrassing. I keep trying to hide that I am not feeling well at work, but it's hard because it affects me and I have to act "normal" but am struggling to do a basic thing. And I am trying to learn something challenging right now which makes it even harder. Oh well, I think I am venting at this point. Hope everyone has a great night. I will probably have more optimistic updates in a week or so, but can't promise they won't be pretty low in the near future haha.

[Wild Coyote]

Long day today. Great difficulty with walking.

I continue to stumble upon more and more information about what H has been up to. It's good to have proof. I don't feel so "crazy." He'd rather I were feeling "crazy." So, even though I am done searching for info that I already have, I keep "accidentally" stumbling upon more information. Hopefully, it is for good reason!

Am losing time and don't realize it until a day or two later; i cannot write more tonight. I am losing it.

I hope everyone has a good night!

[Wild Coyote]

Hey there, wildflower! I hope you get the job if it is truly in your best interest!!! :love)

~Christina! What to do? How to help? I am so sorry for all you are encountering!
Please do tell me if I can somehow help!!1

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

My brain is being mean to me today, making me anxious and feeling really bad about myself. I feel so frustrated that brains can get so out of whack so easily. I mean of course it makes sense as they are complicated, but how can I get outsmarted by hormones every month? I am also the usual, very tired and lethargic and spacey. It honestly is really embarrassing. I keep trying to hide that I am not feeling well at work, but it's hard because it affects me and I have to act "normal" but am struggling to do a basic thing. And I am trying to learn something challenging right now which makes it even harder. Oh well, I think I am venting at this point. Hope everyone has a great night. I will probably have more optimistic updates in a week or so, but can't promise they won't be pretty low in the near future haha.

I’d keep pushing to find out what roll your hormones are in playing and what can be done to most likely get your hormones on a steady level. So you don’t get out of sorts during your monthly cycle.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Long day today. Great difficulty with walking.


I continue to stumble upon more and more information about what H has been up to. It's good to have proof. I don't feel so "crazy." He'd rather I were feeling "crazy." So, even though I am done searching for info that I already have, I keep "accidentally" stumbling upon more information. Hopefully, it is for good reason!


Am losing time and don't realize it until a day or two later; i cannot write more tonight. I am losing it.


I hope everyone has a good night!

Oh hun , I’m so sorry that you just keep finding more. When will the madness end???! Ugh !

I’m always here for you !!

Love you bunches

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hey there, wildflower! I hope you get the job if it is truly in your best interest!!! :love)


~Christina! What to do? How to help? I am so sorry for all you are encountering!

Please do tell me if I can somehow help!!1

Your always helping me with support and love I’m ever so grateful for it

[LadyShadow]

I've been in really good spirits.

Have a new therapist who is wonderful.

The only big issue I have been dealing with is my anger and bitterness. I hope I can learn to get a hold of it soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Innerzone, I hope everything went well and you will sleep peacefully tonight!

BirdDancer, You have done so well while facing a lot. Maybe it's time to take some time Out?

Yellow_fleurs, A big hug for you!

[yellow_fleurs]

Christina, I am so sorry!! Ugh chronic pain is a b****, and it's so true if you don't experience it you just cannot imagine. I cannot complain at the moment, but having had it in the past know it is no joke. It left me very depressed and feeling hopeless. I hope this new medication helps and is approved quickly.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I've been in really good spirits.

Have a new therapist who is wonderful.

The only big issue I have been dealing with is my anger and bitterness. I hope I can learn to get a hold of it soon.

Love having you around, sharing with us!
I miss you when you are away.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’d keep pushing to find out what roll your hormones are in playing and what can be done to most likely get your hormones on a steady level. So you don’t get out of sorts during your monthly cycle.

Thank you! You are right, I should probably pursue this more. I got scared I would make myself worse with birth control as happened before, but it might be worth trying something again.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I got to work at 4:42am because I just couldn’t sleep last night. I tried going back to sleep, but I woke up at 3:30am and have been awake ever since! So, I figured I’d go to work early and leave early. (Might as well, right?) Then I will hopefully be tired enough to take a nap.

I’m not particularly tired, btw. I’m just “blah” from waking up so early. lol. I went to bed at 9pm. Maybe that’s why...? But I normally sleep like 10 hrs, not 6.5.

I’m just chillin at my desk at work being bored while I wait for something to finish running on my computer. I can’t take my Ritalin just yet, though, because I took my linzess at around 4:15am and have to wait 2 hrs. It’s now almost 6am. 15 more mins...

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day today.

I hope you sleep well tonight!
I am tired tonight.

[Daonnachd]

I'm just happy to check in and wish the best to everyone.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I'm just happy to check in and wish the best to everyone.

I am happy you offer you a hug!

(((((( Daonnachd ))))))

It's always a treat to have you posting!!!

Hi everyone! I haven't been on in awhile. Needed a break.

Wild Coyote --omg! I don't even know where to begin! It would be so scary to find out the person you've known so long is not who you thought they were. I'm so very sorry! Big hugs!

Christina-- I hope things calm down for you! Big hugs!

I'm down to 3 mgs of diazepam! Yay! It hasn't been THAT hard. I do get waves of anxiety but they pass. I'll be glad to be totally off benzos and I'll never, ever take them again!

My son at the beginning of the month stole from me to buy weed. That was stressful. Luckily he didn't get all psychotic. I'm still struggling with bathing. Since I had that panic attack in the bath tub I'm just really anxious about bathing. I can't shower due to my back. I have a shower chair but I'm too weak to go up and down with it and it kills my back going up and down.

I got ANOTHER new therapist. This one is fresh out of college. She's really young. We're going to do emdr on the bathing. I was in the middle of doing that with my last therapist. But she up and moved to California. This one is intimidated by me I feel. She's like, I looked through your file and wow, you've survived sooo much trauma, where to begin? I'm like I got to get this bathing thing under control so I can do pt again. I don't want to do it now dirty etc. I have a friend I talk to when I bathe. But she's not always around.

Not bathing enough causes me to isolate which isn't good. I did almost drown when I was 9. But I think it's something else. Idk, wish I didn't have this problem. It sucks.

So anyway, that's what is going on with me. Just life with ptsd and bipolar lol...

Originally Posted by spikes

I saw my new pdoc today. She's not going to be helpful I can tell. There's no such thing as help I guess. These suicidal thoughts are consuming me and no one except me can do anything about it apparently. I don't even know what to do other than give in to them.

I'm so sorry! Unfortunately, I know what it's like to have worthless pdocs or psych nurses. Please don't give up! You are loved and cared about! Please try to find some hope in anything. Or maybe have a good cry. You can always pm me. Please don't give up!

How do you give hugs from a phone? Does anyone know?

Originally Posted by rose1985

How do you give hugs from a phone? Does anyone know?

Nvmd. I figured it out.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by rose1985

How do you give hugs from a phone? Does anyone know?

I use Tapatalk so it doesn’t offer the hug option and I can’t stand to use web browser on my phone. So I “ thank “ people all the time.

Thanks for your support ! Good for you decreasing your benzo. I hope through therapy you can build back up useful coping skills that will improve your situation.