[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Miguel gets home in a week. I need to do art, I just don't want to. I keep putting it off. I'm not doing anything right now chores wise. I haven't showered, changed, or done my hair in days (maybe a week). I get up drag myself to the couch because if I stay laying there my anxiety spikes with all these long off concerns and things I can't do anything about. Then I sit on here trying to read and respond but fail. Eventually I eat (toast), take dinner out, and start the long process of waking my husband up every hour until he gets up. Then we eat and I go back to sitting on the computer until dinner and then wait here for when I can finally go to bed.

I don't want to ask my husband to do anything. I don't want anything negative and he's not well either. Last time I tried to actually talk to him he made me cry and feel shittier. I'm not over that yet.

I need to make a schedule and try and stick with it. I'm failing at daily life.

I'm trying to tell myself things I think are untrue but other then that I'm not really doing anything. I don't even write.

My mind goes to non-helpful "helpful" stuff that I shouldn't do.

Nothing is balanced right now.

Thank-you,

ETA: Sorry Scooter9

I am sorry things are so overwhelming.
I hope you will be able to take a few steps, even small ones, in order to help yourself. Maybe just start with a shower? I often feel like a new person right after my shower! (I forget, do you need your husband's help with your showers? if so, I hope he will step up and will help you. )

So, maybe get some movement going with whatever you do. I think it will help you in discharging the excess energy you've been mentioning. Yet another way to manage excess energy is to go outside, lie on your back with your spine against the ground. Placing bare feet flat upon the ground can work, too. This can not only discharge excess energy, but can also help you to feel more grounded... more "with it." I honestly think you may need the grounding. I think you will find it helpful to work on grounding daily.

Just a few ideas.

Anyway, whatever works for you!!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nevvy

Got the joooooob

They pushed me through past the second interview, directly to signing the contract.... At some point. I first have to go through and extensive background check, not a problem, just long.

I feel pretty okay, concerned about this job in relation to my swiss cheese brain, but I'm rather optimistic and I have post-its and notebooks that can help.

But it's too hot out and I'm sweating a lot... Last time this lead to toxicity and getting all hypo, so that could mess it all up.

But I'm optimistic!

Congratulations!!!! I’m so happy for you !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

My cat is gone.

We were all with him and had a chance to say farewell.

I’m so sorry for your loss

[~Christina]

My fibromyalgia decided to pay a huge visit !!!!

I took a couple neurontin , just feeling spacey. I’m not able to take a deep breath.

Between Fibromyalgia and PSA ugh ugh ugh just ugh !

#EndWhine

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My fibromyalgia decided to pay a huge visit !!!!

I took a couple neurontin , just feeling spacey. I’m not able to take a deep breath.

Between Fibromyalgia and PSA ugh ugh ugh just ugh !

#EndWhine

I’m sorry you are struggling with this. I hope it calms down soon. I think you are a brave and strong woman for handling what you do.

[~Christina]

Jennifer thank so much !

I hate when it gets this bad. I just want to take a deep breath but nope

I’m hobbling around like I’m 83 years old today lol

Tomorrow will just have to be better !

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

My fibromyalgia decided to pay a huge visit !!!!

I took a couple neurontin , just feeling spacey. I’m not able to take a deep breath.

Between Fibromyalgia and PSA ugh ugh ugh just ugh !

#EndWhine

Booooo! I hope they leave soon.

[Wander]

Exhausted today. Saw my T this morning. He helped me see that I’m stronger than I give myself credit. Thankfully the agitation has left and anxiety decreased. This is such a relief. PTSD with a mixed state is hell so having it calm down allows me to do more than put everything into surviving each moment.

Today is my Dad’s 70th Bday so my parents and sister are going out to dinner. It will be overwhelming getting out but it should also be wonderful. Even though I slept 8 hours last night I just had a two hour nap. I think therapy wore me out. Too much to process. It would be wonderful to have a day where I didn’t have to work hard at looking after my health. Staying alive is my prime achievement, but few people would understand that.

[~Christina]

Wander , do glad your finding some relief

Hope you have a nice time out with your dad and family

[Scooter9]

Thank you everyone for your messages of condolence, it's very much appreciated.

[Jedi67]

slept longer overnight. got about 7 hours. but I was kind of in and out. anxiety not as bad this morning. feeling a bit more energetic and not so panicky. PDoc appt this Friday to address sleep and anxiety issues. will keep everyone posted.

[Victoria'smom]

Up, showered, dressed. hair brushed all before noon.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Jedi67

slept longer overnight. got about 7 hours. but I was kind of in and out. anxiety not as bad this morning. feeling a bit more energetic and not so panicky. PDoc appt this Friday to address sleep and anxiety issues. will keep everyone posted.

I'm so glad you were able to get some much needed rest. I am sure that is doing a lot for your mood. I am wishing you all the best for your appointment on Friday. I hope the doctor is able to find a mix that works for you and provides you with some relief.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Up, showered, dressed. hair brushed all before noon.

That's a really fantastic change MM. I'm so glad you were able to find the motivation to get all that done after what you've been going through. It must feel nice to be clean and refreshed.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by fern46

I'm so glad you were able to get some much needed rest. I am sure that is doing a lot for your mood. I am wishing you all the best for your appointment on Friday. I hope the doctor is able to find a mix that works for you and provides you with some relief.

Thanks fern46! so kind of you! can't believe how better my mood is after getting just 2 extra hours of sleep. I'm hoping to get things resolved this Friday. I will def keep you posted and I am looking forward to better sleep, less anxiety and panic. I am confident there is relief in sight! Thanks again and have a great day!

[Wild Coyote]

Wow! Such an absolutely gorgeous day here today!!! Just heavenly!!!

I am enjoying as much as I can. I am having some rather severe med side-effects. My pdoc had increased 2 meds, just by 50mg each; yet, whoa!!! (We'd thought I was getting a bit hypo. I'd much rather be hypo! Wouldn't we all?) I have gotten to where I am very groggy and light-headed until 5pm the following day. I will be decreasing at least one med tonight. I just cannot function otherwise. I see her on Friday. I will inform her then and, hopefully, I will see the effects of the decrease so she can take it from there.

I was just thinking about what it might be like if I decided to go without meds and without a pdoc? I am wondering how I will afford to see my pdoc in the near future. I honestly do not think I'd make it. So, I'll keep on trying. I do appreciate my pdoc so very much! She's very bright, very experienced, ultra compassionate and FUN!!! Her"aura" is both peaceful and JOYful!!! What a smile!!! She just naturally has the traits of a "healer." I don't think she realizes this. I will have to tell her this week!!!

Do you like and/or appreciate your pdoc and/or tdoc? Have you told him/her? I think many of them work hard and thoughtfully. Most are very invested in their clients. Many are exposed to a lot of tragedy. Maybe they'd like to hear a bit of positive feedback from us? Just a random thought.

[Miss Laura]

Feeling good still went to see The Lion King at the cinema tonight. Brilliant film. I'm a huge fan of the original so definitely wanted to see it. I highly recommend it

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Do you like and/or appreciate your pdoc and/or tdoc? Have you told him/her? I think many of them work hard and thoughtfully. Most are very invested in their clients. Many are exposed to a lot of tragedy. Maybe they'd like to hear a bit of positive feedback from us? Just a random thought.

WC, I like your idea of expressing aloud the gratitude I feel for the work my pdoc does on my behalf. I see my ECT doc on Monday and my regular pdoc about ten days later, if I remember correctly.

[fern46]

My mother spent the day with us today and we had a great time. It has been over 10 years since we have spent time together. My children were so happy to show her around the house and play with her. I'm grateful she accepted my invitation to visit and hope we can do it again soon. It reminded me of how things were before she got sick and pushed me aside because I triggered her. She doesn't really remember what happened anymore and its just time to let it go and move on. She was manic and made bad choices and I can appreciate that all too well now.

[Nammu]

We've had three gorgeous days, I've noticed my mood is better on the days I can sit outside some.

Had my very delayed eye check up. Here all that's available is reg Medicare so I have no eye coverage. My prescription changed a lot. Fortunately no diseases. Since I'll have these lenses for the next two years I got the more expensive polycarbonate because they're much lighter. Still this comes out of the car savings and that's a hit I wish I didn't have to take. My credit score is good but I only have SSDI and don't want a loan so I'm saving every penny towards a new used car. Wish I knew someone who could get me a good deal.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by fern46

My mother spent the day with us today and we had a great time. It has been over 10 years since we have spent time together. My children were so happy to show her around the house and play with her. I'm grateful she accepted my invitation to visit and hope we can do it again soon. It reminded me of how things were before she got sick and pushed me aside because I triggered her. She doesn't really remember what happened anymore and its just time to let it go and move on. She was manic and made bad choices and I can appreciate that all too well now.

Your account just warms my heart!

It's amazing how some relationships are blessed with healing. Of course, it usually takes the willingness ,the openness and the intentions of both parties.

Such a blessing that everyone had a good time today!

I am thrilled for you!

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Wow! Such an absolutely gorgeous day here today!!! Just heavenly!!!

I am enjoying as much as I can. I am having some rather severe med side-effects. My pdoc had increased 2 meds, just by 50mg each; yet, whoa!!! (We'd thought I was getting a bit hypo. I'd much rather be hypo! Wouldn't we all?) I have gotten to where I am very groggy and light-headed until 5pm the following day. I will be decreasing at least one med tonight. I just cannot function otherwise. I see her on Friday. I will inform her then and, hopefully, I will see the effects of the decrease so she can take it from there.

I was just thinking about what it might be like if I decided to go without meds and without a pdoc? I am wondering how I will afford to see my pdoc in the near future. I honestly do not think I'd make it. So, I'll keep on trying. I do appreciate my pdoc so very much! She's very bright, very experienced, ultra compassionate and FUN!!! Her"aura" is both peaceful and JOYful!!! What a smile!!! She just naturally has the traits of a "healer." I don't think she realizes this. I will have to tell her this week!!!

Do you like and/or appreciate your pdoc and/or tdoc? Have you told him/her? I think many of them work hard and thoughtfully. Most are very invested in their clients. Many are exposed to a lot of tragedy. Maybe they'd like to hear a bit of positive feedback from us? Just a random thought.

WildCoyote I am so glad you have a great pdoc! I bet she would love to hear that! I do really appreciate my therapist as she is so kind and compassionate. I have worried I have seemed unappreciative in the past when depressed and feeling hopeless and have wondered if I should let her know I appreciate her. I did appreciate my pdoc too because he seemed to care and listen and was always reliable. He continued to see me after I had to stop the study due to the SSRI reaction to make sure I was stable. I was frustrated he didn't believe me right away when I said the medication was messing with me, but in the end he did his best and I really appreciated him. I also appreciate my physical therapists for helping me get my functioning back, and my acupuncturist for all he has done for me, too.

[fern46]

Thanks so much WC! I really missed having her in my life. My children were missing out too. She's a terrific and fun grandma. She also understands what I'm going through bipolar-wise better than anyone other than you guys. It is a blessing to know I have her support.

You're right. With the right intentions and an open heart the blessing of healing can find its way.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Feeling good still went to see The Lion King at the cinema tonight. Brilliant film. I'm a huge fan of the original so definitely wanted to see it. I highly recommend it

That’s what we saw last night as well. Great film.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nammu

We've had three gorgeous days, I've noticed my mood is better on the days I can sit outside some.

Had my very delayed eye check up. Here all that's available is reg Medicare so I have no eye coverage. My prescription changed a lot. Fortunately no diseases. Since I'll have these lenses for the next two years I got the more expensive polycarbonate because they're much lighter. Still this comes out of the car savings and that's a hit I wish I didn't have to take. My credit score is good but I only have SSDI and don't want a loan so I'm saving every penny towards a new used car. Wish I knew someone who could get me a good deal.

I agree. I’ve noticed my mood is better on days I can float in the sun.

That really stinks having no vision insurance. My insurance plan cut out vision insurance this year and we discovered I have cataracts. I guess I’ll have to finance the operation unless it’s considered medical.

That’s great about your good credit. I hope you’re able to get a car before you know it and a great deal at that.